So I've got two new dreams, both of which are really sketchy and were so in-depth that I barely remembered them the second I woke up.

Saturday Morning:

I was getting ready to go on a plane ride with Raedy to Japan (specifically to Osaka) and I was nervous that I'd freak out because the plane ride was a solid 20 hour trip and I didn't think I could sleep that long even if I had to. So my friend Emiko (who we may have been going to visit) graciously gave me a novel written in Japanese to read on the plane ride, which I instead read on the way to the airport and wasn't surprised to be able to read Japanese or that the book was a cool spy thriller.
So I wake up in the dream and find myself already in Japan (scene is set by the Japanese-looking skyscrapers and buildings you can see from the airport) and I'm surprised but relieved that I slept the whole way. And now instead of Raedy I'm with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, who seem to be on some sort of mission. So we're going along and we get on another plane and this time we land in Russia (I can tell because of the Russian-looking buildings visible from the airport) and we see this weird water ride nearby that's very high-tech. I see it and instantly understand that the "boat" is controlled by lasers and although you only plummet straight down a few feet, the computers make it look and feel like hundreds before you splash gently into the lake below. So this little girl that's with us (or maybe I was the little girl, half the time I thought I was Nicole) wants to go and we walk over to check it out but realize that it's part of Six Flags, so we can't. She's (I'm) disappointed and then some other stuff I can't recall happens and then Nicole is smoking in a lobby by some stairs and she's speaking with a thick german accent and I suddenly realize that I've been living the Japanese spy novel I was reading. Don't ask me how I know that, but I woke up soon after.

This Morning's Dream:

Even foggier...I was going with my supposed extended family to see the house where my dad and his siblings all grew up. My grandmother was with us but disappeared soon after we got to the house. And inside we all were assigned rooms, and mine was more like a hallway with another hallway-like bathroom attached to it. So I had to pee and went along the hall closing the adjoining doors so my relatives couldn't see me, and behind one door was Jerry Garcia (my supposed grandpa) and the next was Melissa, and then I went into my bedroom, and it was all decorated in brown and had musty old books all over, and I was grossed out because it belonged once to that girl from American Pie who is also in the Slums of Beverly Hills, and I thought by staying in her old room I would "catch" her "lesbianism" and I didn't like it.

That's all I remember.

So this weekend I've done a bazillion things. Chris and JD and I discovered an Indian buffet and went there yesterday, Friday I spent a lot of money (I got really cute shoes!) and last night saw the Bourne Identity (very good, I liked it a lot), and it was free because his girl who came to club the other night was working (Kick ass) and today I have been uber-productive, cleaning like a madman, jogging way further than I wanted to, getting a new watch battery, taking my unwanted clothes to Plato's closet and getting $45, taking the rest to Goodwill, eating at Panera, applying to Old Navy, watching Very Bad Things on cable (hahahah), reorganizing my closet, paying rent, the phone bill, the cable bill, listening to a tape of my dad playing a Liszt concert (awesome), watching JD play one of his six thousand PS2 games, failing a practice GRE test, sleeping until mid-afternoon, etc.

I've been busy, you can tell.

I love weekends so much.
OH SWEET...my dad's voice is on this tape, I didn't know that
I got a swimsuit yesterday too, since we're still going to Holiday World (RIGHT?) this coming weekend, and I can't wait for this week to be over. Stacey, Stacers-cakes, you should come here Wednesday night and stay all weekend....Except for club and reading group at ass-early o'clock I have nothing to do after my Wed. class, and everyone else will be here toooooooooooo.....then we could videotape a real karaoke party and have it turn out (our most recent attempt was foiled by our insistence on having no lights but red ones on) ok, and watch it over and over whilst laughing.....teeheehee and JD is campaigning for Joe's Crab Shack so while your'e here we could drive up to Indy and eat there, and you could cook for us MMMMMMM and there's a Roadside Monument/Pedro the Lion show here this weekend if anyone would want to go...

Oh and I woke up from one dream with this yodeling song from a Jenny Jones talent show that I didn't even realize I knew and from the other with that generic Michelle Branch-sounding sing that's all "If I could FALL into the SKY do you think TIME would pass me BY/cuz you know I'D walk a thousand miles if I could just SEE you...if I could just HOLD you....tonight"

hahahahaha

{Running time: 3 months 22 days; give or take a couple hours; no signs of stopping}

Yay, Melissa's making a chocolate cake.

So this morning's dream involved my mom living in Turkey and my sister and I going to visit her. All I remember now is that we were at a restaurant and Janel was our server, and she was giving us shit for some reason (yeah I don't know why Janel's in all these either) and at some point we had to flee, burqua-covered, into the streets.
Yeah, I wish I had written it down earlier too.

So since my "class" is only three days a week, I woke up late and sloshed around thinking about going to the lab and watched some passions and marveled at the fact that I am not a bit sore (chris and I masochistically did pilates after we went running yesterday) and finally ho hummed into the lab just in time for the big ass thunderstorm and then went to club.

Which was weirdly unstructured today but still awesome, I somehow found myself working in a round-robin group with Eika and Todd, two REALLY good black belts, which made me nervous (especially since they were like "JD go teach those lower belts something...you come here and do joint locks with us") but I learned a great deal, and then Eika graciously helped me understand why my jump kicks suck. And then I taught this guy some stuff and then he and I sat around talking shit about this creepy guy who's started coming to club just this week who no one's ever seen before who claims he's had two semesters of hapkido and wants to test for green, but he doesn't know ANYthing he shoudl know if that's true...so hmmmm....

I like club a lot. I get my ass kicked so often now it doesn't even phase me. After awhile Eika and Todd just started using me as a whipping boy for them to try their stuff out on, hahahahahaha. Can't say I didn't like it, though:)

Wow, emoticons, I must be slipping

I think I'm going to go play PS2 before I turn in (maybe my dreams have been resulting from my insomnia) and toss and turn until 3 or 4 and then have to get up for reading group....yuck. Anyway, keep thinking about the Saturday after the 4th, us all going to Splashin' Safari if it's still on. Oh, and Stace, you should come here Wednesday night and stay all weekend...that would kick ass

Dark Phoenix (I swear I only tried once for that--it just proves how badass I am) over and out

It's been a nightmarish 24 hours.

Yesterday I was out on the front porch reading and eating crackers and I looked down to find that a HUGE tarantula-esque monstrosity had stopped, inches from my knee, at the edge of the porch. I leapt shreiking to my feet and slowly went inside to get something to smoosh it with. It was huge, and I fully expected it to wrestle the shoe or paper towel or whatever from my hands and smoosh me with it, but I was in a state of panic (I am deathly afraid of spiders, do we all know that by now?) so I went for a paper towel. So out of the paper towel holder comes running ANOTHER spider, this one much smaller but more vicious-looking, so I shriek and squish him and then grab one of Chris' huge boy sneakers to tackle the thing on the porch. It's still in the same place, looking gigantic an hairy and gross, so I sneak up behind it and BLAM smash it with the shoe. And then (oh god I'm going to puke) LITTLE BABY SPIDERS GO RUNNING OUT OF IT IN EVERY DIRECTION.

I've had the creepy crawlies SINCE then.

Fucking shit. So I tore my room apart before I could sleep looking for evidence of an infestation and found nothing (thank christ) so I fell into a nightmare-ridden slumber. And oh yeah I remember some.

So there was this rabbit that this businessman and I were raising as a baby, and it was just a white rabbit wrapped up in a baby blanket, and apparently the rabbit was feeling sick. So I was holding it over a sink when suddenly I was outside and the rabbit was in someone else's possession and various random people (the hosts from American Idol, Janel) were tossing the bunny about and running around with him. I quickly realized that they all wanted to kill the bunny, so I caught it the next time it went up in the air and took off with it. I ran around this neighborhood that looks like Stacey's parents, and it was dark and all these sprinklers kept going off in my face, and the bunny was stupidly trying to jump free of me, and I just kept running. And finally, as Janel was about to catch up, my alarm went off.

I am so creeped out.

Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?

Believe it or not, I had another sequence of freaky dreams this morning but neglected to write them down or tell them to someone before I went to class and thus have completely forgotten them (probably a blessing)...but I'm sure there'll be more tonight. I'm starting to wonder what the fuck is going on in my head that I wake up from them like this every day now.

I just got off the phone with Stacey, who I love, and it was good to hear all the nothing that she's been up to as well as I have, and I was reminded of how nice it is to get unexpected closure on issues you think will remain open and bothersome forever. It's like finding a five dollar bill in your laundry only much better. Hah ha hah

So she and i have basically decided that 4th of July weekend would be best spent frolicking in our four-day weekends and going to Holiday World, so whoever's up for that should let us know and plan to come along....I know Jenny and I had planned to go back to chicago that weekend, but it's awfully soon after and I haven't seen Stacey in practically forever. Plus, I have this awesome schedule for the rest of the summer and we can go to chicago any weekend...Stacey's only off work for a week this specific one.

Also, some interesting things happened yesterday before ryouko left (which was really sad!!!!)

We went to the mall and then to Taco Bell and then to the movies (me and JD and Chris saw Minority Report, it's much better than I had feared, although no one in it can act their way out of a paper bag except for Tom) and then we came home and had Karaoke Party, which was delightfully fun and even more so BECAUSE WE VIDEOTAPED IT, hahahahahah

So now all of you who are maybe afraid to join in because you're intimidated by our synchronized dancing and perfect pitch will be able to see for yourselves that, really, we're nothing to be afraid of, and everyone can sing as badly as me if they try really hard

Hahahahahah

There's nothing else too exciting, really nothing at all. I went jogging again today which means I am serious about this "must increase endurance before belt test" thing I have in my head, and that's good. We'll see if it does me any good in a couple months
Weeks? months or weeks, whatever

I'm going to go play Smackdown--Just Bring It
now

So another weird dream this morning:

I was driving to a house, first of all, and on the road on the way there this jerk in a sock hat cut me off so I was doing my usual road-ragey yelling and gesturing, and I realized that it was Keith. And then Blammo he was driving behind me, and I was going to the place next door to where he was going, and then the dream changed to me and JD on a water-type roller coaster but it wasn't on a track, and I've been on this ride in dreams before, freakily enough, and I knew that the first dip wouldn't be very scary but the next one was, and we went over the first one no problem, and then I see Dr. Phil (yes, from Oprah) swimming and laughing like an idiot in front of our boat (the water's really deep on this ride) and I know he's going to drown when the next big dip comes so I try to grab him and pull him into the boat but he's a fat fucker and I just fall into the water next to him, and the boat goes zipping past and it's just out of reach and we're coming up on the waterfall-type dip and he's still laughing and I barely get my hand over the rim of the boat and hang on, and here I wake up because the phone is ringing

But I don't get up to answer it because I've slept in my underwear and I don't want to have to go give the phone to someone at the other end of the house

So now I'm going to go eat leftover Indian food from Friday and think about how sad it will be in this house when Ryouko leaves tonight (her plane leaves at 6am tomorrow) and how cute and great and funny and nice she is.

The Las Vegas book, btw, is actually really helpful....I think if we could find something insanely cheap we should stay at Mandalay Bay but if not, Excalibur is my next pick (and it wins the hokiest theme award)...but I'm open to suggestions about things like that, and we have plenty of time to figure it out later.

I think we should go to one fancy show while we're there, and one nice restaurant, and aside from that I'm fine with drinking and gambling away all my hard-earned loan money

Yeah, so think about that

So it took me a few tries, but I think I figured it out....sorry to those of you who may have stumbled upon the less -attractive version of this:)

I got a little tired of the flaming blog template, sorry if anyone is crushed now that it's leaving, but I like this one much better and it suits my mood these days more appropriately anyway

I woke up just recently from another bizzarro series of dreams, this time I woke up from them repeatedly and went straight back to them, and although I can't remember lots I have some chunks....

At one point I encountered Sarah Bordeau as a Cracker Barrel waitress in a small room, and she tried desperately to get me to work there with her, and I almost agreed but then remembered that I was on vacation somewhere...and I kept seeing Mr. Dean and Northern around and they would glare at me and I got the impression that perhaps it was a band trip and I was no longer in band, however that works...and two people got fired, a boy and girl, from the restaurant for being late because they were off having sex somewhere and they didn't turn their nametags back in so the whole place had to stay around in this big mansion looking for them for six extra hours ...and in this dream I was very consciously looking for the shadowy person who's been haunting my dreams lately, and couldn't find him. No signs of him at all, and I realized in the dream that he wasn't coming, and of course he wasn't but I was still looking all over the place in case he showed up anyway...and I wish I remembered more, but suffice it to say that I woke up for good with Radiohead's "How Can You Be Sure" in my head.

What's with the dreams, and am I doing a better job of remembering them just because I've been thinking about them in waking life so much, or am I just dreaming extra because ....well, I don't know why it would be.

Did I mention yesterday that I got a guide book for Las Vegas and a bunch of grad school books? No? Oh, I did. And I got a dress under the pretense of it being for Mel's sister's wedding, but we all know better, I think. Hahahahaha.

Anyway, I have PS2 games to be rotting my brain with as I wait for something interesting to happen this weekend.

Hope you like the new blog

Sorry about becoming so lazy about my postings, I know Stacey's being internet-less for a week or so probably turned most of my regulars off as well, but things have been happening I could talk about

first, the freaky dreams:

A few days ago I had a dream, quite vivid, that I had a baby, but when this monstrosity was born (and it took about a week for it to happen) it was much bigger than a normal baby, and had very long arms and legs and was really awkward to hold (imagine trying to pick up a little kid who doesn't want to be held and the way they'll go completely limp and arch their back so it's as difficult as possible) and the whole time I kept thinking that the baby was really more of a kitten than a real baby, which didn't bother me until I woke up. Oh, and the baby refused to nurse at all, and I think maybe this was brought on from watching Passions for the first time in a long time and laughing my silly ass off at Teresa's "pregnancy" and her "contractions" that Timmy probably could have acted better.

And the next morning the dream was an all-too familiar one where I was in a hazy place looking for something and then I found the person I was looking for and they (did I decide it was a he?) were suddenly holding me and everything was alright and I woke up confused but happy only to realize that again, it was a dream...do you ever wish you had more of a capacity for forgiveness than you do in waking life? I do, a lot...in my dreams it seems that I open my arms and every hateful thing and malicious action are swept away until total peace sweeps over me and my life (which really isn't that tumultous right now, but there are some things I wish I had the power to change) and I wake up smiling....but only for a split second

It's not even that I'm discontent with the way things are, and on so many levels I know that things can't be any other way (in this realm of possibility, now, stick with me, I'm not talking about possible worlds yet), it's just that I find myself missing something, or with a huge jagged tear in my skin and I'm trying in vain to close it up but I can't because the metaphor is just too cheesy...or because I just can't, and I feel like in my past there are all these jagged scars from where I've handled something wrong and they never seem to heal all the way, and each new one only sends me spiraling back down the same path, and I guess I just haven't changed as much as I wish i had....I still do the same stupid selfish things, still lose the same important people to me, still distance myself from everyone I care about...and WHY?

I wish sometimes that I could do things over, and with what i know now, but that's ridiculous, and I know it is...I like to think I live without regret, but I don't think that's true of any of us. There has to be something, even just thus far in our youth, that will wake us up in a cold sweat regularly, years from now, as we struggle to pull the skin back over the gash and help it heal. I don't know if I just like things better when they're crashing down around me or if I seriously am not able to have functional relationships, but I go looking for trouble and it never takes me all that long to find it, and get neck-deep in it, and next thing you know I'm drowning in self-pity and loneliness and it's all well-deserved.

what the fuck is it? I tell myself it's something better than it is because I'm not exerting effort and things just fall awkwardly at my feet, but that doesn't mean I know what to call it...I don't know how I invoke such extreme, intense reactions from people, and I don't even know if I mean to. What is it about me that fucks so unintentionally with people?

This is a rant that belongs, in a more detailed and explicit form, in a journal and not a public forum, but I take comfort in the thought that no one's reading this and those of you who are surely don't care. How long does it take scars like this to heal? Another month? Six months? A whole year before you even try to evaluate it? If I knew when it would stop invading my dreams I could breathe easier.

Why am I incapable of maintaining any sort of close relationship with anyone I've ever been friends with? I just want someone to explain to me how I draw people in if I so effectively repel them soon afterward. Can't they see from the get-go that I'm unsuitable to get mixed up with because I'm (apparently) insane? Hahahahaha

I should get a disclaimer tattooed on my face

No, I don't know what brought this on either.

My most recent dream, this morning, was me giving a talk about ocean conservation (i was a marine biologist) from a flooded bathroom, in which I was taking and cleansing samples of the flood water, and becoming frustrated that it wasn't getting clean faster, even though I was pouring the newly clean water right back into the pool of dirty water.

So back to reality
I'm tired of having dream #2 every few days. I wish i knew a way to make it stop. It was cute at first and now I wake up from it feeling sick

Tonight me and Raedy and Ryouko and Chris went to the mall (MUST stop SPENDING) and to Bombay house, mmmmmm

And last night we had a pillow fight in the living room and this morning there was reading group and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and


I think we're going to have a nice pajama party sleepover in my room since the dvd player's in here and we want to watch a movie of some sort and chris and i were the only ones wanting to see the Bourne Identity

I learned a bunch of stuff for the blue belt test last night, which makes me feel better. My shoulder's all fucked up again so I can barely move it around, it's sucking bad
My kicks should be good if I keep on them. thunder kick's not even that bad

Yeha, so sorry about the floodgates opening and the bad metaphors. I'm sleepy as shit and unwilling to further search my lexicon for clever words

See you all in my dreams tonight

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I am going to Chicago tomorrow with jenny, and we're staying with my Awesome Grandma (The one I like, the GOOD side of the family that I actually miss and get upset about not seeing) whom I spoke with tonight on the phone and remembered just how CUTE and GREAT she is, and I feel great about this trip because I haven't seen her since Mel and Shane and JD and I went there for the Built to Spill show which I believe was last September. So whoopee!! I get to go to Chicago and ride the train downtown, and go shopping and see my grandma and it's going to kick ass. Does anyone need anything while I'm there?

Then Saturday Raedy and Ryoko and possibly Chris and R's friend Melissa from Columbus will be joining us and we'll all go do lots of fun things in the big city like real tourists do. I love Chicago, I totally want to live there someday (someday soon, even) and grad school there would kick ass super hard. Yeah, i sound totally like a prospective grad student, don't I ...hahahaha "kick ass super hard." Sheesh

So I am looking forward to FUN TIME AWESOME WEEKEND, which will be nice since the first 6 weeks of summer have flown by in a boring hazy blur and I'm a little grumpy about it. Maybe with a new class that's only MTW (AWESOME) for the next 8 it won't be so boring. I'm thinking about another trip to Chicago for the 4th of July, if anyone's interested in going then, I would imagine my grandma would love to have whoever, but of course I'd have to check on that before I go inviting people. But even if you couldn't stay there, Mel has an aunt who likes visitors, and there'd be someplace.

So be clearing your calendars and thinking ahead for that, I know some people have class or work or what not, but I myself will be free from after class on the 4th (Wed) until Monday's class at 1:30
So take that for what it's worth. I need more road trips, I get so itchy without them.

I was thinking earlier about random stuff, and about death, which for unknown reasons (I'm not sick or anything) has been a preoccupation for a few weeks now...I'm starting to marvel at how easily we accept freaky ass dreams, like the ones I keep having and the ones Stacey's been telling us about, and the ones Chris Daniels usually has (his are some of the best) and WHY is it that we all take them in stride, like it's not freaky that our sleeping self posits all that shit in our head and we dream through it like it's HAPPENING....I know that I wake up from the most intense ones and it takes me awhile to realize that it didn't really happen. So where did that stop being freaky, and why is it so digestable?

Why don't we question it more when we wake up from some sordid dream about something inappropriate and smile and stretch and go on about our daily routines? Sometimes I'll forget all about a dream until I see something during the course of the day and it jars me so suddenly that I didn't remember it before-- it really disturbs me. the other day I saw a couple walking down the street holding hands and a whole dream came rushing back, movie flashback style in my head, and I was blown away that I had forgotten it the instant I opened my eyes.

So what is death, really? I don't mean religiously or even philosophically (really) speaking, but how do we know death isn't just some incredibly intense form of sleep where (and I don't care about the medical problems in this suggestion or that brain activity stops, or anything) we live in that dreamworld forever? And my favorite, how do we know that the dreamworld isn't the true reality and we're all asleep now? Is it because in this world we all think we dream the same thing, so this must be realtiy? I disagree. Wouldn't it freak us out if just two of us had the same sleep dream on the same night...I wonder what dreams tell us about the world we live in, and about the thoughts we repress about people (have you ever had an explicit sex dream about someone you've never even thought about sexually? Or someone you damn well shouldn't be having sex dreams about? or even some dream where you killed a bunch of people violently for no real reason, or whatever...) what ARE they telling us, and how much of it is bullshit and how much of it is really our subconscious? How much of what we dream is what we wish the world was like? Why the fuck was Dave Walsh in my dream last week eating Mad Mushroom cheese stix with sour cream?

I hate that I can work myself into a frenzy over all this and come away from it with nothing but ridiculous hypothetical crap. But then again, it's such a metaphysical question that I could spend a whole research career chasing it. Sure people have studied dreams, but no one ever lets psychologists do intangible cognitive stuff like this because it's completely unscientific, which I can't argue with, but MAN is it fun

What if
Oh, I just realized I need to go watch the Cell again....hahahahaha....these aren't original thoughts at all

If nothing else I could take my personal philosophies and write screenplays about them (What Dreams May Come, The cell....) and make a killing that way. Ha

But it's so vastly misunderstood, and anything we've ever wanted or needed that we deny ourselves in waking life might be achieved in the dreamworld, and why the fuck should we ever wake up if that's the way it is...I know nightmares are a different animal and when I wake up from one of those I'm terrified of falling back asleep becasue inevitably I fall back into the same nightmare (which is not as easy with dreams, and I find that in itself interesting) but in just straight dreaming, why wake up at all?

Anyway.
Food for thought, I'll climb down off of my soapbox now and let you all get back to your stuff.
Have good weekends
*****

So today was the last class of social psych, and we talked more about love and why people do things and why relationships end and different approaches you can take to cope when it ends, and we talked specifically about how it's much easier to discard the person and the realtionship together as one big, flawed thing, but it's not healthy and just because it's easier than having to see them in a new context doesn't make it better.
I wonder how many people actually follow through on all the work that would go into making a new, different relationship work with someone you'd been involved with...I don't think very many. It' kind of sad. No one wants to put the effort into sustaining some kind of friendship since it's "not enough" for them and they don't want to deal with it. At least, one of the people in the relationship doesn't.

So who's being selfish? The person wanting to force a new friendship on the jilted ex or the person refusing to go along with it because they want to lick their wounds in peace?

I had to write a paper on love last night, yawn. I made Chris and JD take this love test that we took in class that measures all these different scales of loving "styles" and unsurprisingly, JD aced it....in that he scored high on all the things you should score high on to be a perfect "mate." Thank god one of us did...I suck, my scores were all over the place

I am starving and bored in the lab, there's nothing I feel like doing...our stimuli are officially FINISHED, which is a wonderful feeling....I am waiting for JD to get out of his class (another hour at least) and come get me so we can go home...I didn't feel like driving today. I am starving too, and I want to watch tv, and I'm getting a headache.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that bit about unrequited friendships

So it's almost 7:30 and JD and I are waiting for the rest of the house to get home with our new roomie for the next two weeks, Ryoko, Raedy's friend from Japan, and since her flight supposedly got in around 4:30 I'm assuming they went out to eat.

the house is spic and span and I made ryoko a carrot cake and everyone's gotten her presents, and I've done laundry and watched a lot of tv today and the dishes, and cleaned my room but otherwise nothing. No, I didn't go to class, thanks, I decided I would rather sleep for ten hours after we got home last night at 2 even though I was wide awake with plenty of time to GET to class....I am getting lazier by the day, I swear.

More freaky weird dreams last night/this morning, and it's more of that shadowy person hugging me and I wish to crap I knew what this means. This time I was explaining something extremely important to some people at a table but kept feeling like someone was watching me, and out of the corner of my eye I could see them, and then I was in a hallway with a lot of people in it and most of them were filing out of the room where I'd just been talking to the people at the table, and I saw him (it's definitely a him) walk by looking very dejected and not look my way, and then BLAM he was hugging me, and I never could tell who it was.
Just that he seemed sad, and that he wouldn't let go once he started hugging me, and I woke up feeling guilty

Oh, wonderful news
Aside from the fact that stopping taking pills will totally fuck up your cycle (a fact I overlooked this week as I freaked out for three days straight), it's normal to be late and I guess i just haven't been cuz i'd had the pill for so long....so i'm FINE, and a big thumbing my nose "NYAH" goes out to Stacey, who delighted in the idea that I might be eating crow about this pregnancy shit....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, we all win, no one's preggo just yet. Whew.

I'm going to go sit around bored waiting for the fun to arrive now. reminder: chicago this weekend, anyone else wanna tag along? Let me or someone here know, or come up with my lil sis

I have had the WEIRDEST 24-hour period, and I have the sinking feeling it's only going to get weirder. Let me take you through it, in reverse chronological order:

*** I just woke up, and I remember two very weirdo dreams. In the first, Melissa had decided to capitalize on her hidden talent of singing and dancing, but she really hadn't told any of us about it. I happened to run into her just outside her first sold out performance, as she was explaining to the media that she "really looks better in simple basics, so she picked the black lace dress for songs one through three, then changed into the gray wool, and then wore her bathrobe for the song before last, and then came out in her ballgown." As she was saying this she had curly permed hair and was wearing six inch heels and the dress that I assumed was the black lace one from the show...and there was a mob of screaming teenage girls who were apparently big fans of hers, and she was trying to get into her limo and leave but her good-natured bodyguards lifted her onto their shoulders so the crowd could see her better, and they cheered louder, and she made a terrible face and got into the limo.

***In the segue to the second dream, I was looking out the window of the living room of my old house in Newburgh, which faces the woods across the street from us. It wasn't EXACTLY the same, but close enough. I saw lines and lines of young looking kids in perfectly straight rows facing away from me with backpacks and stuff, and I asked someone next to me what they were going to do. I was told that they just DID stuff like that.
So then I realized that they had chopped down and cleared out almost all the trees and we could see clear to the cemetary behind the woods, and I was upset, but then someone else explained to me that this way we would be better able to see the serial killers coming to get us than if they had the woods to hide in. And I agreed, and itmade sense.
So then I was upset about all the beautiful dying trees, and there was a bit on tv about people selling random trees so the kids could cut them down, and someone in Louisville sold a tree on a riverbank that was a national landmark, and and and eventually I got so upset that I went to someone's house and was making soup out of mashed potatoes and carrots and water. And I was cooking it in a big pot but as I stirred it I realized that I had forgotten to take out Melissa's folder and permanent marker that were in the bottom, so I tried to pull them out and act liek I hadn't just cooked them in the soup, but I think she knew better. And then Dave Walsh appeared, and he wanted some soup, so I said ok, and then Mike R appeared and complained that he and Dave still had four cheese stix they could eat, and didn't he want those instead? and then Dave was asking me for sour cream for the soup and Jesse appeared and said to leave the sour cream for the cheese stix instead, and Melissa started crying.

And then I woke up.

*** Last night JD and I came home to watch Conan and MY MOM WAS WIDE AWAKE, typing on the computer, talking to this guy Ernie who I think came to my sister's graduation and whom she was going to move to Spokane to be with, because he had just immed her out of the blue, and that was pretty weird.

***Last night JD and I were driving around downtown because we were bored and we stopped at a light behind SARAH BORDEAU, who was still driving the same green booger of a car with the same bumper stickers on it, and I made him follow her for a while, until I thought she had noticed something weird (we were in JD's mom's white saturn) and then we quit.

***Also last night, JD and I went to the Newburgh Summerfest, which should be called the Newburgh Snoozefest, and some guy walked by JD (who was wearing a shirt that says Revolver on it) and yelled "Revolver! Yerah, Revolver!!" and then when Jd didn't acknowledge him, the guy poked his finger into JD's chest and went "REEVOLVER! "

*** I came home yesterday to surprise my mom, sort of, and I walked in the door and I swer it looked like she didn't recognize me for a few seconds. And then she wasn't all that glad to see me, or I guess she was, but it was weird.

***As of yesterday I'm 3-4 days late with my period, when for the last 10 years or so I've been like clockwork...weird.

***Yesterday, I was in the lab in the morning for reading group, and afterwards I was just playing around in the lab, and then I had a subject come, so I did that, and I walked them back out to their car, and as I was walking them out the hallway with all the grad student offices in it (although no one except Hanako or I was there the ENTIRE DAY yesterday, which is weird too) I am having a pleasant conversation with the mom when we hear this loud, rude, "EX- CUSE ME! Excuse me, can you help me with this?!?!?" from a chubby little boy sitting in Dr. Jones' (my big boss's equivalent in another lab) office, in her chair, on her computer. I tell him I'll be right back after I take them outside.

I come back and he's there, and he's like "How do I get to IU computering on this computer?" and from here on in the story just imagine he's shouting everything he says, because he was. And I ask him if he means netscape or something with the IU homepage, and he acts like I'm an idiot and says, "NO, the IU COMPUTERING." So I open Netscape for him and it says IU, and then he's angry because he wanted the Hey Arnold movie website. So I help him find that and then I ask him his name, and he says, "It's Ian Jones, don't you KNOW me?" and I figure he's Dr. Jones' kid, so he's probably allowed in there, so I tell him I'm Liz and that I'll be just down the hall if he needs anything else.

So I go back to the lab and put away all the stuff from my experiment, and as I do so I SLICE the hell out of my thumb with a sheet of paper, and I go hunting for a bandaid. I find one in the bathroom right next to where this kid is, and as I'm turning to leave the room I jump because he's materialized in the doorway and is peering at me in the strangest way. I go to open the bandaid, and he says, "oh, did you hurt yourself, do you need a bandaid, do you want me to put it on for you?" and I tell him no thanks, and that it's a paper cut, and I finish putting it on myself, and it's then that I notice that he has marker scribbles all up and down his arms, and he really doesn't talk much like a normal 10 year old, and i start to wonder if there's something not-quite-right with him.

He asks me to come back into the office and help him with the computer, so I do, but it's not working because he's trying to watch a Sponge Bob movie and the computer doesn't have the program. He gets angry, turns the monitor off, and then says (and from here on out imagine halting, deliberate but labored speech, almost like he's trying to say what he knows he wants to say but he can't because his mouth won't do it) "Do you know why I hate computer monitors? I'll tell you why, I'll tell you....I should have gotten a laptop. I hate computer monitors" and I ask why, and he says, "because when you throw them away you have to throw away the computer monitor and the keyboard, and when you throw a laptop away you throw away two things in one, and I HATE COMPUTER MONITORS, THAT'S WHY!!!" And here he starts pushing on the base of the monitor as if meaning to shove it over the edge of the desk, and I tell him maybe he should leave it alone, to which he responds by taking his Subway cup full of water and deliberately pouring it onto a file on the desk marked with the name of one of our studies. I jump up and tell him I'll get a paper towel, and this makes him angrier and he brushes the excess water off with his hand and then flings the whole folder into a stack of other papers and they all go crashing to the floor. I get the paper towels anyway and start to dry the folder off, and he starts talking about movies. He asks me if I've seen the Lilo and Stitch show, and I tell him no, and that I didn't think it was out yet, and he names EVERY kid's movie that's coming out this summer, gives me its rating, and then its release date. He informs me that he's now too old to see "G" movies, and can only watch "PG," which I do not believe but I keep my mouth shut. I'm trying to figure out if this kid is somehow disabled or if he's just a super brat. I can't imagine the brat thing because Dr. Jones is fairly No-nonsense, and I wouldn't think she'd allow it.

So then he gets into Harry Potter, which he loves, and asks me if I have it on "video and dvd," and I say no, and he tells me that he has the dvd and that it's a two-disc boxed set and that it is very cool. And he names every character in the movie and reenacts the game of Quidditch for me, and then suddenly his mood darkens and his face contorts and he turns away from me and I can NOT help feeling very much like Queen Amidala in Episode One talking to Aankin, I can't SHAKE the feeling, and I wonder briefly if this kid will grow up to do unspeakable evil.

And he's looking out the window with his back to me, and he says, " I have to tell you something CLASSIFIED." So I tell him sure, go ahead. And he goes, "NO, it's CLASSIFIED." and I shrug and say ok, but then he adds, "and it'll hurt your feelings anyway." So I tell him no it won't, he can go ahead and tell me. And he says, "I'm in love with someone else." And I just sit there, stunned, confused, and he continues, "I met her this morning, before my mom's eye doctor appointment, and I'm in love with her." So I say ok and ask him if he likes Star Wars, thoroughly freaked out. He snottily replies that he likes "Star Wars Episode 2 if that's what I'm talking about" and then he uses his Subway cup as a lightsabre, although he himself decides that it is "too short and fat to work as a lightsaber"

Then he decides to make a phone call, so I ask him if his mom would like him using the phone, and he rolls his eyes at me and says, "no, this is a SECRET phone call, I don't want her to see me make it." and so I shrug but don't tell him how to get an outside line from campus. So he dials and it won't let him through, and I can hear the operator telling him he can't dial that number but he tells me anyway that his friend isn't home, and then this kindly old janitor pops his head into the room and freaks Ian out, who shreiks and slams the phone back on the hook, saying, "I thought you were my MOM" and the nice old man just chuckles and says "I bet you'd get in trouble if she caught you" and wanders off.

So I think it's about here that I tell Ian I'm going back to my room, and that I'll see him later. And I go to the lab but I can still hear him very near and I figure out that he's in the hallway, talking to Gen (Hanako's husband, who is in her office alone with the new baby) and I feel almost panicked that he's probably scaring Gen so I walk by and convince him to get back in the office, and then I tell him I'm going to class. "what are you, some kind of teenage junior high kid?" he asks me, completely serious even though we're on a COLLEGE CAMPUS, and I tell him that, and he informs me that if I tell people I'm going to school they'll probanbly think I'm a teenage junior high student anyway. So I say ok, and I'm about to leave when Shelli, this other research assistant who just started there this summer, walks by and says hi to Ian. He points at her and says " Hey, I met you this morning, before my mom's eye doctor thing" And I put 3 and 5 together and realize he's in love with HER! so we're both walking outside together and I tell her about my morning with Ian and she thinks it's hilarious, and then I went to class where we learned about LOVE

So it's Thursday afternoon and I'm stalling a little bit on going to the lab right after my class cuz I have a ton of stuff to do today and updating was on my list.

I talked to my sis on the phone yesterday, and that was nice, and she's agreed to go up to Chicago with me and Raedy and her friend Ryoko and the Melissas and Chris not this weekend but next, so we'll get to hopefully stay with my grandma who is super cool and that'll be awesome. She also said she'd love to go see Jimmy Eat World with me in Indy in August as part of her birthday present, so that's fabulous also....

And I'm going to Eville tomorrow, mostly because my mom is (according to Jenny) not handling the transition from one job to another one exactly like it that she's undergoing so well because she tends to freak out about things that aren't big deals in the grander scheme of things, and I'm due for a trip home anyway

What else....I am so boring this week it's unreal, except for tonight, when I have club and a paper to write and laundry and Raedy and I have been studying for the GRE and I have to start on this project I'm now doing for my cousin Evan where I told him I'd send him every picture I could find of me and my sis (we haven't seen each other in over ten years) and I want to thnk of a creative way to do it, and and and and

So yeah, I thought I could update now and cross that off my list of Things That Will Give Me A Headache this evening, or whatever

Club is going well, thanks, I like it more and more the more I go, and I'm almost positive that Patrick would have no problem with me coming to the advanced class (but not actually being IN it, thanks honors thesis class) in the fall on the days I could but not getting credit...yeah he's awfully cool like that.

So if anyone's thinking about going to Eville this weekend as well, let me know, and if not it'll be super family time, which will be fine too. There are some movies I want to see, teehee, and I do love seeing my mum.

Oh, last night Raedy and Chris and I were working through practice GRE problems, and we were frying our brains, and eventually we all couldn't take it anymore, and JD came home from work, and we were all four standing in our kitchen acting retarded, and Chris and I were eating Asian pears, and for some reason it deteriorated into the four of us flinging chunks of pear from the end of our paring knives or scissors or just with our hands at each other and at the walls, and it was the most hilarous thing I've seen all week. The best part was when Raedy chased Chris down the stairs and he SHREIKED like a little girl:)

I love my roommates so much. I love everything in the whole world. Yay for everything. I'll probably update this weekend sometime, when I get bored and can't sleep...
Take care ya'll

It's 10 and I am wide awake and energized, for some reason.

I have been excessively boring lately, otherwise I would have posted since last week, but rest assured you have missed out on nothing. Chris' birthday was fun, as was having Stacey here and the seven HOURS that went into creating his one-of-a-kind birthday present (I'm quite proud of it, actually) and the cupcakes we made him that were iced to look like boobies, and and an dna

Yep, nothing new with me. I rearranged my room all last night, it now kicks so much more ass than it ever did before. I love my room.

tonight I have hapkido club (I ain't wussing out today) and it seems like there's something else to do, oh laundry or something, so I'm going to go ahead and continue being boring. Sounds great to me.

Hmmm, maybe I'll go ahead and write something when I have something useful or interesting to say, rather than just because I have some free time. Fo-sheezie