BJ Pleeze Me

Welp, can't stop being a bitch again in Melissa's comments section. I just cannot help myself. Anything to distract when I have hundreds of pages I have to read for tomorrow.

My weekend was pretty neat. Friday JD and I went to a Laykers game on really short notice up in LA. I can't believe we made it in time, we left and didn't get stuck in traffic once. It was pretty cool, even though I don't really care about basketball and no one I had ever heard of was playing. It was nice to do something totaly different than we normally would, especially since it's free (someone at his work gave him tix).

LA is strangely growing on me these days. Today we had to go to two different blockbushters to find a boring documentary about birds migrating and then steal (sic) magnowlias because my advisor believes there is sad content in it that I should use for my project. ok. that's about the lamest i've ever felt when checking out of a blockbushter.

I'm out of money and by that I mean Totally Fucked. It'll be funny to see how I dig myself out of this one. Serves me right, I will need to learn to sock away funds for a rainy day at some point in my life, might as well be right now. I am getting screwed on taxes and I am also going to have quite a few unanticipated expenses arising in the next few weeks. I mean, obviously they're anticipated in that I know they're coming, but I don't know what they are...nevermind.

I'm totally boring, just trying not to do any more reading for the next ten minutes. Ah, fuck it, I'm too boring for this update.

The Motion Keeps My Heart From You

My bullshit reservoir is dangerously close to capacity right now. I feel like I've been an incredible bitch a lot lately but that it's not just randomly sprinkled around to the people I encounter in the course of a day. It's been goddamn provoked, is what's really stunning.

This morning I had to call a hotel in Hotlanta to get them to fax my/Ray dee's reservation for april to me so i can get it paid for. This is how that convo went:

surly front desk employee (after thirteen rings): What? I'm right in the middle of check out.
Me: Uhh, I just have a question.
SFDE: I have time for a VERY quick question
Me: Well, it'll probably take you a couple minutes
Him: Then I don't have time for that.
Me: Uhhh
Him: give me your phone number and I'll call you back. Probably be about ten minutes.
Me: OK here ya go
*click*

30 minutes later

Me: Hello
Him: Hi, miss davenport?
Me: no...
Him: I mean D****
Me: yes
Him: So what's your question?
Me: I have a reservation for april and I need it faxed to my business office
Him: Ok (pulls it up)
Him: No. You booked this online
Me: yeah. can you fax it?
Him: No, that's not policy
Me: you can't fax my reservation--
Him (interrupting): no, because you made it online. That's the website's job
Me: But you have it there, right? On the screen in front of you right now?
Him: Yes, but I suggest you get the website that you're already paying a service fee to to fax it
Me: ok, but I need it now. Can YOU just fax it?
Him: No, that's not our policy. It's not our responsibility to do that, it's the website's.
Me: Ok, I get that, but I need it faxed. Can I PAY YOU to do it?
Him: That's not my responsibility
Me: Riiiiight, but can you do it anyway, since I am a customer of your hotel?
Him: Look, ma'am, you're not understanding me. It. Is. Not. My. Responsibility. You have to get it from the website.
Me (pissed off now): So even though you have it right there in front of you, you can't fax it?!?!
Him: I can give you the confirmation #. That's all I've ever heard of anyone needing.
Me: i know for a fact that I need more than the confirmation number. I need you to FAX ME THE RESERVATION INFORMATION.
Him: I can give you the confirmation number. Do you want that?
Me: Yes.
Him: Are you ready?
Me: No, I'm walking. Hang on

***I make him wait a full minute before I dig a pen out of my purse to write on my hand***

Me: ok go
Him: 30584504-945485087454j4408u5.....

then my signal fades out on my phone. I don't call him back. I am going to call there tonight and strangle his boss via the phone because he was such. a douche. FUCK.

Then my friends here are having Severe Drama. Actually, I too am having Severe Drama but it is not going to be posted on this blog. Or any blog, for that matter. Call me if you want to hear it. I should call you but I have no balls about importnat things.

My friend B is fighting with my professor with the braces. The pink braces. She's threatening to quit school.

I keep reaching for this lit candle to drink instead of my coffee. Wtf.

Jadles got my advisor tickets to (the gun show) this show at the center for next weekend and since it all happened in about ten seconds after she mentioned to me that she wanted to go but it was too expensive, and then I called him and made magic happen, she was incredibly happy and excited and it made me feel really great. thanks, jd!

I can't think what else has happened.
Oh Keith's coming out here next Wednesday to have some job interviews. That's really exciting. I'm trying to get a lot done before then, but it won't work. I am too too lazy.

Jealousy. Turning Saints Into The Sea.

For those of you who are, like myself, still checking Stacey's blog everyday to no fucking avail, here is what Stacey's been up to in her life lately (Thanks Mike for that one update on Raedy when she wouldn't update that made me think this was a good idea) as per our phone conversation:

1. Mr. Titters turned out to be a girl, got pregnant, had six beautiful little kittens with Spike. They are now proud, monogamous parents and Stacey hopes to become That Crazy Cat Lady With The Thousand Cats all the sooner for this happy circumstance.

2. The bakery in which Stacey works is relocating all of its employees to southern California. Stacey is going to live in my walk-in closet and make brownies every day, because I am craving brownies every single day this month.

3. Stacey recently tried out for and was accepted to the Reel World Season XVIII, to be filmed in the Appalachian mountain range.

4. She won't admit to this if you ask her, but she made it onto the Reel World Season XVIII by showing her vagina to sixteen different casting directors and miscellaneous personnel.

5. One of Stacey's baked goods was recently featured as the centerfold in "Baked Good Life" magazine. The photo, depicting three delicate ramekins filled with variously colored creme dishes, also ran on the cover of National Geeografic this month.

6. Stacey's car exploded and she was forced to buy the next best thing: a flying bicycle. Now, she zooms around town faster than ever.

7. Stacey looks stylish in her twinset, but she aspires to one day own a tailored box jacket.

8. She bought a pony and is riding around as much as possible, announcing that she thinks she is getting a rash.

9. Recently having lost two of her fingers on her left hand to an unfortunate toaster-related accident, Stacey is learning to use the prosthesis that I carved for her out of elephant tusks.

10. Instead of updating her blog, Stacey has been out here visiting me, watching me bang my head on my desk in frustration when I can't get my brain to work, and then watching me flick boogers onto my officemate's desk when I get tired of thinking so hard.

11. Crippled by her depression at the results of the presidential election, Stacey has just recently begun taking phone calls and visits from friends and family. In the two months that she was out of commission, she did a lot of thinking about existentialism, about how whiskey is made, and also where babies come from. She also read the entire hitchhikers guide to the galaxxie series in her time off from reality.

12. Stacey visited her orthodontist for an annual checkup and he outfitted her with a nice shiny new set of metal braces with pink rubber bands. Oh wait, that one is really my professor.

13. We went and got matching tattoos the other day. Mine is on my right wrist and hers is on her left, and the tattoos say, "carpe diem," which has always been a favorite saying of ours.

I'm bored with this update. Maybe now though, Stacey will tell us what she's been up to. Give me your password, Stacey, I will do your work for you if you are too disinclined.

In White Light? I Don't Think So

I just watched a local news segment in which they interviewed a marching band director whose marching band is performing in some parade, I guess for the sanctimonious (Douglas Coupland uses that work a shit-ton, have you noticed?) pomp and empty, meaningless ritual taking place in DC today. Anyway, this band director was being asked about his band, and this is what he smugly told the reporter:

We're the best band. The best band in the land.

And I cringed with the realization that I. was. a. giant. dork. to ever have been involved in marching band, whose directors go on TELEVISION and say, "we're the best band in the land."

It sounds like a doctor demento song. It sounds like the last line of a suicide note. It sounds like the death rattle of your only child.

Bleeeechk. Just, eew.

I think the January crystal clearness here is fading. I mean that on so many levels right now it's not even funny. There are only a few truly clear days a year when I can see the San Bernardino mtns from here and I can see that they're there and there's some snow on some of them but tomorrow they'll fade back into the hazy smog of this stupid crater hole that attracts so many farsical shells of people. The clarity is slipping away and I feel like this short story by Ray Bradbury I had to read in elementary school about people who were living on venus because the earth had been polluted to death and that's where all the humans had to live and there was always rain, always, except for once every seven years the rain would stop for an hour and this girl got locked in the coat closet by her mean classmates on the Non Rain Day and missed it and how sad that was.

That's how I feel right now.

Every night this week I've been leaving my office pretty late, around 8 or so, and every night there is a group (troupe? I don't know what to call them) of people on the roof of the parking garage, where I park, who are beating on homemade drums with sticks while others do interpretive dance. No, I'm not kidding. Every. Day.

Interpretive Dance. No, seriously. I look warily over at them and they used to stop when I'd come out of my office building and act like they weren't beating on homemade drums with sticks while others do interpretive dance, but to no avail, as I snuck up on them without meaning to enough times to be wise to it. Also, now they recognize me and realize I won't judge. Until I get in my car and onto my cell phone, and then they're all toast.

Also,


Nevermind.

Bedshaped, and Legs Of Stone

So I meant to explain that "five almonds" thing. There's this lame ass girl in my lab. She freaks me out, is incredibly SoCal, is always talking abtou boys and wears too much colored eyeshadow and looks like a troll or really pretty depending on the time of day, and she has intimidated me (she thinks she's quite funny and people always laugh politely at the shit that comes out of her mouth that's intended to be a joke) since I got here but has recently stopped as I realized I am not the only person in that lab who feels the same way about her and her absurdity.

In fact, I discovered that when last week, instead of going to ct. like we were supposed to, me, B, and A blew it off entirely (well, we got up at ass oclock of the morning and drive there and paid for parking and then sat in the car when we realized we were extremely early and gossipped and then realized that would be a more productive way to spend our day and decided to leave) and dicked around in pasadena all day. I know, that's incredibly irresponsible. But, the way we see it, this study is doomed and pointless and we hate it and three of us hating it made us into something more rebellious and baddituded than any single one of us could have imagined. So we were sitting there, talking smack like girls are wont to do, and then we left and went to a little town on the north side of la where B grew up and sat at a coffee shop she frequented throughout high school for hours talking. It was fantastic, I really like B and A. It was also nice to be in a place that was obviously meanningful to B and it made me miss places that we all used to hang out in high school. Too bad there ws never a cool kid coffee shop to do it at. But this place had all these couches and shit and we literally sat there for hours talking about lots of stuff.

At one point this anonymous La man came over to A and said, with no trace of irony or sheepishness, that he's not hitting on her but he thinks she is incredibly gorgeous and just wanted her to know that. and then he walked out. we contained our giggles for about ten seconds after he left and then we couldn't stop laughing at the cheeziness of this guy's too-tanned skin in january, his wet look curly black hair, his bmw convertible parked right outside the window we were sitting by, the fucking southern california of it all. she's engaged, but of course she was flattered. i couldn't help but feel like B and I were chopped liver, though. hahahahah, no, i'm kidding. She really is incredibly gorgeous, so it's hard to hate on that.

Then we got tired of that place and it's filthy bathroom and we went to pasadena proper and it's really cute up there. i had no idea. this was also the clearest day i've ever seen, because it had just stopped raining.

so we ate lunch and sat at the bar and basically drank our lunches like secretaries and then A brought up a conversation she had once with the Evidently Eating Disordered girl from paragraph one of this post, in which that girl actually said that having "five almonds" was a pretty big snack that would totally fill her up. We laughed about this a great deal and then I laughed harder when I realized that, syntactically, it parallels, "and then I found five dollars" when you say, "and then i ate five almonds" and I swore that I would always say that now instead. except i'll probably slip and say it in front of this girl and she'll know we all think she's kind of a douche.

So then, plastered, (B wasn't, she was driving) we headed back to the oc to meet with our professor, where we lied right to her face about how ct. had gone. Yes, bad girls, I know. But we all needed that day and it was fucking awesome. It won't be happening again, so it's not like I need you to tell me that was irresponsible. Ok? Piss off.

And now I think I'm rooming with That Girl for the conferrince i'm presenting at in march. that sucks. but maybe i'll like her after. trying to be positive.

i'm swamped. already. just wanted to say hi. i wish you guys would all update more often. how bout you tell me about your weekends in my comments section? that would be lovely.

I Don't Super Want Brains All Over My Pipe

I'm kind of digging that it's, like, pristine.

So I had my other class this morning. I am going to love and hate this quarter. I am leaning very deliberately toward loving it because that's the power of positive thinking but we. shall. see.

Alpha. Nine. Hundred.

Anyway, in my class this morning several things arose quite seemingly randomly from our discussion of the biological determinants of sehx differ in tee ashun prenatally and stuff. I thought I would post them, because several of them are things that you and I were discussing/privately laughing about just the other day and I thought it was a sign:

1. JD and I were walking to offish despot the other day from baha freysh where we'd just eaten linner and we passed an affluent, typical socal couple with a newborn in a stroller and I smiled at them and then realized that they were wheeling the stroller into a nail salon. And I loudly complained to JD that anyplace where the employees wear surgical masks in some half-hearted attempt to prevent themselves from inhaling cancer all day is definitely a place that children should never be allowed to go. I felt quite strongly about it and JD seemed to buy it, though I have no idea what exact chemicals are in nail salons but after our class discussion today I would strongly advise all of you never to go into another one, or at least to not breathe in all that dust from acryllics if you must maintain your appearance and can't do it yourself....( i know i sound bitter, it's not because I begrudge you your right to have people wash your feet for you, it's that I Don't Know How To Act in nail salons and they make me nervous because i have this schema where they will be mean to you if you go in there. oh plus i'm not physically handicapped so I can paint my own g.d. nails. hahahah) but anyway.

AAAAANYWAY.

My class ended up talking about how f-ing bad it is to be preggers or have a baby or anything vulnerable (like a kid, a weakened immune system, an old person, etc) in one of those cancer salons. I thought that was coincidental. Maybe I'm preggo. We won't know for a couple weeks.

2. We were signing up for topics on which we would like to lead a discussion later in the quarter. Bleck to that, first of all. But I knew what I wanted (agggreshyn gendir diffrentness) and was about to aggressively demand it when this girl across from me shouts, "I super want to do parinting, and there's nothing else up there that interests me"
So then I say I super want aggreshyn and then we insist that everyone else say they "super want" to do their topic instead of "preferring" or "requesting" it. Hahaha. for those of you not in-the-know, there is a recent sealab episode that I find heeelarious in which, after cruising around looking for zombies to kill with lead pipes, stormy and marcus (?) decide thaey don't want to muck up their pipes after all. Suuuuufffeeerrrrerrrrrrssssss

Only JD gets the "sufferers" reference. which he explained to me but I forgot. I'm so un-connected to today's youth. So clearly, I thought that was coincidental too. I died laughing when that girl said she "super wanted" it. She's a mother of two children, a phd student, and she "super-wants" something. Hahahahahahaha. But then again, I super wanted it too.

3. I'm reading all families are psychotic and i'm not too far along but i'm past a part where this mom with AIDS who took thalidomyde (sic) whilst pregnant with her daughter and thus had a deformed daughter is taking it again later in her life for the "mouth ulcers" that accompany her AIDS and tells her daughter, who gets understandably pissed off at her for having anything to do with such a bad, bad drug. (It really is evil)

I had no idea if that was fiction or fact, that they've started using thalidomyde again. I never would have thought it could be true, except my class also talked about that today. Hmmmm.

That concludes the list of stuff. Not as interesting as you may have been led to believe by the beginning of this post. What else?

I think I blew out my ipod headphones. Can you even do that? If you can I did.
I went to the gym last night and today I can barely move. Whoops. I tried gobbling a banana but that only helped a little.
My boyfriend came home at 3:30am last night after not answering his cell phone. He would have gotten away with it too if he hadn't woken me up when he took a very loud dump. No, I'm kidding. I'm just trying to prolong the bathroom habits discussion taking place in Raedy's comments. And that reminds me that I'm going to try to say, "Aww, who beefed?!?!" as often as I can.
I filled in some obligations in my planner today and realized that I was writing in grown-up sounding things like, "practice talk for ____ conference" more than once and "lab hours with UGs" every week plus I have my own UGs that arent' connected to the lab I'm in. Weird, weird, weird.
Raedy, I have to write a complete Arrr Oh One grant for one of my classes as my final project. Please, tell me how much bullshit that it. I also have to critique two other people's grants. I just want someone to pander to me and tell me they understand how much that entails. So far all I get is, "well, that should be easy since you just wrote a grant proposal."
I'm still wearing the Fuck Yeah bracelet. All the black lettering has worn off so now you can only read it if you look super close, which no one is doing. Or if I press it into my wrist, it leaves upsdie-down markings that say fuck yeah on me.
I very nearly ordered eleven different, post-rocking albums the other night. I restrained myself.
Keith is going to get a job out here and move to California. Who else wants to come?

Promised to the Night

I did a fat lot of nothing today. It was lovely. Now it's almost 6pm and I'm in my office and I need to get approximately ten hours worth of shit done today in the next 6 or so. I totally rule. I'm totally assuming it'll get done.

I learned yesterday that anxiety and depression are very similar disorders. And that the only real difference is high versus low levels of engagement with your environment. How very revelationary to have that pointed out to me.

I have my other class tomorrow. Tomorrow and Thursday will suck balls. But I decided even though I might like to whine about the boring ass shit I have to do on a daily basis or weekly or quarterly basis on here, I'm not going to. Because no one likes that. And you know what? Fuck this year, I'm going to kick it in the face like all the other quarters/semesters/grading periods of my life. Fuck the next six months and their ridiculous assumption (implication?) that they are going to be difficult for me. I am going to trounce them verily. Soundly. Fuck you, flaming hoops. I am so jumping through you.

I just today decided that I'm done worrying about it when I could be convincing myself I'm excited. You know, like how if you want to feel hot you tell everyone how hot you are. I'm pulling the biggest Tassin of them all on myself this year. I am Queen Badass.

Briiiiing it.

In other news, i am going to post photos right now. Go check check checka them out.

P. S. the weather here ruled today, it was so fucking pretty. the rain finally left.

All Is Fallen When You Take Your Flight

Lemme give a little stretch. and a bend.
Shake the "blissfully uncomplicated" off my rain-covered back and get this nose back to that thar grindstone. Bleck, life, I hereby declare you unfit to lick my boots.

School started with a vengeance today. Well, really, it started last week, but I didn't make it to class. I had one today. I dont' think I want to talk about it. It was great and it'll be a great class but I Cannot Believe the Sheer Amount of Work that it will be. I Cannot Believe what our final assignment in there entails.

What I Can Believe is that I Will Really Be Struggling in about a week. Let it all wash over me and then I'll let you know.

Fuck, man. Just, fuck.

The rain here is fucking shit up. Mudslides and shit and not the delicious kind. I waded accidentally through several very deep puddles walking from my office to the other building I inhabit here, which is basically ten feet away. People are dying in LA because of this rain. The freeways are all fucked up and congested and this morning they were talking about a tornado. Apparently they had rain like this ten years ago, but that came on the heels of a lot of fires, and people's overpriced coastal abodes were sliding regularly into the sea, never to return. I think maybe the hysteria stems from rich people worrying about their material goods being eaten by old man pacifico. it's just weird. The worst of it is supposed to come tonight and then tomorrow we'll all wash away.

I'll be posting pictures from my midwestern excursion on my photoblog sometime tonight or tomorrow. Peel your eyes for that.

I like being in my office way later than all but a tiny portion of the other grad students. it makes me feel motivated. plus, it forces me and the other girl who's down the hall to run and talk to each other whenever we are bored or want to run something by another person. ahhh, dork bonding. you know you love it. she and i have the same ipod.

I need to go get some readings done. Siiiiigh.

Let's Cut To The Denouement

Ohhh, accidental downloads, how I sometimes love you.

So. It's. Been. Awhile.
Ehh. Haven't felt much like blogging/haven't had so many opportunities to do so even if I did in the last few weeks. Plus I was with most of you most of the time so you know everything that's happened to me/with me anyway. ehh.

Being in the midwest was lovely. I had a smashing good time with everyone I saw, however briefly, extensively, etc. I had a great time at Kwaanza, hanging out with everyone and I wish we all got together like that more but life and all its little demands really fucks you up as you get older. Or so I'm thinking, anyway. It's weird to think that it'll only get harder to see everyone like that. When people get married they stop coming to the group activities and I guess if you married in the group of invitees it would be a different story but life doesn't allow for multiple visits to different locations and having to pick the most centrally located and least inconvenient is kind of stupid and will only get harder. It's weird to think how much will only get harder as we all grow up and do adult things with our lives. And college is over and most people have jobs that only let them go for a couple days at most and eventually even Raedy and I will have less scheduling flexibility and it's just weird to think that the already-paltry amount of time I spend with some of you that I love a lot is only going to decrease as I'm forced to fulfill obligations to other things and family and when you have only one vacation a year, what are you supposed to do with it? Is it selfish to want it all for yourself to sleep and never get out of your pajamas or are you supposed to go to the family or the inlaws or are you supposed to fight over that or what? What if my ample flexibility in when I have to do things still won't line up with anyone else's? There are students here who are engaged or married and all they want is to not go home for holidays and breaks, to stay here with their finances (sic) and never look back on wherever they came from and who they left behind and it only gets easier for the people who want to do just that, I guess. But I don't want to. I want to spend enough time with everyone and I don't do it well over the phone and I don't do it well when I'm physically there and it all just feels like spinning plates and pointlessness and it's such an effort and sometimes such a waste but I'll continue attempting to squeeze as many visits as possible into my allotted time and if you feel slighted I apologize but I saw the people who made the most noise about wanting to see me and in that respect, I feel like I managed it.

I didn't get any of my school-related goals accomplished whilst I was out of California, unsurprisingly to everyone but me. Whoops. I had a couple days where I wasn't doing anything but I couldn't get my mind to think about school. Too much other shit to mull over.

I can't believe how many broke down crunk ass cars I was privy to. K's muffler fell off his car the day he picked me up and we had a nice ghetto hike to the mechanic from his apartment while I was there. Jenny's car tried to kill itself all the way to Chicago and back, eventually resulting in a tow from northern indiana to indianapolis. That was lame. But, more than I have ever appreciated it before, I love triple A and I recommend those of you who have a couple extra bucks a month and a shitty or otherwise unreliable car go out and buy it for yourself and never let it expire.

Ashpee, thanks for letting me stay with you for such a long time, that was awesome. Thanks too for trying to take care of me when I got sick last week, that was so nursey of you. Anytime you want to come back (bring Jim!) you're totally welcome. You can stay on our couch or there are, I believe, some nice hotels in this area. Same goes for all of you.

I think I'm a little glum today because I went to school and had some things reminding me that I'm inschool and it's like I never left and no one eases into things here it's always go go go and I dont' know that I'm going to ever become as work addicted as I am starting to think I'd need to be if I wanted to be successful at this. Pure laziness, I guess. But I also realized that it will be a very very long time before I see any of you again, and that sucks. I might have two or four days at the end of March that I can take and run with. But if you come here, you can come while I'm busy and I won't mind it. I swear.

It's depressing that no one is going to come visit except for family....technically my sis and Leave count as family, even though mostly I imagine my drunk-dialing mother (called me, plastered, last night to accuse me of not caring that she cared if I got home safely then instructed me coldly to "take care" when getting off the phone with me) when I think of "family" and Jenny and I have a functional relationship usually so yeah. But I totally understand that I'm a little out of the way for a casual road trip and that most people cringe at the thought of hundreds of dollars worth of airfare just to come visit me. Oh and California is nice. The midwest isn't my home anymore.

Anyway, I'm in a funk because I had to say goodbye to everyone and it was draining and I also knew that as soon as this quarter started I would hate my life continuously for the next 6 months and it's finally time to dig in and start sucking it up for real. Fuck. I miss you guys already.

So I guess I'll sink back into making you comp cds and sending you boxes full of crap and occasionally talking to some of you and thinking about how I wished I talked to you more but knowing there's no good way to convince myself to make that leap to something regular because life gets in the way so easily. I'm lame. I'll try harder to be less lame.

***
(She's too decent and genuinely kind to be moved in your direction by annual acts of imagined chivalry that reveal the nature of your person to be something hypocritical and antithetical to her own. She doesn't need defending. If you love her on any level you'll eventually have to understand that about her.)