Nothing Is Lost, It's Just Frozen In Frost

Well, the new apartment is fucking sweet. Even if moving is the worst thing ever that's ever happened in all of history. Only potential greater catastrophe is unpacking. I am so over this whole process.

I have been unpacking as fast as I can today, most of the day, and I have barely made a dent. When did we get this much crap? honestly, when did I accumulate so much stuff that I can no longer throw it all in a plastic tub and be done with it? Stupid being married, stupid possessions. I think I am too old for this-- next time we move we are goddamn hiring someone to come do this bullshit for us. We had five total people helping move all day monday and it still took ALL DAY. then JD and I had to make another million trips with smaller things in the car ALL DAY yesterday.

URGH! I hate it! We are so sore and I can't find the most basic things because I tossed them in a box without labelling it.

But, on the sunny side: pizza and beer, pizza and beer. And friends. Yeah!

The kitties seem unified in their annoyance about this move, but this has both brought them closer (jd elbowed my ribs until i woke up last night around 3am to show me that, AT LAST, the two kitties were curled up with each other at the foot of the bed) and steeled their resolve to take the smelliest possible dumps in their litter box, ostensibly because they are so "stressed out" but more likely because they can, and it's not like I can very well stop them, can I?

But like I said, this place is totally fucking awesome and though it is smaller, it is actually very cozy and I am not just saying that because it's too small. There is more space, everywhere, than we had at the old apartment and the ceilings are higher, which makes the closets and shelf space bigger, and there are storage places all over and I don't even know that we have enough crap to use all the kitchen cabinets. which is VERY exciting.

The kitchen is open to the living room, which is great, and I really like the way we decided to set up the furniture, etc.

So now I am just trying to get it all set up so Mike and Jenny can play house here one night before we get back from Hawaii. Then we will have to take a hard look at the space issue and decide whether mom needs a hotel room. Or something.

We go to Hawaii on Sunday, which is CRAAAAZY. I'm going to be excited, honest, but I have to hurry up and do this unpacking and then a bunch of work all before I go. Fuck. But then, yay!

Oh and JD ended up getting me a present after all. *cough* and it was actually something I really wanted but had not told him I wanted. which is totally kickass of him. and yes, this crow tastes delicious. no, i am not mad at him anymore. plus he had to move all day on his birthday and since he and eric did 90% of the work the day before, that was a sore-ass day of crap for him.

It's The Wrong Kind Of Place To Be Thinking Of You

Kitten is good. Actually, full-sized cat brought me a present yesterday, which was the kitten, which he had picked up in his teeth by the throat-- not the scruff, and dropped at my feet. For half a second I thought he had ripped the kitten's throat out. Instead, he looked meaningfully at me as if to say, "now you have no doubt that I could kill it if I felt like it," before he dropped kitten on the ground.

Neither cat likes the whole "everything goes in boxes" theme that's happening right now, except it makes for a wonderland of precariously balanced things to climb on. Cute.

Wednesday night was JD's work Xmas party. Which was so lame last year that we almost stabbed ourselves in the faces, and despite the promise from the coordinators that this year "would be totally different," it was in the same room at this really lame arcade/bar place and the same decorations and the same asshats who majored in "voice" ten years ago when they were in college and are now working at this place so that they feel like they're using their degree (but in reality it's like working box at hoplace) bring a karaoke machine and totally ruin karaoke by not having a sense of irony or lampooningness about what they're doing. Urgh. Drinking and watching the night devolve into JD and his friend Mark shouting out really, really funny and awful things at their coworkers was ok.

Thursday I went out to dinner with my lady friends for my birthday, and that was fucking awesome. There is a really great Cuban restaurant that we are totally going to eat at while you are here, Jenny and Mike, and they have a killer wine list, but also things like sangria and mojitos for nasty ass people who like those kinds of drinks. We meant to see a movie but the little restaurant is so cute and great that we sat there for hours without meaning to. Maybe it was the wine list.

So basically this post is about how I've been drunk or hungover for the last week.

Friday was my birthday, huggles to those of you who remembered/acknowledged it. I spent half the day on campus tying up loose tee ay ends and then walked across the street to do some shopping while I waited for jd to leave work early and come pick me up. But I decided to get him a new phone for his birthday. And forgot that I couldn't really be sneaky about that, since he would notice his old phone not working. But this did not occur to me until I was sitting in the sprint store and trying repeatedly to call jd's cell phone and getting progressively more pissed off, and then the guy activating his phone was all, "so, his old phone won't work from now on," and I started laughing hyenically.

So that made it more complicated, but whatever. And I had to tell him about it right when he picked me up, since he was furious about his phone dying. Sigh. I am the worst gifter ever. I also spent much of my birthday by myself and feeling sorry for myself and so to amplify that I went and bought myself the new damien rice cd. Which I realize, is the same as the old damien rice cd, but that's what I like about it. Sometimes, I do not want bands I like to "evolve" or shit like that. I want it to sound like they are stuck in a time warp, like that episode of star trek: tng where the enterprise keeps living the same day and keep getting "3" as a message. Yeah.

Then when JD picked me up we didn't really do anything much. Ate at a veg restaurant, went to the mall. I had to find a strapless bra for kristin's wedding and since i have none boobs it is really really hard to find a strapless bra that isn't ridiculous. but miracle of miracles, i found the best one ever and it's so awesome i actually wore it all day yesterday While I was Packing, so now I'm convinced that it's comfy and not weird. i'm going to wear it always. i want to have, like, a thousand of its babies.

Yesterday i packed, alllll day, and allll by myself, and then jd's sis and mom descended on me and my apartment, and my head exploded right away. Literally, they each had a conversation at me at the same time that had nothing to do with what the other was saying and I could not follow because two people were harping at me. It boggles the mind. and jds mom talked shit about vegan food again. and ate some tomatoes and sat in a room with two cats despite her allergies to both "tomatoes" and "cats." As my friend kristin the cat-lady-in-waiting is fond of saying, "I am way more allergic to cats than anyone else on the whole planet, but you know what? i take seventeen pills a day for it, and i'm fine. so they can just suck it up." it's hard to get her to see that many people just do not like cats and say they're allergic to preclude further discussion of the matter.

Then last night we went to this party for kristin and eric thrown by eric's partner and father-figure and family. i decided that "on the way to the party" was the perfect time to pick a fight with jd about how pissed i was that i had/would pack(ed) the entire apartment on my "days off," yet on his days off this week, he enjoyed thirtyseven straight hours of playstation and couch time, did not make an attempt to "get boxes" despite my sixthousand separate nags to do so (and now there are not enough boxes), and how he had opted not to get me a birthday present, card, or think of anything fun to do (because why do any of that when you have video games to play?). and i was also secretly pouting that he hadn't switched his days off so that he worked thursday (when I was still grading exams) and could be off friday (my birthday), which i had asked about and he avoided until he was drunk enough and it was late enough wednesday night that he clearly didn't want to work the next day. but mostly my feelings were hurt about my birthday sucking (I really REALLY like birthdays) and having to pack every goddamn oversized book and trinkety piece of junk we own and then having the pleasure of seeing my in-laws all in one day.

i am awesome and reasonable, and it's always a great idea to save up all your bitchiness so it shrapnels out in this kind of malicious list of complaints.

so i picked this fight, which was possibly out of left field for jd even though i have been pouting and huffing around and sighing pointedly for a few days to warn him that trouble's brewing. as soon as i had strung together an incoherent list of things that i was upset about, we arrived at the party! yay! and it was very very nice and luckily there was almond flavored champers and wine and eric had made a special point of bringing vegan sushi for us to eat and eric's partner gary and gary's family are awesome and the kids are about our ages and had brought their sig. others so it was actually a really fun dinner party. mostly i pounded champagne and talked with kristin about underwear and this guy about farming and sustainability and the environment and how bad chicken rendering smells. And he had a mole on his lip so the whole time I was thinking, "don't say 'hi Aunt Mole!'." At one point gary and his wife toasted kristin and eric, and talked about how dedicated eric is to this wedding and relationship with kristin (he better be, she left her husband for him!) and we all clinked glasses and then kristin cannot help herself, and announces that if eric has taken this all seriously, she has taken it, like, a thousand times more seriously. I almost fell out of my chair i laughed so hard at her. i like to think that i am kristin's absurdity check. elsewise she takes herself very seriously and really, she needs to be laughed at on occasion.

anyway, that was fun and now i'm finishing packing once i quit stalling on doing that. and we're moving tomorrow and tuesday and that is going to suck. i'm going to make an effort to be less of a whingy little bitch princess today, but until i get a birthday present that's not likely to happen. i wish i could say i am kidding here, but we all know i would not really be kidding.

because that is how I roll.

A Bottle Of Ancient Shiraz, A Smattering Of Distant Applause




I love December. As with every December 1st that I can remember, I feel relief. There is something superstitiously awful about November as a month, as a whole, and I for one will not miss this November either. Such a disproportionate number of Shit Things always happen in Novembers. Bleck.

So kittykins hasn't got worms, either. He and extant cat are beginning to like each other. In my opinion. They, together, make up what we like to call "the El Dude Brothers" and fucking hell they're cute.

We move in less than 2 weeks, we signed some paperwork yesterday and I think the complex looks stellar. Nice people. Don't have to pay rent today and am feeling quite smug about it.

Raedy's band's cd is fucking awesome, if you haven't requested or received your copy do it NOW. I am learning all the words so I can sing along. And may I say, Raedy, that I still think of you and Karaoke Party every time I hear a Mariah Carey song on the radio, and it is damn good to know that you found an appropriate outlet for your ability to squeak and crack your voice and shatter glass with your falsetto. Also, JD wanted me to remind you that The Yoko Ono Experience must make a cd too. At some point soon. We'll call you Dr. Rockstar.

Ahem. I hate the next...week or so... and it hates me. But it's December. AND A WEEK UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!

woot!

How Is It You Feel When

His name, I am almost positive, is "Mr. Mingus Darcy," so you can call him either "mingus" or "mr. darcy." But I will still consider really enthusiastic votes, KB and Jenny. Not so sure about "Don Knotts," though.

Smile Politely Right On Through

Uh, so.

JD and co-workers found a litter of kittens living in a storm drain in their parking lot last week. Long story. Very dramatic. Very heart-wrenching. Duh. Gutter kittens? How is that not heart-wrenching? I know, right.

Anyway, we are total softies so we have had this little baby cat living in part of our bathroom for about a week, since I cracked thansgiving eve and called jd as he was driving to the shelter to drop this kitty off and told him to just bring it to our house.

We bathed it- twice- and I have never seen anything so filthy or sad or covered in fleas. We put a drop of adult cat flea killer on it and the next day he finally started acting like a normal ass cat. We've been feeding him and cuddling him and petting him and telling him what a good kitty he is and gradually he's been eating more and starting to play and climb around and jump wildly with no hope of landing whatever he's jumping at like a normal kitten. He's crapping in a cat box and chasing fingers and toes if you wiggle them and we took him to a vet this saturday to have him checked out (the soonest we could get an appointment since Wednesday) and he's got ear mites (no big deal) and the vet applauded us for taking care of his fleas and for how we've sequestered him away from Existing Cat (a very agitated exsiting cat) so there's no chance of them coming in contact. He had blood taken because many times, gutter kittens have cat leukemia or HIV and have to be put down and we had to wait until this morning to find out that he does not, in fact, have any horrid disease like that so we do not have to have him killed. He seems "reasonably healthy" for having been the runt growing up in a fucking storm drain and he's got medicine for his ear mites and he's having his poo tested for worms today and he's super. fucking. sweet now that he's starting to feel better and understand that he'll have food (the first few days he was growling while eating and also lunging at each bite like a hungry hungry hippo game piece) regularly and he is really into climbing up you and sitting on your shoulder right where your neck starts and purring into your ear and the vet said he's only 4 weeks old and that's too young to be separated from mom cat but since she left her babies in a storm drain, fuck her, basically, and if he's eating kitten food already that's totally fine, give him kitten food.

So that's what I'm thankful for. The kitten is healthy and probably not going to die or have to be put to sleep and although doing it this way turns out to be a fuck of a lot more expensive than adopting a kitten that's been fixed and medicated and vaccinated and polished up and ready to go, he is so. obviously. grateful. to not be in the storm drain anymore, and he doesn't run and hide in his carrier anymore when JD or I go into the room, instead he saunters over all swaggery and kittenesque and swats at fingers or toes or hair or imaginary ghosts and looks up lovingly and purrs and likes to have his chin scratched and ears rubbed (duh, the mites tickle like hell, I bet) and he'll lick you now if you're petting him and now the only problem is deciding whether to name him:

Piccard
Rupert
Gordon Ramsey
Mingus
or
Soren

I'm taking a poll. From you guys. So vote. On his name. I'll put up a photo of him later, right now I am late for a job tawlk.

Hope you all had things and people you were thankful for too.

I Killed The Last Snake That Lived In The Creekbed

Well, yesterday was fucking awesome:

1. I found out officially that I and all my friends passed that giant nightmare of a test.

2. I pitched dissertayshun ideeeahs to my advisor and she was incredibly enthusiastic about them and said nice things to me.

3. She asked if I'd seen the Borat movie and when i said yes, said she was planning to go see it with two other female fakultee members which made me laugh so hard I almost cried. If you knew these three women you would have laughed until you cried, also.

4. The prof I tee to the a for was very nice and hugged me when I told her about #1 and then later emailed me saying she'd been singing my praises to my advisors all day because i'm such an awesome tee to the a.

5. JD and I went to lunch at one of our favorite veggie restaurants.


GOOD LUCK SISFACE AT YOUR GIANT-O CONFERENCE!!!! LOVIES!!

Four Naan, Jeremy? Four? That's Insane!

Kyle, thank you. I almost cried when I read your comment and it really does make it feel less isolating that other people go through these bizarre relationships too. It's easy to let myself make it into the Biggest Problem The World Has Ever Encountered when I know, in the grand scheme of things, it can't be that bad. And thanks for saying you admired what I'm doing out here. There are times where it kind of hits me how far away I am from all of you guys, and my mom, and my sister, and I feel completely at a loss for a good reason for having chosen this. And sometimes this is too hard for me, intellectually, and the people here are too...image-focused, and the people here that I've become close to seem like shells and I can't be myself, and I really miss being able to pick up on weekends and drive to Stacey's, or to see a band in Chicago, or home to see my mom and friends there, and there's no such thing as a straightforward bit of encouragement or validation that I'm on the right track, and it all builds up and feels like it's crushing me. But then I just have to check in with people who are real to me and I remember that I actually can do this.

So thank you. actually, thank all of you who have offered support--ever. It really means a lot and it's hard for me to say that without sounding totally fucking sarcastic. I know you guys care and I'm really lucky and incredibly grateful to have so many people who are so amazing who also care about me in very meaningful ways.

Anyway.

I don't really have anything else to say about Keith. I don't have anything left to give him. I'm absolutely drained.

Everything else, though, is fine and dandy, and the Keith stuff isn't bothering me so much now that the real weight of that sick-ass stress level is lifting. Work's getting better. I felt decently smart in my hard-ass class today and may have cancelled out how fucking retarded I made myself look last week. There's a new vegan restaurant across the street from my office and it's fucking tits. I have a yoga class tonight. My girl friends here and I are planning a slumber party (yes, really) for this weekend. JD has been incredible beyond belief. He's like a fictional husband. I can't believe someone really exists who makes special trips to rite aid in the middle of the night to buy trashy magazines and bath salts and then offers to sit by the tub while I'm in there and read my course textbook to me, if that would help. He takes the car for oil changes on his lunch break so I don't even have to think about it. He's taken to wearing briefs undies that make his junk look crazy huge, and he wore little shorts to the gym last night and I swear, scared everyone in the weight room with his crotchal area. For my amusement. He lets me watch the today show when i'm eating breakfast when he wants to watch the nfl channel. he's been selling/trading his music equipment because we're moving to a smaller place and there won't be as much space for it. He makes breakfast every day. He tells me my hair smells good. And that my armpit smells good. And that my neck smells good. But they're all different good smells. He's making lists of food to make while Jenny and Mike are here. And he's revising those lists. And revising them. He's off work today and he still got up earlier than me to wake me up when I needed to get out of bed. I'm totally fucking happy and it's nice to have two seconds to notice it instead of freaking out from the time I wake up until I go back to bed at night.

I know, I'm really lucky. I don't question that. I love you guys so much, and I wish I saw more of all of you. But I know you're there when I need you, and I am really grateful.

And

I just found out that I passed. The test.

Fuck, I really needed that today.

Warm Copies Make Everything Better



Awww, isn't that nice? Daily dose of something that reminds me of you guys. Yesss, nice.

I am having a hard time. Just kind of in general, I feel like I'm hitting a wall with a lot of things. I just listened to a tawlk (right, liz, because someday someone might google the word "talk" and find your blog) about relationships. And it actually felt really relevant to my life, which made it a thousand percent more interesting. Basically, women do all the work in a relationship. and then if she's stressed out and can't do the work, the whole thing goes to shit. For whatever reasons.

JD is, like, awesome. I'm not talking about him. I had a meltdown at Keith the other night because I have been really busy and really stressed out and working really hard on a lot of things, personal and professional, business and pleasure, and basically I was so fever-pitched about everything that I had all these pivotal, obvious revelations whilst talking to him that I have all the time (e.g., he doesn't actually care about me; the relationship we have right now exists exclusively because I will it to exist; I put in 300% of myself and not only get nothing back, I am not improving his life either so I am just wasting my energy, etc.) but in a more dramatic and upsetting way.

He really, truly, seriously does not give a shit what my life is about. Does not want to hear it. Cannot bear to hear it. No matter what I say, it becomes a big long defense about how my dislike of this situation is basically my own doing (but not my fault, mind you, there is a fine line between things that I caused and did and it being something we can blame on me) and in so many words he intones to me that not liking the status of things = too fucking bad.

Anyway. I have had a really, really, really high tolerance for that kind of bullshit for a really, really, really long time. Dear reader, you need only click through any of my archived entries to distinguish the following annoying themes of my life:

1. Keith, waaaah. Why is he so mean and stuff?
2. I have _____ coming up that is scaring me and is hard
3. I just successfully completed #2. Yay!

That is so annoying. This blog is annoying. This cycle is annoying. Isn't it annoying that I always "realize" obvious, stupid things? I would want to smack me.

Anyway, so the point is that I noticed that I am alarmingly less able to weather his bullshit when I have depleted emotional/mental resources. I totally fucking fell apart. I just felt dead inside thinking about it. And exhausted. I've never felt numb to that #1 theme before, that I recall. Usually I feel a lot like shit, sometimes I feel optimistic. I just felt...tired. Spent. Empty. Sick of having the same fucking talk. Over. and over. to no avail, with no forward progress in mind, just to have it. Run down the same list of reasons he shouldn't have to be nice to me. The same list of pivotal choices that could have gone the other way. The same boring, deluded laundry list of why things have to be the way they are. Sometimes he says he can't help it, he treats everyone like this. But it all feels deliberate, and it all feels like punishment.

SIIIIIIGH.


Everything today just feels off. I am wearing a shirt with a stain on it that I didn't notice until just now. My pants are slightly too short. I feel really socially inept around my own friends. I have to concentrate on some stuff this afternoon but I finished grading the mountain of shit I had to do last night and all I want to do is get in bed with nothing looming over my head.

I am, in general, feeling like this delicate little web is going to collapse at any moment. I am having an attack of that impostir sin drome that is so fashionable among post-secondary education students these days. I want it to be temporary, but I feel like I am underwhelming everyone right at a time when it is most crucial that I step up my performance and not suck so badly.

Glance, Don't Stare


ALLO CHICAS!

Whatta week, whatta week. I am so tired. all the time now I am tired.

First, YAY INDIANA! Never thought I'd say that. Nice job, you guys! I am so excited. Here in the OC we were less...dramatic with our decisions. No new governator. No awesomely huge tax on cigarettes ($2.60 per PACK, you guys). No alternative energy. Thanks a lot, lie-based counter commercials. Anyway. I got some things I wanted. Can't be mad. Plus, Indiana! And Congress! Holy crap!

The mood among academics here on campus is decidedly smug.

So I have been freakishly busy. We got an on-campus housing offer so we scrambled around this last week to redo our lease so we could break it and don't get me started about the money stuff regarding that, I am extremely mad at my current apartment complex about many things, but since after December 12th they can kiss my fat on-campus butt, fuck 'em. I will say that moving to a smaller (cozier!) apartment within reasonable walking distance from campus with most utilities included in the rent, saving us ~$800 PER MONTH, YOU GUYS is not a bad trade.

So that's good news.

One of my good friends here has been going through a very very bad nasty breakup since last week and that has actually been quite time-consuming for me as well. That's totally fine, but another friend and I are taking her in shifts, kind of, and keeping her mind off it and on fun things means I'm not getting work done on time this week. For example, we have collectively reworked this friend's trip to hawaii for another friend's wedding in december so that she does not have to pay for anything and the ex can cancel the tickets and reservations he already made, and fuck the hell off. We spent most of Sunday in LA with her at her parents' house, and I think JD may come to our yoga class tonight and sit outside the building watching for the Ex so that he can intercept him if he tries to find my friend where he knows she'll be at a certain time. We are also juggling tag-team phone calls and monitoring and every time one of us talks to her we call each other to catch the other up on her status as of right then. It's very busy.

Then there's work. Oh lordy. I felt so completely stupid after my class today that I called JD and made him take me to lunch or else I would've sat and stewed about feeling stupid for the rest of the afternoon. I feel ok now, thanks, but jeeze. I am too busy to be prepared for anything and as a result I am falling behind and disappointing everyone. Hopefully I can dig out of this by Saturday. I cannot believe how long it takes to grade certain types of things. I am hateful of it, for sure.

So we're moving, work is sucky, my poor friend is heartaching, i'm sleep deprived, yay election, yay that i talked to many of you on the phone yesterday for random reasons, yay breaking lease and sticking it to the man. To recap.

Woof.

I'd Rather I Lose My Limbs Than Let You Come To Harm

Hey Guys! Welcome to muppet-face land!

We love to dance here in muppet-face land!

So I wanted to tell you guys that there are still more photos from Ashleigh's wedding posted on the ninnernet for your perusal. Such as these, which are from Keith's camera but mostly I took them.

There are also these, which were jointly taken on my camera by myself and Alex. The battery crapped out before anything cool happened, which is why I appropriated Keith's for the portion of the evening that necessitated artsy photography.


This, I believe, is a dick-measuring contest.



And this is the lovely bride herself.




And this is the face I'll make, standing over you while you sleep, if you don't check out these radtastic photos!

I Would Like To Help You, I Would Like To Wake Up




1. My lecture went pretty great. Not "awesome to the point of everyone's face melting" but now I have a baseline. Now I have a skeemah. Now I have given up my lecture virginity, and I am pretty thrilled about that. Some girls even came up to me after class to say how they liked it and it was interesting, which made me want to hug them like that big cartoon hair monster on looney toons whose name escapes me. The one that hugs characters and says he wants to love them and hug them and call them george? that's what i wanted to do to these ladies.

2. Then i came back to my tower to hold court. People are P-issed about their test grade. Right as I was about to let the throngs in to my office, i happened to look out my window at the street below and I saw a biker get hit by a car. No kidding. The biker, dressed like Lance Armstronguh, flew off the bike and rolled across the hood of the car like they were filiming a movie. I shrieked. Then the pissed off biker got up (thank fuck) and picked his bike up and wheeled it out of the intersection. The car sheepishly (i know cars can't be "sheepish," ok, I am telling a goddamn story) followed him over to a parking lot out of my view, and I can only assume that the biker beat the holy hell out of the driver of the car.

3. Now i'm going home early to study my fucking ass off for this extremely hard exam (yes, really) about physics I have tomorrow first thing. Wish me STILL MORE LUCK.

4. Thanks for being supportive about the lekshur. Lovels.

With All The Poise Of A Cannonball

Saw the Decemberists this Saturday in LA. Probably safe to say I can just go ahead and die now, I don't need to hang around on the off chances that I'll ever love a band as much as I love them, or that I'll ever see a show that trumps theirs. They are really fucking great live.



It's really, really weird for both me and JD to go to these shows. Here specifically, and being ageing indie kids more generally. JD pointed out all the tweener boys strolling around in shirts worn to catch the eye of girls who liked the band and would then sleep with the guys. That or all LA boys are pussies. I won't name band names in case some of you are pussies too.



Anyway. First we went and used a giftcard we had for the Cheesecake Faktorie. Used to be my favorite restaurant, long ago. Not so much veg-friendly food there. Luckily, vodka is a pretty safe bet. That was fun. They played some of my favorite songs, including The Engine Driver, they warmed up the crowd's vocal pipeage, they marched in place, they used vocabulary the likes of which I could only dream of...they were awesome.



If you all haven't heard the new album get it or hit me up for a copy of it. No one sings so eloquently about piracy, murder, and curs'd lovers. Although they had me for life when I heard them sing about a man seeking revenge his whole life who finally finds the guy he's after and they both get swallowed by a whale along with a boatfull of other people but only the two pf them survive so they can have a proper duel. Then they closed with this.


Oh and I heard one of the songs playing on Gilmore Girls last week. RELEVANT! REEEEELLLEVANT!


p.s. wish me luck tomorrow! I am not looking forward to it anymore.

I Really Should Have Gone Out Last Night



You guys know what is motherfucking hard? Writing a lecture. You know what makes it harder? They're going to find out that most of them failed the first exam right before I give it. Excellent, scourge of the earth and whatnot.

I am getting kind of pumped to give it, though. In spite of myself.

My officemate's disertayshun shows that people who tackle a goal with a kick-its-ass rather than a don't-get-kicked-in-ass-by-it mentality do better and have better lives in general. I mean, that's a bastardization of her results, but there's the take-home point: always approach a problem with success in mind rather than the avoidance of failure. you'll be way better off.

so it is with my existence.

on-campiss housing called to cocktease us like a little slut this week. by the time i called back they had already given the apartment to someone "higher" on the waitlist. Bitches.

aaaaaand jd ordered tivo. apparently if you get it from the official website the box is free and it's like a netflix-esque subscription deal. i am ready to have my life changed by it. no more whinging about not going to the gym because tv is on. god that's pathetic. i know. I KNOW, OK

well, i have to go eat some chocolate and then come up with more brilliance about stuff.

i keep thinking about my friend kris-tin's wedding in HI this december, and that combined with mike, jenny, and momsers coming out here is really all that's keeping me plodding through this hellacious quarter. that and my ass-kicking approach orientation.

i am so terrified that i'll like lecturing so much that i decide to want an ak a demmik job. i can be kind of a ham. fuck balls.

I Saw The Sun Come Up Somewhere In Illinois




Wasn't this blog just so much more fun when I was posting photos all the time? Yes, yes it was. Go check out Stacey's Photos From Ashleigh's Wedding if you want to see some hott-to-death-ass people looking hott. I did, and I was filled with joy immediately and all day thereafter.

I need to take a quick break from the self-loathing that is grading essay questions.

Friday JD and I went to see a nice Russian Opera at his work. It was SNOOOZIE. I expected to be really awed by how it was in Russian and crazy ass music and shit. No, boring.

Then Saturday I am working on things that suck and are boring and JD calls me from work to say we are supposed to go to this secret sherril cr oh concert for the incredibly rich richies (the people who donated > $100,000) that night. I was a complete bitch about it. I do not like that performess and I did not want to go back to the same but only slightly next door place for a second night because I was in the boring work zone.

Anyway. we went. at first i was all, "oh i don't have clothing to wear" because normally these donir partees are black tie. grad students don't own anything that counts aside from used bridesmaid dresses. but sherril, she's totally cool. she wanted all the richies to wear dennim and dymonds to her show, because she's crazy cool and laid back, no telling her how to be!

jeeze.

so we wore jeans. and this is the only series of parties (we had to go to the pre and post parties too) I have ever been invited to that involved a red carpet and a pose for the photogs at the end off it. No, I'm not kidding. However, Sherril is cool, right? So the "red" carpet was really denim-colored. And someone had written/decorated it with puff paint.

So the pre-party was lame except there was free alcohol. Like, waiters circulating with endless trays of champers and a vodka bar. So we plowed through a lot of free champagne and martinis before we found the Five thousand dollar piece of cheese. Yes, seriously. No, we did not partake.

I ate a cracker. Then we went into this cutesy little room and dammit if we didn't have better seats than all the people who had actually paid more than my life is worth to get tickets to this thing. Ha.

And Sherrilzzzzzzzzz

She is crazy fucking skinny, I'll say that. Still not a fan of her musik. Two old ladies gossipping on the way out were all, "she's so nice, that lance is really missing out," about her.

Then, THEN. We went to the after-party, at a retardedly fancy steak house across the street that just opened. Free food and alcohol AGAIN. We and the other employees/dates quickly realized that our places were upstairs, by the bar, the band, and the dancefloor. The coverband they hired played a LOT of led zeppelin. So we got (more) trashed and danced literally until the wee hours of the morning with JD's friend Jen from work and her (gay?) date friend who was really funny.

I was really tanked. Haven't done that in awhile, but I kept rationalizing my being at a sherril concert by telling myself I would have paid like $15 per drink at a bar in LA and that's like, eight thousand dollars I made via drinking this weekend.

hahahah.

anyway, it was surprisingly fun and toward the end of the night it was me and jd and his friends and the people the new venue is named after only on the dancefloor, and the woman i think thought i was going to steal her fendi shoes so we left.

and then i woke up hung the fuck over and my real non-fairy tale life of grading, grading, grading whilst also being vultured upon kicked back in. don't get me started.

By Land, By Sea, By Dirigible

Yes Kyle, I love you. Yes, I was born without the normal Bitchiness Sensors that other people seem to have, and yes, at times I can sometimes be...insensitive...to the feelings of others. But that is why I love you. I am usually just as surprised as you are at the shitty things that come out of my mouth. Seriously. It's very nice to just let it all out. Here I am expected to be "professional" and "polite" and shit.

I am glad to have read Raedy's blog and hear that she is also hating her teaching/tee ay-ing life. I have started grading the first round of topic papirs, and I have had to write, "please do not use profanity in formal writing, even in a direct quote" on about 20% of the ones I have graded thus far. Someone please explain to me why, just because a character in a movie used the F-bomb, you would think that specific quote best conveys the point you will be making in your final papir? I think it is an excuse to curse at me.

Show of hands, please, who out there thinks I wouldn't be the world's bitchiest tee ay? That's what I thought. And, you guys are right. Jenny can vouch, she called yesterday while I was crafting a super mean response to this kid who was telling me blatant lies about what the syllabus said. Honestly, WHY lie about something I can fucking check in two seconds? Why not lie about something that would make me a bad person to not believe?

So I do not exactly like this work, but I suppose it is great that I am learning blah blah blah boring. My lecshur in there is still a couple weeks off so I can't bitch about how they all slept through it or refused to answer my rhetorical questions yet. I am working on it this weekend though, so if you had anecdotes about your quest for ah ton Oh mee this is your last chance to hook me up! I am also open to suggestions for funny tv/movie clips...I have spent countless hours searching UToob for family guy clips that I could use, but nothing seems relevant enough. I doubt I will be allowed to show video clips just for the hell of it. the halibut.

ok, so I'm boring. so sue me.

JD is taking me to see the Decemberists for our 4-month anniversary next weekend. Yippee! I have never seen them. I am so excited.

Also, I am full of interesting knowledge about magnetik resonince imogene if you want to dork out about fizziks or magnets with me sometime soon.

We are totally broke this month because I erroneously overlooked the fact that i would not be getting a paycheck during october. so that cleaned out our savings (I am very poor. like, poor beyond comprehension to those of you who now have real-ass jobs that pay you enough to live on. the only reason i am not on the street is jd's real job paychecks, but average those over 2 people and we are collectively totally fucking poor). and that blows. this whole "getting paid AFTER you complete the work" bullshit is uncool. Ahh, whatever. My friend Ed Whin and I are splitting a carpool parking pass so he cut me a fat check for $120 yesterday, which I IMMEDIATELY used to take Jd to lunch, get Ashpee a proper wedding prezzle, and buy 2 bottles of malbec (since comps I have developed a real lust for red wine. like, annoyingly so). it was nice to have more than $13 in my bank account for a few precious moments. Ah well.

Gross, Carnie Wilson is talking about "visualizing sperm swimming up your lady parts" on the View. Someday I will learn not to watch this trainwreck of a show.

Well, I should get back to writing, "it is not necessary to discuss the fact that Lindsay Lohan is in the movie. Please just focus on the characters themselves," on people's papers. And also writing, "grammar-taciously, you suck BALLS. get a fucking tooter, bitch."

Oh and that friend I offended DESPITE my use of smiley faces? we're fine now. but i could have just smacked her in the face. for like ten minutes i wanted to scream and then it dissipated into simmering anger which i then took out on the UGs. Just KEEEEEEEDING

But You Are In The Ground With The Wolves And Weevils, All A'Chew On Your Bones So Dry

Only the best band, the best band in the land could use the word "a'chew" and not make me hateful. Not like a sneezing a'chew, a disastrous bone-chaw a'chew.

Some random things I'd like to share with you:

1. My mom mega-zinged Keith's piano playing last weekend with the following insult:
"too many notes there, mozart."

I have decided that I'll be adopting that as my auto-reply sickass insult comeback no matter what context I actually find myself a part of. (I know, right? zinggy)

2. I have decided that, whereas this quarter may in fact literally kill me dead and both my faux mothers are seemingly losing confidence in my awesomeness, I am going to whip its ass regardless. My maximum stress threshold tipping point has steadily climbed up toward Psycho levels over the past few years, why stop it now? So yeah I won't.

3. If you guys happen to have any funny anecdotes about something you did as a teen when you were trying to assert your independence from your parents, could you please share them with me? I will put them in my lecture along with a doofy looking photo of you. Not really on the photo unless you want. But I need to entertain these vultures for 80 minutes and ideas are welcome.

4. I finally thought of a comeback for my, "you won't be the first doctor D____ in this family" aunt. Tell me what you think about, "yeah but I'll be the first one to have a job!"

I'm also considering, "thanks for the water pitcher"

5. I have developed a phobia of the last foot of toilet paper in public loos. Usually I rip it off and throw it on the floor. How immature.

6. Never before have I noticed how much I am not myself when I am here than this last few days. I got comfortable just being my real bitch of a self around you guys, because you (kyle) would point out that I was being overly shitty by laughing hysterically at me. Here, though I love my friends, I have had one serious problem already since coming back whereby I sideways insulted my friend because I didn't censor what I said in my email to her. That is exhausting, and I noticed after dealing with that fallout (honestly? I put a goddamned smiley face after the sentence in question to ensure this didn't happen because no one can think you're being a bitch when you put a smiley face, RIGHT?!?!?!) that I do not ever ever relax all the way here unless it is just me and JD and we are making fart jokes.

So I love you guys. And I just miss you all more than ever now! Fuck!

JD's applying for a job in Australia that he'll probably get offered, so if I don't pass my stupid comps I think that's where I'll be after this quarter. Hee.

WHILLLIKERS!

Yo yo yo. I had a blast at Ashleigh and Jim's wedding. 'Twas beautiful and I'm sure there will be gorgeous photos in the next couple weeks.

We made it home yesterday fine, but barely. No one wanted to let us on any planes until the planes were pushing back to take off then they made us run down the aisleway and leap aboard at the last second. And that was lame.

and, I am already so busy I want to die. this is going to be the hardest quarter ever of my entire life. I will be totally shocked if i come out the other side in one piece.

And, because we all talked about it but now I might not have time to follow through, please click on the following links to download that faux-harry potter guy audio book. TRUST ME! WORTH IT:

Part I.
Part II.

ok, enjoy.

bumper boats forever, babes!

No Rest For The Extraordinarily Wicked, Apparently

Wellety wellety wellety. I am going to be so busy with this tee ay that I might explode this quarter.

nice.

Homo is Better Than Hetero....Scedasticity, that is!

I'm. FUCKING. Done.

Sweet. FUCKING. God.

We are both seriously in need of a reprieve from this god-forsaken, "I pay 100,000 dollars for entry to a fancy tent party" place, and therefore tomorrow we are staying overnight in palm springs just for sanity's sake. But i will be back and beginning to catch up on things thursday and friday. A vendredi,

teresita
X.O.X.O.

P.s. i totally kicked its fucking ass. And did it with style. Here is an example: I accidentally made and then forgot to delete the following pun from one of my responses--'thus, in the last few decades, methodological rigor in this area of psychologee has become de rigeur.'

that will either earn me brownie points or result in my immediate excommunication from academia. not totally sure. but definitely, it made me laugh when I remembered having written that and then chuckled knowingly to myself at my own hilariousness, making a mentla note to go back and edit that out later. i'm not even sure that's the correct way of using the phrase 'de rigeur.'

oh what the fuck do i care, i just finished hazing. and had a nice glass of wine with my friends in a nice bar and now i am going to sleep for eleven hours then go hang out in the desert.

SMOOCHIES AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEIGH.

She's Learning The Spaces She Leaves Have Their Own Things To Say

Still moody. No one wants to talk to me, am appallingly unpleasant. Almost cried during the Today show. My stomach has been cramping all weirdly for a week. Is this the last vestage of the flu thing I've had for a month? Who knows.

I listened to the Ani DiFranco song referenced above about sixteen times in a row, jumping around and singing when it gets to the good part (you guys know which part I mean. At least, Jenny and Stacey do. Probably all of you. But at least Jenny and Stacey).

I am going to meet my fellow devlopmenshul cohorts (hee, works so many ways) in an hour for lunch. Not sure what that will result in other than renewed panic.

All of my friends (e.g., my officemate and literally everyone in one of my labs) has either just accepted a job in Europe or is prepping for an interview in Europe or Australia. I am insanely jealous. There better still be international jobs in a few years.

It's crunch time, laundry-wise also. I'm on to my last pair of jeans that I can comfortably wear that also don't smell. I can't do laundry until a week from now, so this pair better last me through the exams.

We're pretty broke right now, which is making it look like we can't afford to blow town for an overnight. I am pretending that chance does not exist, because I might seriously explode if I can't get a bit of time away from this town. I guess we can always go camping and shit. Harumph.

Obviously, I am stalling on being productive today. Because I'm terrified. Fabulous. Just fucking fabulous.

Please, Somebody Rescue Me

I am so bored with myself. I can hardly stand it. There's one week left before the exams, and I am alternating predictably between feeling like I don't know anything at all and can no way relate all the shit I've read to anything else, and feeling like I know too much, too much breadth, have wasted time reading all of this when I could probably get away with 60% or so, and like I just want it to be 10 days from now so I can do the following without feeling guilty:

Clean the house. Specifically, the mirrors and sinks in the bathroo areas
Do laundry. That I've been wanting to do for a month since I went goodwilling and found a huge amount of awesomeness
Watch television that is not the Science, Discovery, History, or derivative channel
Not drink a pot of coffee every day
Not pay bills late because I literally forgot about them
Shower. Yes, I feel guilty when I shower. I feel really guilty updating this, but I need a break and I am not going to get sucked into a show about how the magnetic poles are about to reverse, killing everyone with skin cancer.
go to a bookstore, or ikea, or to run errands, or to see a movie because it looks good and not because it is the only way i can detach from thinking about psychologee

God, I am so sick of myself. Seriously. If I have been scarce just thank your lucky stars. I am the most violently mood-swingy I may ever have been (!) and I am constantly making JD think up ridiculous questions to ask me. About anything having to do with science. Because I want to see if I can force them to relate to my concepts. Urgh. I really am thinking differently, but right now it's not a good thing, I feel like some kind of weird Nerd Predator.

That probably doesn't make sense. Ah well. I am still sick. Well, I still have a tickly cough thing happening that is incredibly annoying. I sound like my mom.

I really just want to feel like a person again. I cannot explain how zombie-esque this is making me. I have abandoned all hope of things like exercising regularly, or personal hygeine, because I feel too guilty doing them to take time, even though they would probably reduce some stress levels. Everything in the whole world is being put off until a week from Friday. I feel totally insane.

Whatever Stacey Wants, Stacey Gets

No updates lately because my life has been reduced to the following: wake up reluctantly, read for ten-twenty thousand hours, wander around like a zombie, watch tv or go to cheap movie theater in desperate bid to shut brain off, sleep restlessly dreaming about not knowing the age at which children _______, wake up in sweat, repeat. I only know what day of the week it is because I put post-it notes on each pile of reading I had to do with the day and date it needs doing.

For those of you I haven't griped endlessly to, I am in the "intensive studying" period that precedes the series of essays that determine whether I am smart enough to be allowed to finish grad school. And yes, people routinely fail, this is not a fluffy kind of thing. Although it is very obviously hazing. So the exams aren't until Sept. 18-19th but there is so. much. I didn't know that I didn't even know I didn't know. Now, I am almost done with most of the reading list (the people I'm studying with and I decided to front load the 6 weeks with readings so we can learn how to think and shit with the second half) and you can ask me almost anything about almost any aspect of devloppmental psychologee and I could give you quite the convoluted, verbal diarrheaesque response. Some of you have been unfortunate enough as to have invited this, and while it helps me sort out the infinite ways in which literally everything relates to everything else, I am sorry for your probable resultant headache.

The following movies are not good: The DaVinci Code, The Breakup, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby or whatever the fuck it's called, The Lake House, The Devil Wears Prada, The Perfect Man, Lady in the Water.

I made JD take away and hide every pair of tweezers I own to prevent stress-induced overzealousness with them.

I have watched the Science channel as I read all day today and now have a serious, real fear of supervolcanoes. When I was little I remember having nightmares about the sun exploding, because some benevolent elementary school teacher thought it appropriate to lay that out for seven-year-olds one day. My dad sat up with me and thought it was funny how worked up I was, because, in his words, "all humans will be dead by then anyway, so don't worry about it." Supervolcanoes seem like the same thing. So, even though all of Yellowstone park is essentially a big fat caldera with a magma reservoir underneath and we're due for a big old eruption either right now or in the next 200,000 years, it's still scary even if everyone is dead in a hundred thousand years and no one's around to see it.

I had no idea, before this started, just how much there was that I had not been taught that they also expect me to know. I feel like my brain is totally full and everytime I start to read another article or absurdly long review chapter, things that are unrelated to this are falling out the back.

But, I get the point of this and see its utility blah blah blah. I really will be noticeably more knowedgeable on the other side. And, AND, for the first time--EVER--I am starting to consider a traditional career in acadeemiah without rolling my eyes involuntarily or barfing a little bit in my mouth or laughing hysterically. I really like this specific area of psychologee, and that is super fucking easy to forget.

Now that I am almost on the far side of the readings (sixty more pages today, a book tomorrow, and that's it except for all the other shit I am supposed to know cold), I actually like that they have forced us to do this. But, that doesn't change the fact that I have been a zombie for weeks and I feel like an agoraphobe when I go out in public. I have gone stretches of a week at a time without properly getting dressed and my back hurts all the time from being so incredibly sedentary. I hate that I can't read/digest anything while walking around or even running at the gym. Whatever.

What else? Eh. Keith introduced me to a fabulous time waster that I recommend heartily for all Harry Potter enthusiasts:

Go here and download the audio tracks that go along with the first harry potter movie. burn them to cds. sync it up with the movie, and prepare to laugh until you pee yourself. I'm serious. I was eating dinner while watching it and I almost choked to death. You won't believe it's as funny as that until you do this, I mean it. Keith raved about it for weeks and I was all, "whatever, shut up, I'm a cranky bitch and I hate fun and laughter." But then I did it on a whim one night and my life has been changed, for the better. It's fucking incredible when it syncs up with the video, so take an extra three seconds of your life to do that right at the start. Oh, lord. lord almighty. If I had a figure depicting intensity of liking harry potter ness along one axis, and amount of enjoyment you will get out of watching this on the other axis, it would totally be a linear function. You cannot go wrong with that.

and that is my two or three cents for now. JD is stressed out too because at the same time as my two days of exams, his work is opening a brand new building (of the forty-million dollar persuasion) and people are freaking out about things that haven't gotten done. and there are so many rich people here that of course they have to host a bunch of pre-opening gala dinners that require jd to wear a tux, of all the silly things, and fellate the donors to their satisfaction. oh and he went to canada, met a bunch of cool people, and now has standing job offers in the uk and australia. in fact he is trying to encourage me to fail out of school so we can just hightail it to auzzieland right away. le sigh.

i am excited about ashleigh's wedding, and seeing most of you guys. i might not have regained human characteristics at that point but I will probably remember most of your names. egads. anyway. lurvels to you all, and snakes on a plane, man.

Real, Actual Conversation JD and I Just Had

Me: Are your balls filled with spooge again already?
JD: Well, there's definitely no drought
Me: Can you feel spooge moving around in your balls?
JD: No.
Me: Is that even where spooge is stored? I know I learned that at some point in my life.
JD: You mean there's a vas deferens between what you know and what is fact?
Me: This is going on my blog.

i'm having deja vu
The real photography is up.

Your Worries And Fears Become Your Friends

So, JD and I went to see Gnarls Barkley at the OC Fair last night. Dang, that was a super good show. Especially since Mike Patton's new band (Peeping Tom) was the opening act. Mike Patton, I swear. Gnarls, whatta charmer. If ever there were two voices I would more like to have sex with, I can't think of them. Fucking good show.

Anyway. There's photos of the start of our happy ever after honeymoon on the F-blog.

P.S. It's our one-month anniversary. Isn't the first month supposed to be the hardest? Oh, we are so golden.

I Just Knew Too Much


Hey, guys! "Crumpy" the dwarf requests the honor of your presence at the F-blog to view every photo of Jenny and Mike that I took!

A Wrecking Ball, Before The Building Fell

So you know how I said I had cuter photos of sheep? They're up on my F-Blog now for your perusal. As are many many many new photos. I'll keep them coming.

File Under: Could Only Happen To Jessica

So the other day my cell phone rings, and it's JD sister. She sounds a bit panicked:

ME: Jess, where are you?
JESS: In the car wash. I'm stuck.
ME: WHAA?!?
JESS: My car won't start. My car has been washed, like, eight times.
ME: Your car won't start?
JESS: Yeah my car won't start I turned it off in the car wash and now it won't start and I can't get out because the car wash keeps going.
ME: Hmmmm. *Maniacal laughter* We'll be right there.

Spectacular Spectacular

In the last 48 hours, I have had two Spectacular Coffee "Disasters." This photo is to help illustrate what I mean by "coffee," as well as "disaster." Ha.

So, yesterday morning I wake up from a creepy dream in which I am to be hanged for something but I escape, but some of you were also supposed to be hanged and did not escape with me when I was all, "come on guys, let's run away instead of being hanged," because you were like, "no, we'll get in trouble." Don't ask, I have no clear memory of who precisely was hanged/not hanged. But it was a weird dream, right? So I wake up groggy and am enjoying some coffee on the couch (much like the photo illustrates) and I have a habit of setting my mug down on the arm of the couch whilst I do other things, like shout vituperative invective (is that redundant? Jenny? Raedy?) at the today show. I turn my back on my coffee mug (never, never do that, people) and forget immediately it is there, because my brain is so full with information I don't need that I have morphed into a goldfish-like person, all of you who obsessively listened to Little Plastic Castle in high school with me will know what I mean and everyone else probably always knew that goldfish had no memory; I however had to learn it from Ani DiFranco. As I learned most important things. You know, someone should write one of those "All I Ever Needed To Know About Life, I Learned " books or posters but have it be "From Ani DiFranco Song Lyrics." Ok, dibbs.

Anyway so my brain is full, making me incredibly stupid, and I am acting out some ridiculous movement to JD that has no place in the morning's first cup of coffee since it is so flaily (dibbs) in nature, and I send the coffee mug hurtling off the arm of the couch.

Now.

You may think, "oh no, your white carpet!" well, that is very sweet. But I have knocked a mug off this same arm of the couch and onto the same spot of carpet before, so the carpet is no longer white in that general vicinity. What I had never before achieved, however, is the incredible radius of coffee splatter that I created yesterday. Coffee. Everywhere. On everything. Stretching six feet under the couch, into the dining room, coating the vertical blinds, coffee had splashed through the screen door and onto the patio, stained the baseboards on the wall, etc. Some of you may have seen Dracula: Dead And Loving It? Well, that scene where they go to nail a stake through Lucy's dead heart and with each tap of the hammer, literal gallons of blood spurt out in a very comic sequence? That is exactly what the coffee did. There could not have been more than an inch of coffee in that mug, yet it sprayed the entire apartment in a thick mist of chicory. For about ten solid minutes. Yeegads.

In that particular case, I was just thankful that my mug with little highland cows (wee hillan coos, you guys) all over it had not been harmed.

Then, today, JD and I get in the car so he can take me to school, and we are running slightly late, and I have my backpack and a sack of lunch-related food and a travel mug of coffee and I load all this into the passenger side and then as JD starts the car I find his sunglasses in the console, so I pick them up and open them and jam them onto his face like a good little wifey and he shifts into drive and hits the accelerator rather brusquely if you ask me, and the coffee travel mug that I have set atop the dashboard and instantly forgotten about once my attention was directed elsewhere (see? a goldfish) flies comically into the air and turns upside down and comically empties its entire contents onto every square inch of my person. And it was hot. Just spec-tac-u-lar. I was all pleased with myself too, before it happened, because I had eked another day out of one slightly filthy pair of jeans to avoid doing laundry last night. Of course, I had to change into completely filthy pants, which have been falling down K-Fed style and grossing out my faculty all day.

Also, I put gas in my car the other day and failed to put the gas cap back on. Which I noticed ten minutes later on the freeway. I am doing it real big, you guys. How awesome is it that I'm actually getting smarter as I age?

And for those of you who had money riding on it, I can attest that at least once a day since we got married I have shrieked, "I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!" over and over. So, there's that. Yeah peace out back to the grindstone.


P.S. Once I have collected all the photos and amassed them into a reasonable collection, I'll send out a link to the snapfish account.

Do Your Thang, Honey



In case you didn't notice, there are more photos on the F-blog. My mom's arrived. But if you want to see quality photography, please head over to Jenny's Blog.

The Once-Upon-A-Time Place for Happy-Ever-After People

I’m back, lovies. We got hitched.

You heard me.

This trip was awesome. Really, it was just incredible. Unfortunately, I have tried to write this post for the last few hours (photos and whatnot) and blogger has eaten it not once but three times, infuriating me to the point that I can feel my blood pressure building to dangerous levels and therefore, I am going to write all this in word and then stick photos in there so that IT CANNOT FUCK ME OVER ANYMORE. I am seriously sick of blogger being SUCH A TWAT.

Ok, so. I took a ridiculous number of photos (~1700) so uploading them is taking forever. So I thought a nice pseudo-fotoblog would be more entertaining than me narrating every second of the trip. Also, I will do this in stages since there ARE so damn many photos and I am waiting on other people with better photographic eyes to send me theirs as well.

Anyway, we landed in Edinburgh and went immediately to change money. Twas then I realized that calling the bank to tell them not to block your debit card in Europe only results in their blocking your debit card because you’re in Europe. Urge to kill rising.

Then we went to pick up our reserved rental car and were instead presented with the “only” available option: a considerable upgrade (free), but a Nissan X-terra something or other with manual transmission. Manual. In a country that drives on the left side of the road, with the driver sitting on the right, so the stick is left-handed. Hmmm. We expressed mild concern since JD has not driven a stick since he was in high school, but they were wholly unsympathetic. Urge to kill rising. Riiiising. Fine. Urge to kill falling. I had a super bad headache and my whimpering about the driving (let’s just say it took JD awhile to get the hang of the clutch, and roads in Europe are insanely narrow and they don’t have stoplights, they have roundabouts, and we had an evil GPS lady telling us wrong directions and insisting that “the destination” was where it was not) did not help things. Oh and jet lag and stuff. So that first day we went to the Falkirk Wheel and Stirling Castle, then drove to Oban to meet my mother.

We would never have found the hotel, thanks to Evil GPS lady, except my mother happened to be standing outside it smoking as we made our three thousandth pass through the area we believed it to be located within. She saw us drive slowly by and shrieked and jumped up and down, startling the other pedestrians on the street. I was, however, completely relieved to see her in one piece.

Then, the next day we all got on this boat…
Which we took to this isle…
I stopped being so pissy about the car, and once we were driving on Mull with its charming one-lane roads I was actually quite glad that we had the 4X4, and it was nice and scenic and looked like I had hoped it would and things started falling magically into place.
We drove up to the castle through town, then this little village called Dervaig, where I made JD stop so I could photographu the wind these sheep. Delightfully, these lovelies are all over the place as you get closer to the castle, and they munch on grass along the roads, the hillsides, wherever they please. Also delightfully, this is not the cutest photo of sheep that I took while we were there. If you can even stand it.
So then we got there. It was fantastic. Much larger inside and out than we expected, the rooms were like a maze. Photos of the interior later, but here is the front (with Jenny and Mike for scale)….
And here’s the view of the bay from the front steps…

I know you guys are all dying to see actual wedding photos now, right? Right? Ok, fine.

Here is my mother-in-law doing as she’s told. Haha, just kidding. I am really glad that she knows things like, “how to iron,” because literally, I do not. I would have singed a huge hole in the front of my dress had I been left to my own devices. She is not all that impressed with my homemaking skill set, but who cares.
Here is Jenny “adjusting my modesty panel,” which I refer to as “having a good chuckle at my expense.” I am not gripping that bedpost for funsies, by the way, it is completely necessary.
It stormed all day on our wedding day. It did not storm on any other days that we were there, and the locals all remarked that such weather was unusual for June, and more likely to happen in February. Nice. Luckily, I like storms and was not bothered by the fact that it had to be inside. Because, remember, we were in a goddamn castle.

I don’t yet have any photos of the ceremony, but I’ll have them soon, hold yer horses. Here’s some from after the ceremony. Check out the amazing flowers that everyone has in these photos. Since I did not bother planning those types of minor details, they were made by Janet and Jess from flowers that Jenny and Jess went and picked in the garden (they said we could, chillax) the morning of the wedding. I was blown away by how good they looked.

First, me with my new family…
And my sister…
Jenny and Mike (aka the attendants)…
And now, a series of photos of JD and Mike looking so cute and dapper my heart might burst…
Here…
And here…
And here…

Then we all went to eat at Calgary Hotel, the only place with a restaurant within traveling distance (what with only having one car, mind you), which I also did not bother planning. Instead, the moms walked over there a couple days before the wedding and they agreed to accommodate the ten of us, and, magically, to prepare a vegan dinner for me and JD seeing as how it was Our Day. It was phenomenal, it was seriously one of the best meals I have ever had in my entire life and everyone was quite delighted with how good it was. And how lucky we were to get a booking, since JD and I tried to go back later in the week and they were full through the end of the month.

This was the vegan main course…grilled vegetable gateaux.
Yeah, no one at the far end of the table was able to take a clear photo with my camera.
JD’s (and now my) relations.
Drink it up, drunkies.
Mom Davis and the only person who can actually pull off wearing a crochety shawl.

Then, of course, we all ate dessert.
See? Dessert.
Mmmmmmm.


Then, because there are only, like, three hours of darkness on the Summer Solstice in Scotland, we took even more photos. Afterward we all put sweat pants on and played cards with JD’s family. Fucking. Perfect. Day.