Keep It Upstairs

1. My camera battery charger is in Boston. So I sincerely apologize (really, I got my bangs all dolled up the other day to photograph-u and scoured this apartment for my other battery for, like, an hour before I remembered forgetting it at Jenny's house), but there won't be any pictures of my hair anytime soon. It's pretty okay. It's not full-on bangs or anything. But I'm learning the value of bobby pins and things (working out or sweating in general is really annoying with bangs) and my flat iron hasn't left the bathroom vanity for a week. Urgh.

2. Congratulations Celeste! Mrs. Shane! Newly-married Ladyface! That's awesome.

3. Also congrats to Auntie Melissa, again. Those babies are preshie.

4. And congrats to Stacey on the new apartment and blog template! very chic. Happy Birthday to Chris Daniels and happy early birthday to Toni. HOORAY!

5. JD and I went camping in the middle of the damned desert with Kris-tin and Airhick Monday night. Holy balls it is hot and arid in a desert. I know, right? But we were all a little shocked by it. We saw a sidewinder rattlesnake. Kristin found it, which makes sense because she is kind of prissy and also deathly afraid of snakes. It was in our campsite. Yeah, everything has to live underground during the day so there are all these animal holes all over that could fit a desert rat, or a snake, or a huge rabbit, or whatever. It's hard to tell if different animals have different holes or if they're all just piled up under there, all day until it gets insanely cold at night and they all come out and prey on one another.

The place we went is called Joshua Tree Nat'l Park and the whole landscape looks like a living Dr. Seuss book. It was beautiful.

6. This quarter is two weeks from being fuuuucking done.

7. I have an EXCELLENT comp cd for ya'll. HIT ME UP. It's really good and catchy.

8. I am radiating goodness into the universe all the time, when I can stand to. Am trying to carve some awfulness from my life too but it's slow going and painful. My life is too fantastic otherwise to waste so much energy and time on something doomed. Blah. I am thinking happy thoughts about all of you and I am sending good vibrations you ways. Love you guys.

Charge Me Your Day Rate, I'll Turn You Out In Kind

Ladies:

If you go to the haircutter's, and you sigh, "I am bored with my face, I don't know what kind of haircut I want," BEWARE.

You will be given bangs.

I haven't had bangs since I was like ten, and I feel weird.

And Bloodlust Tanks and Crave Gets Slaked

1. Yes, I saw the OpEd in the NYT about how veganism kills babies. However, veganism didn't kill that baby, stupid fucking parents did. I'm too pissed about this characterization of veganism of a totally left-wing, radical, granola-chomping cult of ignorant hippies to do the whole rational counterpointing thing, but luckily there is a whole community of people who are better writers and better tempered to say something meaningful. Babies aren't "made of fish oil," for christ's sake. I know more about babies and JD knows far more about nutrition than Pissy Pants McHates Veggies anyway. When we decide to have babies, rest assured that they will be completely well-fed and their cognitive development will be provided for. Without fish oil or raw milk or any number of diabetes- and cancer-promoting ingredients. Jeeze.



2. We went to/participated in a lovely weddding last weekend. That was nice. I like talking to brides who are all, "uh, did you feel cold feet and think about running away right before you got married?" to me, because that makes me feel less crazy. Also I like talking to the ones who are all, "I can't even imagine having to do this in front of a bunch of people," because that is also how I felt. No offense to any of you. But having my mom's friends or random cousins or people I just don't give a shit about seemed really unnecessary. Whatever.



3. Keith came to visit for a couple of days last week. That was fun too. I don't have any illustrations of that. So here's more from that wedding.

If I Could Only Coax You Overboard

So last Friday JD and I went to see a jazz pianist with our dear dear friends Kris-tin and Air Hick. hhahah. Air Hick, I'm totally using that more often.

Anyway. I digress. Two sentences in and I digress.

So we went to the jazz show. It was rad. The guy performing, this dude, was fucking talented. There were peanuts on each little four-person table and it was over in the new building's smaller theater and the atmosphere was delightful. Since JD got free tickets Air Hick wanted to buy drinks but the bar was cash only so he literally ran around the area until he found an atm. Then returned with, magically, everyone's favorite drinks. We have a standing Monday night dinner fete with them, you see, where they come over or we go there and we all eat something vegan and drink the shit out lots of bottles of stuff and forget all our worldly troubles. So he and JD have been plowing through our ever-expanding whisky collection and the Men have both developed a taste for the good shit. and that's what Air Hick brought for himself and JD, and brought his wifey white wine (here is my Kris-tin impression: "I only drink white wine. But NOT FUCKING Chardonnay. I'm leaving if anyone orders a fucking Chardonnay") and me red wine. Yay! Red wine is my favorite color!

Ahem. So afterward, we decided to go to a bar. A nice normal bar (those are very hard to find in socal) with doughy people, or pale people, or reasonably attractive people instead of barbie dolls and coyotes. Yes, somehow the Men knew about a nice Irish bar. So we Ladies were concerned that we were terribly overdressed, because that was completely fucking true. I was wearing a dress, for fuck's sake. And shoes that were destroying my damned feet. She was wearing a skirt with beads or sequins on it or something. We both looked way too awesome for a normal bar. But we resigned ourselves to going and enjoying it because we both love bars and we figured since we had dates it didn't look as much like we were desperately trolling for dick.

So there's a really shit band. I enjoy shit bands at bars quite a lot. It's fun. Yay. There's a jukebox that I put money into right as we're leaving. I always fucking do that, I don't know how it happens. At some point the Men go to close out the bar tabs (god, you know what? there are some things that are SO FUCKING GREAT about being married that don't even occur to me until I go to boston and both Raedy and Jenny give me shit about being a puss and not wanting to go up to the bar. Jenny even made me go up to the bar tender, pretend I was her, and close out her tab once while I was there. Booo). Air Hick came back and while the three of us were sitting there, this random dude came up and totally hit on me.

I actually got to use this technique I have been daydreaming about for months-- because it was loud (air full of shit band music) I could barely hear him (something about dancing with him, though, and I think how awesome my boobs looked) so I drunkenly and dramatically gestured to my ring finger whilst making an exaggerated apologetic face and shurugging my shoulders, drunkenly.

Maybe a little bit of overkill. I also vaguely remember patting his hip to console him because after I said no he kept talking and I couldn't hear him. Something about helping him make his ex-girlfriend jealous, we think. Not sure. But then JD came back and hahaha, what a funny occurrence because he is totally secure in our marriage and shit.

Now, for the story part of the story.

Kris-tin has NOT LET THIS GO since it happened, she has brought it up repeatedly and always in the context of Why he hit on me and not her. It is SO obviously killing her. She has suggested the following theories:

*She is unapproachable looking because of her dark hair.
* She is unapproachable because her husband was sitting right next to her.
*She was not hit on because she had her back to this guy so he couldn't see her, he could only see me
*She is hideously ugly and repulsive to all men
*She is some kind of freak, goddammit, and no one ever thinks she's pretty
*She is going to kill herself if anyone ever hits on me again

hahahahah