Good Riddance, 2005



This is what we did in Boston.

Happy New Year!

Somewhere In Me, There Is Strength


Yeah, only a couple more things left to tick off the ol' to-do list before JD and I leave for Boston via Long Beach tonight. So super sweet. I can't wait to get to Boston. We are overnighting the flight and if all goes as planned we will show up, on Jenny's doorstep (and Mike's there! YAY!) at ass o'clock Christmas Morn with Dunkin Donuts coffee. Then we will punch her douche roommate in the face and the four of us will have the awesomest time known to man.
I meant to take a photo when all the presents were there, and with all the cards we accumulated on the mantle from two birthdays, three holidays, and an engagement, but forgot. Oh well.

Today I am packing (oh, how I LOVE to pack!) and doing a little bit of work, watching a house-flipping marathon on TLC, and soothing my angry psychic cat. He can always tell when we are leaving. He has been biting Jess all day, which is funny because he knows he's stuck with her for about a week. I am a little uneasy leaving him with her. If we come home to a dead cat she's going to suffer my wrath.

My mom isn't going to Boston, because she's crazy, but more hilariously, she's not going anywhere at all now. Her big claim was that she wanted to spend Christmas Day with her "ailing granny" but now my mom has a cold so she "doesn't want to expose them" to it and won't be going/doing anywhere/thing. She also tried to work in a passive aggressive, "maybe you can call me on new year's eve or something" yesterday to which I had to forcefully say, "No, I will call you on Christmas Day." Nice Try. Her new tactic, of not calling me on my birthday or either of her children on holidays, is appallingly effective.

We are, however, taking Trivial Pursuit to Boston. That is going to be fun. Two Davises playing a competitive trivia game always makes for two unhappy non-Davis boys. No matter how we slice up the teams. I fucking can't wait. There's something really like coming home for real about spending Christmas with JD, Jenny, and Mike. We've all spent so many holidays together, it's nice to be able to do it again.

And in case I/we die, I love all you guys. Even if I don't die, I should tell you all more often. This was one hard-ass year, but it's almost over. Thanks for supporting me and being there when I needed to rant. Happy Kwanzaa to all you lucky bitches who get to spend it together. I'm totally and unflaggingly jealous. But I'll see you guys in a few months, and with Cake. Lovels ya'll.

Mood Indigo

As I type, my cat is sitting on the table right behind the laptop screen, reaching his Very Stealthy paw around the sides of the screen to bat at my fingers. And every so often he looks, ears slicked back so I could not possibly see him, over the top of the screen. And he is mewing pitifully to get JD's attention (JD is in the kitchen, three feet away, but Jyushin is not content unless we are both looking at him).

So pardon the typos?

The clamor (clamour) for an update just got to be too too much to handle. So so so, what's news? Not much. I can't wait for Saturday, that's when we leave for Boston. The sister-in-law is on my last nerve, but she is pulling down 18-hour work days this week with the two jobs so I feel both lazy and guilty and also relieved that she's not here. I have a lot of work I'm plodding through. Mostly just trying to finish the bare minimum so that I can go off to Boston without stranding anyone.

We just got some delicious groceries to last us out the week. I am excited. If you have never tried the veggie bacon in the green box, please do yourself a favor and get some. It is everything good about normal bacon, but without the murder and heart attack.

I have a headache today. It could be muscle tension, could be my newly-realigned-with-the-lunar-cycle cycle, could be sleep deprivation or overcaffeination or whatever.

What it for sure Isn't is vitamin deficiency. I bought big girl vitamins (I was taking chewable powerpuff girls ones but I read that they're not quite what I need....ahem) and Even Bigger Girl calcium chews because you need to do that if you don't want to get colon cancer. Or brittle bones-itis. Which are both genetically in my face, so....

Yeah so I have a headache. I bought some nutrition. My cat is so cute. I can't wait for Boston. It better be so fun my face melts. I have work I should do. If I come across any cute videos of my finance or cat in the next few days I'll post them, never fear. If not....well. That's too grisly a thought to even think.

I am looking forward to winter clothing and temperatures, and maybe even snow! Now I'm thirsty. So boring. So ached in the head. Gonna drink some water. Yeah!

Freudian Slippers? That's Genius

I have been dreaming a lot in the last couple weeks. This morning I was dreaming about Ashleigh and Jim, and they had just gotten married and somehow I had managed to sit behind a post so i could barely see her dress or the ceremony. And then Stacey and I crashed their lunch the next day because we had to ask Ashleigh something and they were pissed. Oh and somehow Stacey and I were roommates with A and Jim. And I noticed that her wedding ring was intricately detailed, and then later in the dream I was looking through our shared communal bathroom and found a Cool Water gift set that Jim had given Ash, and I opened it and there were six different cool water scented soaps and five different cool water themed rings. And I realized that her wedding ring was the missing one and she would probably alternate among the five others too. And I thought that was quite novel.

Then JD and I had to go to Scotland for something, we had to find somebody. And we went on public transportation that flew around in the air like a cable car past Big Ben, where some Londoner remarked that if you were a tourist you might feel very small next to it, but only if you were a tourist. So I leaned over and, in my best faked British accent, told him how my father had taken me there when I was little and i did feel very small. And then JD and I got off on the wrong stop and were in this restaurant on a riverbank and we went in and Ashleigh and Jim were there and we were interrupting their dinner again.

Weird, huh? and then there was something about an old lady I was trying to help. Weird. Oh, and go here. You'll thank me.

Nobody Here Is Under The Slightest Obligation to Recompense You For Your Wares

I knew if I just sat and waited long enough, BBC America would give me an appropriate title.

1. JD's aunt and uncle sent us a handmade parcheesi rug with game pieces! That was thoughtful. I have never played parcheesi before. And it smells weird. It makes Jyushin do the thing he does when he smells coffee where he paws at the ground, trying to cover up the offending smell with imaginary cat litter. Sounds charming, but is not after the thousanth time.

2. I can't concentrate on my schoolwork. I think, also, that I may have fucked something fairly major up, so I am kind of avoiding looking into that because if I do find that to be the case, I am going to have my ass handed to me, and I'm not interested in that.

3. I did get sick, after all. But whatever viral infection JD has is milder with me and does not involve nasal congestion, so I could care less. I think I'll be over it in another day or so, and nicely enough I dont' have to show my face anywhere until Monday, so I'll be fine. We are splitting his antibiotics just like you're not supposed to, so I expect an even speedier recovery.

4. The FedEx guy just came and brought presents from Ashleigh!!!! WHEEEEEE, that's awesome. I heart her. These pig shaped soaps totally trump the parcheesi rug that was about to get made fun of in more detail. Now I am too overcome with delicious smells to be such a git. Thanks, pookie!

5. Jessica came home last night and announced that she wants to run a marathon. My mouth actually turned into one of those squiggly lines you see on cartoon people's mouths when they are disbelieving and/or thoroughly conflicted about which emotion to express.

6. I have to get back to work. Suck. I am working on a grahnt now with a few people and it is going to require "intensive" work until mid-January. I have yet to be able to force my brain to think "intensively" about anything since last week, so it blows that I have a deadline of tomorrow for one of the drafts. Wah, I know, I am such a whiner.

Twenty-Seven Trombones Led The Big Parade

BABY! Happy birthday! You are so totally awesome! I love you oodles!!!

JD is sickly today. No, before you even think of uttering such blasphemy, I am not getting whatever he has. The power of positive thinking. We are going to his work-related Xmas party tonight. I feel bad that we have to do that on his birthday. I just skipped a job tawlk to take him to lunch. That was fun. Yes, I have lots to update about but I just wanted to say


HAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPY BIRTHDAY to JD

Maybe This Hamburger Necklace Isn't Magical After All

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.2
Mind:	8.3
Body:	8.9
Spirit:	6.1
Friends/Family:	6.8
Love:	10
Finance:	7.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

This Morning On The Riverbed

Did you know that when JD puts on a pair of ladies white sunglasses, he looks exactly like an evil Indiana Jones action figure I have in my car? No, I didn't have my camera on me for this, but it's uncanny. The Figure is the evil Chinese man (or maybe he's supposed to be German? Action figures have come a long way). Oh hang on a second I have to terrorize my cat.

Thanks. I'm back.


Wait, now I have to pee. Hang on.


Ok thanks. So yesterday I was in class and my friend Oscar (I know for sure that his name is Oscar because he has it tattooed on his own arm) was sitting a few seats down from me, and he smelled goddamn delicious. And I sniffed the air a few times and then started inching my chair closer to him and had travelled about nine feet before I realized I was acting out an Axe bodyspary commercial. Luckily I noticed right before I started pole dancing. But that stuff! My gosh.


So JD and I need you guys to vote on which photo here we should use as our engagement photo. These are the only choices. How fucking great would it be to run one of these in the ol' C&P back in the Ville? Huuuuh?

In other news: Walk the Line is great. My movie list is huge right now. Things are great. More photos (but if you don't like these, you won't be interested!) on the F-blog. That's the last link over nyah (<-------).

Did anyone see the South Park about ginger kids? Because if so I have a funny story.

What Is Right and What Is Easy

Apparently there is a phenomenon known as "shrinkage" in statistical modeling. We learned all about it yesterday. It has to do with numbers, silly. And because my teacher is the best teacher ever, she makes sure to repeat key phrases and concepts to the point of absurdity. So yesterday she said, "shrinkage" six hundred times in a span of three minutes. This is the same teacher who warned us about needing to prepare for "getting hit with Dick" before her friend came to give a guest lecture earlier in the quarter.

I would have been fine, as I was sitting by my very Republican friend J, but I chanced to look up at my friend Ed Win across the room, who was making the same pained laugh-restricting face as i was, and we both, maturely, lost it.

JD pointed out to me last night that it's December. And I felt a literal wave of endorphins wash over me, and my brow unknitted itself, and everything went back to being awesome instead of me being emotionally volatile. So yay for that.

Also, my pseudo mom (who was unbelievably kind to me the other day and I love more than ever now and is not even scared of me for freaking out on her and in fact seems to like me better for having freaked out on her) is taking her lab group out this afternoon for dessert. I don't even get why she's doing it but I am, needless to say, thrilled about it.

and it's my birthday in a week! I love this month. I love all you guys too.

I Find It Hard To Believe

That horsing around with a knife actually resulted in JD's just having stabbed me in the hand. I'm not sure why he was making stabbing motions toward the kitty while I was petting said kitty, but there it is. He stabbed me in the hand.

Time And All You Gave

I really thought I might make it through this entire quarter without breaking down in front of my pseudomom.

There's just so much good stuff, and so much to be thankful for and happy about and all that tripe. But as successful as I am at taking the small minority of people who tax all of my resources and sticking them in a part of my brain that isn't constantly under use, they're still draining me. And I don't know what to do.

What do I do with people who are killing me even in their absence? If they were localized in a certain part of me I would cut it off. I would throw it to the wolves. But they're not localized. They're a part of me. And as much as I used to think I could burn bridges and cut people permanently out of my life, I now realize how unsuccessful and completely counterproductive that always was. Sorry if I ever tried it on you. Let's just blame it on my immmaturity.

She's my mother. He's my best friend.

And I can't be enough for either of them.

Gilgamesh and Enkidu at Uruk!


Lovely Thanksgiving. We instituted a HP theme, as you can see in that photo. It was delightful, and almost entirely vegan. You omnivores don't know what you're missing, I swear.

We also put up a tree ($17, woot!) and lights outside. I spent an hour looking for JD's death star ornament but can't find it, so the tree currently has a green eggs and ham ornament and two key chains that jessica saw fit to hang. I'm not really sure why you would want to hang key chains on a tree, but then again, I'm also not sure why you would eat half a pumpkin pie for breakfast, so there are lots of things I remain in the dark about.

Nothing is quite as holiday-fabulous as a lit tree, fireplace, and tea. earl grey. hot.

And I had the weirdest dream this morning.

Looking For You In This Other Girl's Eyes

I, too, would have liked to see a Veela. But JD said, and I agree, that not having to sit through scenes with Dobby or Kreacher was worth them dropping out the Veelas, half the world cup scenes, the entire academic year, any real drama between Ron and Hermione, all the classmates, most of sirius, the dursleys, and the majority of the first third of the book. Totally worth it, though, for the dragons, that scene where Snape keeps hitting them with books, and every second of Sweet Little Hermione.
I saw it opening night, of course. Good crowd. It's nice to see it with a theater full of people who squeal just like I do when Hermione does something cute. JD and I went to see it again last night, with a much less-good crowd. The girl on theother side of JD kept ripping farts. And then checking her phone to see if anyone had texted her in the five seconds since she last checked her phone. All her friends got up and left. Probably because of the constant farts. CONSTANT VIGILENCE.

HEY! Isn't Moody supposed to shout that all the time?! I just noticed. Dammit, I loved that about him in the book.

I picked up some choice British insults, too, which will come in super-handy.

So I've been effectively captaining myself for once. I got my hair cut last week and not only is it Killer, my crazy portugese hairstylist was yakking to me about astrology (because of psychology, you see), and realized my birthday is coming up and also that I am betrothed and so she bought me a huge vat of shampoo and conditioner as a birthday present with her own money. I watched her dig her check card out of her wallet and pay for it. I have been using this stuff and it is like liquid gold. It is the best fucking thing to happen to my hair, ever.

My hair looked so awesome yesterday that I was able to banter animatedly and not stupidly with not one but three separate faculty members who usually intimidate me so much that I fall all over myself. Heh. Magick shampoo. Plus, how awesome is it that my hairstylist got me a present? I almost cried.

Jessica and I went goodwilling this weekend. I found, no kidding, 14 shirts, the CUTEST purse ever, and a pair of jeans. So exciting. I fucking love thrift stores.

I just ran my hand through my hair and I almost crapped my pants it's so soft. It's like what petting melted butter would feel like if that wouldn't feel hot and liquidy.

I got new tires. Please, hold your applause. I only did it because JD picked me up from my hairkutt after getting my oil changed and was quite Wan and told me that for His birthday, he wants Me to get new tires for My car, because by rights they should have exploded in BLOOMINGTON when I first noticed that my tires sucked and it is some ridiculous miracle that I haven't been killed on a freeway driving on those horrible worn beasts. He scared me so we drove straight to a tire place and now i have teenage boy racing tires. VROOOOOOMMMM

I am on track to get All My Work Done before the end of tomorrow, which means I can do dick until next Monday. Nice. I just have to crank out some real gems of smartified wisdom today, which I fully intend to do.

You're a right foul git!

Ladies Is Pimps Too

It's finally here. Harry Potter Day. I am so G.D. excited. Before I go to sleep tonight, I will have finally seen this fabulous movie. I wore my Griffindor Quidditch shirt to bed last night (JD got it for me, it's comically too small but I don't care). I am coordinating final meeting-up details with some of my friends as we speak. And then, we are going to get there and wait in line for two hours! I can't wait. Ohhhh god, I have been excited about this movie for a literal year. I got through spring quarter (worst. quarter. ever.) by telling myself HP was coming out in November. No, seriously. I LOVE this book. This may be the best book of any of them. Ohhhhhhhhh Boy.

I'm getting my gross hair cut in a half hour. I'm thinking about chopping it off and dying it blond. Just to cockblock my friend B who is thinking about cutting her hair off. Kidding. I can't wait to see the crazy portugese lady.

I had a dream yesterday morning in which I married Jarrod (yes, my ex-boyfriend Jarrod who is married) and then his family was like, "Let's go to disneyworld, the parade starts in 90 minutes!" and I was all, "we can't drive to florida from indiana in that amount of time" and they were like, "who said anything about driving? We'll take the family jet!"

So JD and I (yeah, he was there) got on the Wholder family jet and it flew 20 feet above the ground all the way to FL. The majority of the dream was the inside of the jet.

Also, I experienced a cosmic reminder to stop being such a bitch yesterday.

I was coming home from my office at, like, 10pm, and I was about to pull into my parking spot, but this fat sullen neighbor in a "thug-esque" jacket was skulking along the row of cars right in my way. So I stopped abruptly and, obnoxiously, put my signal on to make sure he knew he was in my way, and glared at him. He glared right back, because he was trying to look "hard."

Then, I pulled into the spot and cut it waaaaaayyy too close, and, reminiscent of the time I bashed my car into a barrier in the parking garage, I bashed the back right side of my car into a granite (textured!) pillar that forms the side of the space. Nice. I scared myself, probably made that guy shit his pants, and didn't think too hard about it because that is what I do.

Then later JD and I went to the gym and he was having to direct me in backing out of the spot because I almost took my passenger side mirror off. And who walks by, but the guy I almost killed and his buddies. I am pretty sure they were walking over to examine the extensive damage That Retarded Girl had done to her own car.

I didn't have the heart to look at it until we got to the gym. Holy. Shit. I am so lame. I gave the entire side of my car a nice, textured set of racing stripes. Poor plastic car. It's not pretty. I'll probably try to touch it up with nail polish later. Ha.

Anyway, that's this week's installment of Karma Gonna Getcha.

Now I have to go get my nasty hair cut (JD's getting my oil changed while I do that, I LOVE IT!) and then I think we're going to Disneyland until it's HP time. Oh, how I love today. So So So grand. Even if I broke my damn car.

Safe As A Cootie-Wootie With You

1. I need a haircut. I didn't realize it was this desperate until today. All that heat styling really takes a toll on your lovely lady locks, ya'll! But I don't have enough money for a haircut! And I also need an oil change. Oh, dilemma.

2. In, like, 2nd grade, I was in class and we were about to read this short story about a kid with a problem and I was already bored with the story because, if you believe my mother, I was reading when I was 2 (and if you believe her grandmother, I could read the Bible. And she said, "oh, no you cain't, Elizabeth" and I says, I says to her, "Oh yes I can, granny!" and then I went and grabbed the Bible and started reading it to her and that story will never die), and stupid little second-grade stories were *yawn* not that challenging. But this story featured the word "dilemma" in the little vocab section before the actual story. And the teacher asked if anyone knew what a dilemma was. And the GD definition was right there on the page next to the word "dilemma." So even though I was prohibitively shy all the time (in fact, until grad school shook that right the fuck out of me) back then, I raised my hand and gave the answer right off the page. And the teacher was annoyed that I had obviously looked at the definition. But come on! Reading is an automatic process, you can't look at letters and NOT read. So I never answered anything else again. Through grade 16.

3. That means I am in 19th grade right now. Eeeww.

4. Only sixty-something hours until Harry Pottser! I am so fucking (FREAKIN') excited. Yeah, I'm going to the midnight show. Yeah, I have class the next day. I know, I'm not in college anymore. I shouldn't do crap like this. DEAL WITH IT.

5. I bought toilet paper yesterday, because since Jessica has lived with us, we use toilet paper at an exponentially faster rate than when it's just the two of us there. This annoys me to No End. If you're really needing proof of how pissy I get about toilet paper waste, refer back to my archives when I lived with Chris Sinclair. I was a total bitch about it then, too.

6. I have considered buying travel-size TP and giving her one per day to use. I swear, that girl must mummify her entire arm and shoulder with the stuff before attempting a wipe. It's just Wasteful. So anyway, I bought 12 giant-sized rolls that are supposed to equivle 48 normal rolls. And I'm timing this.

7. I realize that logically, the third of the rent she pays is more than any amount of toilet paper she can go through. And even if she eats $150 in groceries/month by herself and then uses another however much of communal amenities and then you subtract out the housework she doesn't do, and the amount of damage to the furniture (I am not kidding. Our shit furniture is taking a beating. It's weird, she never just sits down, She plops or flings herself downward) and the annoyance factor or having to shut the door whilst crapping or not be naked all the time or have space for all our junk and the way her room smells because she's never (never) cleaned it....hmmmm. I think that about cancels out. Would I rather worry about another few hundreds of dollars a month that JD and I have to come up with, or worry about not killing someone?

8. I'm not sure, actually. JD thinks she's seriously considering going home, either in January for good or June. it's been an uphill battle to try to (a) convince her to go back to school for what she's interested in, rather than what she thinks will land her a tolerable job, and (b) explain to her mother that she needs to goddamn do things on her own, for the first time in her life. It's really just amazing to see this kind of sheltered-ness in a person this age.

9. Ahh, my coffee is FINALLY starting to kick in. Now I can get to work. Thank fuck. LOOOONG day ahead, with lots of interactions with people who only want to talk to me about bikini waxing.

*Ciao*

A Lot Of Women Prefer Them To Normal-Sized Bananas, LIKE NEVER BEFORE


One
This is Ashleigh's hand. Ashleigh Purviance. I AM SO EXCITED! I have been unable to talk in anything but all caps for about 20 hours now. I want to throw her a party. A big party with penis-shaped everything. This is the most fabulous thing ever. Oh, and tiaras. No one ever gets tired of tiaras. In fact, the only bridezillas I can get enough of are the trashy ones walking around DL (that's shorthand, yo) with minnie mouse bridal ears. Those, I hate. All other indications of specialness, I totally love.

Two
JD and I bought some guides to Scotland this weekend. They have been immensely helpful. We are trying to work out minor details now and I am getting ridiculously excited already. We are arguing over which specific isles are worth seeing, and how many days we can afford to spend in Storybook Glen (Sis, you have to make sure to hit the Glen! OMG). And stuff. I half-assedly tried starting a registry on Amazon (if you go look you'll be appalled....there's nothing but iPod nanos and dvd box sets on there, so please don't) but I think we'll go the nouveau route of setting up a honeymoon registry instead. We'll see. I am convinced we don't need any more stuff, so maybe it's slightly classier to ask for honeymoon money than normal-ass money. whatever.

Either way, the next while is going to be incredibly expensive. I think Kristin and Eric will be engaged too by the end of the year, and they've already planned their wedding in hawaii. And we are absolutely going to that. And fucking travel is expensive. I hate that. I should moonlight as a flight attendant or something to get free tickets. But it's going to be so fucking awesome. I am completely stupid with how excited I am.


Three
My mom is being crazy. Above and beyond the normal, holiday-season-inspired weirdness. She'll probably start reading this again because I'm being so "secretive" in not having written her back since yesterday, so I should limit what I say. It's annoying. There's always this second where she could choose to act right, and she considers it but chooses, instead, to fucking (freakin', if you're her) act retarded each time. I watched a full-blown family drama unfold over several hours yesterday and I am not impressed with her behavior. OOOOOH, SNAP.


Four
This is mine. I can't do it justice with the camera, so I am stealing their photo. It's slightly bluer than it looks here, most of the time. It's fucking insane. I heart it.

Five
I like everything. I like my life a whole whole lot. I have decided to stop freaking out about stuff. School, money, roommate drama, etc. FUCK IT, I say. Things work out for the best. GoF comes out in, like, three days. I'm planning a delicious vegan thanksgiving. we bought a shitty tree for the first time since we've lived here. I'm booking Boston tickets later today. I'm going to yoga in a few hours. Life is fucking awesome. I love everyone. Like Never Before.

I Have The Lamest Nightmares

1. I had a dream a couple weeks ago, in between hitting the snooze button for an entire extra hour, in which I was taking the interval of time in between hitting the button (seven minutes, to be specific) and I was conducting lon jih tudinal data analys eees on the information that I dreamed during each interval because you can do that sort of thing across multiple time points.

2. I had a dream this morning in which I was trying to sound out the difference between the "Trossachs" and the "Treshnish Islands" in my dream.

3. I wish Jessica would stop holding up various circulars from the Sunday paper and, shouting, proclaim: "Oh, THIS looks pretty cool!" or "Wow, THIS isn't too bad, Liz!" Because there is a GG marathon on (riiiight, Melissa?) and the only place I can watch it is in the living room, AKA Jessicaville, and she is talking THROUGH it and I hate it!

4. Happy Birthday Celeste! Hope you are having a lovely time and making a difference in SW IN if that's what you're doing today.

5. Speaking of. I am super sad and sorry for everyone who was affected by it in any way, whether your parents' house blew away or you had to pull extra shifts at the hospital or you had to hike to your house through miles of debris. Or if you knew anyone who got hurt or anything. I found out that my mom's old house is actually still standing (I thought it was gone, thanks a lot unreliable sources...none of you, don't worry) and that was a huge relief. and I know that's a tiny thing; the house I used to live in might be gone and I was extremely bothered. So I'm double sorry if you really had actual stuff to contend with. Sorry I can't talk smart about it.

6. I don't have my usual meeting tomorrow, which means I unexpectedly got a 5-day break. Needless to say, i have some catching up to do today with Everything. And GG marathon. So, got to go.

I'm Sorry, But Viktor Krum Is HOTT

I am a complete and total dork.

English Genius You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 93% Expert!

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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 68% on Beginner You scored higher than 48% on Intermediate You scored higher than 81% on Advanced You scored higher than 86% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

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New Euphemism For Pooping

"I'm going to go throw some things in the laundry, and then I'll be back."

--My Little Sis

(am so proud)

This Is My Video Post

Oh my god, ya'll, I figured out Video Blogging.

I Know, Right?!?

So I went out last night for Kristin's birthday. We went to this incredibly classy bar out on Rich People Peninsula, aka Balboa. I'd never been out there! It's like coney island and shit. We took a ferry over and even though the ferry ride was about five minutes long, we all got out of the car and reenacted scenes from titanic at the helm of the ferry. No, we didn't, but it smelled a lot like ocean and was great practice for ferrying around on a Scottish isle, if you get my....drift. HA! But seriously, folks, nothing shouts, "CLASSY" like a mural on a wall with a be-implanted lass holding a margarita glass in her vagina.













Kristin likes yellow alcohol, apparently. We came for happy hour, which started pretty early in the afternoon, so at all times each of us had two big-ass drinks in front of us. And then also there were shots. And, the jukebox played nothing but classic rock, and with each new song the three of us ladies exclaimed in unison, "I love this song!" whether or not it was actually true. When we all got drunk enough to venture over to the juke (chin) box, holding hands like Kindergarteners on a field trip, we immediately forgot what we picked and started exclaiming with each song, in unison, "This is totally our song!" Which was not the case. Ever.






This is Briana. If I have ever passingly tried to set you up with her and you feigned disinterest, I bet you are kicking yourself right about now. She is so CUUUUUUUTEEE! She was threatening to nominate me for What Not To Wear, not because she thinks I need style help, but because she knows I would crap my pants with happiness to go on that show.


Then, after we drank ourselves retarded and realized that "happy hour" didn't mean "happy pricing" when you tell the waitress to "choose whatever tequilla she wants" for the margaritas, we left the Classiest of Cantinas, and were halfway to the car when Kristin got a whiff of ocean air and exclaimed, "Ohhhhh can't we please go to the beach for just one minute!?" So we walked the extra three steps to the beach, where the ocean was big and black and inky and I felt so small and dinky (ha! name that reference). And Lo! There are bonfires all over the place. People actually do this kind of thing, it's not myth after all. People come and make fires in these pits and hang out and it couldn't be nicer. I never before wanted to do something like that, but after seeing it, I like it.





Kristin somehow went and befriended these random people, whose fire we then bogarted because Briana and I were freezing our balls off, and she showed them her butterfly tat on her buttcheek (she has shown all of us this tattoo multiple times. and usually she makes a point of showing us what undies she is wearing too. Which is why I adopted that habit. Because I know you're curious and you feel weird asking. So I just show you, get that elephant out of the room) and this random girl showed her a butterfly tat on her shoulder. So while she randomly bonded with them we all enjoyed their fire and talked loud, inappropriate shit about the "guitar player" among them who was using his "guitar playing" skills to mack on these girls. It was Heeeelarious. Then we hiked back to the car and hung out at my apartment and watched WNTW and sobered up and then my friends went home. Wheee!

There's more photos on my fotoblog. Back to my weekend.

Leaning Back On A Broken Willow Tree

GAH, I am in the worst mood. And I've felt pukey and dizzy all damn day. Why in the fuck do ALL PEOPLE IN ACADEMIA assume that I am pregnant when I feel pukey and dizzy? Do I look that fat today? Do I look that sexually active??! Seriously, the two or three times I've grumbled through a day feeling like this kind of shit in the last few years, WITHOUT FAIL someone who mentors me insinuates that I must be pregnant.

I AM NOT GODDAMN PREGNANT

I swear to GAH. They all get excited about it too, like it's something I should be thrilled about. Maybe one day the Lady Clock will start a-ticking for me. maybe. Not today, buster. Until then I am not going to get excited about having eaten something that gave me indigestion. AM I RIGHT?!?

shit!

And Melissa's away message has something to do with there being a rerun on tv. And it's Gilmore Girls night. And if the rerun she's referring to is the SUPPOSED TO BE NEW episode that's coming on here in two hours with the much-lauded return of JESS that I have been waiting for with bated breath for TWO MONTHS I WILL CRY

I HATE NOVEMBER! I FUCKING HATE THIS GODFORSAKEN MONTH I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

Well, we're off to a really great and mature start to the month, aren't we, Liz?

Ole! Jose! Ole! Ole!

I have a headache. Boo. I've had more champagne in the last month than...well, I was going to say the rest of my life combined, but last year JD and I went to a champagne brunch with K&E for Thanksgiving, and that was the most champagne ever.

I had a blast last night. Six of us went to see a flamenco ballet at the center. I heart free tickets. I heart the running tally of how much money JD and I have saved with free tickets. I think it is something like two grand since July. Come visit, we will go out on the town, we'll sit in $200 box seats and leave early if we're not delighted by the performance. Ok, the only thing I've ever insisted we leave early from was Dame Edna.

So we went to the flamenco. I now totally want one of those dresses the ladies wear. T'was awesome. The sheer amount of sweat halos that flew off the main dude's head when he spun around, all impressive-like, was incredible. Then we went to eat. Then we came back here to drink the pineapple champagne that K&E had brought us that they got in Sonoma or something. Totally nice of them. Then we drank all the remaining wine in our house. Jyushin got to hang out with his aunties and uncle eric. The boys bonded, as usual, which is SO cute. And everyone was dressed so cutely, I about crapped my pants. I should have taken photos! Damn! So we all hung out drinking and talking in my newly clean living room until almost 4am. That is insane. I know some of you are still total party animals, but we grad students are not so much. 4am is crazy! But it was really nice and now I am tired and have this very slight, almost imperceptible headache.

Tonight I am looking forward to a bunch of work and zero trick-or-treaters. I'm craving travel. Pooh.

You're No Star To Guide Me, Anyway

It's weird, I've always thought of myself as a Homebird. How ironical.

So, I hear the midges are murder in June. That blows. Hey sis, do you remember one year driving to NEMC and almost suffocating on the cloud of black flies that New England is blessed with in certain parts of the early summer? Can't be any worse than that. I guess. Apparently the best midge-repellent is Skin so Soft by Avon.








My mom went ahead and ruined Christmas, earlier than usual this year. Sis, I promise I explicitly told her to get there on Xmas, so at least the three of you could hang out. And it looks like even if JD's working, we can catch an overnight flight out that night and be there ass-early on th 26th. Man, mom. And of course there's nothing wrong with just Boston. You're so touchy. I'm totally kidding. I flipped out on JD totally hardcore a week ago.

Oh that reminds me. The Bikini Wax Lab and I were talking about....stuff....that's.....on the horizon, and since they are girls they are incredibly excited about this....stuff, and the one girl I hate (ok, not really, in fact, last night I had a dream I was lezzing out with her, thanks a lot south park for saying "lezz out" ninety times and getting that stuck in my subconscious) kept referring to JD as "PJ" and I had no idea what she was talking about, thought she was on to one of my other boyfriends or something. (I'm stealing that bit from Raedy). PJ is about the dumbest initials name ever. When I was interviewing at different grad schools a few years ago, I went to one where I had to go out with a bunch of the students, and while waiting to be seated at this thai place two of them started talking about dealbreakers in dating, and they both agreed that "stupid initial names" like "TJ, JC, DJ, etc" were so incredibly awful that they could never ever like someone who knew anyone who went by their initials. For that, and many other reasons, I decided not to go to school in farm country flat land, california.

And did you know that the South refers to Jefferson Davis as "Jeff Davis?" Because that sounds like a plausible uncle of mine. My friend who is, suddenly, a conferderate, is renewing her vows in a cemetary. Over by Jeff Davis' eternal resting place or something. No, not creepy. Interesting. Vow renewal a year later because the moms-in-law ruined the real thing. Interesting.


It is gorgeous. I love October. I love this weather. It's crisp here, not too cold yet, but it's so much colder at night. It just makes sense that the temperature is affected by the presence/absence of the sun. Still wearing flip flops daily. Haaaa. Anyway, gotta go. JD's day off. Things to do. SMOOOOOOOCHIES.

He Likes To Read Books Written For Girls

I love Tuesdays. Tuesday evenings, that is. Because this is the only good night of television in existence anymore. Gilmore Girlz then SATC reruns and Law & Order:SVU all in a row.

The problem is, I have this giant stats lab due tomorrow. And I'm not done. And now I'm typing this instead of getting it all squared away before 8:00. What the fuck, self.

JD made me a super awesome cd today. I like it a lot. In other news, I am not pregnant! No, there wasn't a scare or anything, nor are we trying, I just wanted to announce that I have, like usual, realized a few days late why I was being such a collossal bitch a few days ago. Man, I'll never figure me out. I'm also tired. Also, I'll be posting some poems on the remorseless blog II in a while. Totally yanking your chains on that one.

So, no one has any thanksgiving/xmas plans whatsoever? Weird. I think the sad truth is that I am too broke to do anything but Boston and back. Renting a castle is, apparently, not cheap. Who knew? So yeah.

Oh fuck I have to do this lab. I so hate it. I so hate math. It is whipping my ass.

Later.

You are Lindsay. The family activist. Ending the
war on Iraq, separation of church and state,
improving school lunches and anti-circumcision
movements. No one understands how important
these causes are more than you.


Arrested Development: Which Bluth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm Going to Hump The Refrigerator

Quite honestly, I am not surprised no one cared about yesterday's post. Snoozefest. I mean it about that chocolate stuff, though. Seriously.


Stacey and I were talking a few weeks ago about Kwaanza. Now, I need help figuring out what in the hell I'm doing over my Xmas break. I know I'm going to Boston for a week or so, but I don't know exactly when. Stacey thought it might be fun to have kwaanza in Chicago or something. Would anyone be up for that? I need to figure out how many places I'm trying to go and if it's financially feasible (probably not) and how to do it. Suggestions welcome. And should we have it before or after Xmas? What is everyone doing for thanksgiving? Etc.

On This Stretch Of Ground, I'll Lay Me Down

I have several idiot things to say today.

1. I can not stop listening to The Tain (by The Decemberists). This song, which is a five-part epic lasting just under 20 minutes, is the most delightful thing I've ever heard. They teach us new vocabulary words (e.g., "tain." Did you know, before, that the tain is part of a mirror, the shiny silver backing that makes a mirror reflective, as opposed to just a piece of glass?) and sing about murdering chaplains all in one accordion-rich package. I know it maybe doesnt' SOUND like the best idea for a song, but, Oh! how I love this band. And this is their best song by far. It's a lot like (conceptually, not sound-wise) My Father My King (by Mogwai), another twenty minute epic song. It's fantastic. All bands should produce an epic song lasting upwards of fifteen minutes, if they want me to take them seriously. Also, they should reference pirates but also teach us new vocabulary. Or they should refrain from including lyrics altogether. As a further example, here are some other words included in The Tain that I had to look up, and I recommend you do too if you love knowledge and learning:

Fallow
Samovar
Fen


2. I have been searching for a way to craft a post about the vast discrepancies in lyrical ability between Colin of the Decemberists and Jim of Jimmy Eat World. I recently bought the new JEW EP, Stay With Me Tonight, and bought The Tain at the same time. You can guess which one has been monopolizing my cd player(s), headphones, ipod, office, and dreams (I've been dreaming about this song. It's the soundtrack to everything I do, it's THAT good). I've tried to think of a clever way to do this, but I can't (come on, I'm not my sister, I'm not supposed to know how to smartify words so much), so I'll just present, for my own amusement, a Study In Contrasts (I won't name the lyricists and we'll have a guessing game in the comments section and the winner gets a new comp cd. Your choices are Jim or Colin):

A.
And granted for their pleasure
Possessions laid to measure
She's a salty little pisser
With your cock in her kisser
But now she's a will of her own

B.
From the lee of the wall
He comes in chain and chariot
And all his eunuchs in thrall
Can scarce lift his line and lariat

C.
Hushed with a finger
Don't say you'll never
When you might, or just another time
This poison comes instruction free
Do what you want, but I'm drinking

D.
When the dawn comes to greet you
You'll rise with clothes on
And advance with the others
Singing old songs
Of cattle and maidens and withered old queens
Let the music carry you on

E.
Wonder why I'm so caught off guard when we kiss
Rather live my life in regret than do this
What happened to the love we both knew
We both chased
Hanging on a cigarette
You need me
You'll burn me

F.
But hush now, darling, don't you cry
Your reward's in the sweet by-and-by
Hush now baby, don't you cry
Your reward's in the sweet by-and-by



3. I bought this stuff at B&BWirks yesterday called 100% Pure (brand name) Chocolate Mocha body scrub. I used it last night. It's made, basically, of crushed espresso beans and chocolate. You rub this shit on your body. It smells like heaven. It exfoliates. That may not matter to most of you, but I have weird enough skin that I can honestly say that prior to last night, I had never successfully exfoliated my skin, but I did not realize it. I am totally blown away by this stuff. And it's 100% vegan. If you can't find it online ( I think it's made by purity cosmetics, or something, in Napa, CA), I will get you some. It comes in a bunch of flavors, most of which sound like food. There's strawberry smoothie and then a bunch of things that appear to be preserves that you rub on your skin. I can't rave enough. It's insane. It's FUCKING INSANE.

4. I am gathering a lot of info about a lot of things east of the atlantic. It's going to be a shit ass crazy time. For now, if you're interested in the soundtrack, go get Mendelssohn's Hebrides overture(s?) and listen to that. You'll understand.

5. I know I have no right to post this, as it's not of me, but it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. I love you, Jen, please don't get mad for me posting this:

The Sun And The Moon And The Stars

So I did laundry tonight, and the cat's fave thing to do is jump into the laundry basket on top of the dryer-warmed clothes, and purr for as long as they stay hot. I had been sorting my laundry in the living room so's I could still catch every second of GG, and when it was over I dragged the basket with the cat in it back to the bedroom, and pronounced, "Look what cat I dragged in!"

Then I laughed my stupid head off. JD kind of chuckled, but plainly didn't see the genius in that. I know I don't have to explain it to you people.

From Your Fingernails To Your Ponytails, Too

Actual real thing that just happened, or: You Know You're A Grad Student When...

I stopped in the loo to pee on the way back to my office. There are three stalls, the last one is big and I usually like that one because I hover pee and I hate hover peeing in the other stalls that people walk by when looking for an empty stall because they peer in the cracks to see if anyone's in there, and I always feel like a jerk for having my ass up in the air, spraying pee all over the seat.

So there is, ostensibly, no one else in the bathroom, except for this organ-liquefyingly nasty smell that is making the air literally thick and is even now, ten minutes out, stuck in my nasal passage. So my brain kicks in, does some quick and dirty calculations, and I deduce that the person producing this unholy stench is still in there. Must be in there. Must have filled the entire toilet basin with crap in order to get it to smell that bad in there. I start breathing through my mouth and make for the last stall, forgetting momentarily that its People Who Shit At School/Work's Favored Stall To Shit In. I, personally, have never been fond of or willing to crap at school. I find it odd that so many people are commfortable with it, actually. Lots of secretaries seem to make a kind of sick game out of it. At least, they do in Cali.

I try the door, find it locked, and hurry into the next one so I can get the FUCK out of there. I pee, and it becomes strangely quiet in the bathroom, as though the person nastying it up has decided to hold her breath until I leave so I don't know she's there. I peer under the adjoining stalls to confirm my hypothesis that the feller (get it? the smeller is the feller? huh? get it?) is in the last stall, but I see no feet. I think maybe it was my imagination that the stall was initially locked, but then I hear a small desperate noise, like someone is exerting a great deal of effort to hold a strenuous yoga pose. And I look for feet again, and I notice the girl who's dropping the stepkids off at the community pool is holding her feet straight out in front of her, in the air, parallel to the floor, to hide them from me.

I have no idea what to make of this, except she is probably someone I know. I was actually a little scared. And a lot grossed out.

And Through Her Blindfold She Could Make Out The Figures Before Her

Holy crap, is this not the narstiest thing you've ever seen? Those are miniature babies made out of MARZIPAN. We can thank Ashleigh and Jim for this gripping news bulletin. There is a crazy lady out there making these things. And since marzipan is essentially candy, I bet she eats them when she tires of taking creepy, posed photos of them. Holy chickens, this is creepy.

Jessica broke her (damned) ankle last Sunday. In two places. So, in the last week or so, JD and I have turned into her own personal slaves. Some of you may know that I am not exactly....nurturing by nature, am in fact averse to that kind of thing, if you want to get technical about it I think I am actually allergic to it, so I have been itching and rashing all week.

The highlights so far? Well, she is on crutches, and yes, the poor dear had to have surgery, and yes, I'm sure it hurts real bad, but she is milking it. So hard I'm surprised those poor cow teats haven't fallen right off into her bucket yet.

Yesterday is my personal fave. She didn't want to go back to work, three days post-surgery, with instructions that she do everything she normally would, including putting weight on her foot, to rehab it. JD had to basically tell her that she needed to go to work (don't get me started about the lack of health insurance, the fact that she won't be paying rent next month, or that they might repo her car. seriously, you don't want to get me started). And then he had to drive her. And then I had to pick her up (she works really far away).

Then JD told her she needed to try to drive herself yesterday (she broke the left one). She didn't like that. Understandable. But we just want her to TRY to help herself before thinking one of us should cart her around for the next six weeks. No sir, no how. So yesterday I came home from lunching with my sweetness at 2 after school and she was coming home at the same time. Because she threw up at work. Because (I shit you not) she ate nothing but glazed donuts and then took a hefty dose of Vicodin. So they sent her home. She was delighted about being sent home.

Then, horrors, the phone rang. And someone from her work was calling to say she'd left her goddamned vicodin on her desk. And would she need that over the weekend, because they were all leaving in an hour and a half. i tried not offering to get it for her. I tried making her goddamn ask me. Because I knew she wanted me to offer to go fucking get it. But I am *ahem* kind of a bitch. And she wasn't sick, she was sitting up cracking jokes at the tv commercials. I asked her, diplomatically, if she was feeling well enough to get them herself (I am really trying to make it clear that she needs to try to be as independent as possible; for example, there is NO WAY I am helping her shower, when that time comes--hasn't happened yet, and like I said, it's been a week--peee yew).

So she said, "actually, I am a little tired" to the grad student who just sat through a differential calculus lecture and then came home and did all the chores that Jess now has a free pass out of doing for the next six years. So finally, after the awkwardness of her not just flat-out asking me to get her pills became unbearable, I said through gritted teeth that i didn't mind going if she didn't feel up to it. I called JD and bitched the whole way there and back. I am really really not good with sympathy. I think I am missing the compassion gene. Seriously. I know it must hurt but all I can think is, irrationally, "well then maybe you shouldn't have worn retarded shoes to work, now, should you have?" Which I know is out of line. But she's becoming more and more like the 23-year-old daughter I never had. Never wanted. Because, as you may realize, I too am 23, and the odds of that ever happening for reals are miniscule.

Anyway.

In other news, I am super happy with all aspects of my life. When I am feeling less annoyed with Jess I will post details. I promise. Maybe I'll include *ackem* pictures. My friend Kristin offered to have her boyf take some photos of something I want to show you people since I cannot do a decent job of it myself (Jenny can testify to that).

But in total seriousness, if you are interested in the idea mentioned in the previous post, it would be sometime in Juneohidon'tknowi'vegivenitverylittlethoughtprobablyjune21stthesummersolsticefromthesaturdayprevioustothesaturdayfollowing?

And I will need to be hearing from you that you are interested in this idea/thing because there is a lot of research to be done. But, to tide you people over, here is something else pretty to look at:
See? it's like a cryptic, mysterious mystery. You can all play Nancy Drew and try to figure out what in the samhell I am talking about. At least, I think it's slightly cryptic and mysterious. Jenny asserts that I am a cheap, transparent whore. You decide.

Hush Now, Don't Explain

So, so so so. Who wants an excuse to go to Scotland and live in a castle for a week?

Real Pain For My Sham Friends

So, I have some news. It's good news. But I'm not putting it on my blog, that's lame. Too lame even for me, Queen Lame. So sit by the phone.

So Far, Keeping It Together's Been Enough

Celeste, my humblest apologies. So, here's the one I wanted to show you yesterday:








I commiserated with my lady friends after yoga last night. I feel better about the idea of being a massive embarrassment to my advis-er. Apparently it's a common occurrence. But usually when people would offer me stories of how bad they put their feet in their mouths, theirs would completely trump mine. So I feel a little silly for whining about how bad I felt. But then again, i should probably get my shit together, I want my surrogate mother to love me and think I'm smart, right?







Can't Hardly Wait is on hbo right now. This fucking rules. Which reminds me, Stacey, I am planning to call you back really soon. My cell phone got doused with water and is now crackly and I'm scared I'll get electrocuted. But I'll brave it to call you back.






I slept in today. It'll be the last Tuesday I get to do that for a long time. Woot.






I'm sorry I'm so boring today. My life is returning to its usual revolution around school and school-related drama (for instance, I am not sure two of my friends are still friends with another of my friends and it is making it weird for me, but since that isn't relevant to any of you, it's also too boring to talk about on here), which isn't interesting to read about. My friends Kris-tin and Erk are talking about getting engaged soon/married in the next year or so. They're planning on doing it in Hawaii. That would be tits if I can afford it. Kris-tin has had a fuck of a dramatic life. I would feel about 6000 years old if I had her life. She is a couple years older than me or you, and last night after yoga she was talking about her yoga pants and she said, "blah blah covers my private parts." She said PRIVATE PARTS. Right as a swaggering group of frat boys are walking by to go play some hoops in the main gym (fuck yeah!). I rolled around on the ground in the parking lot laughing. I love her. I also love Breeahna. Who spontaneously started yakking about how hott she thinks airline pilots are the other night. Because, quote, they're so "brave" and "their intelligence is so sexy." I offered to set her up with my only friend who flies planes, then remembered that he's not speaking to me. Too bad, Keifer, she's a smoking hottie.

I have to go to a lab meeting this afternoon, I'm trying to decide if I should just walk my ass to school. Yeah, probably.

Today's list of product recommendations stemming from Roomie's new job in which she brings home literal tons of samples each shift:

*C.O. Bigelow rose water cold cream. Dear sweet god, it replaces makeup remover, face wash, and moisturizer in one step. I am glowy and my skin looks as perfect as my sister's today.

*true blue spa warming coconut sugar scrub. It's awesome. But even if your boyfriend is obstinately pretending he can't feel the "warming" part, don't give in to the temptation to smear a big glob on his weiner, because if you do, he'll be in pain and letting you know it for the next 12 hours.

I will let you all know what I think of everything she brings home. If I feel like it. Then you can submit your present requests accordingly.