Whatever Stacey Wants, Stacey Gets

No updates lately because my life has been reduced to the following: wake up reluctantly, read for ten-twenty thousand hours, wander around like a zombie, watch tv or go to cheap movie theater in desperate bid to shut brain off, sleep restlessly dreaming about not knowing the age at which children _______, wake up in sweat, repeat. I only know what day of the week it is because I put post-it notes on each pile of reading I had to do with the day and date it needs doing.

For those of you I haven't griped endlessly to, I am in the "intensive studying" period that precedes the series of essays that determine whether I am smart enough to be allowed to finish grad school. And yes, people routinely fail, this is not a fluffy kind of thing. Although it is very obviously hazing. So the exams aren't until Sept. 18-19th but there is so. much. I didn't know that I didn't even know I didn't know. Now, I am almost done with most of the reading list (the people I'm studying with and I decided to front load the 6 weeks with readings so we can learn how to think and shit with the second half) and you can ask me almost anything about almost any aspect of devloppmental psychologee and I could give you quite the convoluted, verbal diarrheaesque response. Some of you have been unfortunate enough as to have invited this, and while it helps me sort out the infinite ways in which literally everything relates to everything else, I am sorry for your probable resultant headache.

The following movies are not good: The DaVinci Code, The Breakup, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby or whatever the fuck it's called, The Lake House, The Devil Wears Prada, The Perfect Man, Lady in the Water.

I made JD take away and hide every pair of tweezers I own to prevent stress-induced overzealousness with them.

I have watched the Science channel as I read all day today and now have a serious, real fear of supervolcanoes. When I was little I remember having nightmares about the sun exploding, because some benevolent elementary school teacher thought it appropriate to lay that out for seven-year-olds one day. My dad sat up with me and thought it was funny how worked up I was, because, in his words, "all humans will be dead by then anyway, so don't worry about it." Supervolcanoes seem like the same thing. So, even though all of Yellowstone park is essentially a big fat caldera with a magma reservoir underneath and we're due for a big old eruption either right now or in the next 200,000 years, it's still scary even if everyone is dead in a hundred thousand years and no one's around to see it.

I had no idea, before this started, just how much there was that I had not been taught that they also expect me to know. I feel like my brain is totally full and everytime I start to read another article or absurdly long review chapter, things that are unrelated to this are falling out the back.

But, I get the point of this and see its utility blah blah blah. I really will be noticeably more knowedgeable on the other side. And, AND, for the first time--EVER--I am starting to consider a traditional career in acadeemiah without rolling my eyes involuntarily or barfing a little bit in my mouth or laughing hysterically. I really like this specific area of psychologee, and that is super fucking easy to forget.

Now that I am almost on the far side of the readings (sixty more pages today, a book tomorrow, and that's it except for all the other shit I am supposed to know cold), I actually like that they have forced us to do this. But, that doesn't change the fact that I have been a zombie for weeks and I feel like an agoraphobe when I go out in public. I have gone stretches of a week at a time without properly getting dressed and my back hurts all the time from being so incredibly sedentary. I hate that I can't read/digest anything while walking around or even running at the gym. Whatever.

What else? Eh. Keith introduced me to a fabulous time waster that I recommend heartily for all Harry Potter enthusiasts:

Go here and download the audio tracks that go along with the first harry potter movie. burn them to cds. sync it up with the movie, and prepare to laugh until you pee yourself. I'm serious. I was eating dinner while watching it and I almost choked to death. You won't believe it's as funny as that until you do this, I mean it. Keith raved about it for weeks and I was all, "whatever, shut up, I'm a cranky bitch and I hate fun and laughter." But then I did it on a whim one night and my life has been changed, for the better. It's fucking incredible when it syncs up with the video, so take an extra three seconds of your life to do that right at the start. Oh, lord. lord almighty. If I had a figure depicting intensity of liking harry potter ness along one axis, and amount of enjoyment you will get out of watching this on the other axis, it would totally be a linear function. You cannot go wrong with that.

and that is my two or three cents for now. JD is stressed out too because at the same time as my two days of exams, his work is opening a brand new building (of the forty-million dollar persuasion) and people are freaking out about things that haven't gotten done. and there are so many rich people here that of course they have to host a bunch of pre-opening gala dinners that require jd to wear a tux, of all the silly things, and fellate the donors to their satisfaction. oh and he went to canada, met a bunch of cool people, and now has standing job offers in the uk and australia. in fact he is trying to encourage me to fail out of school so we can just hightail it to auzzieland right away. le sigh.

i am excited about ashleigh's wedding, and seeing most of you guys. i might not have regained human characteristics at that point but I will probably remember most of your names. egads. anyway. lurvels to you all, and snakes on a plane, man.

Real, Actual Conversation JD and I Just Had

Me: Are your balls filled with spooge again already?
JD: Well, there's definitely no drought
Me: Can you feel spooge moving around in your balls?
JD: No.
Me: Is that even where spooge is stored? I know I learned that at some point in my life.
JD: You mean there's a vas deferens between what you know and what is fact?
Me: This is going on my blog.

i'm having deja vu
The real photography is up.