When this blog claims to be bored, this blog is not kidding

So, I was just on the phone with Stace and sitting out on the front stoop, when I hear "hey, NEIGHBOR" from the house off to the left that has been having a raging kegger party for the last week. I look over, and yes, they're hollering at me, and they go "come have a beer!!!"

I lift the cell phone up to indicate that I can't, I am on the phone, and they go "when you get off the phone then"

And I, without thinking about it, nod enthusiastically (in my mind it was kind of sarcastical, but I doubt they could detect that, since we have never met or spoken outside of this exchange).

I currently have no plans to go drink with the neighbors, but if my boredom situation does not improve, I may be forced to.

Does anyone want to come visit? You don't have to call or let me know, just show up here at my haunted house and I'll be so grateful

Notice the Which Superhero Are You quiz that AGAIN tells us that I am Jean Grey. Harumph, badassssssness

Well, he never went downstairs, if you know what I mean

Actual real quote taken out of context from something Raedy said earlier. Hahahahaha. "actual real quote"

I get lamer everyday

I'm waffling. I have a notion that I'll go to Evansville today, since I have nothing else to do with myself and everyone I know in the world is out of Bloomington. But I can't decide.

I had this super fucked up dream this morning (alcohol-induced?) where mom and Jenny and I were going on a trip to a big city and it looked SOOOOO familiar but I can't place it....but we wanted to go up in a really tall building that I assumed was the Empire State building, and the elevators were tiny coffins that went up all zigzaggy instead of straight up, and my mom was of course freaking out, and there was this ice old woman in the elevator with us who was chatty as can be, and we got out at the 104th floor and it was like a food court and there was a buffet and you could eat outside on the wrap-around porch and have a lovely view of the city, and it was also a carnival. there was more to it but I lost it in the hours since I woke up. Damn weird though, in a boring kind of way

So Chris Daniels Himself was in town this morning and last night for a wedding that's this afternoon, and since today is also his birthday we went to the Vid, a nice trashy bar I'd never been to, and drank pitchers of beer. Not just me and him, but us, JD, raedy, mel, and Raedy's friend Bryan. Heh. it was really fun, and "some" of us (melissa and I are lightweights, so fucking what) got really drunk. It was a blast. And then we went to taco Bell and then we had birthday cake. Wooooweee

Eeenie meeeeeeeenie evansville BLAHGH

Fuck, I am so indecisive. I don't particularly want to go, but I'll get all freaked out tonight about the ghost and I'm here by myself. Sigh. But if there's a bday party in the works for Toni tomorrow, I want to be there for that. If I'm invited, or whatnot. Speaking of, some people are starting to think that it's more than just ME who got snubbed from The Wedding guest list. I mean, we all expected Liz, Dave Walsh, and JD not to be invited, but Melissa? Surely there's some mistake.

whatever.

If I stay here what the hell will I do? Nothing. If I go to Evansville I'm just going Goodwilling all day. Someone call me and make up my mind for me. Email me. Something. Shit, it's already after 4


HEEELLLLLLLLLP ME DECCCCIIIIIIIIDE

BLAST YE, MOTHER NATURE

DAMMIT I WANTED TO GO RUNNING AND IT IS THUNDERSTORMING.

If it stops lightning perhaps I will go anyway. Anything to give myself some sort of sense of accomplishment today, as I have done nothing, thought of nothing, and absolutely pissed away an entire day. For now, I am content to watch this Fame show on NBC.

Also, I have something weird to report. While in Chicago this weekend, I was drifting off to sleep one night when I distinctly heard my sister call my name. I bolted awake, thinking she was in the room, but no. I was freaked out but dismissed it and went to sleep.

This morning I was asleep when I distinctly heard JD (who had left for classes hours before) call my name. I again bolted awake and looked around for him, but no.

I am hearing voices. For sheezie.

Whether or not it is clear to you

Everything's coming up Milhouse.

There's a real camaraderie-type spirit developing among the four of us who are testing for our black belts this July 26th, and it's fucking nice. It's me and JD and Yuval and Aric, and Aric is the guy who cheered us all through the temp test, with motivational "yeah! you got this!" type encouragements when we did anything that required skill or energy. there's a really nice buzz of subtle excitement about this test, and I think we all have the potential to do really well and have a really fun test, and we're looking forward to it. Nice.

We're discussing having t-shirts made that we will obnoxiously wear while warming up for things, and we've all started assigning each other arbitrary nicknames. Some favorites include "coconut," "derby," and "big rig" although I'm leaning more toward "trogdor" and "farva."

Of course, the boys have already decided that calling ME "big rig" is the funniest possible thing ever. Fine. Whatever. It reminds me of Peewee's Big Adventure, for some reason, and that movie used to scare the crap out of me so I don't like it. I'd rather be "cooter," when you get right down to it. And I very well may end up being "cooter."

So, in other news, I've been dreaming a lot and remembering so much it's starting to scare me. I had a really vivid dream that lasted several hittings of the snooze button wherein I was pregnant and about to deliver and I didn't want to because I had a suspicion that it would hurt like hell, and I didn't want to deal with it. And my grandma was there coaching me through it.

I've bought a lot of stuff lately, which is SUCH a good idea, as I have no money. But a girl can never have too many pairs of Ho Sandals, now can she? I seriously have been in the mindset of "well, it's not like I'll ever have to buy another sweater or coat, so I may as well stock up on all things summery"

But the thing is, I don't have any money, and in fact I NEED money piling up in the oh-so-empty savings account for the transition to paying six times as much rent per month. Yipes. Must stop spending, must stop retail-therapy-self-medicating....I get nervous and I spend money, what can I say.

So, there's been graduation and what else....I went to Chicago this weekend with JD and Jenny for grandma's 80th birthday bash. Nice time. At least, with grandma it was a nice time. The best part of going up there is sitting up and talking with her late at night, about whatever strikes her fancy. She's so kickass. I know a few of you have met her, and if you haven't you all have to come up with me sometime...she's just so unbelievably cool for a grandma.

And then there's my Aunt. You know, Doctor Auntie, the one who actually signs her emails to me "Dr. Auntie?" Yeah, she was cool when I was there in March, by myself, but totally uncool this time, to the point that I wanted to avoid her at all costs. She's got a copy of my thesis, and I'm just waiting for the email lecturing me on how ASL blah blah and I'll have to be like "gesture isn't ASL. Let it go, this isn't a project about ASL."

And she actually made the comment, "maybe your doctorate will pay off, since you're getting it so young, but I doubt it." in reference to the fact that she's "overqualified" for every job she's been trying for lately, and it's pissing her off. Anyway, that part of the weekend sucked. And, she managed to belittle me, Jenny, JD, grandma, her sister, her husband, and my 8 year old cousin numerous times. She just runs so hot and cold. I understand (but don't like) that she and mom clash so horribly because they have the most volatile personality combos. Speaking of, my mom was supposed to go with us, but as I had predicted crapped out at the last possible second (in an email an hour before we left). I'm not upset, I just have to roll my eyes. But then again, Dr. Auntie was in such a MOOD that mom was better off not being up there.

And everyone, duh, loves JD. I wonder how little of it has to do with the "I am going to marry this boy" hints I was dropping (by saying things like "I am going to marry him") last time I was up there. He definintely made a friend for life in my cousin Ryan, and my Uncle Jim (he is so fucking cool) by immediately joining their pretend-o world.

All of the women approached me separately and wanted to know if this "developmental psychology" area means "clinical child psychlogy," which it doesn't, but they all think Ryan has behavior problems and neurosomething delays and blah and blah, when really it's that he doesn't just get to be a kid because they all fuss over him all the damn time. I think. That's why I'm not doing clinical, I just couldn't handle the parents coming to me wanting this or that diagnosis. Plus, research is where it's at.

Also, JD and I attended a show featuring Enon (they just got signed to Touch and Go), Aphonics, and some lame lame opener the Sump Pumps. DAMN GOOD SHOW. Simon was there, Simon is everywhere JD and I go together, and he of course joined us. And I LIKE APHONICS A LOT. I found it hilarious because the whole band looked like people we know. They are I guess from Detroit, and sound kind of like Radiohead and kind of like Mogwai, and the best part was the singer who sounded like JEFF BUCKLEY CROSSED WITH THOM YORKE. DAMMIT, that was sweet.

But here's the line-up:

On lead vocals, a floppy haired Dustin Levell crossed with Jarrod Holder
On bass guitar, high-school era Keith Ball, complete with extremely floppy hair in face and dorky pelvic thrustings
On keyboards, Kent Boyer
On drums, a young Dave Walsh

Dudes, it was soooooo funny. I tried to take a picture but it didn't turn out.

And then Enon, with their ADORABLE little Japanese singer girl, was fucking sweet. I actually liked shows again for the brief time I was there.
Check them out if you get a chance. Especially Aphonics. I think that's how you spell it.

This laptop is tits. I went jogging last night. I'm thinking about cutting my hair off. I found out today that I do in fact need to rerun my thesis to publish it. Fuck.

Also, posted in my grandma's bathroom is a copy of that "Desiderata" thing, and while I've generally rolled my eyes at it for the majority of my life, I kept reading it and finding myself soothed by certain parts, so I've decided to type the damn thing out here in case you guys aren't familiar with it. Maybe you'll find something applicable that didn't used to be. Peace out.

Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real posession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

-Max Ehrmann, 1927
The italics and boldface are mine, obviously.

Sunnier Than Mondays Come

I want to point out that now I've fixed the stupid hapkido club pictures, so you can see us all nerded out in plainclothes. Also, if you didn't read the last few posties, there are also new graduation pics. We can all thank

1. my mom, for taking a roll of HIDEOUS pictures of absolutely nothing (seventeen of the arena, which show absolutely nothing and were taken from the very tippie tip top of the place) and leaving me with only photos of my arm looking fatter than usual and a dippy look on my face.

2. jenny, for taking lots of beautiful, flattering, well-done photos of the whole weekend only to realize that SHE DID NOT HAVE FILM IN HER CAMERA.

Sigh. So anyway.

I was watching gesture videos today in the lab, and this one cute-as-shit kid was yelling random stuff, and he goes, "Blub the Explorbit!" and I died laughing, as I have each and every time I've seen that kid do that same thing. Damn, that's funny. Now my future Puggy will be named Trogdor the Burninator, and my future Kitters will be named Blub the Explorbit

Also, Celebrity Jeopardy was on yesterday. And I watched Super Troopers, so I laughed my fool head off.

You are Jean Grey!

Beautiful and smart, you are still just beginning
to fulfill your potential. You have a strong
sense of right and wrong, but are open to
discussion and changes of opinion.
Unfortunately, when it comes to love you are
often torn between two options, and can never
seem to make up your mind.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's Delicious

JD has created a new blog. My link to the left has been updated. Also, I have added some photos to my photo site of both graduation and the hapkido picnic, but the picnic ones are annoying and I have to fuck around to get them bigger, hopefully.

Yeah, check it ouuuuut

You Boys Like Mex-i-co?! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEE

Dammit Ashleigh , you stole my heading I was planning on using. Crazy.

It's been decided, by me, today, that I am bipolar and function either in a state of super optimistic joy or severe pouting mopery. There has yet to be any kind of in between for me in twenty-one years of existing, so I think this is a logical conclusion to make.

I was kind of in a "bad place" yesterday and Sunday, as the none of you at all who read this anymore may have gathered. Such is the effect of emotionally trying phone conversations with people who are telling you that you are unimportant and pointless, in so many words, when you just want them to be your friend. Ha. That's what I get for clinging desperately to relationships that have a snowball's chance in hell of working out.

I tend to cycle through three and a half weeks of mania and then about three days of absolute emotional chaos per month, and before you all start snickering about PMS, it actually does NOT line up with that sort of thing. I should have this under control by now. It's just lame, all around, and for trying to drag you all down there with me I apologize. You should be fairly safe, though, since you aren't reading this because no one else in the whole world is ever online anymore, and this is apparently just for me.

So, if it's not obvious enough, I'm back to normal. Suck a big fat one, nay-sayers.

Ok, I'm going to go watch Super Troopers again. Also, I saw X-Men. Dammit that movie was awesome. Tomorrow JD and I are going to a show. Haven't been to a show in ages. Also, Hapkido Club started this evening, and I seriously think I was upset simply because I hadn't lifted an exercise-induced finger in like a month. Dammit, Indiana. Dammit, seasonal depression, never seeing the sun horseshit.....fuck this gloom weather, fuck a big bunch of all of it.

Sing it again, rookie BI-ATCH

pick out the fakes

So, guys. I'm in a definite funk. I hate everything and it hates me. Why? I have no fucking clue.

I have been trying to discern that for most of today, using my powerful skills of insightfulness and compassion to realize that I can't see the goddamn forest for the tress, or whatnot. Fucking having my face shoved up iin whatever's eating me is not helping. And I get "this way" so un-often that i just don't have the cognitive tools to dig myself out. For serious. SHIT


everything is blah, and boring, and routine, and ugly. I'm bored almost no matter what I'm doing. Unless I am in a meeting with more than one professor and they are asking me direct questions about something, my brain is idling. I can't find anything to get excited about, can't find anything to wake my fucking brain up, can't even find anything to be genuinely excited about, as far as the summer goes. Yeah, there's cool stuff happening, yeah, if I have to have a shitty job it may as well be doing research instead of working at the mall, and yeah, there's wnough flexibility in scheduling things that I will get to see everyone I need to see before they vanish.


I think it's the whole idea of vanishing. that's what scares me. I haven't gotten to the point where i am actually thinking about the logistics of being 2000 miles away from almost everyone I know. FUCK

It's going far away and no one noticing. And there's this desperate sense of not having completed anything, not feeling like anything has mattered, not feeling like things should be changing. I feel like there are more loose ends unraveling every fucking day, and it's not that I dont' want to take care of them, but more that I'm not allowed to or it would be out of line....

It's the barrenness (Shane pointed this out?) of signing on to AIM and NO ONE being there. Not even people I wouldn't talk to anyway, but NO ONE. It's that no one updates their blogs anymore because they aren't sitting around in their rooms for hours everyday wanting something to do. And it's just a very isolating, cut-off-from-reality kind of feeling that is NOT HELPED by things I felt on top of for eleven seconds getting yanked out from under me before I can even say "I have everything under control"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I'm feeling wildly desperate for something, and I don't know what, but everything is crappy and everyone I know seems distant and uninterested and is everyone feeling this complete anti-climactic let-down or is it just me?

I don't knwo what the fuck I expected or even what I want instead, it's just fucking draining me.

"Just say a large, Farva."

"I don't want a large farva"

What signifies a poppet?

So, guys, I'm bored.

I have come to the realization that this summer is going to be the most boring time of my whole existence unless we start planning some fun stuff to do, ASAP. Actually, I'm hoping that just this week (which is, lookie there, almost finished) is boring, and that I'll be so busy and entrenched in interesting things for the rest of the summer that I never think like this again. But, I'm worried that won't be the case.

So, let's start planning stuff. I vote for Garden of the Gods, smallish road trips, and any/all camping trips that anyone wants to go on.

Beau and Lauren are getting married THIS weekend? Are you fucking serious? Oh my GOD.

Why are people getting married already? It gives me the heebie jeebies.

Hopefully all this blase-ness will dissipate once hapkido starts, next week. I think that may actually be the problem. Perhaps I will go jogging here in a minute. I hate Dr. Phil, and he never seems to give anyone the tools they need to solve their problems. Instead, he states and then restates the problem, and cuts to commmercial. Afterward, it's a new set of people.

Sigh.

Later I have to go make some nice color copies and then flier the entire town of Bloomington, advertising how fun it is to bring your baby to the lab. I had some great ideas earlier, most hilarious being a huge magnet that would go on Char's car advertising our lab, with phone number and pictures of babies playing. She actually liked that idea, I think I would die if she went through with it. Also, I am pushing for a television commercial, which would star me and Raedy, playing with babies, and would be ridiculously well-done. Any other ideas? Guys?

Jesus I am bored. I really should go run. Gotta get back into the whole "training" mentality. Soon. I'm already having dreams about the black belt test, so it needs to be SOON. But, I have a headache. But, I only have a couple months. Looks like "exercise" wins over "sitting here on my bed watching Dr. Phil"

Who's free this weekend? I'm thinking I want to go somewhere, to give some separation to my graduated life. I feel like i'm still spinning my wheels in the same way, and have no desire to function at all.

Sigh. I just need a break, out of Bloomington. Stace, what's your work schedule?

HEEEEEEEEEEELLLP

The Whole World Needs to Cave In On That Boy

Congrats are in order to those of us who have graduated, are close to graduation, have found themselves a nice new boyf, are the world's best moms, knew all the answers to Jeopardy! tonight, are starting summer classes tomorrow, had high school prom this weekend, etc.

So graduation was this weekend, and that meant that mom, Jenny, JD's mom and dad, and JD's rv-driving grandparents (not to mention Raedy's family) were all up here Saturday. And it was alright, I wouldn't have gone to the actual commencement ceremony (none of wanted to) except for the parents, and Senator Dick Licker (Lugar? I can't remember which it is) gave what can only be described as a politically incisive speech about how great the United States and republicanism is, and no matter how offensive I found the juvenile "pshawing" of the loser boy next to me, I couldn't help but get a little restless as I realized that no, he was NOT planning to discuss anything related to graduation, or the futures of the graduates, or anything like that, all he wanted to say was that war is good and terrorism is bad, and the United States has to clean up everyone else's messes BECAUSE we're the "big kid on the block" and "every fight eventually ends up in our laps"

Sigh. It was trying. Not that there weren't parts I agreed with, but it just wasn't a very appropriate graduation speech whatsoever, and it was kind of disrespectful. Also disrespectful was the pooftah next to me, with his red sneakers and stoner laugh, and I guess I was just torn between which angered me more. Eventually, the boy won out, and JD and I proceeded to mercilessly make fun of him until he shut up

I DID get to see pretty much every person I cared to see who was graduating, and also Chris Sinclair (roommate from hell? remember?), who does not fall into the category of "someone I cared to see," but he didn't see us so that was cool. Saw Chris Daniels, and he does INDEED look damn sexy in a cap and gown. Saw Yuval, who's testing for his blackbelt with us JULY 26TH, mark your calendars....saw some other people, stood up for all the wrong things, didn't stand up for the things I was supposed to stand up for (come on, what's the fucking difference between "distinction" and "high distinction" anyway), etc. It wasn't too boring or even too lame, and the photo session that followed was relatively painless as well. Sigh.


I don't feel the slightest bit graduated, and I'm daunted by the enormous amount of work that's in front of me for this summer. However, the sense of total relief that came from last week's trip to Spencer, IN to drop my accursed honors thesis at the bindery was ALMOST worth all the stress. Of course, it's never-ending, and I have to do the whole thing again this summer, but such is the life of a grad student, right? So I can suck on it, this is what I wanted.

So my "schedule" for the summer is thus:

*Replicate thesis (this includes running subjects, coding, analyzing, and writing) with Suze's help, submit for publication.

*Read and understand every article ever written about children's memory and suggestibility. Find an area that could conceivably incorporate the language background I posess. Zero in on it and think up millions of brilliant studies.

*Finish Hanako's bullshit gesture study (this also has my name on it and therefore I am vested in it, so this isn't as much of a chore as I make it seem....publications are good) by recoding the goddamn tapes for "pauses" that do not exist in speech patterns, all for probably naught.

*Run a "plate" study for Linda, which will lead to thousands of other studies

*"Help" Char with her clerical work (translation: do it all for her, because god knows that $17/hour is not enough money to do absolutely nothing, she needs to do negative amounts of work to really "break even."

*Find an apartment (JD is already all over this, and I am not the slightest bit worried...he's even talked to the main Irvine realtor guy onthe phone, and that guy is super nice and helpful, which makes me super happy and worry-free)

*Get ready to move (this includes, as Jenny found out yesterday, giving away any/everything that I don't want or can't see myself needing, including toiletries, videotapes, cds, clothes, trinkets, jewlery, shoes, etc.)

*Attend Grandma D's 80th Birthday Bash

*Train and test for black belt

*Bamboozle people into giving me and JD things we will need when we get out to Cali....things like a Tempur-pedic bed (hahahahahahaha), silverware, a shower curtain, Stacey and Ashleigh living next door, a digital video camera ( so I can burn you guys home movie dvds!), an iPod, a cutting board, jimmy choo sandals, fake boobs (for me!), an eating disorder, a nice job for JD, a kitten, a pug, and anything else I may have omitted.

*Come home a LOT and visit you guys enough that you'll like me and want to spend all your spring breaks and vacations and three-day weekends out in sunny, gorgeous, beachfront Irvine, and will come visit



So, in other news, both Raedy and JD saw the ghost again, and this time instead of just a shadowy move-y thing, JD saw a 6'4" male in a dark suit. Jesus. IN the kitchen. And Raedy had the same guy walk through her bedroom. and then today I have had several light bulbs burn out as I flip the lights on, and it's just a little too coincidental for me to not be fixating on it.

Also, Pepsi is giving away a BILLION dollars this summer in some sweepstakes. I propose that we all join forces and win the money. Come on, guys, it would be too fucking sweet. Go here for details.

So yeah, that's about it for the last few days. I'm realizing that it is indeed summer time, because no one is ever online and blogs have ceased to be updated, so that is irritating, but the town of bloomington has emptied, and that is awesome.

Anyway, I have important stuff to be doing. Hahahahaha

Brain Anyeurism

Oh my GOD. If Stacey, Ashleigh, and Jenny do not update their blogs soon, my head is going to explode. Seriously.


I think that my thesis may be finished today. I no longer like talking about how many hours I spent working on different sections, because the numbers are ridiculous and no one would believe me. Thus, I am waiting for an email from a professor that reads, "lovely job, you've really busted your ass, take that bitch face to the bindery"

And that's probably not the most likely wording she'll use, although she did go, "stupid-ass, where is your head" to herself yesterday.

That reminds me. Raedy will find this funniest, but if any of you are supremely interested, check out the lab website to match faces to the names. It will be SO worth it.

I was in the lab yesterday morning and Dr. Smith, Hanako, and Cathy were in there, discussing some weird verb study that Hanako is doing, where she has to count the number of verbs that children produced, whatever. Seems like maybe not the best idea, but again, whatever. So here's the conversation I hear, no shit, from these three incredibly smart, brilliant women:

Hanako: Here's 'don't,' is that a verb?
Dr.S: YES, Hanako, it's 'do not'
Cathy: but I don't think you can count that as a verb, it's like 'sleep'
Hanako: in japanese, 'sle--
Dr. S: this isn't Japanese, Hanako
Cathy: You should really get a dictionary and look up the parts of speech, Hanako, that really helped me
Hanako:oh good idea
Cathy: Oh, here's the word 'tooted,' that's a verb.
Hanako: tooted?
Cathy: It means 'passing gas'
Hanako: Passing gas?
Dr. S: FART, Hanako, it means FART
Hanako: OH, Furrrrrr! I know that one!
Cathy: oh look, here's poo-poo!



Oh my GOD. I was snickering like a five year old.

Also funny yesterday:

I go to my final at 7:15, and this is my last ever final, and it's in a kind of biggish auditorium-type room, and this basically exactly seats all the people in the class when there are tests. So, there's never a lot of extra seats. I get there around 7, and am surprised to find that almost all the seats are already taken. So, I walk down almost to the front of the room, to the very first open seat I see, which is on an aisle. The room has four seats, an aisle, twelve in the middle, and four on the far side, so this is the fourth seat over from the left wall. There are two ugly, fat, monochromatic, bitchy girls sitting in the second and third seats of that row, and I usually sit in their general vicinity, but of course never by them. By the time I realized it was them sitting there I was already halfway through the requisite, "Is anyone sitting here?" and the uglier of the two girls goes, I am not kidding, like this:

"Well, but we're supposed to spread out."

And looks pointedly at me like "no."

So I go "oh-KAAAAY" and back slowly away and go sit somewhere else, but then I stewed about this, and got really mad, and watched the entire auditorium fill up except for the two seats in their row, and watched them not let anyone sit there, and if I ever see either of them, I will punch-a-size their face, for FREE.

FUCK, I hate people. And I wish I had been more prepared with a snappy comeback, like "you're ugly and fat, bitch" or "wait, is that your ass talking out your neck" or something equally juvenile.

But to make up for it, I (how did you put it once, Jenny?) rocked my last-ever final so hard it ate itself with shame. Yeah.

So now, today, I have a billionty zillion errands to run, like selling back books, hopefully taking thesis to bindery, taking care of reimbursement stuff, returning library books, getting bindery receipts to correct people, getting my mom stuff for mom's day, etc. All busy work, all stuff that requires no mental exertion (please please please don't tell me I need to revise my fucking stats again) and will allow me to actually feel like I have completed the requirements for graduating with honors and high distinction and BLAH AND BLAH

anyway, i am already in a better mood than I have been since I began this thing. In august. Of last year. Happy graduation to those of you who are graduating tomorrow (ashleigh!) and this weekend, and hopefully I'll get to actually see you guys soon!!!!

SMOOCHES

Nerd Alert

So, two intensely nerdy things have happened in the last few hours.

First, I had my honors thesis defense, which many of you have heard me whining about for months. I do not like giving talks, but it went well, and everyone had nice not-too-brainwrenching questions, and more importantly, they handed me some results I hadn't (and Dr. Smith, who is NOT, as of this afternoon, competing for "greatest mentor in the world" award any longer) thought of, and suffice it to say that I have some work to do tonight.

That DOES blow, on one hand, because I'm not finished with the damn thing, and I now have to bust my ass again to get this all where it needs to go and rewritten and bound by Friday at the absolute latest. Now, the worst part is that I have to do some weird-ass stat thing I've never heard of that you have to do manually, and that sounds daunting. SO, that being the bad news, the good is that the thing as a whole went super well, they were really nice and it was, nerdily, *fun*

And it rules because on the other hand, they were all clamoring for publication, so I said I'll redo the stupid thing with sound, and bust my ass to do it this summer, and they'll help me, specifically, with the going through the steps of submitting it. And that's fucking worth another couple of days of busting my ass to get things finished. Plus, it all makes a lot more sense to me now than it did this morning. Or yesterday, or any other day. Goddammit.

So that's what I'll be up to tonight, bashing my head on the wall because I can't remember how to do square roots, and tomorrow they're all supposed to be around in the lab to look over it and help me more if I need it. Ahhh, teamwork.

So it's over, thank god, it went really well, and that's about enough detail for you non-thesis non-nerd friends of mine.

The OTHER nerd thing that just recently happened is that my FABO graduation present that I alluded to has arrived, I am typing on it right now, and I am giddy with liking-it-ness. Oh Apple, you gorgeous company. You gorgeous machine builders. And FUCKING THANK GOD I CAN NOW USE A LAPTOP LIKE A LAPTOP, and not be chained to my fucking desk when the whole point of having a laptop was to avoid that. Also, this one is badass. I can't express that enough in words.

So, to Mike and Stacey, and anyone else who maybe wanted to consider buying my ibook, just lemme know. It's going for $400 or so on ebay, so since you guys are my friends I'll take $350. Or if no one wants it, I'll just sell it on ebay. AND, you should know that it works fabulously EXCEPT for the problem with the battery, which is NOT that it needs a new battery, but something more sinister. So you can't unplug it unless you get that fixed. But, if you need a computer more than you need a laptop, it's perfect. And of course, you don't have to pay me right now. Whatever.

I should also point out that I named my new hard drive "Trogdor" because I am the world's nerdiest girl, second to Raedy.

Yes, anyway. Good luck with finishing up finals, and I'll be posting next time I have something to say.

Titus Andronicus

In the past few days, I have done several uninteresting things. In case you were wondering what they are, I have decided to list them for you, in no particular order:

1.) I cut about four inches off my hair, and dyed it its original color. Actually, this may be slightly more goth than the original color, but I rid myself of four inches of pure split ends, and it feel luxurious

2.) I just now cut JD's hair again (I'll never learn) and it's not half as bad as I was afraid it would be, so I'm quite pleased with myself. He looks dashing.

3.) I orchestrated the best-ever hapkido picnic/rock climbing social, which was fantastically fun and included such highlights as Justin putting an uncooked hotdog through his fly and sneaking up on Meredith with it, Patrick flying a kite like a five year old, and lots and lots of food.

4.) I wrote and have now practiced to death my honors thesis talk, and am SUPER PSYCHED to get the damn thing over with tomorrow. Pass or fail, I am finished thinking about it after 1pm. Damn, I'm going to miss Passions.

5.) I took a final tonight, and instantly forgot that I ever took that terrorism class. that's how easy and unmemorable it was. Except for the prof saying "ethnic persuasion" and "you don't want to step on your DONG" in reference to Middle Eastern peoples, somehow.

6.) I have panicked about money as I realized that I am owed over $1600 in reimbursement funds (and have thus written enough checks to overdraft my account) which is now trickling in gradually. Dammit, I fucking hate money.

7.) I have noticed periodically that NO ONE seems to have time or inclination to update their blog this week, which is causing me considerable agitation when I take a break from constant honors thesising to check out your updates and there aren't any. Come on guys, we need to work together.

8.) If I pass my defense tomorrow, I get to drive basically directly to Indy and drop the thing off at the bindery. That sounds like tons of fun.

9.) After tomorrow, I have nothing left to do except for a final in a class that is also taught by the professor that makes uninformed (but hilarious) comments, so I am basically home free. Suck it, world.

10.) Until I am finished with my defense, I am too nervous to type anything worthwhile. So, everyone please to be sending me happy thoughts tomorrow while you watch Passions, and I'm sure I'll let you all know how it went, assuming I don't fall right on my face. sigh. Yeah, go thesis girl 2, you can do it!

Concrete Island

So, guys, I have finally calmed down. Thanks to everyone who A. said I was smart and B. told me to stop freaking out. Both those things always help when I am freaking out.

So you all must be wondering how the conference went. It was boring, and the talks I was most excited to see were abysmally disappointing, and it made me feel as though I very well could've submitted my unfinished honors thesis back in November, when it had about half the subjects, and even with no data and no paper I could've given a better, more interesting talk.

Sigh.

Except for free dinner, getting to play with grad student's children, swimming in the hotel pool, and the mall that had an Apple store, the weekend was more or less a waste of my valuable time.

But oh well, it's over with.

This week has sucked ass, but now everything is turned in, finished, written, presented, etc. EXCEPT for a tiny remaining to-do list of two easy finals and, oh yeah, my defense. I'm going to start writing the talk tonight, and should have pleeeeeenty of time to get it the way I want it and practice it thoroughly. I am, actually, not nervous about the thing, although I maybe should be somewhat apprehensive...we'll see though, it should be "fun"

Last night was the poster session/banquet that I was so dreading, but it was relatively painless, and most of it was banquet rather than poster presentations....there's some issues with BULLSHIT BUREAUCRACY and the awards they handed out; both Raedy and I were excluded from the consideration (these are prestigious awards that you put on your vitae, not to mention ones that carry cash awards) for these BECAUSE certain faculty members are "sick of Dr. Smith's students always winning" (as told verbatim BY a furious Dr. Smith) because in years past her students have done exceptionally well, imagine that.

I don't know if it needs saying, but Raedy and I BLEW AWAY that fucking class, as far as "quality" of research goes, and I am PISSED. Mostly because past years have nothing to do with us, and it's just not fair. But oh well, you know....who knows if we would've won anything....even though there were EIGHT awards and only 14 people in the class.....they actually opted to give one of the awards to someone who WASN'T EVEN IN THE HONORS THESIS CLASS, rather than me or Raedy. So much horseshit, I cannot fucking believe it. Also, the vast majority of winners were from ONE lab. Hmmm. Someone's fucking that mysterious person I couldn't figure out when I wanted my thesis returned to me.....hahahah

Anyway, it's not that big a deal, really, but it's fucking irritating. Nice of Dr. Smith to tell us WHY, though. We were alarmed at how many retards in that class actually received the awards. Sigh. Fucking A.

So, in more funner news, I have very few things left to be worrying about. There's the Hapkido picnic/rock climbing outing I'm busting my ass to plan for this weekend, a final Monday, a defense Tuesday, and a final Wednesday night. AWESOME POSSUM. And in the absolute best news of all, my mom has crazily decided to get me a graduation present to end all presents. I won't rant until it's here in my lap. top. Laptop. It burns DVDs, for christ's sake.