Gravity Always Wins

JD and I just got back from a totally late dinner out where I gulped down espresso and gesturingly flailed him to within an inch of his preshie life by Finally. Understanding. My Study.

Everything just clicked. Just now. Just the fuck now, about 48 hours before it's got to be finished (this draft) and turned in, just now when I have a talk to rewrite and a meeting to prepare for, just now it all fell neatly and fucking finally into place in my clouded little brain after THREE MONTHS OF AGONIZING OVER IT. Like a lightbulb turning on. Literally.

I've been hating my life because of this failed attempt at science for a few long weeks now, two years if you count the first try last spring that also failed, but talking animatedly to jadles in a pseudo-french bistro (jennifer miller i hate you so bad right now) helped me sort it all the fizuck out.

I can't believe the clarity with which I am now seeing my godforsaken data. Or more importantly, I can't believe how OBVIOUSLY awesome what I have is. I am plenty enthused to crank this bitch out once and for all. I have a lot of stuff to do before tomorrow afternoon.

You know what, Raedy? I think me sitting and having to talk out my project with unlimited use of gestures finally got the goddamn lexicon accessed in my brain and started the rusty thought wheels a-turnin'. There really IS something to all that hocus pocus. Haahaha. But we knew that already from our successful honors thesi.

I am going to flail uncontrollably for the next week. And then I am going to flail my way through the rest of school. Because, goddammit, there is something about it that is helping me concentrate on this, which I haven't been able to do this WHOLE FRICKING YEAR.

*****
Janet and Jess are getting here either tomorrow or Tuesday. Needless to say, we have plenty to do before that happens. I can't believe I'm getting a new roomie. I kind of didn't think after I moved out here with my boyf that I'd be living with anyone else ever again. Funny how life works out, huh? Anyway.

I have plenty else to say but I have too much work to do right now to say it. Soon, though, be patient. And send good vibrations and thoughts my way. I have to rock the socks off this mother.

William Shakesphere? More Like "Wobblesbum Cakesphere," Ehh Fatty?

*I have some important things to say on my lunch "break":

1. The Luna bars that are Chai Tea flavored are fucking delicious

2. Mom, I know you're still reading this. Cut it out or embarrasing mom pictures will start appearing on here. In fact, I would like to warn everyone who reads this "covertly" that I know you're reading it. And I can't be persuaded to watch what I say on here for your benefit(s).

3. I went to target last night after annoying jenny by whining about how i hate my hair and am bored with my lame face. And I bought some of that ridiculous "for brown hair especially" crap. And I took a shower and used it. And Holy. Crap. My hair looks so awesome today, it's not even funny. I blowdried my hair and usually that makes it frizzy, but it was shiny and beautiful. Right after I tortured it with heat styling. It was so cool that I woke JD up to show him and he got up, burshed his teeth, and went right back to sleep without ever somuch as looking in my direction even though I told him when I woke him up that he HAD to come look at my hair.

4. When I bought that stuff at target, the checkout retard said, "huh, I guess you're planning on dyeing your hair sometime soon, huh?"


Quick poll: what color is my hair? Red? no. Blonde? No. Hmmm. Weird. I can't think of what "dark brown" would be classified as. It's not really brunette, because "brunette" means "dark." God, that guy was a moron. I was just like, "oh, yeah I'm dyeing it tomorrow, can't wait to use this brunette-only stuff"

5. Stacey has commissioned me to do an art Project. It is not yet completed. You will know when I have completed it. Because it will be awesome.

6. Part of this art Project involves me taking Ho-ed out pictures of myself. This portion has been delayed because my sister pointed out to me that I look like a skanky ass Ho when I take fake "myspace" photos and she made me question exactly what I was trying to prove with those shennanigans.

7. However, there will still be an art Project.

8. I also very much intended to make you all my latest comp cd and go to the post office. I will instead do that tonight while I launder my clothes and curse my apparent inability to give even the most practicey of practice talks. Because in a few hours I will have practiced in my Bikini Wax Lahb, and honestly, I am not looking forward to this afternoon.

9. Also at target I found face mask by that freeman brand that was so big when we were in, like, 8th grade. I bought it and it smells like junior high. But I'll use it anyway.

10. I can't recommend that hair stuff enough. I was about to chop my hair because i'm so pissed at it. I really need to get it cut at least a little, but I haven't had time. Until then, I'm all about the quick fix. Oh, and it's the stuff with the retarded girls in the commercials, not the panteene stuff. If you're interested.

11. Jenny and I had a fat-sister contest yesterday wherein we competed to see who could make the fattest face, photograph themselves doing it, and send it to the other via ichat the most. I'll be posting those results later on. They made me laugh until I peed a little bit.

12. I'm cramping and it sucks. I always seem to be cramping on Wednesdays. Which is my longest day of pure responsibility.

13. Boooooo.

I'd Now Be Happy To Entertain Any Questions You May Have

So the 1st bout of the seccind yeahr presentayshuns is now over, all three of my goodest friends are now FINISHED with their requirements, they all did a lovely job, and I am left to sweat it out for another two weeks thinking about how i can avoid being nervous. No one got slammed with really hard questions, so that's good. I'm thinking people will get so outraged at mine that they will stand up in the middle and overturn conference tables in anger and roar at me like lions, "ROAAAARRR, I don't UNDERSTAND this MAGNIFICENT EFFECT!!! Your data is so BRIIIIIIILLIANT"

Actually, that's just what I will think about to minimize the intimidation factor that comes when you know these people trying to decide if, after this, they should ask you nicely not to continue on with the program.

In two weeks, it goes: all three boys, me, this loud girl, this girl jd calls little miss sunshine who has the flattest possible affect and is likely afflicted with all kinds of psychopathee. I love that we'll end on that high note, it's hilarious.

Boo, I'm already getting nervous. I mean excited. Excited to present the fruits of my labor for the last two years.

Anyway. I'm clearly violently jealous of my friends who are done. But there's no time for worrying about that, I have to finish up my paper. Yes, I am almost done. I just have to betterify the beginning parts. Then, the wolves can line edit it to death. I don't care.

Friday I went to see Ep3 with Jd and his dad and it was awesome. Saturday was nice and relaxing and we went to eat at my favorite vegan restaurant. God DAMMIT that place is delicious. They had vegan coconut ice cream. Holy god.

and then some blogincongruent stuff
and then I just noticed I haven't had any caffeine today. whoa

I will catch up on phone calls, text messages, (I'm getting them! Even when you send them at 7am on saturdays, I hear them!) etc in a couple days. Say, by Thursday. Because at that point I will have revised my shit a thousand times more, it will just need to be rehearsed, I will be waiting for edits, I will be in hellish limbo as I watch the time between now and 5pm June 1 tick away agonizingly.

I will tough it out, and I will feel like I goddamn accomplished something in surviving this year. That, my friends, is a scientific fact.
****

I had this really lame convo (see? lame already cuz I said "convo") with this girl sarah who's like my big sister (so is my officemate, dont' freak out, theyr'e best friends and I love them equally) here about how familial academic relationships are. It's so true. My cohort is like my siblings, and the older students are my wiser older siblings and my adviser is my mom and my other advisor is like my cool step mom who's kind of flightly and my advisor (mom) has to go home to a funeral of her advisor's (mom's) husband (step dad) so it's like my step uncle died and I'm sad about it. I had a nice talk with him about elliptical trainers and the good fit of a model he came up with a few years ago. Academia is all very incestuous.

which is why it's double gross that two of the 1st yrs are dating each other and are always making out all over campus. totally not appropriate.

Anyway, I have another eight hours of work to do on this paper and another 8 hours of time in which to do it, for once. Laters gators. I'm so almsot done.