Whoops.

Dammit, that is what I get for looking so fucking awesome in a corset strapless dress.

No, YES, We Have To

I have been a lousy blogger and an absentee Sister and Friend to All. My sincerest apologies. But I have been busy and that makes for good bloggering. Am I right?
Our fucking party was fantastic. I love you guys. Tons. Everything was pretty and perfect and delicious and totally fucking awesome. I am still raving about the cake. I am still raving about the sheer niceness of Ashleigh and Jim's house, and their insane hospitality. Fuck. You guys are all completely awesome, and I wasn't even letting myself think about how much I missed you since I hadn't seen very many of you in so long, and I'm thrilled that I got to and I'm thrilled that I'll see you all again in a few months. More marriages need to happen to facilitate return trips to Evansville. hahahaha. Stace, get on that.

So. Things are back to "normal" around here. I mean that in so many ways it's going to blow your minds:

1. The quarter started. I don't have "class" per SE, but I do have shitloads of things that must be done before the end of the quarter (that's nine weeks, yo) so that I can leave the country and so I can study to the exclusion of all other things until Ashleigh's wedding. Man, that two months is going to suck balls. anyway, though, I am writing in my tower today and meeting with slaves and it is kind of really good to be back here (I haven't come to my office in weeks).

2. The roommate moved her shit out of my house last night. Oh, Fuck. The amount of trash she left behind was just incredible, but I took it as a personal challenge to clean the whole of her living space within an inch of its life and reclaim it as useable space. Among the gross things she left behind were, believe it or not, several maxi-pads. Not all of them were unused, shall we say. And a very interesting glass vase that was stuffed to the brim with what I can only guess were dirty panties, used kleenex, and scraps of paper. I briefly considered salvaging the vase, but I ended up not being able to bring myself to do that. Into the trash went the dirty panties vase. Anyway. I rearranged some furniture and I am fucking ecstatic that her stuff is out. I don't even dislike her, I just can't stand her clutter. Nor do I understand the abundance of maxi-pads.

3. We ran a thousand wedding-related errands yesterday such that I now think everything that can be done has been done. Sorry for the delay on the itinerary, sister, but please stop threatening to not come to my wedding. That hurts me right here. I'm pointing to my heart. And frowning. Maybe winking at you too. But still, my heart. But anyway we got out passports applied for (you'll be thrilled to know that i took a characteristically horrific photo in which my hair looks like a rodent that is attacking the side of my face), the stupid fucking invitations taken care of, and the majority of the visa paperwork done.

4. I have lied to my friends here about my wedding dress (I told them I didn't have one yet so that I could go shopping with them...my friend Kristin is getting hitched in December and I want to have that whole girly try on party thing where we cry and barf or whatever you do. So we're doing that on Saturday. I think it will be crazy madness. A Saturday in April? Yeah bridecity. But it's going to be girly, and I'm excited about that.

5. And this one's a doozy. When I got back from Evansville I talked to Keith. And I went to visit him. That's where I was last week, if you called and were annoyed that I didn't get back to you. Everything's fine. I'm incredibly happy about that. It's a long story, though, so you will have to call me for details. If you want them, I mean. You are not all required to call me. Duh.

In short, my life is great as usual. But it's a bit greater since I saw all you guys, and patched it up with K, and have my apartment back. Lovels.

Bum Pincher Extraordinaire

Yes, I tucked the Bum Pincher claw that I was gifted during Penis Night into my suitcase, not really trying to hide it (I did hide the realistic "Original Dong 8-Inch" in the playboy slippers case, thank fuck), only to have the bag rifled through by pimple-face regional security teen at the Eville airport. Ha. Poor dear tried to keep a straight face. Tried to look stern and professional. Failed. Didn't find my Dong, though.



There's more Here, here, and here.

Enjoy!

I have two brief movies in progress; one of Stacey handjobbery and one of Ashleigh telling a Gross Out Nurse story. More on those later.