Ole! Jose! Ole! Ole!

I have a headache. Boo. I've had more champagne in the last month than...well, I was going to say the rest of my life combined, but last year JD and I went to a champagne brunch with K&E for Thanksgiving, and that was the most champagne ever.

I had a blast last night. Six of us went to see a flamenco ballet at the center. I heart free tickets. I heart the running tally of how much money JD and I have saved with free tickets. I think it is something like two grand since July. Come visit, we will go out on the town, we'll sit in $200 box seats and leave early if we're not delighted by the performance. Ok, the only thing I've ever insisted we leave early from was Dame Edna.

So we went to the flamenco. I now totally want one of those dresses the ladies wear. T'was awesome. The sheer amount of sweat halos that flew off the main dude's head when he spun around, all impressive-like, was incredible. Then we went to eat. Then we came back here to drink the pineapple champagne that K&E had brought us that they got in Sonoma or something. Totally nice of them. Then we drank all the remaining wine in our house. Jyushin got to hang out with his aunties and uncle eric. The boys bonded, as usual, which is SO cute. And everyone was dressed so cutely, I about crapped my pants. I should have taken photos! Damn! So we all hung out drinking and talking in my newly clean living room until almost 4am. That is insane. I know some of you are still total party animals, but we grad students are not so much. 4am is crazy! But it was really nice and now I am tired and have this very slight, almost imperceptible headache.

Tonight I am looking forward to a bunch of work and zero trick-or-treaters. I'm craving travel. Pooh.

You're No Star To Guide Me, Anyway

It's weird, I've always thought of myself as a Homebird. How ironical.

So, I hear the midges are murder in June. That blows. Hey sis, do you remember one year driving to NEMC and almost suffocating on the cloud of black flies that New England is blessed with in certain parts of the early summer? Can't be any worse than that. I guess. Apparently the best midge-repellent is Skin so Soft by Avon.








My mom went ahead and ruined Christmas, earlier than usual this year. Sis, I promise I explicitly told her to get there on Xmas, so at least the three of you could hang out. And it looks like even if JD's working, we can catch an overnight flight out that night and be there ass-early on th 26th. Man, mom. And of course there's nothing wrong with just Boston. You're so touchy. I'm totally kidding. I flipped out on JD totally hardcore a week ago.

Oh that reminds me. The Bikini Wax Lab and I were talking about....stuff....that's.....on the horizon, and since they are girls they are incredibly excited about this....stuff, and the one girl I hate (ok, not really, in fact, last night I had a dream I was lezzing out with her, thanks a lot south park for saying "lezz out" ninety times and getting that stuck in my subconscious) kept referring to JD as "PJ" and I had no idea what she was talking about, thought she was on to one of my other boyfriends or something. (I'm stealing that bit from Raedy). PJ is about the dumbest initials name ever. When I was interviewing at different grad schools a few years ago, I went to one where I had to go out with a bunch of the students, and while waiting to be seated at this thai place two of them started talking about dealbreakers in dating, and they both agreed that "stupid initial names" like "TJ, JC, DJ, etc" were so incredibly awful that they could never ever like someone who knew anyone who went by their initials. For that, and many other reasons, I decided not to go to school in farm country flat land, california.

And did you know that the South refers to Jefferson Davis as "Jeff Davis?" Because that sounds like a plausible uncle of mine. My friend who is, suddenly, a conferderate, is renewing her vows in a cemetary. Over by Jeff Davis' eternal resting place or something. No, not creepy. Interesting. Vow renewal a year later because the moms-in-law ruined the real thing. Interesting.


It is gorgeous. I love October. I love this weather. It's crisp here, not too cold yet, but it's so much colder at night. It just makes sense that the temperature is affected by the presence/absence of the sun. Still wearing flip flops daily. Haaaa. Anyway, gotta go. JD's day off. Things to do. SMOOOOOOOCHIES.

He Likes To Read Books Written For Girls

I love Tuesdays. Tuesday evenings, that is. Because this is the only good night of television in existence anymore. Gilmore Girlz then SATC reruns and Law & Order:SVU all in a row.

The problem is, I have this giant stats lab due tomorrow. And I'm not done. And now I'm typing this instead of getting it all squared away before 8:00. What the fuck, self.

JD made me a super awesome cd today. I like it a lot. In other news, I am not pregnant! No, there wasn't a scare or anything, nor are we trying, I just wanted to announce that I have, like usual, realized a few days late why I was being such a collossal bitch a few days ago. Man, I'll never figure me out. I'm also tired. Also, I'll be posting some poems on the remorseless blog II in a while. Totally yanking your chains on that one.

So, no one has any thanksgiving/xmas plans whatsoever? Weird. I think the sad truth is that I am too broke to do anything but Boston and back. Renting a castle is, apparently, not cheap. Who knew? So yeah.

Oh fuck I have to do this lab. I so hate it. I so hate math. It is whipping my ass.

Later.

You are Lindsay. The family activist. Ending the
war on Iraq, separation of church and state,
improving school lunches and anti-circumcision
movements. No one understands how important
these causes are more than you.


Arrested Development: Which Bluth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm Going to Hump The Refrigerator

Quite honestly, I am not surprised no one cared about yesterday's post. Snoozefest. I mean it about that chocolate stuff, though. Seriously.


Stacey and I were talking a few weeks ago about Kwaanza. Now, I need help figuring out what in the hell I'm doing over my Xmas break. I know I'm going to Boston for a week or so, but I don't know exactly when. Stacey thought it might be fun to have kwaanza in Chicago or something. Would anyone be up for that? I need to figure out how many places I'm trying to go and if it's financially feasible (probably not) and how to do it. Suggestions welcome. And should we have it before or after Xmas? What is everyone doing for thanksgiving? Etc.

On This Stretch Of Ground, I'll Lay Me Down

I have several idiot things to say today.

1. I can not stop listening to The Tain (by The Decemberists). This song, which is a five-part epic lasting just under 20 minutes, is the most delightful thing I've ever heard. They teach us new vocabulary words (e.g., "tain." Did you know, before, that the tain is part of a mirror, the shiny silver backing that makes a mirror reflective, as opposed to just a piece of glass?) and sing about murdering chaplains all in one accordion-rich package. I know it maybe doesnt' SOUND like the best idea for a song, but, Oh! how I love this band. And this is their best song by far. It's a lot like (conceptually, not sound-wise) My Father My King (by Mogwai), another twenty minute epic song. It's fantastic. All bands should produce an epic song lasting upwards of fifteen minutes, if they want me to take them seriously. Also, they should reference pirates but also teach us new vocabulary. Or they should refrain from including lyrics altogether. As a further example, here are some other words included in The Tain that I had to look up, and I recommend you do too if you love knowledge and learning:

Fallow
Samovar
Fen


2. I have been searching for a way to craft a post about the vast discrepancies in lyrical ability between Colin of the Decemberists and Jim of Jimmy Eat World. I recently bought the new JEW EP, Stay With Me Tonight, and bought The Tain at the same time. You can guess which one has been monopolizing my cd player(s), headphones, ipod, office, and dreams (I've been dreaming about this song. It's the soundtrack to everything I do, it's THAT good). I've tried to think of a clever way to do this, but I can't (come on, I'm not my sister, I'm not supposed to know how to smartify words so much), so I'll just present, for my own amusement, a Study In Contrasts (I won't name the lyricists and we'll have a guessing game in the comments section and the winner gets a new comp cd. Your choices are Jim or Colin):

A.
And granted for their pleasure
Possessions laid to measure
She's a salty little pisser
With your cock in her kisser
But now she's a will of her own

B.
From the lee of the wall
He comes in chain and chariot
And all his eunuchs in thrall
Can scarce lift his line and lariat

C.
Hushed with a finger
Don't say you'll never
When you might, or just another time
This poison comes instruction free
Do what you want, but I'm drinking

D.
When the dawn comes to greet you
You'll rise with clothes on
And advance with the others
Singing old songs
Of cattle and maidens and withered old queens
Let the music carry you on

E.
Wonder why I'm so caught off guard when we kiss
Rather live my life in regret than do this
What happened to the love we both knew
We both chased
Hanging on a cigarette
You need me
You'll burn me

F.
But hush now, darling, don't you cry
Your reward's in the sweet by-and-by
Hush now baby, don't you cry
Your reward's in the sweet by-and-by



3. I bought this stuff at B&BWirks yesterday called 100% Pure (brand name) Chocolate Mocha body scrub. I used it last night. It's made, basically, of crushed espresso beans and chocolate. You rub this shit on your body. It smells like heaven. It exfoliates. That may not matter to most of you, but I have weird enough skin that I can honestly say that prior to last night, I had never successfully exfoliated my skin, but I did not realize it. I am totally blown away by this stuff. And it's 100% vegan. If you can't find it online ( I think it's made by purity cosmetics, or something, in Napa, CA), I will get you some. It comes in a bunch of flavors, most of which sound like food. There's strawberry smoothie and then a bunch of things that appear to be preserves that you rub on your skin. I can't rave enough. It's insane. It's FUCKING INSANE.

4. I am gathering a lot of info about a lot of things east of the atlantic. It's going to be a shit ass crazy time. For now, if you're interested in the soundtrack, go get Mendelssohn's Hebrides overture(s?) and listen to that. You'll understand.

5. I know I have no right to post this, as it's not of me, but it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. I love you, Jen, please don't get mad for me posting this:

The Sun And The Moon And The Stars

So I did laundry tonight, and the cat's fave thing to do is jump into the laundry basket on top of the dryer-warmed clothes, and purr for as long as they stay hot. I had been sorting my laundry in the living room so's I could still catch every second of GG, and when it was over I dragged the basket with the cat in it back to the bedroom, and pronounced, "Look what cat I dragged in!"

Then I laughed my stupid head off. JD kind of chuckled, but plainly didn't see the genius in that. I know I don't have to explain it to you people.

From Your Fingernails To Your Ponytails, Too

Actual real thing that just happened, or: You Know You're A Grad Student When...

I stopped in the loo to pee on the way back to my office. There are three stalls, the last one is big and I usually like that one because I hover pee and I hate hover peeing in the other stalls that people walk by when looking for an empty stall because they peer in the cracks to see if anyone's in there, and I always feel like a jerk for having my ass up in the air, spraying pee all over the seat.

So there is, ostensibly, no one else in the bathroom, except for this organ-liquefyingly nasty smell that is making the air literally thick and is even now, ten minutes out, stuck in my nasal passage. So my brain kicks in, does some quick and dirty calculations, and I deduce that the person producing this unholy stench is still in there. Must be in there. Must have filled the entire toilet basin with crap in order to get it to smell that bad in there. I start breathing through my mouth and make for the last stall, forgetting momentarily that its People Who Shit At School/Work's Favored Stall To Shit In. I, personally, have never been fond of or willing to crap at school. I find it odd that so many people are commfortable with it, actually. Lots of secretaries seem to make a kind of sick game out of it. At least, they do in Cali.

I try the door, find it locked, and hurry into the next one so I can get the FUCK out of there. I pee, and it becomes strangely quiet in the bathroom, as though the person nastying it up has decided to hold her breath until I leave so I don't know she's there. I peer under the adjoining stalls to confirm my hypothesis that the feller (get it? the smeller is the feller? huh? get it?) is in the last stall, but I see no feet. I think maybe it was my imagination that the stall was initially locked, but then I hear a small desperate noise, like someone is exerting a great deal of effort to hold a strenuous yoga pose. And I look for feet again, and I notice the girl who's dropping the stepkids off at the community pool is holding her feet straight out in front of her, in the air, parallel to the floor, to hide them from me.

I have no idea what to make of this, except she is probably someone I know. I was actually a little scared. And a lot grossed out.

And Through Her Blindfold She Could Make Out The Figures Before Her

Holy crap, is this not the narstiest thing you've ever seen? Those are miniature babies made out of MARZIPAN. We can thank Ashleigh and Jim for this gripping news bulletin. There is a crazy lady out there making these things. And since marzipan is essentially candy, I bet she eats them when she tires of taking creepy, posed photos of them. Holy chickens, this is creepy.

Jessica broke her (damned) ankle last Sunday. In two places. So, in the last week or so, JD and I have turned into her own personal slaves. Some of you may know that I am not exactly....nurturing by nature, am in fact averse to that kind of thing, if you want to get technical about it I think I am actually allergic to it, so I have been itching and rashing all week.

The highlights so far? Well, she is on crutches, and yes, the poor dear had to have surgery, and yes, I'm sure it hurts real bad, but she is milking it. So hard I'm surprised those poor cow teats haven't fallen right off into her bucket yet.

Yesterday is my personal fave. She didn't want to go back to work, three days post-surgery, with instructions that she do everything she normally would, including putting weight on her foot, to rehab it. JD had to basically tell her that she needed to go to work (don't get me started about the lack of health insurance, the fact that she won't be paying rent next month, or that they might repo her car. seriously, you don't want to get me started). And then he had to drive her. And then I had to pick her up (she works really far away).

Then JD told her she needed to try to drive herself yesterday (she broke the left one). She didn't like that. Understandable. But we just want her to TRY to help herself before thinking one of us should cart her around for the next six weeks. No sir, no how. So yesterday I came home from lunching with my sweetness at 2 after school and she was coming home at the same time. Because she threw up at work. Because (I shit you not) she ate nothing but glazed donuts and then took a hefty dose of Vicodin. So they sent her home. She was delighted about being sent home.

Then, horrors, the phone rang. And someone from her work was calling to say she'd left her goddamned vicodin on her desk. And would she need that over the weekend, because they were all leaving in an hour and a half. i tried not offering to get it for her. I tried making her goddamn ask me. Because I knew she wanted me to offer to go fucking get it. But I am *ahem* kind of a bitch. And she wasn't sick, she was sitting up cracking jokes at the tv commercials. I asked her, diplomatically, if she was feeling well enough to get them herself (I am really trying to make it clear that she needs to try to be as independent as possible; for example, there is NO WAY I am helping her shower, when that time comes--hasn't happened yet, and like I said, it's been a week--peee yew).

So she said, "actually, I am a little tired" to the grad student who just sat through a differential calculus lecture and then came home and did all the chores that Jess now has a free pass out of doing for the next six years. So finally, after the awkwardness of her not just flat-out asking me to get her pills became unbearable, I said through gritted teeth that i didn't mind going if she didn't feel up to it. I called JD and bitched the whole way there and back. I am really really not good with sympathy. I think I am missing the compassion gene. Seriously. I know it must hurt but all I can think is, irrationally, "well then maybe you shouldn't have worn retarded shoes to work, now, should you have?" Which I know is out of line. But she's becoming more and more like the 23-year-old daughter I never had. Never wanted. Because, as you may realize, I too am 23, and the odds of that ever happening for reals are miniscule.

Anyway.

In other news, I am super happy with all aspects of my life. When I am feeling less annoyed with Jess I will post details. I promise. Maybe I'll include *ackem* pictures. My friend Kristin offered to have her boyf take some photos of something I want to show you people since I cannot do a decent job of it myself (Jenny can testify to that).

But in total seriousness, if you are interested in the idea mentioned in the previous post, it would be sometime in Juneohidon'tknowi'vegivenitverylittlethoughtprobablyjune21stthesummersolsticefromthesaturdayprevioustothesaturdayfollowing?

And I will need to be hearing from you that you are interested in this idea/thing because there is a lot of research to be done. But, to tide you people over, here is something else pretty to look at:
See? it's like a cryptic, mysterious mystery. You can all play Nancy Drew and try to figure out what in the samhell I am talking about. At least, I think it's slightly cryptic and mysterious. Jenny asserts that I am a cheap, transparent whore. You decide.

Hush Now, Don't Explain

So, so so so. Who wants an excuse to go to Scotland and live in a castle for a week?

Real Pain For My Sham Friends

So, I have some news. It's good news. But I'm not putting it on my blog, that's lame. Too lame even for me, Queen Lame. So sit by the phone.

So Far, Keeping It Together's Been Enough

Celeste, my humblest apologies. So, here's the one I wanted to show you yesterday:








I commiserated with my lady friends after yoga last night. I feel better about the idea of being a massive embarrassment to my advis-er. Apparently it's a common occurrence. But usually when people would offer me stories of how bad they put their feet in their mouths, theirs would completely trump mine. So I feel a little silly for whining about how bad I felt. But then again, i should probably get my shit together, I want my surrogate mother to love me and think I'm smart, right?







Can't Hardly Wait is on hbo right now. This fucking rules. Which reminds me, Stacey, I am planning to call you back really soon. My cell phone got doused with water and is now crackly and I'm scared I'll get electrocuted. But I'll brave it to call you back.






I slept in today. It'll be the last Tuesday I get to do that for a long time. Woot.






I'm sorry I'm so boring today. My life is returning to its usual revolution around school and school-related drama (for instance, I am not sure two of my friends are still friends with another of my friends and it is making it weird for me, but since that isn't relevant to any of you, it's also too boring to talk about on here), which isn't interesting to read about. My friends Kris-tin and Erk are talking about getting engaged soon/married in the next year or so. They're planning on doing it in Hawaii. That would be tits if I can afford it. Kris-tin has had a fuck of a dramatic life. I would feel about 6000 years old if I had her life. She is a couple years older than me or you, and last night after yoga she was talking about her yoga pants and she said, "blah blah covers my private parts." She said PRIVATE PARTS. Right as a swaggering group of frat boys are walking by to go play some hoops in the main gym (fuck yeah!). I rolled around on the ground in the parking lot laughing. I love her. I also love Breeahna. Who spontaneously started yakking about how hott she thinks airline pilots are the other night. Because, quote, they're so "brave" and "their intelligence is so sexy." I offered to set her up with my only friend who flies planes, then remembered that he's not speaking to me. Too bad, Keifer, she's a smoking hottie.

I have to go to a lab meeting this afternoon, I'm trying to decide if I should just walk my ass to school. Yeah, probably.

Today's list of product recommendations stemming from Roomie's new job in which she brings home literal tons of samples each shift:

*C.O. Bigelow rose water cold cream. Dear sweet god, it replaces makeup remover, face wash, and moisturizer in one step. I am glowy and my skin looks as perfect as my sister's today.

*true blue spa warming coconut sugar scrub. It's awesome. But even if your boyfriend is obstinately pretending he can't feel the "warming" part, don't give in to the temptation to smear a big glob on his weiner, because if you do, he'll be in pain and letting you know it for the next 12 hours.

I will let you all know what I think of everything she brings home. If I feel like it. Then you can submit your present requests accordingly.

Your Boy Is Like A Memory

I just made THE biggest douchebag out of myself to my advis-er. I feel like a total jerk, I am going to be having indigestion and moments of panic throughout the day because of this. Fuck. What happened? Well, I confused some of her work with some of her other work. I'm not giving you specifics. I just feel like a retard. This is my retarded face. This is the face that best captures my current emotional state. OH FUCK YOU BLOGGER. I have to go to a talk. I can't dick around here waiting for this shit. Trust me, though, it was a really funny picture. Too bad you can't see it.

the Wit (71% dark, 19% spontaneous, 26% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 92% on darkness You scored higher than 1% on spontaneity You scored higher than 23% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating

NEW YORK! You scored 54% Style, 15% Climate, and 83% Culture!

You are New York City. New York City is the largest city in the United States. It is located in the southern part of New York State, at the mouth of the Hudson River (also known as North River as it passes Manhattan Island). “The Big Apple” is a major world capital and a world leader in finance, the arts, and communications. The port of New York is one of the finest in the world and ranks as the largest port complex on the East Coast. The city is the home of the United Nations and is headquarters for some of the world's largest corporations. The city is also the center of advertising, fashion, publishing, and radio broadcasting in the United States. Oh yes, you're happy about this. You secretly wanted to get New York, didn't you? And why not...it's the city the symbolizes America and all the freedoms that America offers. You welcome diversity. You want to see those twinkling city lights. Heck, you probably wouldn't mind if your name was up in lights somewhere, too. You are a partier and you love to be out and about. Shopping, art, theater, people...that all makes you very happy. So does sunshine, so does snow...heck, you're not picky about the weather. Very nice result, my friend.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 85% on Style You scored higher than 4% on Climate You scored higher than 96% on Culture

Link: The Which Major U.S. City Are You? Test written by weeredII on OkCupid Free Online Dating

656,050 descendants - you're more genetically fit than 60% of the current population -

656,050. Nice. You're no Mongol warlord, but to have that many copies of your genetic code running around 800 years from now is pretty impressive. You're not at the top of the scoring spectrum, but, honestly, when you consider that the cheaters, swindlers, and football players of this world are statistically best-equipped to create children, scoring in the middle is something to be proud of. You have the right mixture of attributes. As you'll see below, some of your lines will die out, but your genetic material will thrive here on earth for a long time to come. A close friend of mine created a program to generate family trees for this test. It's based on your unique answers. We accounted for sterility, birth rates, death rates, disease, drug abuse, nitwitism, and accidents and came up with this, for you:

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 83% on fitnessfactor

Link: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Test written by gwendolynbooks on Ok Cupid

Muy Caliente!

By popular request, here is both an update and an update with pictures of hot latin men. Well, one hot latin man, because Luis is smokin'. I looked into having La Cucaracha play when you load this site, but the tech skills necessary to do that are well beyond me. Sorry, ladies.











I had a conversation with jd's mom in which she informed me once again that she won't be one of those crazy mother-in-laws who starts campaigning for babies as soon as the couple is married. well, thanks a bunch, Janet, but I didn't need you to tell me that I get to decide shit like that for myself. truth be told, I think someone's a little itchy for grandbabies. i wonder how she will cope with the unpleasant fact that I have no intention of ever living in Indiana again.







there is a criminal intent marathon on, which blows because I have a pile of work to do. I am "doing" the work while i watch. I was up until 6am (seriously!) watching CI last night, too. Damn this marathon.

Anyway. what else is new? I bought some plum colored eye liner last night because it's supposed to make green eyes look greener. It is crazy, it works awesomely. I also discovered a penchant for buying sephora-level makeup NIB on ebay. You can get just about anything your heart desires on that, i swear. it's awesome.

my cat spilled an entire glass of water on my cell phone, computer, and hoarded box of sanrio stationary the other night. fucker.

jenny, i have ideas for your anecdote. call me.