Something's Going to Steal Your Carbon

My meeting went really well. Like, now I am questioning my own sanity because of it well. Did I hallucinate all the shitty, unprofessional rage that I had detected in the last few weeks of gritted-teeth emails and second-hand accounts of how much shit was being talked about me?

Hmmm. No.

Ok, on one hand I am hugely relieved that things are back on track and the project has been salvaged and, apparently, no relationships have been destroyed and some little nuggets of praise and/or understanding were thrown my way ("oh, this IS complicated!" and "I had NO idea this was so complex, no wonder it has been progressing this way") that are kind of making it all better.

On the other hand I am frustrated at the extremely huge expenditure of energy this has demanded, from venting/bitching/kvetching about it to literally everyone I have ever met to the mountains of mental and material preparation I accumulated this weekend, to the psykologikul and biological stress response enactment. All for naught...or at least, all for naught much. haaaaaa.

In other news, JD and I ruined some poor woman's day yesterday at the deli counter of a grocery:

Deli guy (to me, because i am clearly next in line): Hi, what can I get you?
Me: Hi! We just need 2lbs. of this vegan chicken salad, plea--
Lady: EXCUSE ME. I was next. EXCUSE ME? I was waiting!
*a lady has magically appeared, behind us, while I began ordering*
JD: Fine, then. Go ahead.
Lady: Well it's just that I was next. I was waiting and it's MY turn and I
Me: FINE GO AHEAD, WE DIDN'T SEE YOU IT IS FINE JUST GO AHEAD.
Lady: I was waiting over on the other side of the deli counter and I asked them to get someone to help me, so it's MY TUR--
JD: YOU WIN. YOU WIN, WE GET IT, YOU WERE HERE FIRST AND IT IS YOUR TURN
Deli guy (to Lady, after shooting us apologetic look and rolling his eyes): Ok, sure, what can I get you, then?
Lady: Hmmmmmm. Hmmmm. I think I want a sample. Yes.
Me (agog): ---
JD (mouth hanging open in utter disbelief): ----!
Lady: What tofu do you have today?
*there are, literally, twenty dishes with tofu available at this deli*
Deli guy: Uhh, well, this (pointing) and this and this are made with tofu, and this, and this....lots of things, anything that says tofu on the sign will have it in there.
Me (not even bothering to hide my bitchface now, hissing): Is she serious?!?
JD (also hissing): She wants a SAMPLE?!
Lady: ooh, ooh. I want a sample of this BBQ tofu, please. Yes, I want a sample of that.
Deli guy: Here you go. *turns back to us and opens his mouth*
Lady: HMMMMMMMMM.
Me (opening and closing mouth): Harrumph
Lady: Can I also have a sample... (looks at me as though she's just realized I'm there) OH, you can go ahead, I don't even know what I want yet.
Me (dumbfounded): Oh, thanks a lot! If you're sure that's ok? OK, it is? Ok great.
Deli guy (to me again): So what can I get you?
Me: Just 2 lbs. of this
deli guy (smiling): oh yeah, right.
Me: thanks a lot! (to JD): WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

I felt bad until Jd convinced me that if ever there's a time to put on a bitchface, it's when some crazy lady interrupts my extremely quick, half-syllable away from being completed order so that she can hee haw around asking for samples and not having any earthly idea of what she wants to order, only that she wants to be first. He also told me that after I turned my attention back to the deli guy, she smacked herself full in the forehead like a cartoon and said, "oh, I can't buy groceries today! What is wrong with me!" Which confirms my suspicions that she is a nutter. As did the deli guy's reactions to all of this. Oh and we then continued shopping and she was nowhere to be found in the store. I believe I reacted so bitchily that I scared a woman out of a grocery store.

I felt like my knee-jerking reaction might have been a touch oversensitive. A smidgen off-kilter. A tad overdone. I'll blame it on the stress of waiting for this meeting. but I'll still feel bad, because words can never fully describe the withering eyeball daggers I hurl at people when I get this way.

There's Nothing Worth Running For

I'm going to explode.

Is it too late to want back on the party cabin bandwagon? I'm desperate for something to look forward to and to get out of here, and what I really really want is to curl up in a ball on Stacey's futon in her room in high school and know that everyone is coming over to hang out and later we will get up to some No Good.

Failing that, however, I would really like to hang out with normal people who I like and miss all the time. If you're all going to be in one place for a few days I think I need that more than anything.

EDIT: Here is an illustration of what I am nostalgic for

Stop Now Before It's Too Late

Dear Entire past week,

Fuck you. I hate you so bad.

xoxoxo

It Cares Not For Your Pyramid Schemes

Yo.

I got this wild hair up my ass to organize my entire hard drive the other day. Great, right? Except I think I deleted my iPhoto library. Yeah, last time I did this spring-cleaning-of-my-computer thing I deleted my whole iTunes library accidentally. I am freaking awesome.

My friend B wanted to go to a poetry reading tonight. Can you picture me at a poetry reading? Neither can I. I couldn't keep a straight face for more than three seconds. I'm, like, not nearly mature enough for Arts Appreciation these days. Unless by Arts Appreciation you mean artfully dodging all of my responsibilities. Or drinking margaritas. If that's what you mean, I guess then I am actually really good at it. But probably you mean something different. Better stick to the baser arts with this one.

So, so. Comme ci comme ca. School is hard as usual. JD started his class last night and I made him wear a little beanie with a propeller and take a shiny apple for the teacher. Ok, that's not true. I made him scrub his sweet round face until it shone with the light of a thousand suns though. All the better to convey unwavering interest in the subject matter of a class, in my opinion. I, on the other hand, am trying so hard to just Sack Up and Do It, but today I have to teach commas to a bunch of graduating seniors and I would rather visit the gynechiatrist.

Aside from school, I have been cramming my social calendar to the brim with fun, so that's been great. Totally having lots of fun. Ahhh. It makes me miss you guys a lot too, but what can I do. I can throw myself into my work, that's what I can do.

OH BOOOOOOY ARE WE ENTHUSIASTIC!!!!

Three Ghosts In A Lighthouse




It was Raimee Jaibley. I understand the curiosity. I actually have gotten more than one hit on my SM for this person's full name over the years, and I have felt weirded out every time that happened. So this time I deleted the original post. I also requested that google un-cache it so that when I google her full name my blog should never pop up again. Unfortunately, this process takes 3-5 business days and it's not done yet. And first I tried editing out her name, so it read "blah blah blah EDITED BECAUSE ASSHAT CAN'T STOP GOOGLING HERSELF" so that even if you click on the cached page that would come up instead.

But, alas. Had to delete the full post to get google to consider my un-cache request. Editing it doesn't count enough? Whatever. You can still google her name and read the cached entry, but I beseech you not to do that. I feel gross enough having written all the tripe and whinging that exists in the archives. It's embarrassing. But for the complete-ness of the story it's there. Urgh.

I also find it hysterical that the comment was left on the post from 2002. As though 2002-version Me hangs out there, in the literal past, in case someone thinks of something to say. Honestly, when I go to websites it's usually quite clear where the archives are and where the main, current page is. But then again... hahaha.

Busy busy. Saturday- ballet. Sunday- concert. Monday- hang out time with coupley friends. Yeah.

Hurdles Even Here

Attention, bitter asshat who self-googled yesterday and found her name mentioned on a post from five years ago:

Fuck yourself. Writing "whoever writes this blog thing, you suck" as a comment on a post made in 2002 also sucks, of you. But thanks for the feedback. I wasn't required to like you in high school, or five years ago, and I definitely don't have to like you now. Though I probably wouldn't give a shit today except you really zinged me with that snarky comment. Sorry you got your feelings hurt that someone used to think you were lame.



Ahhh. Photos of my pan-cultural husbie and two fraggle faces that wandered into a really artsy shot of Hawai'ian sky I was trying to take.



And of course, this is Mr. Mingus. He's posing for photographs more and more these days. What a sweetieheart.

So I'm stalling on some work (!) and I thought we could play a game. Anyone? It's either this or I work on planning my review session. Either way I'm going to have to tap dance. Might as well be for you guys, right?

Ten Modern-Day Conveniences I Would Not Want To Imagine Life Without
1. iPods
2. Flat irons
3. Tweezers
4. Flip flops
5. Vibrators
6. Boy Shorts
7. Tampons
8. TiVo
9. Limewire
10. Tofu

Tag: Stace,Ash,Sis,Mel,Raedy,Husbie

PLAY! DAMMIT.

Say My Name, Say My Name, Say My Stupid Name

Like the new song? I'm obsessed with it.

So, I really, seriously, totally not jokingly, almost got hit by a car today. Reaaaaaaaallly fucking close. The sweet little retard behind the wheel seemed confused about which pedal was which as she approached the crosswalk. Thankfully I have cultivated the habit of not stepping fully out in front until they stop and make eye contact with me. This is the same intersection where I watched a bicyclist get thrown over the hood of a car a few months ago. The same intersection where one of my professors got hit by a car. *Ahem*

You guys should have seen the killer dirty look I gave this girl. I might as well have spit in her face. It gave me goosebumps, and we all know how excellent I am at dirty looks. I think we are all quite lucky that looks cannot actually kill someone.

Culling Of The Fold

Shit, Fuck. Bad Wrong. B-Dong. Shit, Fuck, Fuck.

Today was a long day. A long, long day. Today, as you, my astute readers will note, is not even fucking over yet, and it is already mopping the floor with me.

Okay, so there was nothing really especially, acutely awful about today, I just now have this simmering (simpering? maybe that works better) apprehension rumbling in my tummy. My tumms. You catholics may recognize this feeling as what I imagine the "fear of god" to be like. Catholicism is just the only religion i can think of right now, on account of this day's extraordinary length, and the churning anxiety in my bowels. It is a global feeling of unease and very slight dismay.

Hrmmm.

I had my Totally Hard, Over My Head Class About Brayne Photography today. Sweet balls! Although I whinged mightily about it last kwarter, I think that this portion of the class will blow that out of the water. IT IS GOING TO BE BALLS-HARD. It is already balls-hard, and do you know what? That fucking sucks for me, because a perfect storm of Balls-hardness is brewing. Maybe THAT is what I am feeling in my tumms. A Perfect Storm of Balls-Hardness on the horizon.

Ok, you may be thinking, "but you always pull it out cha ass at crunch time and end up rocking everything you touch!"

No, not everything.

So that Brayne Class will be fucking challenging. Something about either being killed or made stronger inserted here. That's how it goes, right? Either would be fine with me.

Also, I know I already brought it up on here, but I have to give a lekshur soon. Waaaaahhh. I sat in the trenches with the students in that class today, between two people oblivious to the fact that I am in charge of their grade, one of whom text messaged the whole time, the other of whom was signed onto myspace (myspace name? "bee-ing mayde kleen" if you care to look her up. spell it right when you do that, though) and taking notes on the lecture in faux-cursive font. Ugh.

My advisor appears to think (rightly) that I am a lazy sack who has done nothing for two months while all her other students went out like good little akademiks on the job markit and have made her look really good and awesome and I have just annoyed her. There are a series of things concerning her that I am just dropping the ball on, right and left. Like, par example, my dissertayshun ideas/proposal.

I feel blecky. There is a bunch of other stuff that's hard and "challenging" and shit but I just got really sick of writing about how much I hate my life today. Fuck it. This malaise is the cost of taking a whole fucking month off to like my life for a little while. everyone can get up off my shit now. I'm awesome.

Thank you, this has been another installment of Twenty Bipolar Minutes in the Life of A Floundering Grad Student.


OH and I made, yesterday, what might literally be the Best comp cd I have ever made. Seriously. It is FUCKING awesome. Requests in the comments section, yo. It includes the title track. Oh yes, those of you who recognized that title (no one? one-half of one person?), I hunted down the crane wife B-side thusly named. Ohhhhhh it's awesome.