And What It Is You Do To Keep Your Eyes Shiny

Uh oh.

So I went to meet JD for lunch/dinner whatever and I tell him about how much that stupid package cost me to send. And then I was out-loud-rationalizing spending more on the shipping than all the shit inside combined, and saying what a good friend I was as I reminded myself how much fun I crammed into one huge box for he and whomever else to enjoy, and then my eyes get really wide as I list "book of mad libs" as one of the items in the box and I remember actually completing some of those mad libs a long time ago and then JD's eyes get wide too as we both realize at the same time that, horrifically, some of those mad libs may have actually mentioned Keith and his girlfriend by name. And still more awfully, some of those adjectives and verbs nearby those names were probably not the nicest things. Oh god I haven't laughed that hard in like six or seven years. Here I am congratulating myself on being the best friend in the world and being so thoughtful and sending such a nice present and then BLAM here comes Karma again, hilarious Karma, and bends me over the $33 box and teaches me another lesson on not being remorselessly bitchy


HAHAHAHH. Fucking shit, man. So we think most of the mad libs were just us writing in gross words like "poop" over and over because that was hilarious to us at the time we were doing them, but I have a vague memory of using people's names too. whoopsie.

also, just before he went to sleep last night JD changed the last L in Keith's last name to a D on the mailing label. I almsot didn't see this before I mailed it.

Wow, what a great friend I am. I spend all that time and money to send him a book of insults addressed to Keith Bald. Fuck fuck fuck.

Also funny; I was driving to meet JD and my cell phone rang with a "private" number and it was Adam Kinney misdialing for Sha-niggra. Or at least it sounded like adam kinney, and I think the best thing to do is assume that his fiance's name is Sha-niggra and it's her phone number that everyone thinks they're calling when they call me.

Oh my god, I feel even sicker now. I wonder if I can get on UPS and cancel the package. Shit balls, man.

Danger! Danger! High Voltage! When We Touch!

Ok what the hell, it seemed like I had something pressing to talk about before I logged into this. Hmmm.
I have been actually being productive for the last couple hours, working on a project as i should be, and it's getting done and in such a timely fashion, too.

I went to the place where I make copies and get hit on by the two guys who always work there to mail a package of shit for keith, because I am really thrilled that he has a job and a new apartment and it was an excuse to go to Ikea and buy a bunch of little shit like tiny lamps and smelly stuff and throw it in a box with other shit and pat myself on the back for being a good friend for sending him something as a housewarming gift. So I got a little carried away with it, and bought a box that was larger than I needed, which encouaged me to fill the whole box, and I put a lot of really heavy stuff in it, (sidenote: keith and I have been squabbling for weeks over whether mailing stuff costs you by distance or by weight, and even though I am staunchly saying "weight" I packed about three hundred pounds of shit into this box like a moron) and took it to mail and it cost me THIRTY THREE DOLLARS just to ship it. Ohhh, I still feel a little sick from that. I think it weighed like 17 pounds. Oh my god.

So that was the dumbest thing i did recently, I thought you guys would taunt/tease me mercilessly in my comments section for that, and rightly so. When the guy told me how much it was I bitchily and remorselessly blurted out, "sweet god, I don't like him THAT much" and he thought that was hilarious and then made jokes about me sending this guy's stuff back to him. Hahahahaha. Copy store guy totally wants me. Hahahaha.

Do you guys know that I wanted to use something from the Onion as part of this project I'm putting together, as a funny thing to read at the end so no one is sad and goes and kills themself after the study, but my advisor had to gently point out that undergrads are too stupid to get the humor, and I have to use (equally funny but differently) Calvin and Hobbes instead? Isnt' that sad? But it's an intro psych class and I have to say I think she's right. Not that those of you undergrads who read this wouldn't get it, duh, but it alarmed me how right she is...the kids here seem WAY dumber than IU, and I don't know if that's just cuz I'm a grad student now and I'm so remorselessly bitchy and having spats of knee-jerk indignation about people not being grad students, but whatever. The kids here are really REALLY dumb. And it's actually a hard school to get into for them. They only take like 20% of the applicants. Sweet God.

Also, Benzy my fat neighbor has started smiling at me instead of glowering when I walk by. Probably this is because I flashed him the other day too, and he thinks it was intentional. I give myself a headache

I am starting to worry mildly about everyone I know. One of the girls I hang around here was telling me how stressed she is and how she doesn't eat and she's tired all the time and she's lost like 10 lbs. since the beginning of the school year and it's not a diet thing, she just doesn't have time to eat. And I was like nodding along with everything she said cuz I think I've lost the 45 pounds I gained while in Evansville just from riding my bike and ingesting lethal amounts of caffeine every day. But it's true, Chris says the same thing and I know Raedy's turning into Hakakaka (sic) over there and I just don't want to see anyone freak out and lose it over grad school, or law school, or whatever. Hang in there, guys. And eat something and take vitamins. at LEAST take vitamins.

So I have to go, have to go meet JD for our regular Saturday-he-works-9-hours lunch date. See ya

OH YEAH one more thing: Next Sunday, Feb. 8th, is me and Jd's FIVE YEAR Anniversary. I think you're supposed to give us crystal. Or whatever is fine. I'm kind of wishy washy on the tradition so use your imagination. Hahahahahahahahaha.

On The Development of Individual Differences in Personal Ability to Perceive His Sensations: A meta-analysis

Because I promised Raedy I would title a post that so we could giggle about all things dorkful and naughty, VOILA.

You look at that, non-raedys, (isn't it great how I address most of my thoughts either to Raedy or to all the non-raedys? there is no in between for me anymore, it's total distinction. that is what happens when you go to dork school) and you see how they want to force you to write in academia, completely without making sense or in my opinion even sounding smart, but dry and ivory tower-esque. ivory tower-onic. ivory tower-ish. So never lob misguided "insults" at me about how bad I write, this is like my juvenile stomping ground for incomplete thoughts and unnecessary adjectives that aren't allowed in my usual waking life existence.

everything is right with the world again. Thanks to Melissa for pointing that out. Thanks also to Dave for making me laugh and Raedy and then also Mike's comments section, and MY comments section, all of which are amusing. The second wave of comp cds went out yesterday, that includes the ones JD mailed, all of you on those lists can now start holding your breath for them to arrive.

I talked to Jenny for a long time last ngiht, that was fantastic. Not all hilarious subject matter but it's still nice to have a functional relationship with my sister. I like noticing that we get along and like each other better the geographically further away from her I move, so for my next trick I suppose I'll be switching continents or at least buying a boat. The pirate ship fall back plan is really starting to sound like heaven. Good god, I vow that if I ever win the powerball I'll fucking buy us a pirate ship. I'll have Disney outfit it too, so it would be magical all the time.

This is not exactly funny, but made me laugh and will probably make Jenny laugh too:
I wrote mom an email last night saying "never pull that scary shit (which I won't get into here) on me and Jenny again. thanks." to which she replied, "well, i would never wish that kind of verbal assault on another human being, but I guess it could be considered selfish of me not to want to have to endure it myself"

christ, lay off the guilt trips. the problem wasn't in hanging up on someone, the problem was in leaving the phone off the hook and calling the cops on mike. Hahahahah, oh good lord poor mike

anyway, all is right with the world, I am back on top of thigns (not like caught up with school, but you know, psychologically I am dandy), I talked to Mister Flight Instructor last night after I talked to my sis and he's doing great, tried to take credit for inspiring my hilarious title about JD creaming my pants when he sees a jeep, that didn't happen, I am sending a "housewarming" (read: box full of styrofoam crispies) present in that direction at some point, glad things are good, glad Andy's back in the US of A, can't wait to see you 'n Darci, can't wait to see Jessica at the end of Feb, can't wait to see those of you planning visits over spring break, can't wait to see Ashleigh in the summer, can't wait to be done with this godforsaken quarter and move on to another god forsaken quarter. Things are looking up up up up up up

I really like my advisor, she's great, she lifted my spirits immeasurably yesterday just by casually mentioning she thinks I'm doing a great job with all the shit on my plate, that was nice to hear, they don't dole out compliments here like I would have liked:( yeah waaaah pout pout I know

i'm about out of shit to talk or not talk for hours about
oh wait i had two of those "you might be a grad student if" thingys:

1.) You MIGHT be a grad student if:
Your button up shirt is accientally unbuttoned one too many, leaving your boobies and your pink bra exposed to the world like you're making a fashion statement, and instead of feeling embarrassed when you notice the draft that initially alerts you to this, you think analytically about the individual probabilities of each person near you having noticed before you, and rest assured that only a couple of neanderthal undergrads could possibly have noticed unless it happened when you turned around in your chair and leaned waaaaaaaay back to reach to hand a paper to the guy sitting three seats behind you, which is probably when the button made a run for it, and coincidentally the guy you probably showed your tits to is that same retard I made fun of a coupld posts ago for asking a stupid question about a correlation. Karma gonna getcha

2.)you MIGHT be a grad student if:
you and a fellow grad student fight over a third grad students colorful pens, and who gets to use the purple one today, and you compromise by trading at the break in the three-hour seminar class, and you also tell the other two about your old roommate who buys exorbitant pens and calls them treatful and is a huge dork about it but no one seems surprised or even like they think that's odd, because you know they both have their own favorite splurge pen that they buy and hoarde, and this is proven when your friend who lent you the purple pen sticks her hand on your face at the end of class and goes "ahem, my pen" before the professor's even finished wrapping up the discussion. Hahahahaha

Anyway, that's just what happens to me on a daily basis. Also embarrassing: I was peeing today and there was a line in the bathroom and I'm hover peeing as usual and I look up and see the door to my stall has started opening by itself. I have no idea who got an eyefull of what today. The shirt thing was yesterday, and I am pretty sure my whole stats class checked out my rack. At least my boobs probably looked good in their nice fancy push-up bra. Jesus, I have to learn to dress myself like a big girl and not wear shit that's going to fall off or malfunction

fucking shit. But at least everything is right in the world. Thank god.