Look Me Right In The Heart And Unbreak Broken


I am totally bummed but happy that my sister is on her way across the country now. Or, rather, will be after she leaves Indy tomorrow. Jenny, I am so goddamn proud of you. I about pee myself every time I tell someone that you now are employed at the Big H. When I see it on Gilmore Girlz (yesterday they went on a tour of the campus) I think, god, my sister is such a badass. Never in the history of the world has anything so bombtastic happened to anyone more deserving of it. I love you for serious. My preshie little sister. I am just sorry that you had to say goodbye to people, I remember when I left for Cali how incredibly bad that sucked. I was a mess.
But anyway. You are very inspiring and I know you'll love having exclusive access to the Urbin OUtfiterz bargin basement that will drive me nuts. And that nice fat salary will make you the talk of the town. I am so happy that you are going to have such great opportunities to meet these awesome people.

I will totally try super hard to get out there when JD is there in a couple weeks for his conference. And that will kick ass if I can swing it. So we can hang out then, and I can help you look for a place if you don't have one yet. But you aren't going to read this for awhile so I'll just call you to tell you all that.

I am in a bad mood, except for when I think about my sister. Here is how I see things: you can either come visit me, or you can NOT come visit me. If you come visit me you are entitled to living-room-couch-priority sleeping. I don't have time or money to go stay in socal hotels with you. That's retarded, and I need to get work done. Ok? If you would rather not see me at all if it's not on your terms, it is clearly not that important to you in the first place, and I think we can both cut our losses by being upfront with each other about the fact that it is clearly not important to you. However, it is a tad like the "if I can't have ____, then no one can!" mentality that always seems so lofty in its inherent maturity.

Maybe that last blurb should have gone on the Secret of the Ooze. Whatever. I'm pissed.

Dissolved In My Hands

So, I take it no one cares about my recent trip to San Fran? As per the lack of comments? Hmmm? Yes, that's fine. Whatever. See if I ever regail you with stories from my wordly travels again. No, it's totally cool. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. How is my blogosphere life so entirely boring that I don't even average one comment per post? I guess i should start saying politically inflammatory things on here. Or otherwise being offensive. I thought I had that market cornered, but apparently you people want more of it. Hmmm. I shall have to think long and hard about how to approach that.

I had a meeting this morning. In which I agreed to take on another Huge project. I have lost my goll-durn mind. I swear, I cannot turn down an opportunity to fail miserably in the eyes of my mentors. I cannot seem to exercise judicious restraint when I am already far too busy for my own good. I am, I suppose, a big fat whore for research. Can't be helped.

Aside from that latest drama, and the slow realization that I have to spend the rest of my summer cranking out brilliance right and left if I ever hope to catch up to where I need to be, I am doing quite well, thanks. I am excited for Jenny and Mike (who are headed off to Boston and Idaho, respectively) and I am trying to plan when I might get home again to see some of you who read this. I also need to go to Boston and Chicago and maybe Indy, so I will listen to any suggestions for trip-consolidation that any of you may have. Offering to drive me around the entire midwest, for example. For Example only!

The Ghosts You Draw On My Back

JD and I went to SanFran this weekend. It was really cool. I like that city. It's BIG, though. I guess when you are nine and you go there with your family and the entire excursion consists of driving down Lombard street with your crazy mother screaming at your dad to be careful driving and then maybe walking around the wharf buying souvenirs that you'll remember longingly until you are at least 23 (I got a t-shirt there that was really lame and had something to do with an alcatraz triathlon..dig, dash, dive, get it? that I loved dearly and actually spotted on sale in a store that wasn't open), you may not realize the full scope of the City.

We walked a lot. Ate at a couple vegetarian restaurants, though I have to say I am still supremely loyal to the ones here, I think they are better (ok, maybe just "different"). Bought cds at the honest-to-god BEST indie cd store I've ever seen. I guess JD was not just yanking my chain on that one. Got to meet Andee, that was nice. A little starry-eyed celebrity dorkful, but nice (ever heard/of A mynir firrest?). Walked around Golden Gate park for hours. Took exactly three pictures of the outside of the Japanese Tea Gardens before my camera battery died. I know.

Went and dorked around in city hall, where JD's friends got married a few months ago (check my fotoblog for cool pictures of JD looking suave at the ceremony). I was shocked at how nice it actually is. The pictures don't do it justice. If ever I wanted to get married in a civil building, it would be that one. We joked about it (getting married there, then) while we were walking around but then I was seized with this strange urge to hurl myself over the balcony we were standing on, and we stopped talking about it.

We also went and got dessert at this fabulous little place and then walked around then I got tired of walking around and we went on the subway to this shopping area, Union Square, which was cool also. Lots of stores that we have here, but it's more fun to shop at them away from home, I find. Plus I like to tell myself that they have different stuff in different places. I actually believe that, too. Anyway, so, we shopped sort of and came back the next day to really shop. I am telling this in no particular, certainly not chronological order. I think I may have told you before that I cannot tell a decent story (or a story decently) to save my life.

Anyway, we got all touristy (my idea, teehee) and stood in line for ages to ride the cable cars to fisherman's wharf, which I insisted JD needed to see because it is quintessential SanFran for Tourists (it's a lot like Navy Pier, midwesterners), plus the cable cars are rad and I have a vague memory of my mother forbidding me Jenny and dad from riding them when we were there years ago because they were obviously unsafe. Whatev, mom.

So we stood in line, were about to board, and a cable snapped. Whoops. Went shopping instead. Walked back through a little later just as they had fixed it and were boarding. Waltzed right onto one. With kicky new clothing on (I had to buy an emergency belt, god knows why I think one pair of stretch jeans will ever last me a whole weekend; and we were cold, shit, I don't have to explain myself to you!) we landed totally primo seats on the outside of the trolley and it was really fun.

People in that city are not exactly the most polite people in the whole world. We almost saw two street musicians get into a fistfight. A CRAZY rich woman with tons of shopping bags jumped onto our trolley JUST in time to avoid being hit by an oncoming trolley. The driver scolded her in a very nice way and she responded by snarling at him not to call her a crazy lady. He actually hadn't called her crazy, though she deserved it. Whatta bitch.

We ended up at the wharf pretty late, so we ate dinner at this indian place with the NICEST view of the sunset and the bay, it was crazy, and then walked around Ghirardelli sq. and the waterfront. Very touristy little strip, it reminded me of Newport along PCH down here, sort of. The chocolate store gives out free samples, fyi. And they don't care how many times you walk in the front door, you keep getting samples. Heh.

Then yesterday we went to eat brunch with Andrew at this awesome pancake place and then we flew back here. I took a nap and slept for houuurrrrrs and I feel refreshed this afternoon.

all in all, it was a nice time.

Which is great, because now I have to play catch-up twice as hard. I hate that I am such a slacker. Self, when do you plan to learn that if you just worked on everything a little bit every day, it would get done on time and with no stress? Man, I am so retarded. I have many many deadlines looming at the end of this week, Boo, and I have yet to leave my house today to go address them. Too many goddamn projects going on, I swear.

In other news, I would love it if you came to visit me. We would totally have SO MUCH fun. if not, though, I am still chewing on the whole Chicago/back to Eville/possibly going to a wedding in Indy in September thing. I will start being upfront with it once I know budget restrictions, time constraints, and logistics. Hold your breaths.

I am going to go tidy up my bedroom. Nothing makes me antsier than clutter. And there sure to crap is a LOT of clutter these days. I mean that on many many levels. Ha.

lovels like whoa

Our Time Is Running Out

I am being such an insufferable bitch today. I swear to god. Everything is making me angry and mean. I feel crappy, that doesn't help, and I have to go to a meeting right now so i don't have time to complain about how irritated I am. BOO! Nothing is more annoying than when I act out Tampax commercials with my real life. "I would kill for a brownie." YEAH, SHE'S MENSTRUAL!!!

Gross.

In other gross news, I was on the phone last night and JD mimed that he was going to riteaid, did I need anything. Yes, I told him, some douche. That was a total joke, he made a counter joke about how from the looks of how my phone conversation was going, I have plenty of douche in my life already. Ha-ha. Then he returned with a two-pack of riteaid brand douches. Which he has now proudly displayed on the back of the toilet, for what I'm sure has beccome his sister's overwhelming disgust. Thanks a lot, dear.

You Need Not Fall

In the last week I have done lots of totally fun things.

I went to Disneyland and rode Space Mountain, which had been closed since we moved here. It's great. The music is completely retarded, but it's otherwise great.

I went out for happy hour with my girlfriends here, and had a blast. I definitely missed them while I was away, and any annoyance/bitchy residual from the most stressful year EVER that I had projected onto them has since faded away.

Ate Taco Bell, ate In 'N Out. Have since sworn off all fast food, so it was nice to get them both in.

Ate at my two favorite vegan restaurants. You WOULD love them. I wish you'd come visit so you could see for yourself the fantastical world of fake meat that's actually good for you.

Waited around for my pre-ordered copy of HBP to show up all day Saturday, it did not, so Jessica and I went to buy it from Target at 9:30pm. Sat around the fireplace with JD and Jess taking turns reading aloud until Jess and then finally JD dozed off as I had planned (heh). Stayed up until 7:30am reading it. Finished it. Am going to read it again, not that you care but I am not sure what I think. Spoiled it for JD by a-loudedly theorizing about what Book 7 may bring. He claims he didn't care. Whatever, am total bitch for ruining many things about book 6. Will have to live with self.

Slept and then was informed we were going to San Diego to meet up with Herndon and some comic people at the comic convention. I say "the" because if you are into that you already know where/what I mean. Good lord, such a plethora of dorks. People in fairy costumes, children dressed as jedi knights, tokyopop bags EVERYWHERE. Went to dinner. Watched the most X-treme Box Packing Ordeal ever. Had fun and some awesome cheese for dinner. Finally became acquainted with the Gaslamp Quarter. Had previously never made it past La Jolla or the zoo.

JD booked us a weekend excursion to SanFran, but accidentally put the wrong dates, so we're going this Friday for a few days. Should be awesome. I am totally hyped (hype!) to see everything that he says is cool, plus there are awesome restaurants abounding, plus the whole thing is retardedly cheap...next time you need a flight and hotel or car or whatev, check out this website and all your dreams will come true.

I am coming down with one of those awful, stupid summer colds that strike when it is hottest and most miserable outside. I should probably go buy some Airborne to stave it off, but I am too f-ing lazy. I was up really late doing laundry and homework and going to the gym and I slept on wet hair. Giving me instant pneumonia when I awoke this morning. Usually I really like the coolness of the evenings here, but it's been a hard readjustment since I got back, believe it orr not.

And now, I'd like to present a series of photos, partially because I am testing out this cool new feature, partially because I'm not sure if you noticed I updated my fotoblog but I wanted to make SURE that everyone got a crack at these. And the Ashleigh ones, but I will see if this works first.

He is a FRONCH PILOT, dammit. I know, I told him that color was headache-inducing but he wore it everyday anyway.













This is because Jenny put an unflattering photo of my upper arms squishing against her cat.


















This is the coolest picture ever. I love knowing someone with a hat as required attire.




















Note the Fuck Yeah bracelet. It's looking a little raggedy these days.

I Won't Let You Murder It

Tuesday morning I was sleeping on Jenny's air mattress, and I had gone to bed around 3am and I knew we all had to get up and leave by 9 because I had to take Keith back to the Indy airport, and then I had to return my rental car and sit around bored and angry about being bored for a few extra hours.

I was having a weird ass dream, the particulars of which have since escaped me, except to know that it was W.E.I.R.D.

And then I feel a gentle tickling on my cheek, and my first conscious thought is that Moe is grazing his whiskers on me out of love because he loves me and can't wait for me to wake up. My next is that those "whiskers" feel suspiciously like legs.

Immediately I am wide the fuck awake and I brush one hand upward, connecting with a body of something as my other hand tears the covers off of me and in less than two milliseconds I am all the way across the room holding back a scream. Because the thing that was crawling unapologetically on my goddamn FACE was the BIGGEST, HARRIEST SPIDER I have ever seen. And I am arachnaphobic.

So Moe, my defender, sees the spider and starts stalking it, but then just as I start to relax he gets distracted and loses it. Gross. I stand across the room contemplating the correct course of action for about ten minutes. It's 7:30am and I am annnoyed at being awake, but there is NO WAY IN HELL I can lay back down on that bed.

Eventually I creep over to the bed and start gingerly picking up individual items (one pillow at a time, that's right, between disdainful thumb and forefinger) and examining them for Treacherous Wretches and fling them against the wall when i find nothing.

Finally I have cleared the bed of all frivolity and find the Monstrous Beast hiding under a fold of the sheet. "Aha!" I cry, grabbing the cat and trying to direct his ADD-addled attention to the Lurking Creature. He ignores it, meows, and I try blowing on the spider to get him to move. Eventually Moe sees him and leaps from my arms. Then I realize I'll have to kill this thing.

I go in search of an appropriate implement and I see that Jenny is awake and reading in Levi's room. I introduce her to the situation, where Moe has chased the Soulless Critter into Jenny's closet, unfortunately strewn with every single item of clothing Jenny owns.

I think at first Jenny doens't believe my story about how huge and gross this thing is, but then he peeks out from one of her bras in the closet and she starts shrieking. We both shriek, because shrieking is totally contagious, and we run downstairs to where Keith is sleeping on the couch to rouse the Man. Yes, that's very embarrassing.

Keith does NOT feel sorry for us, and does NOT feel compelled to get up and harpoon the spider with his own shoes, the only shoes we could find that seem big and heavy enough to efffectively do the job. (This Atrocious Freak was no less than four inches in diameter, I shit you not). We shrieked and cajolled until he finally, half asleep, rose to duel the spider.

We point out the spider, and use Moe to lure him into the open, then Jenny and I grab Moe out of the way (dont' want spider guts dirtying his lovely tabby fur) and Keith proceeds to kill the spider in the only logical way: By hurling his shoe straight down on it from six feet in the air over and over. No one wants their hands or personage to come within several feet of this Monstrosity.

When he is killed he leaves a bloodstain on Jenny's carpet.

And we all jump up and down excitedly, and later we make Keith clean it up too, because we are so freaking scared of it. I cannot believe that thing was on my fucking FACE.

GEEE-ROOOSSS!!

fin

Milky Milky Cocoa Puffs

1. I am a total, undeniable douche. Sorry. Two weeks was clearly NOT enough time to be in the midwest, because I didn't have a chance to hang out with a large number of people that I wanted to see. Nor did I even bother to call you, knowing as I did that I was too lazy or busy to be able to spend any kind of substantial amount of time with you. That makes me a Certified Douche. I am sorry, seriously. I am already thinking I may come back to the middle of the country in September, or something, because I need to see my grandma and Raedy and there's this wedding I might attend and then everyone who's reading this. Yikes, I totally suck. Please feel free to let me have whatever shit you want to give me.

2. Douchiness aside, I had a Killer Time with the few of you that I did get to spend a large chunk of time with. I was not expecting that I would have that great of a time, and I am really really happy that I worked things out with a couple people and managed to laugh myself retarded at least forty times in two weeks.

3. I am really relieved to be back in my apartment, where I have such luxuries as scented candles and unlimited quantities of shampoo, and can choose clothing from more than two or three remaining clean shirts. I also am very happy to become reacquainted with my bed, upon which I lazed away the vast majority of this morning, trying to recover from sleep deprivation and jet lag. (Ha!)

4. So, here is a list of all the cool shit I did while home:

*Hung out with Jenny and Levi
*Ate at every restaurant in Bloomington I wanted to eat at
*Drove to Evansville with Jenny and Keith
*Hung out with my mom and her new kitten
*Drove back to Bloomington and then Indianapolis with Keith to pick up rental car and send him back to work
*Hung out with Keith's friends Matt and Laura, and Laura's mom
*Drove back to Bloomington
*Drove back to Evansville
*Hung out with Mike
*Hung out with Ashleigh
*Hung out with Mike and Ashleigh and Keith
*Made plans to go to Boston
*Went to Boston using passes from Keith
*Boston/Cambridge was awesome
*Went to a bridal shower with Keith in Indy
*Drove back to Evansville
*Drove back to Bloomington
*Drove to Indianapolis


5. I did a lot of driving. I also went to Hammerheads on Saturday where I briefly saw Melissa, who looked ridiculously cute. And I met Jessy (sp?) though I'm not sure she knows who I am. And I walked in on a girl peeing in the bathroom while I was there. Because she didn't close the door. And I shrieked and apologized and she was like, "no biggie, just don't want to touch ANYTHING." Didn't follow her logic entirely. Watched two other people walk in on the same girl, have same conversation. Watched Ashleigh dance with Melissa and Jessy. From the safety of the creepy circle of voyeurs that had formed at the perimeter of the dance floor. Drank. Won the four-person basketball tournament that Mike and Ashleigh and Keith and I started. Won fair and square. Sorry, Keith, you took it way too seriously. I can't help it if the balls were jumping up of their own accord and hitting you in the face. It IS totally weird. No, I didn't cheat. Drove to Ihop. Listened to loud drunk lesbians talk about wanting vodka with a side of nipples. Watched M and K eat dry pancakes like they were woodland critters. Watched M lick syrup off the table (see fotoblog chronology later today).

6. other than Hammmerheads, I ate at the Carousel, ate twice with janet, ate at biaggi's, etc. Ate. Period. A lot. gained thirty pounds in the span of a week. Slept very little and then wasted other whole days sleeping in. Had really really good talks with everyone. Went to a bridal shower turned pool party. Fun. Walked around Harvaard in the rain. Fucking awesome. Found the only urbin outfittersh in america with a bargain basement. That's right, got 5 shirts for 40 bucks. Neener.

7. Am currently sweating from having laptop on lap for so long. Will finish this later.

And If You Start Asking, I'll Be Hostile-Acting

Ok, so, not a lot of time. To those of you I still haven't contacted since I've been in the area for over a week now, I am a douche and I'm sorry, I've been running around all over the goddamn southern half of the state picking up rental car, hanging with jenny, etc and now I'm helping her get ready for her Baastiin interview that we're flying out for tomorrow (thanks again Keith!) and we have to leave from indy super early and I won't be back in eville until saturday, I'm thinking, or really late on Friday, so could you please all check your schedules and see if you have any free time on Saturday, Sunday, or potentially Monday that you would like to spend with me maybe eating lunch or something, let me know by calling me on the phone. I will try to stop being such a freaking douche when I get back, but that leaves very little time and I know it and I feel bad but if it makes you feel better I didn't have time to go see my g.ma either, so this whol two weeks thing was rather a whirlwind of not enough time. Hopefully, though, I will get ahold of some of you or whatev. If not, don't take it personal. Raedy I will probably be flying to chi with jd later in the summer to see my g.ma, so I'll try to hook up with you then.

Anyway, I have to tend to my sister more now, she is too hardcore and awesome and I'm so damn proud of her I'm going to bust. Lates Gates.