I Guarantee You Monsters Live In The Dark

I was watching Dr. QuackPhil this afternoon, and he was making this woman feel even more guilty than she'd already admitted feeling for having a vicodin habit, and he actually SAID, "I guarantee you, monsters live in the dark."

At which I laughed, snortingly, and looked around for someone to confirm that he had, indeed, said that he guaranteed that there were monsters, and realized that I was all alone in the living room. Damn.

I think he meant to encourage her to come clean and thereby expel the "monsters" of her drug addiction from the "darkness" of the lies, but instead of saying that like a normal person he shat out that pearl of wisdom. There are definitely monsters. And they are definitely living in that dark. Ha.

What else, hmmm. I am really distraught by this New Orleans hurricane stuff. I am distraught for those of you who have never been to New Orleans, because I have a sneaking suspicion that it will never quite be the same again, and there was so much history and cool old shit and twenty-five feet of standing water, are you shitting me?!? Sixteen billion dollars? That is insane. That B-L-O-W-S. I am in mourning for le vieux carre and everyone down there. Jesus.

I made oatmeal cookies badly last night.

I updated my fotoblog with oldish photos the other day. Not so interesting.

Too Many Words


I told you I would be showing off my new shoes. God DAMN they are fly.






So are these. These are the other new shoes. I can't decide which ones to wear to the centre tonight.






And this is a photo of the Japanese Gardens in San Fran, which I never bothered to post until now.







And these are my dearest friends, Hermione (with Crookshanks!), Harry, and Ron





This is my beautifully fat cat. He is so gorgeous and fat.

Five Long Months On The Telephone Line

I wish southern California, and then all regions of the country, would stop advertising cars. I think these ridiculous ads should go the way of cigarette ones. And I am old enough to remember when they weren't allowed to advertise medication on television, and I miss those days. The good old days. Well, the better old days. Of television commercial programming. Err.

I realized last week that I could ease the Fuck Yeah bracelet over my wrist, and I took it off a few days ago. It felt very liberating, and I think it served its purpose nobly, so we need not get all on my case about taking it off, not that any of you would actually complain. I think the psychological blankie it provided me has been totally played out. Yeah. Thanks again, though, Raedy, I love(d) that stupid thing like it was part of my arm.

Things are good. Quiet in a new way, but good. Jes's birthday was earlier this week, we had to take her to D.Land. Yeah, I realize I talk about her like I'm babysitting her for six bucks an hour. That's what it damn well feels like. Anyway, we went and I had to buy her a birthday tiara. And then she copped this real midwestern ghetto badditude the second it touched her head. And she was starting fights with eleven year old girls and doing this weird head motion when she walked that i've previously only seen on the jerry springer show.

Yeah, so she and i are the same age now. That always creeps me out. i feel like I am many years older than her. Not to be a total prat, but she's so so non-independent. It's hard to grasp.

I bought some...shoes...yesterday. I have been lusting after these for weeks. I will probably take photos of them and myself licking them and them paired with everything I own (clothing wise) for your viewing boredom. They are my first pair of gen-u-wine peeptoe slingbacks. I have been wearing them around the house while wearing pajamas, or pouring coffee. I am going to wear them forever. Or rather, I am going to wear them all the time to the center when we abuse JD's free ticket priviledge. I actually got two pairs of delightful shoes, so if I take pics they will be of both pairs. Oh who am i kidding you couldn't care less. I, however, am excited. Plus I needed some decent damn shoes.

This is going to be an interesting year. This time next summer I'll be balls-deep in comps. That's going to suck. Therefore, i have to get a lot done and sorted out and squared away by then. I have plans. Big plans. For a penny. Ha. I owe some emails. I'll start on that tomorrow. After I slack off, and then do a lot of work. Ok, sometime soon. Lovels.

There's Nothing To Live For When I'm Sleeping Alone!

I have finished the first draft of a new comp cd. Since no one piped up wanting it, my feelings are suitably hurt and I'll be hoarding it all for myself. Unless you choose to say something now, in which case I can't really be mad.

My advisor is going to south america for the rest of the month. Yessssss. That means I'm not doing any work until, like, August 30th. Hahahah. Just kidding, sort of. I am starting to think real hard about what to do with the next month of time. I will probably try to hit Chicago and Boston. If I have money I will come back to Evansville. If my damn roommates would pay me the rent when rent is actually due I would have a lot more money with which to traipse about the country. Anyway, maybe I'll see some of you soon.

Jenny suggested that JD and I go to Boston for Xmas. Seeing as how my mother will probably not notice if neither of her children comes home anyway, and JD's mom has said that she only cares if Jes comes home, since she's seen JD like three times this year, that may just be a plan and a half. I still want to go to Las Vegas, though. I can do both!

I am taking two stats classes this fall, which means I am certifiably retarded. I am also going to be collecting data for at least two projects, both of which are labor intensive, and working on 3 papers. Boo. I am going to be swamped. All the more reason to cram some extra fun and visiting into the next month. Because then my life is totally claimed by school again. God, I fucking love summer. Well, this is the last summer of freedom for me. Next summer I have qualifying exams.

I am going to get JD in a few hours. Hoo-ray. I totally almost throttled his sister while he was gone. No, not really. I have stories to regale him with, though. Boy howdy. You too if you're interested.

I need to get my smelly sweaty ass in the shower. i just watched the best Star Trek: TNG ever and ate the most delicious lunch. Why did typing that just make me think of this british children's songs tape we had when we were little that we listened to on road trips? The most delicious lunch. Hmmm. Something about a spider? No, a fat old policeman? Sis, what's that song where it goes, "neee num num num num num num num. neeeee num num num num num num num?" like they're making eating noises?

Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh sweet cracker sandwich it's on the tip of my cortex. Damn, damn damn!

TMJ??? More like TMI!

She Is A Classy Lady

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STACE FACE!!! I TOTALLY LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOU HAD THE BEST 24TH EVER!

You're Cold? Maybe You Just Miss The Sun

JD left for Bahstin this morning. Boo, I am already lonely. We went to get coffee this morning, on the way to drop him off at his boss's house, and for some reason I ordered a scone (uncharacteristically, because I hate most pastries). Now my stomach hurts and all I can do is scold myself because I have yet to eat anything nutritious at all today. Yes, I scold myself for the scone. Scolding Scones.

I am bringing back the word "dweeb," to slangular vernacular.

I am making a round of comp cds. I am returning to my musical roots and really re-familiarizing myself with the ass-kicking cds that I already own. This is a consequence of being broke, but it is worthwhile. I will have no qualms mailing these cds to you if you pipe up in that thur comments section.

Me fail english? Unpossible.

I checked my credit reports and score today. Harumpf. Not as bad as I had feared. Still not exemplary, I was shooting for exemplary. Dick. Maybe I should pay back some of that? I did discover that the total amount of student loans I will eventually owe back is about $30,000 less than I thought. That's rad.

I need to shower. I should go to the gym so that I can justify showering. If I shower now I'll jsut have to shower again later, and I hate that. So I should go to the gym, if for no other reason than I really want to shave my armpits.

I finished the 5th harry pottser book yesterday. I am still not so impressed with that one. I might read the fourteen non-harry-pottser books I have lying around that I haven't yet touched before I reread the 4th one. I might save that for right before the movie. Boy howdy, I can't wait for November. Holy god, it's not that far off. this year has FLOWN by. Christ.

I am too boring for an update. Duh, liz.

You're Not Bad, You're Badly Raised

Things I have done in the past 24 hours:

*Run 9.5 miles (5 of these were record-setting, time-wise, for me, I am very pleased with my self, hence, the blog update about going to the gym)

*Stairclimbed 2.5 miles

*Extended lease at current rent level for 6 extra months, because the real lease is up in November but that is holiday season so apparently I have my complex's balls in my hand right now.

*Ran these errands: deposited check in bank, picked up prescrip, bought stamps, filled gas tank. Totally fucking out of money now. Jenny is sending me some she owes me, which is going to be life saving this stupid month. Thanks again, sis, no rush on that though.

*Went to see the Bolshoi Ballet. They did the only ballet Shost Yer Kovich ever wrote, which was immediately banned by Stalin and just started being done again in 2003. It was lovely. I like free tickets SO. MUCH. I dressed up like a whore and we sat in the box seats with the rich old fuckers.

*Finished another draft of a paper I've been working on, mostly half-assedly, for a full year now. Have almost started to like it. Maybe will not slit my wrists over it, after all.

*Flat iron/dried my hair. Did I tell you all about this contraption? It's a flat iron that steams the moisture out of your hair staright out of the shower, no blow-drying necessary. It fucking works and it's fucking incredible. No hair frying or anything. That sizzle sound just means it's working.

*Watched five separate episodes of the gilmore girlz. Decided I want to become lorelai. Am mostly there, I have all her obnoxious self-absorbed traits down to a science already.

*Got halfway through rereading HBP. Go here IF YOU ARE DONE WITH THE DAMN BOOK BUT WANT TO SPECULATE AND THEORIZE ABOUT SOME RADICAL THINGS FROM THE BOOK.

*Decided that instead of bothering with an extra patch, I am going to forgo having a period this upcoming time and see what happens if I just wear patch after patch. I will keep you all posted on the details of the experiment. Also, I really like wearing it on my back now. It doesn't slide around as much or get all gross. But STILL.

*Am leaving you now to go watch the daily show and eat grilled asparagus, mashed tatties, and the remaining nobbly oaty biscuits. What, you don't know what nobbly oaty biscuits are? Pshaw.

*TOTALLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, SIS. Talk to you more soon. LOVELS

Little Sis is Twenty-Two

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISFACE!!!! LOVE YOU!

Foul, Loathsome, Evil Little Cockroach

I had a dream this morning in which Stacey informed me very matter-of-factly that she's been taking a Mexican man as her lover. And she said it like that, too, "I've taken a lover, and it's Jorge over here." Cut to the most ridiculous, sombrero-wearing stereotypical person I have ever seen, even in my dreams. I cautiously asked her what had happened to Chris, as I thought they were involved, and she told me that all along, duh, she and Chris had a sham relationship where they "took other lovers."

WTF, Stacey. You were wearing a trucker hat cocked sideways in this dream, too. I feel weird.

8 Days Away From Being A Man

*I hate the goddamn birth control patch. Never, ever let your gynechiatrist talk your stupid, trendy ass into trying something that involves sticking something to your ass for a week at a time. I know I've mentioned before on here how retarded it is, but SHIT. I had one on for a couple days this week, and it was on my bee-hind (my "hind end" if you're my ex-next door neighbor Jesslyn--which, in hindsight (heh), is THE trashiest name I've ever heard) but it got ripped literally off by my antics. And by "antics" I of course mean, "pulling undies down to take a leak." I guess by now I should know that the motherfucker will get so stuck to your panties by Day Two that you better start peeing through them instead. So now I have to call the pharmacist and beg for a replacement single patch (they don't come in singles) and then refill my whole normal prescription. Or, as I am currently leaning once again, I might be mad enough to actually call the quack who suggested this horseshit and demand a more traditional form of ovulation-prevention. Right now I have a patch stuck to my upper back, which I thought was working out better but I realized that I can't wear a tank top or do anything sweaty and this is all total crap.

*I am broke. Realllllllly broke. Whoops, i have no idea how that happened, but it sucks because I am this broke or worse until the end of the month. In fact, all three of us living here are ass-broke, now that the rent check cleared, and I am a tad worried about affording groceries. Sometimes i feel like I am mother hen-edly nagging everyone to death. But you know what? I don't get letters threatening to re-po my damn car, so I feel a bit like maybe I am most successfully toeing the money-management line here. Sigh. We cannot afford groceries, and that blows. I cannot afford my damn prescrip. Poop!

*I am wearing a shirt that actually makes me look like I have boobies. It's very flattering. It is this but in that wine color, and it does not look as assey as it does on that poor hungry girl.


*I had a moment this evening where I was walking into my bedroom from refilling my coffee mug and JD is sitting back here and I had spent the last, oh, fourteen hours reading this whole page and also this page, which Raedy recommended awhile ago, and I was seized with the thought that I Really Like My Life. I like the way I can sit around assily not doing work for an entire day and not be mad at myself. I like the way the light makes the bedroom look incredibly cozy. I like that I can't stop myself from reading choice bits of the recaps aloud to JD and interrupting his online game playing because I am snorting laughing at how they insinuate (none-too-subtly, so I guess by "insinuate" I really mean "say.") that Rory is the biggest slut this side of Conslutingville. Anyway, I was overwhelmed with how much I like being poor, and comfortable, and in this place with the window open because it is always fabulously temperatured at night, and with JD here and him being perfectly supportive of my decision to dick around on the internet instead of working on my chores projects and papers. And then I also felt warm and fuzzies about being a grad student, which hasn't happened in a long time. I've almost had enough coffee now to get dilligently back to work. And no, Raedy, I am not stressing about slacking. I swear. I just have pushed back these deadlines so many times now that I am up against a wall. And that helps me focus. Except for when I sleep until noon and then drink a pot of cofffee at 11pm to get motivated. Oh well.

*I am listening to a comp cd called "Selections from Return of the Mighty Comp" which is a comp CD form of a comp tape that JD made me when we first started dating. That comp tape was, erroneously, left inside my car stereo when I upgraded to a flashy cd player, leaving it forever lodged inside the tape deck and presumably in "storage." Riiight. So this comp is what essentially got me into the music I have since liked. I was talking to K about that when he was here last week, about how he/I ended up liking _____ tyupe of music. And basically in my case, JD introduced me to all the seminal indie bands and styles that I so elitistly claim allegiance to these days. And how did all of that start, you ask? Well, it's actually very embarrassing. Or cute, depending on who you're rooting for (Team Jolie, anyone?).

*So when I started liking JD, back in 1937 or so, when we worked at the movie theatre, I knew that he was cool because he had been in ROOT, for fuck's sake. And I had walked miles in snow (not shitting you) to attend ROOT shows all through high school, and had been more than a little entranced by the rock star nature of his rock star ness before he even started working at the theatre. So when he did I had a conversation with him about how Sunny Day Real Estate was a really cool band. However, the only song of theirs I had ever heard was "8" from the Batman Forever soundtrack (Janel, you would be the only logical witness to this, I believe we listened to that Flaming Lips song "bad days" each and EVERY morning before we went to band camp, am I right? ), which I liked a lot, but knew nothing about them otherwise. But I bluffed having a great deal of knowledge about the band, nodded enthusiastically that I, too, loved Diary and agreed that "iscaribaid" was a fantastic song, not knowing what the fuck I was saying. Just wanted to seem cool to him. (Lame, I get it). So then I dragged one of you...it was Stacey, Toni, or Melissa, or perhaps all of you...cd shopping with me that same day, and I found and bought Diary, and I took it home and listened to it a thousand times until I was familiar enough with it to stand on firm ground. And then the first "date" that he and I ever went on, back in 1987, he gave me that comp tape AND a copy (not a burned copy, you couldn't even do that back then, it was a store-bought copy) of How It Feels To Be Something On. Which, I was relieved to find, I enjoyed much more readily than Diary, and I fell headlong into a pretentious love affair with obscure, emo-to-post-rock music. Which has continued to this day.

*As illustration of that last sentence, JD and I have been playing the "name your top ___(#)___ bands/albums of all time" game incessantly for the last few days. I think I could narrow it to 8 bands, and probably 8 albums.

BANDS (Because you totally are interested in this)
1. Blonde Redhead (no DIZZOUBT!)
2. Mogwai
3. Godspeed! You Black Emperor
4. Mono
5. The Decemberists
6. Explosions in the Sky
7. Jimmy Eat World
8. Pinback

ALBUMS
1. Mogwai-Rock Action
2. Radiohead-OK Computer
3. Weezer-Pinkerton
4. Jimmy Eat World-Clarity
5. Sunny Day Real Estate-How It Feels To Be Something On
6. Tool-Aenima
7. Modest Mouse-The Moon And Antarctica
8. Ani DiFranco-Dilate

I thiiiiink. Hmmm. Not sure. Well, this game changes weekly and is never as dire as the person wanting to play the listing game always makes it sound. But for shits and giggles, it is always totally necessary.

Two X, Two L, Calling CQ New York

I am tired of having ridiculous nightmares every morning. I wake up a couple of times when JD gets up to go to work and then I always fall back to sleep, and inevitably I have a strange dream that I'm pretty sure scares the crap out of me. This morning I was someone's cat and they/we were being chased by some killers with guns and my owner hid me somewhere and then almost got killed but didn't.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, JYUSHIN, stop biting me! God, that is so annoying. If I were ever faced with risking my life to save my cat and he had been BITING me all damn morning I don't think I would so readily do it. Yeah, I said it. Wow, in the span of one second I felt so much remorse at saying I wouldn't save my cat I almost cried. I would totally save my cat. FYI.

Uhh, what is new with me. Keith came to visit. We went to all the normal haunts and the beach and stuff. I didn't get any work done. I have until Tuesday now to get all of it done. So I'll have to keep this short. As having until Tuesday is nowhere near enough time. I am very mad at myself and I think I might cloister myself here in CA with no fun visitors until September. Then I'll see about leaving for various reasons, but I have got to get things done and I have completely wasted the summer up till now. Must change badhabits. Must become version of self more like what everyone gives me so much credit for actually being. Will be in trouble if I am found out. Must cover ass.

I am really proud of and happy for all of you who are interviewing and landing awesome jobs right and left. Since Jenny moved to Boston I've been seized with more self-doubt (of the "what-in-the-hell-is-the-point-of-grad-skool-if-you-aren't-desperately-wanting-to-teach" variety) about my career choice, the likes of which I hadn't seen since the spring of my first year. I am currently working through that. If I weren't in school, there would be no dream job to land, as I have no desire to do anything except open a goddamn chocolate drinkery slash lending library slash used cd store with coffee available for free. I think, to do that, I would need an endless supply of money to pour into it. Plus I have no head for business. I could do consluting (ha, I spelled that wrong but I like it better this way, it's more accurate) on the side to bankroll it. Hey, there's an idea. Might be worth it. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm really happy that everyone is suddenly at that life-changing career moving point, it's really exciting to watch and I'm just continually wowed by all of you doing what you're doing. Is what I wanted to say. And, that's it, because I am way too behind now to keep talking.