Christ alive, I am bored.

Piss on today, piss on having absolutely nothing to do today. Piss right on its head, hahahahahahaha aha ah ah ah ahahahaha.
Everyone's busy or working or not in town, and I just knocked over the cat's water dish with these enormous pink slippers my mom got me that say "princess" and then walked in the water, so I am grumpy. Also, I have tried repeatedly to get some work done while I'm here and BORED and my mom doesn't have MICROSOFT WORD on her computer, only works, so I CAN'T.
So I can't do anything, I watched the Cutting Edge awhile ago, that's been the highlight. What a waste of a day. Oh fucking well.

And how is Oprah losing so much weight so fast? Where the fuck is the cat? Oh fuck I'm bored. Does ANYONE wanna go see a movie? Fuck. I'm so bored. I'm too bored to sleep. I'm going to have to find something to do.

First, happy Turkey Day to everyone. I love that it's already Thanksgiving break, and that soon we'll all (mostly) be home for three more weeks...I can't wait...

Last night was our annual group get-together, which went better than it has in years past, and was quite fun. We all (ok, we most) dressed up like famous singers, brought food, and did karaoke. I LOVE karaoke, but we really could have used Raedy there. You haven't lived until you hear her rendition of Mariah Carey's "emotions"

I went as Nelly, complete with unnecessary band-aid on my face and bling, and won best costume!!! WOOO!!!! Thanks to Stace and Ash for thinking up those awards, that was a cute idea. Stacey Toni and Ashleigh went as Hanson, JD and CHris went as Insane Clown Posse, and Dustin went as Mary-KAte and Ashley, hahahaha. Kyle was Enrique and Jeremy was JC Chavez from N'Sync

Awesome costumes, let me say.

So mom's asleep on the couch and food is cooking and I LOVE HOLIDAYS
I'm gonna see about nine hundred movies in the next couple days.

Good Golly this weekend was jam-packed with interesting things. But I don't really feel like typing, and I'll see you all soon enough, so here's a handy bulleted list:

*Friday I came home, mom and I watched a documentary on Roswell being excavated and talked about Sylvia Browne, she then told me THE CREEPIEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD, WHICH I WILL HAPPILY SHARE WITH ANYONE WHO'S INTERESTED

*Later I went over to Andy's, for his Xmas party, where I discovered JD and Andy were almost finished with their "annual" shots of whiskey contest, much to my dismay. JD puked for almost two solid hours. I don't want to talk about it.

*Came home at 8am to go to the Carousel and Sears with mom. She got tired of being in Sears after about fifteen seconds and, giggling, half-ran half-power walked through the masses of holiday shoppers faster than you'd believe.

*Went to Long John Silvers (ick)

* Went to see James Bond (thanks, Troy!) that night, had to sit in the second row

* Sunday I hung out with Mike, we decided what Jenny might want for Xmas that we can pool money on, did other shopping for other people, went to Olive Garden.

*Drove home Sunday night and got a disturbing phone call from Raedy on the way hinting that some kind of shit had hit some kind of fan concerning the Melissa/Josh visit that was planned for the weekend. Worried for the next two hours about walking in and finding her with blackened eyes, casts, or scratches on her face. Vowed that if Slimeball had laid a violent or rapist hand on her that we'd make the trek to Northeastern Indiana to beat the living tar out of said slimeball, inviting entire hapkido club if necessary.

*Got home to find Mel, ok but upset about something, ready to tell her horrific story (which I know she's told Chris and Stacey) which, while I've been dissolving into uncontrollable laughter for most of the day, am thoroughly disgusted by (Josh) and WILL be inflicting physical damage if I ever see his Ass-Face. I think I'll be posting a detailed rendition of what happened, she said I could, but I'll wait and ask her again. For now, know that she's fine, but shaken, and we don't have to worry about him tricking her into being nice to him ever again.

*Mailed my North Carolina application today, am trying to do laundry and pack while I wait for my women's clinic doctor's appt. tomorrow morning which is the sole reason I'm not still in Evansville. Sigh.

*I'll be home tomorrow afternoon if anyone's up for doing something. If you call my cell and it's not on, you will get "Jessa's" voicemail; this is something that neither JD's sister nor I know how to fix, so lump it.

*What time is our shindig starting?

So I'm a big nerd when it comes to things like Sylvia Browne.

Mostly I can't believe how quick I am to swallow every single thing she says about anything, but more than that I WANT it all to be true. I want desperately for someone (and why not a psychic) to reassure me that we don't all just stop existing when our bodies die, which is my single biggest fear and something that's woken me up in a panic since I was little. I WANT to believe that we've all chosen this path for ourselves long before we were born into this body and it's mapped out with goals and obstacles we want to experience for ourselves, and that when we "die" we just return to "the other side"

I want to be reassured that people who are "gone" still watch over us, and that everyone I've cared dearly about in this life is somehow important to me throughout eternity. that makes a lot of things more manageable. Her book on dreams is comforting, because it explains the ones I was having weeks ago where I would run into someone and nothing would happen except we'd be nice to each other, and I know now that those were wish dreams, which have disappeared as I've stopped thinking about that person...I like the idea that we've all had past lives, and that your birthmarks are indicative of some injury you suffered in another life that your cells haven't forgotten yet...I like her predictions for the next 100 years, and that I'll be around to find out how many of them come true. (I especially like that she says the next few years are going to be horrific, as far as politics goes, but that there won't be a nuclear holocaust, and things will calm down in time)

Jeeze...I like that it all makes SENSE, and that I don't actually doubt for an instant that she's for real. She's gonna be on Montel next Wednesday too, so I advise everyone to watch it if you can...she's so unreal. Good lord, she blows my mind, and for some reason the things she says are SO comforting....I feel better this morning than I have in a long time, and that's really nice.

IN other news, I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning here, which means I'm going home tomorrow but having to come back up to do that and THEN coming back down for the rest of the week, so that sucks. Tonight's the hapkido award banquet thing, that'll be fun. For now, I need to go take a shower (BADLY) and think about finishing my personal statement. Gotta get that shit done, you know

Ok, so sorry to be all preachy to you guys, I just spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about Sylvia Browne yesterday (on Montel, and then I went to Borders and read her dream book, and then I went to her website) and I think she's absolutely fascinating, and readings with her are only $700, which is less than I thought, so we should all save up and get ourselves one. Dang, that would be fantastic.

anyway. Anyone coming home this weekend?

So I basically "took a week off" this past week, having slept most of the daylight hours away and skipping out on all the rest of my obligations, and managed to actually bore myself into wanting to be productive this coming week, as it is the last before Thanksgiving break (which is nine whole days for me, fantastically, since I have no real classes)

So I'm done being lazy? Is what I'm saying?

Went home Saturday for JD's mom's birthday, we had gotten her this retardo/cute white Boyd's Bear made to look like his body was a snowman, she LOVED it and that was great. We went out to Friday's, I got Jess (sister) a present while in the mall, we stuffed ourselves silly, and then went to Showplace Newburgh to see (and I'm not kidding, Toni can vouch for me here) Half-Past Dead, starring Ja Rule and Steven Seagal. Sigh.

But ok, it was a free dinner and a free movie, JD and I then stayed up watching "bio-Dome" on network tv (yeah I'm serious again) and came home this afternoon

I can't stop Xmas shopping, and Amazingly I'm nearly halfway through my list, and almost everyone is taken care of EXCEPT FOR MY SISTER because I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING TO GET HER AND SHE WONT GIVE ME IDEAS

But she promised, no, SWORE that she'd let me know later this week; we're going to have dinner

SO, let's all suck it up and get through this last shitty week and a half before break, I can't WAIT to see everyone, no matter what the dress code or dinner menu...I have got to find something productive to do with myself or I'll explode

I had the most fantastic weekend.

I went home Friday, knowing that people were actually going to be home (Stacey and Mel) and that I had plans for most of the boring stretches of time that usually get me pulling my hair out (like when my mom's asleep at 9 pm, or whatever). JD went too, and since I drove we stopped by my mom's first, and she wasn't home from work yet but Jenny and Mike were there (I didn't know Jenny was coming home). So that was cool, mom got home shortly after and we decided to order Chinese food, and we called JD's mom who was just getting off work and she caem over too, and then Jenny's friends Celeste and Mark Roberts (who she had come home to hang out with cuz Mark had a week off of Disney or something) showed up, and Mike and I went to pick up the food and then everyone sat around in the living room eating it, hahahahaha

Then Jenny and friends left, Mike left, and JD and his mom and I went shopping. We went to Best Buy (I so wish we had one here) and I got Xmas presents for Mel and Stacey, and a thing of blank cds to make for everyone. Then we went to Target, where I got Raedy's Xmas stuff, and Stacey called.

So then I went home, Stacey and Mel came over, I saw pictures of her FABULOUS wedding cake, we went over to Jeremy's, and we all played board games. And it was actually a lot of fun, Toni came over later, everyone was joking around, and Stacey and I were playing boob tag.

I got home around 4 or so and woke up fairly early-ish, called JD and made him come out to my mom's when I got out of the shower so we could find something to eat...and then I dragged him to the mall. Now, I was supposed to be getting a call from Mel in the afternoon so she, me, Stace, and Toni could go see 8 Mile when Stacey got back from going to see Kyle's photos on display in Owensboro. So to make a long story short, she TOTALLY called and I didn't hear the phone ringing...and I didn't think to check the missed calls until 90 minutes later. So, sorry to everyone, I kind of am a retard and I wish I would've seen you more:(

But anyway, JD and I are in the mall, bored after 45 seconds, and we walk past Helzberg Diamonds, where Beau works. He's there, and we go to say hi, and we end up in the store playing with rings for TWO HOURS. Unintentionally. And I found one I, heh, want. Beau made me try on this $15,500 rock for fun and practically every single engagement ring and diamond and then everything he thought was particularly ugly and so on. JD tried on a bunch of "pimp" "gangster" rings that would only fit on his pinky, and it was ugly.

SO I was taking this all in stride, joking around about things, talking about other people's engagements and rings, (mostly Lauren and Alicia) and then JD asks Beau a question about payment plans and I get hit with this wave of nausea and then BOOM JD's mom and sister show up, they just happen to be in the mall and they come over, JD's mom starts complimenting me on "my ring" I've picked out (ok, ok, there's one in particular that I happen to like a lot and didn't want to give back to Beau, but that DOESN'T mean it's "mine" or that it's affordable (the diamonds are colorless and internally flawless and yes, that's plural diamonds) or that I even WANT it, really) and this also adds to my being seasick.

Finally Beau is getting enough dirty looks from his co-workers that he admits he should stop playing around with us, and I need to not be looking at sparklies anyway, so we move on. And then JD gets a call form his friend Paul and he leaves, and I end up shopping with the girls for awhile longer. I get Jenny a present, find piles of stuff I want to get for JD, and realize I missed the phone call, probably when I was entranced by the biggest rock I've ever had on my person.

I LOVE Xmas time, I LOVE shopping for people, and I've done the math with my budget enough to know that I am in serious trouble once grad schools and bills are paid, but I can't help it, I LOVE spoiling people, especially my mom and sister, and I am not quite sure why that is. I don't give a shit about loans, so what if I have to pay them back. I'd rather be able to do nice things now than live my life in fear of debt. Plus, there's just so many good ideas that I can't help myself from acting on. Heh

I LOVE this time of year, and it's not even Thanksgvigin but MAN oh MAN I love this weather, the trees, the way the mall is already super-crowded and it WEEKS until holidays, the planning that goes into one of our little group events, the semester wrapping up, being COMPLETELY broke after I spend everything I have on oter people, MAN

I think someone fucked up when they put all the holidays that are awesome so close together. Thanksgiving, my birthday, Xmas, and then there's a stretch of MONTHS before anything cool (Valentines Day sucks, St. Patrick's Day sucks, nothing happens until 4th of July) happens again. That sucks. I love winter but I hate the bleakness of January and February. Maybe I mean I love fall.

ANYWAY, things were awesome, I went home and Mike called and we went to see The Ring, which might have been actually scary if I hadn't been sitting next to the dumbest guy in the world, who kept asking his date "What'd he say?" and not understanding the plot. I still curled up in a big Liz-Ball with my hands over my eyes for the majority of the movie, and despite some GLARING plot holes, I recommend. And then Mike and I went driving around talking about stuff, which was FANTASTIC, and something I hadn't even realized I really missed. I was expecting things to be at least a little strained between us, just cuz we haven't hung out just the two of us in forever, but I didn't really feel that way, and it was awesome. Awesome.

Came home, went to bed. In the morning I had to get up early to call the woman from Univ. of Chicago I want to work with, as per her request, and although I'd been dreading that for days, she did all the talking, LOVED that I have a double major in psy/cjus, and basically said she'll send me a huge package with things I need to know, I should read/learn it, and then let her know if I'm stil interested so she can bring me up there for a few days for a visit. Heh, awesome. She was super nice and made it sound like I'll have a good chance if I want it. And the more I think about schools in general, the less I'm freaking out about not getting in anywhere. Come on, how much stronger could my application really BE? I can't control it all now, I just have to do what I can.

Yep. Oh, also Saturday, before I went out with Mike, my mom and I had a fantastic talk about things we've never talked about before, and things that are looming on the horizon, like my probable engagement, and it was just amazing. I love all the people in my life so much....and sometimes I forget how much I like being with them, but I haven't had this fantastic of a weekend in recent memory. Thanks guys, you all kickass.

I'm done ranting. This morning I had a test at 9 so I woke up, went to it, came home, and slept until 2. Hahahahahahah, ahaha aha ha ah aha

Whew

OK, so FINALLY my Methods guy Mike wrote me back yesterday, he was predictably out of town at a conference, and said he'd be happy to write me a letter. THANK GOD

So that's my three, and they'll all be nice letters, but most importantly I have a stable base of three different professors who are ridiculously supportive and willing to help me with every single step along the way...it's actually very soothing. I wrote and distributed my lousy first attempt at a personal statement a couple days ago, and the project for today is to get packets of info for them together about me so they can write the best possible letter. Another of Mike's ideas, how fabulous.

And just today I feel very on top of things, I have 9 people scheduled to run in my thesis tonight, 6 more tomorrow, which will let me finish up Experiment 1 and get a quarter of the wat through Experiment 2, and I'm becoming constantly more optimistic about the future...one of the professors (from North Carolina) wrote me back this morning and was also, predictably, at a conference and sounded thrilled to hear from me, practically gushed about Linda, and made me feel oh-so-confident in my decision to only choose six schools. Now, Mike still thinks that's a risky idea, and I realize it is, but even if I get in nowhere, I can stay here for a year and bum around, JD can teach, and I don't think the world will end. Of course, school is my first choice, but whatver. Things work out the way they're supposed to.

Anyway, I am SUPER EXCITED about how helpful everyone involved with this is being, causing me to lament never bothering to talk to professors in the past...but still. It's really nice. And very good at de-stressing me. Usually. Then again, there's still the five billion things I need to do at all times, but I have a couple weeks still. Jeeze. That December 1st deadline is SO close.

I finished Glamorama, and oh DILLY it is a good book....oone of my favorites, probably my all-time Bret Easton Ellis favorite. And it is GRAPHIC, I'll warn you, including scenes of terrorism, a REALLY disturbing description of a plane crash, a two-boys-on-girl threesome, lots of oral sex, torture scenes, lots of torture scenes, etc. But it was GREAT. Highly recommend it. Yes, you can borrow it from me. I really like how all his characters tie in to all the different books...if you've read Rules of Attraction, this one's main character is a model named Victor, who Lauren was obsessing over in the other book, who went away to Europe or something and was a big dick to her. And of course, they run in the same social circles as Patrick Bateman

Anyway, yeah, now that I'm done reading that I'll actually have time to get stuff done. Wheeeee

We did sparring drills all last night at club and when I took the glove off I had busted all the little blood vessels under my skin between my pinky and fourth finger. It looks super cool, like I'm always bleeding, but it's internal. Ha.

Today I have a big fat chunk of time to do nothing, and then I have to go run my thesis at 6. Fantastic, I'll get a lot of things checked off my neurotic little list. And I'm coming home this weekend. I have plans Saturday night with Mike, but the rest of the time is up for grabs, so form an ordery line and we'll start penciling you in. Hahahahaha. Stacey, call me when you get in. Unless you want me calling your mom every five minutes annoying the crap out of her.

OK, so, enough stalling. Time to eat and shower and leave the house and be productive.

This weekend was fairly boring, it FLEW by in much less time than I'd hoped it would, which was annoying

The Hapkido Fall Seminar was Saturday, and 7 hours long, and we learned some cool things. Mostly though I struggled with my ridiculously girly emotional imbalance I had going on since Thursday, wherein I hated JD for no real reason for hours at a time. I tried to go get more pills at PLanned Parenthood last week and they wouldn't give them to me because my prescription expired (bullshit)

And from there I was continually pissed. Could it be because I needed those pills for yesterday and didn't have time to schedule an exam before then? God, I hate secretaries, all the ones in Bloomington minus a few select people are ASSHOLES

Started reading Glamorama, which is already pretty good, I like that all the characters tie in with all BEE's novels...so officially for Xmas I want good books, and piles of them. Ok?

I spent all day yesterday in the lab printing and filling out grad school apps...two of them are already sent and paid for, leaving me with just a handful of things left to do. Hopefully I'll get this all taken care of in the next few weeks

Sigh. I emailed the third letter-writer I'm asking, everyone cross your fingers he says yes, because if not I am in some shit

I have another huge pile of crap to do this week, I am growing quickly sick of always being busy....but the holidays are fast approaching!! Hooray!!

Ok, clearly I have nothing to say. Let's all email more about Thanksgiving, I find those brighten my day