If You Can See It Then You Can't Be Far

*Check out, first and foremost, RAEDY and CHRIS' blogs off to the left. AWESOME! It's like a plague!

* I have been/will be a bit scarce on here until I figure out EXACTLY what Google search has enabled three of my six schools to locate this page. Hopefully, it's some nerd boy sitting in his room searching for "hot fucking hooker ass my school" and nothing else, but you know, I just can't feel like that's the case. Damn you sitemeter, and the knowledge that comes with checking you obsessively. (Yeah, there's a lesson for the rest of you in this....probably I can tell who looks at this by their ISP. Keep it in mind when you go adamantly denying that you read this to others)

* I went to the HPER again last night only to be confronted with Anorexia Parade, and Goth Parade, and T-shirts talking sarcastically about some philanthropic event that the Greek community didn't actually participate in but somehow got their letters on the shirt Parade. Sigh.

* Looks like I'm going to Kent the weekend of VD. Piss. I had a dream this morning that Raedy and I found out that I had actually gotten in here at IU and she hadn't (even though we know the opposite to be true) and we were waiting to hear from Chicago. I have a continual, unpleasant knot in my stomach. Which reminds me, I have to finish a grant today.

* I had a fantastic time in hapkido Tuesday (thankfully), leaving me with a fucked up toe, a rug burn across the top of my foot, and a mysterious scrape on the inside of my forearm in the middle, which looks like rugburn and sure hurts like it, but took me several hours of wondering how the fuck it got there to realize that it's FROM JD'S CHIN HAIR and the thousand chokes we did over and over in class. OUCH.

* I need to go eat some breakfast

I Find Myself Looking Down

So. Something DID happen.

Last night, at like midnight, I get an email, from Kent State (which, although I did take the time to apply there and paid the fee and and and, I will admit that they are my absolute last choice, don't even know if I'll go there if I get in nowhere else place safety school) FROM the woman I want to work with. titled: Graduate Interviews@kent state


So. It reads much more like a form letter than what I wanted it to sound like (in my mind it should've gone like this:

Liz! We love you! Please honor us with your presence at a special banquet we're throwing just for you and all your friends, and watch us entertain you with bad graduate students' knock knock jokes and serve you non-alcoholic punch! Your plane ticket is IN the mail!

but didn't) which makes me unsure of what they want from me. It's inviting me to travel, at my own expense, to KSU the weekend of VD so they can interview/recruit me. But at my own expense. at my OWN expense. Not a big deal, except it's like 10 hours away from here, my car is starting to suck, I definitely can't afford to fly, and I'm scared to death. Absolutely scared to death to go to an interview day. I am the world's most inept socializer. I am nervous, fidgety, and pallid when I have to go to things like this. I was very much hoping this would never happen, that I would be admitted unconditionally from afar without having to impress on my prospective professors what a dolt I really am. Also, it sucks that it's on that particular weekend.

I immediately did the mature thing and forwarded it to Dr. Smith, with a frantic "explain this to me, I am too stupid to understand it" at the beginning. And she has, basically, said that this is what they're all doing these days, except places that are behind the times like IU, but she thinks within 5 years this will be THE way they do it....it's a "good idea" for me to go unless I hear an offer from someone better BEFORE this....which isn't likely, since it'll only be mid-Feb. Shite.

So anyway, looks like the shit is beginning already. I can't express in words how much I have been dreading this whole "come out here alone and out of any inkling of a comfort zone you have so we can intimidate/recruit you to work with us" aspect of the application procedure. Plus, I've been told that they like to bend over backwards, pay for all your expenses, and shower you with gifts when you come to visit. Or maybe that's just the admitted kids. Oh, btw, this thing didn't say I was admitted, but Dr. Smith says it's basically what it means. Basically. Not for sure....like, probably my "interview" will seal the deal about me not being accepted.

Shit.

Ok, so in other news, I wish David would update, I am about to delete his link from my page. Get it together, Walsh. Also, I have twisted Chris' arm hard enough to make him start a blog. Hopefully, if he knows what's good for him, he'll have it up and running tonight. Also hopefully, he took some of my suggestions for names and urls. I think it's safe to say that I have the MOST pretentious blog title and url. HAhahahaha.

You'll all be glad to know that I went to the HPER last night without incident. thank goodness nothing broke.

hanako is already talking about a conference in april she wants me and raedy to go to. I'm starting to realize that ALL my weekends from here on out are basically already spoken for. Weird. this weekend's reiki review time, then it's me n' jd's FOUR YEAR ANNIVERSARY, then it's VD/Kent State, then it's something else, I think a show, then it's spring break or defending my thesis mixed in with visiting schools and going to the conference.

good Golly

Anyway, also of importance: my professor last night (the one who told the kamikaze joke) proceeded to make us watch the same video in the two different classes, told several of the same former-secret-service stories, including one that he told us in both classes LAST time, and it was actually not that funny at the time.

I started running people in my thesis again today, woo-hoo. Now, I have to go to hapkido soon. Hope I stop sucking in there sometime soon. that'd be nice. Yep. Nice.

I'm so boring.

In The Well of the Great Wave of Kanagawa

ahem. I have a feeling something is about to happen. I don't know precisely WHAT. Something. Be on the lookout for anything at all.

Today in my terrorism class, my professor was discussing why kamikaze pilots weren't actually terrorists, and he goes (I am not making this up):
"So, there was only one kamakaze fighter who lived to talk about it. Any of you know his name?" (Silence) "Chicken teriyaki"

What?!

And last time it was "Orientals won't look you in the eye"

Hahahaha. Ah ahaha hahah.
Also contributing to my mood is the fact that I have Big Plans to go work out tonight, which will be the first time for me in like six weeks. Wish me luck.

So I go into the lab this Saturday to code my honors thesis and Hanako's in there with Eliana, and eliana makes me explain to her what happened with Dr. Smith telling me and Raedy about Chicago (see previous post) and I do, and then she tells me a nice reassuring story about how U of Colorado did the same thing to her and Cathy (who are both post-docs looking for professor jobs now) where they called Dr. Smith and acted like they only had a spot for one interview, but in the end when Dr. Smith wouldn't rat anybody out, they both got an interview. So it all worked out for the best, no harm no foul, and they're in a whole new level of competition with each other.

Chris tells me that he and Janel sit around and actively discuss how much they hate me, as far as grad school goes. HAHAHAHAHAHA. You GUYS, you're so WEIRD.

Stace, I got you a VD present yesterday. I'll be mailing it shortly.

Did anyone else catch the Super Bowl Levi's jeans commercial featuring my third favorite Mogwai song ever, called "Summer" as the background to the SINGLE MOST LAME THING I have ever seen? I won't rehash the whole commercial, but let's just say that I was napping happily on JD and I heard that song start up and I literally (he LITERALLY ripped his head right off!) snapped to a sitting position and watched, entranced, to see who spent two million dollars on a Mogwai song. Sigh. Oh corporate, stupid America. good for Mogwai though.

I have, as per every time I don't actually rant on here, been supressing a rant. Maybe that's what I feel is about to happen. there are some people in this world that need new ones ripped for them, and I feel like I might just have to be the one to do it. Fuck knows no one else is going to say anything. Plus, since these people are always in SUCH a MATURE frame of mind to ALWAYS put everyone else in THEIR rightful place, why the fuck shouldn't I throw my carefully crafted, specifically worded take on the whole mess into the ring.

On another, less furious note, I saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding this weekend, and it was adorable. also good: Karate Kid (I'd never seen it), and Bourne Identity

"They...have told us that they write about the human condition, that their themes are the great themes--love, death, heroism, suffering, history itself. They have told us that our themes--love, death, heroism, suffering, history itself--are trivial because we are, by our very nature, trivial."

So I only have a couple things to say right now, in conclusion of the absolute most ridiculously absurd week of my life. You know who you are, contributing to it and snickering to yourselves.

We had an all-lab mandatory meeting this afternoon, to kick off the semester on the right foot. Sigh. Same old shit I've sat through fourteen thousand times now. Sigh. So I'm planted in one of the comfy chairs, overwhelmed by the sheer number of people I don't recognize and haven't seen before. Sigh. And I look up, and there's a BOY (a rarity in itself in the cognitive development lab, out of something like 40 people there are four boys) standing right in front of me who looks familiar, like a fat Andy Long, and I stare at him for a couple seconds, notice his EMT shirt that says "Andy" and realize, finally, that it IS Andy Long. And he looks right at me but not even a flash of recognition crosses his face, whew.


HAHAHAHAHAHAH, Andy Long works in my lab, ahahah ahah hahahaha ahaha ah a I think it's pretty funny. Considering Andy Long and I don't particularly LIKE one another, and I OWN that fucking place (well, share it with Raedy), I am in a position of unexpected power. No, not really, but it might be fun to fuck with him.

Anyway, also capping the Worst Lab Meeting in the Entire World was Dr. Smith's decision to pull Raedy and I aside after the meeting and tell us the following:

"Good news, guys! Dr. G-M (I won't use her name here, she's too famous) from U of Chicago called me the other day to ask about you guys....you're both in the final list of potential students, but THEY'RE ONLY GOING TO MAKE AN OFFER TO ONE OF YOU."

Let me explain: Basically, they CALLED HER SO SHE COULD TELL THEM WHO TO PICK. She said she (duh) wouldn't do it, that they should just look over the files and decide themselves, but JESUS CHRIST, WHO TELLS TWO STUDENTS THEY'RE IN DIRECT COMPETITION WITH EACH OTHER FOR A SCHOOL?!?!?!?!? We're both super qualified, and Dr. Smith went on to tell Raedy that she'd definitely be getting an offer from here (i'm insanely jealous that she's already definitely in somewhere) because she's at the top of the list....apparently whereas most schools make offers to 9 people if they have 6 spots, Chicago only makes offers to the exact number of spots they have. So, they don't want both of us, even though we're wanting to work with different people, so they FUCKING CAN ONLY PICK ONE OF US. Good news (the ONLY good news in this) is that if we're highly competitive in U of Chicago's short list, we will be in ALL the short lists....I'm still highly freaking out, and annoyed that I have this information and that Raedy and I will probably get letters from there on the same day and although we won't be mad at each other, one of us will be sorely disappointed (Chicago is my #2) and it will suck to know that they had to DECIDE BETWEEN US. How the fuck are they going to DO that? We're both seriously amazingly qualified....fuck, just fucking fuck.

Apparently we're to start hearing things in two or so weeks. Holy fucking shit that's soon. I've been successfully forgetting all about this shit so far, until Dr. Smith goes and fucks with my head....dammit, I thought the sitting back and waiting for the results part of the application-ing would be way less stressful than the rest, but apparently not. FUCK. I HATE THIS.

Anyway, I need a distraction.

You Have a Hooker Ass!

Watch out honey!

Your ass can make money.

If you want to score a couple bills,

Offer it up and take some pain pills.



What Ass Do *You* Have??

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Your Secret Fetish Is Exhibitionism!

Sex for you is an adventure ... one which you want the whole world to see.


Closed curtains and dark rooms don't do it for you.


You rather be getting it on in a public bathroom, park, or club.


Just don't let your love juices fly and hit someone in the eye.



What's *Your* Secret Fetish? Click Here to Find Out!

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You Are 75% Whore!

75% Whore. Now we're getting somewhere. You're certainly no virgin, but haven't quite reached whore status.

You have the potential to be whore-like but stop yourself short when it comes to foursomes and riding dick with the passion of a wild cowgirl.

Next time your lover asks to include your best friend, go for it. In fact, invite a couple of friends over tonight and experience the sensation of uninhibited orgies.

You are great at sex positions, making your lover orgasm, and having sex in new places.



What Do Girls Whisper Behind Your Back? Virgin or Whore Quiz Tells All!

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Your Hidden Sexual Talent is Getting People to Lick You Everywhere!

Your lovers will lick you *anywhere*

Oh yes.... even there!

A little kiss, a little suck.

You'll be clean before you fuck.



What's *Your* Hidden Sexual Talent?

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Mmmmm...Your Boobs Are Perfect!

Shapeley, firm, and a total man pleaser. Well, at least for now.

Remember that beauty fades (unless you have a fake pair)!

Your perfect breasts eventually will go sour - and South!



Do *You* Need a Boob Job? Click Here to Find Out!

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Your Inner Blonde is Britney Spears

"Whee! I'm a virgin. Look at my butt crack!"


If everyone were as dumb as you, you'd be able to pull that one off.


But, you do get props for being one of the richest women around!



Who's *Your* Inner Dumb Blonde? Click Here to Find Out!

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Phew! / Sorry: You are NOT pregnant!!

Are You Pregnant? Click Here to Find Out!

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"I guess this is the time when honest intentions become master plans"

It's been a little while, I apologize. I can't believe how busy I am and will be for the rest of eternity. But, I still find time to check everyone's blogs eleventy billion times a day, and I know how it stings when there's nothing new to read. so anyway, JD and I played a game in the car where we sang along with Jimmy Eat World songs but started every word with "P" instead of what it was supposed to start with, so lyrics that go "can you still feel the butterflies" would be "pan poo pill peel puh putterpies" which got to be hilarious after about fifteen seconds.

Uhm, Hanako is still a slave driver, I still want to kill her every few seconds (haha, kidding)

Shane is the scapegoat that can bring world peace, for sure.

I don't even want to guess at what "keepin' this heart a bleeding fount" could fucking mean

I started making valentines for you guys today, watch your mailboxes closer to VD

Uhm, I know I'm due for an update, but there isn't really much to say right now. I'll try to keep on top of thiings better. Maybe later tonight. We'll see how the stupid errands I have to run end up working out. Plus, I don't feel spectacular. We'll see.

"You just wish everything could be a Hello Kitty Giggle Fest all the time, and it's NOT."

Ok, my shit-tastic mood is slowly evaporating. Helping are a billion things and people that are amusing to me, and although I was planning on making another helpful list here of things that have brightened my mood, I now can't think of any. So, just know that I NO LONGER hate hapkido, my responsibilities in the lab, my schoolwork, my honors thesis, or my inability to correctly submit graduate school applications.

I am especially amused by Raedy today, as the above quote comes from a fight she picked with her boyfriend. It is SO true. Hahahahaha aha ha ah aha hahahahaha.

So, you guys are coming when? Stacey should be here within an hour, the rest of you can come whenever. I want to go out to eat later. Also, the Bluebird is having Hairbanger's Ball tonight. Should be fantastic.

Yeha, awesome.

"Only with the heart can one see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

I've had the worst ever last couple days. I'm upset, I'm mentally unstable, I'm freaking out constantly, I want to quit writing my thesis and quit hapkido and leave this school and leave this fucking STATE and never look back...I feel so overwhelmed, so out of time, and it's only three days into this mess.

Hanako's a slave driver, I don't even want to TOUCH that whole mess on here, suffice it to say that the project I've been working on for almost two years now, the one that should have been published by now, and isn't, is going to take a whole fuckload more of my time and effort before it IS published, which is something so fantastic (yet so far off) that there is just NO way I'm letting it go now...I'm going to finish that, goddamit, if it kills me and Raedy both. We're fucking VESTED in this shit, and I hate it.

Also sucking is the fact that I don't have enough time (?!?! yeah, it's ridiculous, I know I don't actually have any classes and STILL I don't have enough time) to do ANY of my own shit in the lab, for my thesis, which met as a class Tuesday, and although I am aware that this semester is essentially "three month crunch time" I am dreading every step of the way. I feel behind, I feel like I'll never get on top of things, I am only half done running subjects, maybe when you guys are here this weekend I'll use some of you. Try and forget (if you ever even knew) what my study is about. There's not enough TIME to do anything.

Hapkido is somehow intimidating, I know I "deserve" to be in the class I'm in but it suddenly seems like I'm in over my head, I hope to crap it's because I am extremely rusty and was unprepared to actually have class Tuesday. I hope it's not that I'm actually out of my league. Although I am surely going to bust my ass. And by the way, I am now the club secretary AND the social coordinator.

Last night (and most of yesterday, and today) I found myself with a splitting headache, so after mooning around pissed off for awhile I took an Imitrex (migraine pill). BAD fucking idea. It did something weird so I could FEEL my blood vessels throughout my body fucking up, making me feel for the entire time the medicine was "working" (I still had the headache, making me realize that I had misdiagnosed myself as having a migraine) as though I was extremely drunk and needing to throw up. My eyes couldn't focus on anything, I curled up on the floor and fought the spins until JD came home from work.

Also yesterday I had a total breakdown, which I do periodically and always feel much better after. Just crying my stupid head off for no goddamn reason, except the dumbass I was working with in hapkido didn't understand the concept of tapping out and performed all his joint locks in jerky, robotic movements that vaguely reminded me of Keanu in a Bill &Ted movie...I can't explain it, but suffice it to say that IT SUCKED and he just kept hurting me. Of course, I used his non-understanding of tapping out against him, feigning ignorance of how effective my locks were, and it amused me. But I was still super pissed off.

And THIS MORNING I'm dragging my feet, not wanting to go in to the lab, and the phone rings. And it's some lady asking for me, and I'm about to hang up on this obvious solicitor when she identifies herself as someone from the University of Chicago. My heart drops into my feet, and rightly so, as she tells me that the faculty is LOOKING OVER MY APPLICATION BUT THERE'S NO PERSONAL STATEMENT. Like, the faculty had SAT DOWN TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO ADMIT ME AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE MY FUCKING PERSONAL STATEMENT. Which I submitted, definitely, along with my online application. I emailed it to her STAT and she apologized again for whatever fuckup caused them to lose it, but JESUS CHRIST, what if she hadn't gotten ahold of me? What if she hadn't bothered to try? She even COMMENTED on the faculty's happiness to dismiss incomplete applications. FUCK!

I owe that woman my firstborn child.

Anyway, I have felt behind, inadequate, pathetic and stupid for a few days now. This is not like me. This should wear off...hell, as soon as everyone gets into town this weekend. Love you guys. Any/everyone is welcome to stay, from Thursday night until Monday. We've plenty of room. You might wanna bring pillows and stuff though. Email me if you want directions. Yeah.

If I were Chris, I would be in a constant cold sweat right now. Alternating between peeing myself, laughing maniacally, and passing out. Or doing all at once. Stace, make sure you bring yer video camera.

Are Horsies Pretty? Yes or No. There's No Right Answer.

So in response to Stacey's request for us all to fill out that lame-o little list of things about ourselves that everyone already knows, I'll get to it in just a minute.

First, though, I think I should share with you all the nightmare I had this morning, which kept me from getting ANY decent sleep at all, which was greatly annoying. Plus, I think this dream is just LADEN with obvious symbolism, but I'm missing it (purposefully....hahahaha, what a lame word. Shouldn't you just say "purposely"?).

Ahem:

In this, I'm a surrogate mother for KENT BOYER (or whatever his name is now) and his skank girlfriend ( I have no idea if his girlfriend is a skank, but in the dream she definitely was, so that's all I know about her, ok?) and I'm 8.99 months pregnant. So, I'm at this extremely rich person's house (I am fairly confident that this mysterious host is in fact Dr. Phil, and I think I know WHY that is, but I'll get to that) who's throwing an extremely huge party in their extremely huge backyard, which apparently sits right on the ocean, so that while they have a nice safe "swimming area" which is surrounded on all sides by nice rock formations you can climb around on, it is also somehow directly connected to the actual ocean, barring the one silly rock "wall" that separates the two. That's not a good description, but work with me.

So there's a weird ass landscape.

Anyway, in this I was milling about in the pool area and I end up behind the woman whose baby I am supposed to have, just as I'm having second thoughts about having the baby at all (not just about giving it up, but about wanting to go through HAVING it, much too late to be having these stupid thoughts) and she's walking around in front of me and someone goes up to her and lets her know that I'm planning on having the baby and taking off with it (apparently in the next few minutes) and mom-to-be frantically sprints off to find me, even though I'm right there.

So I make myself obvious so I can correct her, and she sends me off to the back (oceanside) part of the pool, along the rock formations, because she wants me to climb up on this one particular rock. So I go back there, and there are bigger rocks just outside of the pool area, and to get up on them you climb up this bizzarro layered sheet rock bridge that's a scientific impossibility, requiring you to inch up the "path" and periodically adjust the sheets of rock right in front of you, swaying in the breeze, to get to where you're aiming without toppling the whole thing. Another bad explanation, but maybe you follow.

So I do this, easily, and then return, only to be told by someone else that I need to go PAST Dr. Phil (who is lurking off to the side, in the shadows, on a lawn chair, watching me) and then to climb another of these weird formations, so I go walking over where I'm supposed to (all this walking, btw, is done on slippery-ass rocks that line the edges of the water in piles...kind of like the world's most ghetto walkway but not) and past Dr. Phil, and then this WEIRD infant, with gigantic eyes and although this child is very young (15 months?) he is communicating with me through some sort of telepathy quite like an adult, is crawling directly in front of me, continuously looking back to make sure I'm following, leading me to the rock thing I'm supposed to climb. He's wearing a onesie, he's freaking me out, and then we get there and start climbing the same tedious way as before, where you have to adjust the very bridge you're walking on every few inches to make sure it lines up right so you can keep going, and he's in front of me....and doing it himself, informing me that HE can do it every time I reach around him to adjust it, and we're getting up really high in the air, we can't see the water but I just KNOW that it's not water under us anymore, it's some kind of infinite pit of blackness, and I start getting more worried about this baby falling so I'm trying to crawl and readjust everything and keep my arms out in front of me so they're on either side of him, and finally we get to the top, and the rock we want is just to our left, but at the top of this bridge thing is a bar overhead like there used to be on slides on playgrounds, that you could hang on to before you let go for real, and he grabs it and before I can stop him he's dangling from it like he's going to do a chin-up, and the bridge is gone right underneath him, so he's just hanging there in the middle of space. And I grab at the back of his onesie and yank back as hard as I can, but as I do that, the bar comes with him and I realize I've lost my balance, somehow we're both going to fall backwards and fall forever unless I let go of him and let just HIM fall, but I'm completely unwilling to do this, and I realize just as I'm waking up that he's about to slide headfirst out of the baby clothes and fall anyway.


Uhm, yeah. Not the scariest thing in the world, but I couldn't get back to sleep.

Now, onto more randome things:

* If certain people who maybe read my blog recently (ahem, the big ole rant about not wanting to be hugged) and if certain people's names happen to rhyme with "Blanelle" and they were worried that it might be refering to them, certain people can rest easy because it surely, honestly, truly was not in reference to ANYONE who reads this. Trust me, they don't read it.

* I had my only "real" classes today, and they were absolute cake.

* I have received four (count them) calendars in the last month, the two daily ones are nicely arranged on the back of the toilet. I find this amusing because it is Dr. Phil (bleeck, "thanks" JD) and the Cosmo "How to be a Bigger Slut" calendar (thanks, Stace!). And today, the two contradict each other hilariously, which I'm sure will happen almost every day. Dr. Phil ( this calendar is, of course, why he was in my dream) says that looking for self-esteem in material things is wrong and bad for our emotional health, while Cosmo says that we should buy ourselves a name-brand keychain if we can't afford the whole designer bag, because even that little bit of status will make us feel powerful and womynly.

* My mom was talking about money the other night, and she actually said, "a big ass-pile shit ton of money." Not big-ass pile, mind you, but "big ass-pile"

* My professor today advised us (if we're long-haired dirty hippie freaks--his words) to wear some "nice foo-foo juice" to court. Then he referred to "orientals" as a culture of people who won't look you in the eye when they talk to you.

Ok, now on to the REAL update:

<10 Bands I've Seen Live
1. Radiohead
2. King Crimson
3. Jimmy Eat World
4. Hey Mercedes
5. Ani Di Franco
6. Mogwai
7. Built to Spill
8. Weezer
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers
10. Stone Temple Pilots

9 Favorite Songs of the moment
1. Cry Me A River- Justin Timberlake
2. Did You Wonder- Black Heart Procession
3. Take Me Somewhere Nice- Mogwai
4. Morning Theft- Jeff Buckley
5. Pacifico- Ugly Casanova
6. Shooting Stars- Ozma
7. Shade and the Black Hat- Jeremy Enigk
8. Tropics of Love- Black Heart Procession
9. September- Earth, Wind, and Fire

8 Things I Do Everyday
1. Sleep too much
2. Check my email a thousand times
3. Sing as loudly as possible to music in my car
4. Think about how much I love all my friends
5. Put shoes on
6. Glare at someone
7. Laugh my ass off at something
8. Eat something chocolate

7 Movies I could watch again and again
1. Waking the Dead
2. Lord of the Rings
3. Silence of the Lambs
4. Election
5. What Dreams May Come
6. Being John Malkovich
7. Waiting for Guffman

6 Things That Annoy Me
1. Waiting to hear from grad schools
2. The fact that on campus today, I heard people ask insincerely, "Have a good break?" eleventy billion times
3. Slow or Bad drivers on cell phones
4. Jack Osbourne
5. People taking things the wrong way, or making decisions about what I meant by something without just fucking asking me if they wanted clarification
6. Keith

5 Things that Touch Me
1. Heartfelt Emo lyrics
2. Dustin's latest bloggings (love you too!)
3. The music from the movie Unfaithful (it's by E.S. Posthumus, go download it) and from the Two Towers
4. My mom telling me she's proud of me
5. My mom telling me my dad would be proud of me

4 People I Spend the Most Time with
1. JD
2. Raedy
3. Melissa
4. Uhm, errr, uh....this last spot changes with geography

3 Things I'm Looking Forward to
1. Getting into schools, or not getting in, but just fucking KNOWING one way or the other
2. Affording my new computer
3. Shipping my mom off to retire in Scotland when I make a shitload (sorry, big ass-pile shit ton) of money

2 Things I Wear Everyday
1. My watch
2. My silver ring I've had forever

1 Person I could Spend the Rest of My life with
1. JD (duh?)

Ahem, ahem (waves around left hand to emphasize the lack of ice on fourth finger) clears throat

HA. Ironical@moron.com

Shane, that was fantastic.

[BigBody]

[BigBody]

Back to reality, ohmp there goes gravity

Oh MAN I have some things to talk about. Forgive the inevitable length of this. It's been a couple of days.

We'll work backwards, I think:

* Tomorrow is school, I LOVE IU and I LOVE my schedule....I won't even talk about it because you'll all get so jealous that you'll want to throw yourselves off cliffs. hahahah. I came back up here last night, and I really missed my house! I love that there are bible verse puzzles all over the walls, and tacky posters, and trinkets. I'm really going to miss not living here.

* JD and I just went cd shopping, unintentionally (well, ok, he wanted the new Godspeed and I was just tagging along) and I bought the new Black Heart (fantastic!) and the new Skeleton Key (?!?!??! I didn't know there was a new Skeleton Key!) and that Pavement luxe and reduxe thingy. He bought a bunch of stuff as well.

* My computer is sucking, and by sucking I mean it desperately needs a new battery and some more memory. So instead, I've been drooling over brand-new laptops, in particular a 12.1" powerbook that Apple just came out with, my new focus for the next 8 months is to save up enough money for that (it has a DVD BURNER, for christ's sake)

* I came home and had a fantastic conversation with my mom about how she's not happy feeling like she's settling, and she has all these awesome plans for herself for the next few years. I am so proud of her. She also informed me that my Grandma Davis' (the one from Chicago, some of you have met her, she is my FAVORITE relative) boyfriend Moe died. Suck. He was very very sick for a long time, but that sucks so fucking bad. He was also awesome.

* JD and I decided Tuesday that we were going to New Orleans Wednesday, so we drove down there (11 hours) at 3am and had a SUPER time. We went to the aquarium and saw a cheesy Imax movie about the Lewis and clark expedition, and went to Cafe du Monde a billion times (ok, twice) and to bourbon street and everywhere else you have to go when you're in New Orleans. Also, our cutesy french hotel (bienville house) was IN the french quarter, and just adorable, with really high ceilings and a HUGE ass window, so we were right where we needed to be. I went shopping. Hee. I got a box of pralines I want everyone to try. When you're in town next weekend for Chris' test, you have to try one. They are FANTASTIC.

* I have a shitload of stuff to do tonight, since I effectively wasted 16 hours last night reading my computerized "journal" thing that I typed in from May of 2001 until (sporadically) as recently as last fall. JD put OS X on my computer in the hopes that it would make it stop sucking a little (it IS much better) and I had to decide what all I wanted to save from all my files, because they'd be wiped out. Anyway, from now on I can put my most secret thoughts and feelings into the "I Hope You Dance" journal that JD's mom gave me for Xmas. HAHAHAHAH

* Oh man, that reminds me. JD and I went to Taco Bell last night in lieu of getting groceries, and the guy working there looked enough like Horatio Sanz for us to pretend he was, and then he started being COMPLETELY WEIRD, and asked which kind of sauce I'd wanted, so I said fire, so he RAN from the window to the sauce supply area and as JD and I were laughing at his run (very very funny run) I turned my head back to the window and he's grinning like a lunatic at me, holding about 300 packets of fire sauce, and shrieks, "Is THIS enough?" and I laugh and say something retarded and then he changes to a deep, voiceover announcer-type voice, and tells us to have a fantastic evening. And for some reason, we pulled out of the parking lot and I found it all SO funny that I laughed until I cried and then kept laughing, almost giving myself an asthma in the process.

* Oh yeah, THAT reminds me. I went to the doctor last week and he informed me that my persistent cough (which has since gone away) was due to my "allergies" and wrote me two different prescriptions for allergy medication. uhm, ok. Also, when my mom went to see him, he told her SHE had allergies, and gave HER prescriptions. Hmmm. Now, Jenny and I are only going to this guy so he can be like "hmm, yes, these two are SO susceptible to colon cancer that they need colonoscopies right away" and the more I think about it, the more I think he's the only doctor in town who will approve that test for 20-somethings, and that he's a total quack. Not to mention that he just doesn't speak much english. Dammit, mom. We need to move to Canada.

*Anyway, I've got to formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot

Ha. Hahahahahahaha aha ha ah ah aha.

The Big Easy (I studied you in math class, and did all my work but never got your digits)

So, I keep "realizing" things.

First being that I should talk about what I've been up to. Today, nothing. JD and I both slept until FOUR IN THE FUCKING AFTERNOON. And by the time I got out of bed, I was still tired. What the crap is wrong with me? I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, which blows, but maybe they'll give me some nice antibiotics to make this nagging cough finally go away. Thusly, I have to go to bed in the next couple hours, in another attempt to remedy this bizarro sleep schedule I've gotten myself on. Hopefully this time no one will be calling my cell phone at 2:30 after I'd told him I was going to bed at 11 just to see if I am still awake.

Yesterday was Mel's birthday, a fantastic time, we got her a bagfull of presents at the new awesome Dollar store, Stacey made her a delicious chocolate cheesecake, and we went to Hacienda, the boat, Gloria's, and Someplace Else, in that order. I won sixty bucks on nickel slots at the boat (heh) and Gloria's was.....the worst place I've ever been in my life, with the ugliest people I've ever seen, and the worst dancing, and worst karaoke selections, and the best part was when we were leaving and Mel "raped" herself on a pole that the rest of us deftly avoided, and then referred to Gloria's Corral Club as "that Golden Corral place" for the remainder of the evening.

And Someplace Else was really surprisingly fun, once we all started dancing. Man, Toni can really cut a rug. Jeremy too, and basically everyone but me. But it was fun, and the atmosphere there is definitely preferrable to large ugly cowboys stopping Kyle to ask "you're not gay or nuthin, are you?"

Other than that, I've been seeing movies, sleeping, eating, counting the days until I go back to school, and daydreaming about how awesome this next semester is going to be. A class about terrorism, a class about crime scene investigation, hapkido, my thesis. Chris' black belt test, my eventual temp test, getting rejected from every school I applied to, hah, defending my thesis, getting to play with Yo, my nice house in Bloomington. Smoke-free living environment. Ahhhh.

Apparently I have a deep travel line in my palm. JD and I might be driving off to New Orleans Tuesday. Anyone interested in coming along? We'll have to see about hotel stuff, but I personally am DYING to go back there, and especially now that I can drink. Heh. We'll see if my money's in the bank tomorrow.

You know what I hate? Insincerity. You don't have to hug me just because you're hugging everyone else that's standing around with us. I swear I won't be offended. If we are not friends, you dont have to act like we are for the tenth of a second I see you every year. You don't have to keep up any pretenses, and frankly I'd rather you didn't. This Faux-Ass Hugging Nonsense has happened to me several times by several different people I barely speak to over the course of this break, and it has just got to stop. Hug your friends. Everyone needs a hug sometimes, but certainly not an insincere smarmy patting each others' shoulder kind of hug. You need a Kyle hug, a Stacey hug. A big, warm, actually-caring-about-this-person hug that makes you feel like you're the most cared-about person on earth. No matter what, every time I've hugged Stacey or Kyle (and most of the rest of you) I feel better for about six hours.

Just don't act like we're close enough to be hugging if we're not, ok? If I don't know your phone number and don't care what you're up to in school or life, just wave goodbye. I swear, it'll save you some time and me some awkwardness. Anyway, that's a rant and a half in itself. And just for the record, I write this with two distinct people that I generally don't give a shit about anymore in mind, and if you're reading this it's most definitely not you.


Ok, this is more than my fair share of updating. Maybe the next time I write I'll be back in Bloomington, or back from New Orleans, or something.

The Winter My Heart Froze

Where is my financial aid? How come it's not in my account just yet? I hate that IU sits on the stupid things to accrue as much interest as possible in the last few seconds before they're legally required to send them out. Christ. I don't know how the fuck this money is going to last me through the summer. I am in such shit. Of course, I'll be working, and that'll help, but the thought of not having a big fat refund check to blow in the first three weeks of having it is really saddening. But then, I have to save up for a computer. And not just ANY computer, heh eh he eheh. I'm still pretty pissed I didn't win the Powerball. What the fuck was up with that? Some ass from West Virginia who ALREADY HAD A MILLION DOLLARS takes the cash out option and gives gianto (giant-o baby) chunks of it to VARIOUS PASTORS. And he looked like a character my sister and I spotted in a Jenny Jones audience years ago that she aptly named "Catfish Man." You know the type. The cowboy-hick with the ridiculous moustache, unaware the camera has stopped on him to amuse the producers....hahahahah

I came home around 5 something last night and this time my mom was happy to see me, and I stayed up talking with her until after 7....we were talking about what she'll do when I'm off to one of the coasts (ok, in all probability, and if I get into Cornell I will be attending Cornell over any other school) and can't come home all that often. And what it'll be like when I'm engaged, and somehow that conversation didn't freak me out as much as it has been. I think the highlight of the conversation was me explaining to mom WHY JD is so perfect for me, which can be illustrated by my very favorite example. I know I've said this before on here, but it amuses me, so you're getting it again.

Me, super pissy, terrible cranky shitty mood, sitting grumpily in my room grumping around, Jd is behind me where I can't see him.
JD: (very worried) Did you get your tickets?
Me: (totally bitchy) What fucking tickets?
JD: (undeterred) You know, your tickets.
Me: (more annoyed now) What the hellare you talking about?
JD: You know, your TICKETS. Did you get your--
Me: (whirling around, snarling) WHAT TICKETS, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING AB---

Stopping midsentence as I see JD alternately flexing and unflexing each of his biceps, gazing lovingly at them in turn, patting them tenderly, repeating softly, " You know, the gun show."


HAHAHAHAHAHAH AH AH AH AH AH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAH OH MAN
And the coolest thing was how hard my MOM laughed at that. Absolutely fantabulous way to diffuse my bitchiest of moods. HAHAHAH

Anyway, my stomach is eating itself, so I am going to go find food.

SO I started rereading some of Stacey's archives and I realized just how pissed off I am that blogger won't let me republish mine, for some stupid ass reason, so I changed the thing so basically everything since May should be on this page. Heh. Take that, technology. Bladow.

Happy New Year, first of all. I'm feeling a little bit queasy still, as most of you know, as per my SEVEN glasses of wine in an hour and a half. Not pretty, not fun, but I recovered fairly quickly (to the point where I was ok to ride in my car out to JD's mom's house at 4) and think it's pretty hilarious now. I'm probably going to konk out here in a couple hours, which will be nice if I can sleep through the night. Maybe that'll fix my fucked-up sleep schedule.

I don't really feel so much like posting, but I probably will later on. Bleeh.