I Love You So Dearly, I Love You So Fearlessly

I'm in a really excellent mood today because I kicked my proppzle off to my advice-r yesterday and she hasn't finished reading it yet. And this has afforded me time to clean my house, and clean my fucking self and what have you. Squared away, yes sir, squuuaaaarrrred away, yessirree (right now I'm thinking about that far side cartoon where OH HERE:



So I'm thrilled to be able to clean my house, but I haven't yet bothered piling up all the articles that are strewn all OVER the living room floor. I'll get around to it, maybe later. There is a nice thick white blanket of articles covering most of the living room. A veritable article-carpet

Today I notice there are...muddy footprints? all over some of the articles. hmmm. Closer inspection reveals these to be catprints. Closer inspection reveals these to be cat-poop scented. Vommmm.

I chase down the fatter, slower one and studiously peer at his butthole. Nothing unusual. Hmmm. I find the other cat and do the same. Nothing.

Finally it occurs to me to look at their paws. Oh, yuck. TurdlyMcWaddlesbum has squished one of his back feet firmly into a bit of cat poop in his litter box that was the perfect consistency to smoosh between each of his toes and lodge there. So everywhere he walked he was stamping little turd marks. I had to pin him down and scrub the turd off his foot with eighteen thousand paper towels and he howled the whole time like the turd was supposed to be there and I was the one who was totally off my meds.

Gross, right!?

The other night I was minding my business and someone knocked on the door. Odd, especially at 9pm. I look through the peephole and there are two men I don't know standing outside. Great, I think, Stacey sent me some strippers. I open the door.

Oh.

They're the Mormons. They ask for JD. I say he's out of the country but will be back in a few weeks. One of them explains that they are trying to find him so they can reacquaint him with the church, you know, and tell him all about the temple around here and shit. I try to politely say that we're not affiliated with the mormon church and Duder corrects me by saying that JD's name is in their records.

Then things get a little tense. They ask if I have a pen and paper so that they can leave their contact info with me for him. The second one, who has been staring suspiciously at my shoulder (I had a tank top on. I think they are not allowed to have bare shoulders?) the whole time, growls at me and asks if I am JD's sister or something. I spit back that I'm his wife, and I honest-to-god think he was about to say something woman-hating when Thing 1 interrupted him and very creepily handed me their monthly magazine, on which he had written his name and phone number. The magazine has a portrait of Jesus on the front, and Duder animatedly tells me how he wrote his # on the back, because it would have seemed just...wrong...somehow to write it on Jesus's face.

I stifle my mounting amusement long enough for them to wish me good night and leave. The surly one shoots a look at me over his shoulder as they walk away. I get the sense that he thought I was lying about being married to JD, possibly because I had been left unattended by my husband at nighttime? I'm not really sure.

Oh

And that reminds me. JD comes home Saturday. For permanent. Fuck, fuck fuck that's awesome

Hey, six months? YEAH PWNED

There's A Moment to Seize Every Time That We Meet But You Always Keep Passing Me By

Jeeze, I don't even remember how to do this. Do I tell you a story? Ok. Here's a story:



I went to New Zealand. Came back last week. Am either jet lagged, moody, or a combination of them plus annoyed that I'm without husbie again, even for a month. Probs more pissy/moody than jet lagged.

School is freaking me out. I keep having to have little sit-downs with me in which I remind me that it's a doctoral program. It's supposed to be the hardest school there is. Blurgh, though. Don't want to talk about it.

Oh I know why I was posting. I made a comp cd. It's really awesome. Let me know if you want it.

Ok, that's it. I'm going to eat and go to the gym and then spend all evening making stimuli that my advice er will hate. Kisses.

Wow, good story, huh? My name's Lobster, I'll be here all week! Tip your waitstaff.