Expiring For Love Is Beautiful But Stupid

So, yesterday allllll day was spent in Los Angeles. We should really do that more often, when you get a chance to spend more than a few minutes in the neighborhoods that are better than hollywood (and, literally, everything is better than hollywood), it's nice to discover the good things about that place. Before yesterday I'd kind of written it off as having a really desperate energy (I can't imagine why), and the total lack of history outside of olde tyme movie glamour is offputting. But, there are cute places and things too. I think the 18 months of horrible dater collekshun i did in a really ugly part of that town added to my opinion of its worth too.
So anyway, if any of you have ever wanted to see LA, come visit and now I know what to show you. I know my way around much better now (same goes for San Diego, though that one's more straightforward if you want my opinion) and I actually know where cool shit is. When Jenny and Levi came out here a few years ago we went to Santa Barbara, and we stopped over in hollywood, and that was totally lame. there is nothing glamorous about that area, and you sure as fuck are not going to bump into celebs there.

Yeah so. We had to visit the british konsuluutt and that was first thing in the morning. I love it when you agonize over compiling paperwork and then the authentically scottish person who looks at it glances but does not read, sometimes doesn't even open sealed letters from your grad department, just asks you things like where you're going in their fair country and eyes you somewhat suspiciously when you pronounce "edinburgh" with a "burrough" at the end.

Ultimately they approved us, so there will be no need for wedding farce, and we had to go back later that day to pick up the newly-visaed passports. These stamps look so cool. And on mine it says I'm marrying JD, and on his it says he's marrying me, so I guess we're stuck. haHAHAHA.

yeah and we went to eat lunch at some macrobiotic/mostly vegan place and it was great. Then we went to the natural history museum to see the BOG PEOPLE exhibit. All day we were singing, "bog peo-ple bog peo-ple bog peo-ple" like that south park episode with the crab people (anyone? anyone?). The exhibit was pretty freaky and the majority of the museum was deserted. Awesome. There's a whole bunch of cool shit right there by usc, must go back.



So then it closed and we went to check out this silver lake area that my friend nathalie mentioned once i would probably like, "because there's a lot of indie kids there" and we went and it was pretty kitschy. Pretty cool. JD wanted to drive Mullholland, because he has those giant balls of his and therefore tons of excess testosterone, so we headed up into the hills and couldn't exactly find it (yes, we had a map, no we are not retarded) so we ended up at this observatory that looked out over most of the city and that was totally awesome.

Then we drove down a super wind-y canyon road and I white-knuckled it all the way, while JD cackled and said, "I can see why your dad thought it was so much fun to drive like this with your mom in the car," which did not offend me but possibly could have...


Ok so then we went to eat at a place with "vegan" in the title, then to the pinback show. We were kind of late so we ended up waaaaay in the back at the top, but we actually found a couch and that was perfect. the avalon is a totally awesome venue. anyway. pinback, yeah, one of my all-time favorite bands. How do I say this? I didn't think they were that great live. They played everything about five times faster than it would normally go so it all sounded like a cover done by a really sloppy punk band. It was a weird experience for me. Did I build them up too much? Did Jenny's transcendent experience prime me for certain disappointment? Were they all totally drunk and in a hurry to be somewhere else? I have no idea. I still love them, but now it feels slightly strange. My sister is probably disowning me right now.

But yeah. Good overall day. Goodish show, good all-around visit to LA. We are greenlighted for the wedding thing. Etc.

These Arms Are Snakes!

Oh, fuck, that was an amazing show. A cock-suckingly good show. A face melter. A real banana contest of a show.
Who fucking knew Pelican rocked that hard? WHO KNEW?! Well, I suspected, but FUCK that was awesome. I still can't hear anything. I know that's not great, but it's kind of awesome. We were not six feet from the stage. The Casbah is fucking awesome. There was something transcendent about the show. As you would expect from some super-badass post rock. Oh, god. That was incredible.

And before the show we went and hung out in little italy, which is precisely as guido as it sounds, and we ate at this delightful little italian place that made food to our vegan specifications without batting an eye. And we got a nice argentinian bottle of wine and that was very very nice.

Then the show made our heads explode, literally, it was so awesome. Three bands, it started at 9:30, it wasn't done until after 1am, that is so wonderful. Those were such awesome fucking bands in this tiny little venue, that is the absolute best way to see them, if you ask me. Oh MANATEE that was awesome.

I had pretty much forgotten why I like shows/musicians/live music requiring you to pack in like sardines and get sweated on by the guitar players. I haven't been to a proper show like that in waaaaaay too long. No more. I am resolved. We have both decided to do more enjoying of living in this area than we do now, so I expect we'll get around to doing this kind of thing more often. Case in point: pinback, tuesday.

Today I'm compiling the mountain of supporting paperwork we need to get permission to get married overseas. Boo. I'm achey and filthy from the show too. JD traded an old digital camera to his sister for a filtered water showerhead like the one we had briefly while she lived here. Nice move, Jadles.

Yeah yeah what else?

I Travel The Seas To Return For You

Do you, gentle reader, know what is not as glamorous as one might expect it to be? Spending two whole days doing nothing but grading papers. I know, I know, serving as a "reader" for a class in which the ta is so overloaded that she desperately needs your help might sound magical, but in reality it is boring and tedious and I am so glad I'm done with that.

Go get the new Black Heart album. Lord, almighty. They're playing with Calexico in LA, like, two days before I fly off to Europe. Anyone wanna go to that show? Hmmm? COME ON.

Ladies. I need serious advice concerning what to do with my hair for this wedding. I am totally clueless, have no good ideas, and am getting worried. The dress is strapless. Please advise. PLEASE. Also advise me on what makeup you think I should wear, if you have an idea. Oh, and if you think one slutty lingerie ensemble is more wedding-night appropros than another, cast ye vote for that too. Just name slutty items of lingerie and I bet I have them, I won't type out a list here so that the boys don't all vomit up their lunch.

Speaking of, I had a dream about the wedding this morning in which JD was an hour late because he was hanging out with David Walsh, and people started leaving. But all you guys were there, and you were like, "uh, fuck this, I had plans for later this afternoon, i can't wait around for him all day." And I was super pissed at him. Because as soon as he got there he was all, "oh and we forgot to get the groceries" so we had to go to the store, in full regalia, and find cauliflower.

I get to see Mono tomorrow in SanDiego! Wheeee! That's fucking awesome.

Two other things/reasons I like JD so much:

1. We JD netflixted Bride and Prejudice and we watched it last night. Don't know if you've seen it, but it led to a great deal of spontaneous bollywood-style dancing around the apartment for upwards of two hours. And those catch-assy SONGS. My god.

2. The today show was interviewing some cast members from the xmen movie (I am so stoked) this morning, and kelsey grammer who plays Beast was there, and Matt Lauer was saying how "scary" the Beast character is, and JD became extremely pouty and whined, "they're misconstruing beast's role in the series...he's really a dichotomous character...what the fuck, lauer"

which, just because he was so personally affronted, was totally sweet.

Dude, I'm hungry.

An Ocean's Gargled Vomit On The Shore

1. I submitted my very first paper. Oh yes. Last week. Shhh, shhhh. No, don't freak out, it's going to be rejected. Soundly. With alacrity. But at least I have finally done something I am supposed to be doing.

2. Got PInback tix, got Mono tix. I think I mentioned that before, but I am getting SUPER EXCITED. Made an appointment for the morning of the pinback show to go to the british embassy (I know, right?) and hopefully get approval to get married in their fine establishment. hahah. It will be highly amusing if that's not approved. Probably we will lie to all the relatives. Sister excluded, obviously. We will stage an elaborate fake ceremony. We will hire a ruddy-faced man to perform it. I will blush copiously. Well, I will wear copious amounts of blush.

3. Went out with the ladies and Eric and JD last night. Good times! We paid for their dinners/drinks because they're awesome. And threw me a shower and stuff. And that hurt the 'ol pocketbook. I told Eric the professional photog about the sketchy guy we hired in scotland and he went visibly pale and i think almost shit his pants. Ok, so the guy himself is not sketchy, but the idea that I can't see other photos, he only takes the exact amount he gives you, etc. are all faux-pas moves according to everything I know to be true about photography. Eric is already trying to talk Kristin into allowing them to come to the wedding (eric loves scotland and wants Kristin to see it and is also very cool in general) but they only have a month to sort that out and boo, it probably won't happen. But, if they showed up I would have some very awesome photos to supplement the very awesome ones I expect Jenny to take. And really, I only hired that other sketch artist so that Jenny can be IN some photos. Right?

4. Today the wee 2nd years give their talks. Or at least, the first wave of them do. I am so excited. I feel like a den mother. I also feel like it can not possibly have been a year since I did this, and what the fuck have I done with this entire academic year? Hmm. but those are in a few hours and i am psyched (ha)!

5. Sent Jenny a box of clothes. Sent most of you guys comp cds. You probably already got them. My mom has picked out her dress to wear to this wedding. Lord, almighty. I think she feels that self-flagellation is required. I have never otherwise known my mother to choose pastel colors to wear. Pastels over a, yes, long ivory dress. Le sigh. Whatever.

6. My cat is going to have a play date at Kristin's house with her two cats so we can see if he would potentially be able to go live there while we are gone next month. Kristin has two cats, one of whom is mellow and one of whom is a princess, who will probably hate my cat and try to shred him when he's got his poor trusting back turned. But Kristin is unable to agree to check on my cat, because she feels such stress about how lonely Jyushin will be while we're gone. I'm serious, she will need medication in order to leave him here by himself. So it's better to find something else to do with him. Le sigh.

7. In other news, I was sideways-complimented on my "strong" writing the other day. This on a piece of warmed turd that I can't seem to form into something publishable. So that's encouraging? Whatever.

8. Briana was talking last night about this "imposter syndrome" thing that Jenny mentioned once a long time ago. How you think you're a fraud and all other students are productive and doing well and mentally capable of this shit and whatnot. Apparently it is almost universal in grad students. Good. I mean, bad, but that makes me feel better. This floundering isn't unique? Awesome.

9. LOVE YOU GUYS! Stacey and Melissa, how was NYC?

Backed Up On Dick

1. I am tired. I had one of those cute three-day headaches until this morning. Do you know what causes those? I am now a full believer in trigger points and referred pain and all that shit. Cue the george winston music. (That was a new age joke, hipsters!). Anyway, my headache is gone and has been replaced by wanting to stab myself in the face. This is nothing new.

2. All day, writing and analyzing. Writing and analyzing. I am starting to feel insane.

3. So yesterday I procrastinated by cleaning the whole house and then making an elaborately creative dinner out of the bizarro ingredients we had about the house. These included: quinoa, frozen edamame, and a can of peas. Oh and some baby carrots and frozen asparagus and half an onion. With these things I managed to produce quinoa and edamame croquets served on a bed of quinoa, and delicious cream of random foods soup. Yes, I am a genius. I wish I would have taken photos, because the presentation was the best part. Man, I am good at stalling on the writing that I am also stalling on right now.

4. Jeeze. I hate being so meta.

5. The title came from Raedy. She totally almost said that about her data.

You Got Me Looking For The Rest Of Me

I just woke up from an elaborate dream about color guard. In it there were tryouts but they were structured more like this show I saw once about the dallas cowboys dancer girls, where everyone had to try out full on every year and it involved a rigorous dance portion and then a talent show, all while wearing skimpy outfits.

I had forgotten to bring my flag, which was totally dumb since I would need it, duh. I had a pole with electrical tape wrapped around it and I had fashioned a great quantity of tape into a flag-shaped block of tape that was about 4" X 6" and dangled off the very top of the pole in a sad way.

Just as auditions were starting, I noticed this. And Mark (sic) was running the show, along with Beth vahnhow10 and karen glaaaaaaaahw (you younguns probably don't remember them so much). I had to sneak out the back into my closet to go find a piece of material i could use as a flag, and mark saw me go but just tutted at me and I couldn't find anything.


And then I had found some stationery that I could use to write out a killer routine (?!) and was about to save the day when I heard my sister, aka lindsey lohan, crashing around in the other closet. She was trying to find my flag first so she could hide it from me! So I realized that I was missing all the dance instruction while i was digging around in the closets, so I had to try to pick it up from where I was. But they were already like a thousand counts into it so it was hard.

Anyway, everything turned out fine. When I woke up all I could think was that when you spin a rifle (or any weapon) you start a half count early so you're vertical on one. Such a valuable, informative dream.


Hahahahahahahahaha, aaaaaaahhhhhhhh. Lame.

We get this channel called Fuse here. There's a show called "Pants Off Dance Off" that's not as amusing as you'd hope it would be, but man, that's a good premise for a show.

We bought Pinback tickets this weekend, and JD ordered mono/pelican/tarantel (!!!HOLY SHIT!!!) tickets earlier last week. That is awesome. I am super excited. Oh, and this vegan clothing/accessory store opened this week, and I got a wallet. That's awesome. And JD finally got a t-shirt that says "praise seitan" which he has wanted for a very long time.

I'm Super Cereal!

Guys. if you're bored or you know people who are bored, and you want to participate in actual research rather than Wanky questions about a movie, could you please go Here and do this survey for me? It'll take you about ten minutes. It might not be fun. But it would help me out quite a bit.

And here I can't stress enough that it is REAL research so please, no one who wants to write an essay about how I am a skank should take it. I'm not saying my sister is excluded, I'm saying that people who feel like I am a skank and they just want to tell the whole world should not take it. Go work a sudoku or do something else. If you guys are interested I'll tell you what it's about once you've taken it. And it's totally anonymous, I'm not even asking your gender!

Spaceships Over Glasgow

You guys should hear me do my impression of Patti LaBelle in that diabetes testing commercial. It's right up there with my Christopher Walken. Also, it makes JD laugh uncontrollably so anytime he's mad at me I just whip that out and he can't stay mad. Ahhh, feminine wiles. I also do a really good Louis Armstrong that makes him laugh until he cries. But it just occurred to me that maybe he's laughing at me. Hmmm. Maybe I'll make a video of myself doing both of those.

I have an indentured servant RA coming in this afternoon of her own volition, I swear to gaahhh, to alphabetize the thousands of articles I have in my office. This was her idea. She apparently really likes alphabetizing. Who am I to tell her no? Plus, the more I think about it the more fantastic it will be to have things catalogued before I sequester myself in my tower for the entire summer studying. At least this way I'll know what I have for sure. So that's cool.

I have tried about nine times to post ya'lls' comp cds. You know, the ones you requested three weeks ago? Yeah, I never seem to be thinking about them when mailing stores are open. I tried to fedex them last night but bailed when they were each going to cost $7. Sorry, dearies, that's too much moolah. I'm totally broke forever.

I bought my cat a new brush the other day and his behavior (biting, sniping, kicking with back feet) has changed dramatically. All I have to do to calm him is walk over to the drawer where I keep the brush and chirp, "BRUUUUUSHHING? JYUSHIE WANNA BRUSSSSHY?" and he flops down in the same place every time and starts purring and rolling to and fro in anticipation of the brush. Finally, I own him. And I don't really talk to him like that, I was kidding.

Stace how'd it go? We need an update.

I Push The Envelope So Hard It Says, "Excuse You"

Driving to campus just now, I saw on the horizon in my lane a weird little shape. I thought, "eew, roadkill?" and then saw the convalescent home escapee on the sidewalk waving frantically at me. Ignoring Crazy Lady, I realized that the weird shape was a mother duck followed by six baby duckies waddling down the road, in the middle of my damn lane. Don't worry, I swerved and no one was coming anywhere behind me. I am going to assume the Crazy Lady convinced the ducks to follow her back to Crazy Land and no harm was done to any of them. In fact, just to let myself think that, I am going to drive hom a different route so that I don't have to see any potential evidence to the contrary.

*****Edit: I changed the "los bravos" movie so that ashleigh doesn't get put in jail for her egregious violation of her hippocratic oath. Luckily, a cacophony of wild animals and random noises wandered by in the background as I was sound editing, so be sure to check that out.

******Re-Edit: Ashleigh says his name twice. Which I didn't notice until today. So now it's been redone again. But she won't get arrested.

No Particular Woman

I was just driving through an intersection, singing mindlessly along with my cd player, waving my coffee in the air, and as I was about to pass a car waiting in the left turn lane opposite me, the guy driving tooted his horn so I looked over just in time to see him hold up a piece of cardboard upon which I believe he had written:

URAHOR

Oh, snap! Now I'm so whorey that even random dudes in cars are noticing. Better rein it in a bit.

Sallow-Cheeked And Sure

I love Ashleigh. <---------SEEEEEEEEEEEE?????

You know what's...awkward? My entire life. Well, no, but as far as I feel I've come in terms of not being socially retarded ("practically" retarded if you want to get academic about it) since I moved over here and started having to assert my damned self instead of slinking through classes, as far as I've come in the way of not being intimidated by the famous people who troll these grounds, as far as I've come in terms of appreciating true, unbridled girly-ness in the form of my more bikini-wax-minded colleagues, I still struggle with situations in which I am on display and the center of this sort of specific, girlified, focused attention.

You would think I would like it, right? Because I'm such a narcisist and I don't think I have ever refused a compliment from any source, no matter how questionable. Anyway, I don't like those things. Point taken. Wellllll taken. I'm uncomfortable with people with ovaries.

But my shower was Fun-ish. Let's leave it at that. A lot of people I really would have liked to have there couldn't make it, so the people who were there were extremely random. I have been trying not to take anything personally, because that is a bad habit to get into. One I have not yet succumbed to at this point in my life.

Loosen Your Shoulder Blades, This Is Your Hour To Make Due

Things I Really Like About JD That You May Not Be Aware Of:

1. He brings me water with star-shaped ice cubes in it, even though we got those stupid shaped ice cube trays from ikea and they are a bitch and a half to get out of the mold, and we have normal ice that would chill my water just as well.

2. When he and I happen to be in the shower at the same time, he will stand more or less motionless to block the water so that I can shave my legs in peace and not have to get all shitty with water for behaving like water.

3. When he is eating some kind of food over which you would potentially want to squeeze a lime, he shields the lime against me with his hand so that no errant (rogue) lime juice squirts into my face and blinds me.

4. He noticed all on his own that my favorite tortilla chips are ones that are folded over onto themselves and when he makes anything with tortilla chips he picks all the foldy ones out and puts them on my plate.

5. He doesn't like guitar in general, but he has an acoustic which he uses primarily for learning songs that I like and playing them idly in the background when i am doing something work-related.

6. We were at the beach yesterday, and there was a puppy who had obviously never been to the ocean before, and tide was coming in and the puppy was jumping around at the water's edge on this big bed of kelp and nastiness, to and fro and barking and running at the water and then jumping away from it, and JD laughed at it as though nothing in the whole world was more delightful than that puppy. And it was pretty cute.

7. He opens doors for me and always walks on the side of the street closest to the traffic.

8. He gets up before me every morning (I am a lazy sack) to make coffee and usually some ridiculous breakfast spread that involves scrambled tofu, potatoes, oatmeal, fruit smoothies, toast, or some variant of those things. Those are all of my favorite breakfast foods. Oh and he turns the today show on even though I am pretty sure he hates that Couric bitch as much as I do. I love nothing more than angrily talking shit about people's hair and affectations first thing in the morning, and he knows that.

9. He is into things like frequent flyer miles, stock options (he has a portfolio, you guys), life insurance, and Hugh Grant movies.

10. He did not complain when I sent him to the post office a few weeks ago on his day off to specifically get the wedding stamps they have so that I could post you guys' invites with them, and even though the guy at the counter had to open a package and separate them and make jokes about how he "couldn't go home without them" he had no problem doing it.

11. This morning I woke up and turned to him and he said, "well, i'll just wear a bikini top, then" and appeared totally lucid for a half second. then his explanation for that statement, which bordered on aggressively angry and confused, made me laugh myself back to sleep.

12. He always pumps my gas, even if I protest that he doesn't need to.

Verbing Weirds Language

1. There is something in the air today that is making my eyes so....bleary...that I can barely see and it's making me feel like I need to see the eye doctor or move to someplace less smoggy or actually get a pair of reading glasses or any number of those things.

2. JD is home sick today. Poor dear. Poor dear me, I mean, that I can't get shit done when he's around. It's not his fault, or a bad thing, I am just so easily distracted and my eyes are so damn bleary that it's 4:30, I have yoga in an hour, and I am just starting to work for the day. Ahhh, the flexibility of an academic schedule.

3. Sometimes I secretly wish that JD would take this job he's kind of considered wherein he would make upwards of two hundred thousand dollars per second, or something equally outlandish, and I could just be an armchair researcher. Or baby machine, whatever. But that's not really what I overtly want for myself. So don't tell anyone I said that shit, it's lame.

4. I am planning to go to some awesome fucking shows this month, which is double great because I have barely made use of living this close to a major city since I moved here. Two major cities. With dozens of amazing venues. So in a few weeks I'll get to see Pinback (thank god, else I would have murdered my sister out of jealousy) and also Mono/Pelican, which should be fucking rad.

5. I am starting to go over this study I did my first year because I am determined to find something meaningful in the dater (ha) and I forgot how badass I am until just now. Yeah so I better go do that some more. Then I have to write all night. Yeeehaw.

6. Anyone want to come visit and be a confederate in a study? I love deceiving people in sanctioned ways. yeah I didn't think so.

7. Lovels! Back to work.