In A Bunker, Underground

Today can lick my nuts.

Except, I have a sweetface catkins curled up, albeit precariously, on my lap as I'm typing this and he's way too fat to balance there but he's insistent about how cute he wants me to think he is. Awww, kitterskins, I love you. We might have to have joint custody of you after all. I'm soggy and rain-soaked and he's still snoozling away like he doesn't mind how wet my jeans are. I am such a cat person.

Last night (I must share this, though I'm the only one who witnessed it and some of you will surely doubt its veracity), I was terrorizing the cat by making it clear that it was time to Go To Sleep, which always elicits this super annoying freakout session from him that consists of him running the length of the apartment at full throttle several thousand times, making this annoying fucking cat noise in his throat. So usually I antagonize this inevitable process by jumping at him, giving him a better reason than Nothing At All to be running around like a loon. So last night I was laying in bed and scared him on purpose, but instead of turning and running down the hall, he turned, without looking where he was going, and ran full speed into the slightly-ajar bedroom door, slamming it shut with him on this side of it, and concussing himself to boot. I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and I'm laughing now thinking about how surprised he was. Poor kitty. JD didn't see it, so he heard the terrible crash but didn't know what the cat did. I don't think he believes me that Jyushin ran right into the door. hahahaha, man, that's funny.

I had to go to la today with this undergrahd and she's sweet but I was SO CRANKY this morning that I was surely being snappish with her because

1. I haven't had any caffeine today. I forgot to make coffee this morning and I don't want any now that it's late afternoon
2. I had an awful night of sleep where I was conscious of the fact that I wasn't really asleep all night, so I just laid in bed being uncomfortable for five hours then had to get up and drive in the retarded Weather that we are having that makes all the non-midwestern drivers drive like there arent' lines on the road anymore. Fucking annoying
3. I think I lost my iPod. I realized this as I was walking out the door to go to la. I've looked everywhere it could possibly be now except jd's car. I have no idea where it could be, I've tried all that retracing my steps bullshit and I didn't GO anywhere or DO anything this weekend except with JD and possibly my friend jennifer. I'll email her but I think she would have said something if she'd found it. Sigh.
4. I have a lot of work to do but all I want to do is sleep.

Right now, this evening, I have a lot to do, but I find myself inexplicably drawn to not do it because afternoon is the MOST unproductive time of day for me. I would rather switch my schedule so that I sleep all day and then work all night. I wish people would be cool with that.

There are zero classes I want to take for next quarter. i wanted to take a stats class with this teacher I like but it's being given to the older students first, annoyingly enough, so there's nothing at all I want to sign up for. that blows, that means I'll end up being forced to take something really painful. Fuck.

I have to meet with one of my advisors on Saturday for this impending talk. How bullshit is that.

What else? I don't know, I'm done bitching. I might write again when I'm in a NON bad mood. Grrrrumble

I Like The Peace of the Back Seat

*I smelled great all day until I got to my class this morning (so, that "all day"-ness didn't last very long) and I sat next to this guy (actually, he sat next to me) who smelled just like a wet potato. So much so that by the middle of that class I was choking down bile because that, in conjunction with many other factors (e.g., not having enough caffeine, having too much caffeine, not getting enough sleep, working out too hard last night so my neck is sore, being pregnant, not eating enough for breakfast, taking a vitamin on an empty stomach) was bringing me just to the edge of barfing all over the conference table and my peers in waves so strong that I seriously debated the likelihood of it being morning sickness rather than any logical combination of the previously mentioned contributors. I kept getting whiffs of this potato man and I looked down at the floor by my feet each time to make sure my bag was sitting there at the ready in case I needed to grab it and puke right in my own purse. Ashleigh has a funny story about that you may never hear since she doesn't update her blog anymore. Anyway. I was concerned for my well-being all day until a Massive Headache set in a couple hours later and then I realized that it wasn't pregnancy causing this barfiness, it was a Migraine. I haven't had a migraine in a few years.

But, it's here in all it's textbook symptomatic glory. I almost puked for the first half of my day. Now I can't focus my eyes on anything and I have a throbbing pain in my skull that Cannot prevent me from accomplishing all the things I needed to do tonight. Because I dont' have time for a migraine. I think I have one little prescription pill leftover from when I got a prescription filled three years ago for this that I could find and take. But the problem with the medication was that it made me sicker and dizzier than a simple headache ever could. I mean, ok, maybe the issue is that I'm not really having a Migraine in the first place, so the medicine fucks my shit up. But I know right now that this will last for the next three days and that thought is really hard to stomach right now. FUCK YEAH

Anyway. One of my migraine triggers appears to be, "guys who smell badly of wet potato" and not "vindaloo" or "mango" as I had previously thought. Do Indian restaurants smell like wet potato?

*I went to the Girl Doctor (the vaginacologist) last week and she gave me a prescription for birth control and I thought I'd be adventurous and try the patch this time instead of the boring old snoozefest pill. I'll let you ladies know what I think once I get my lazy ass to the pharmacy and fill that prescription. I too think having a sticker on your ass at all times is retarded. But I've heard good things about it too, mainly that it won't make you stop wanting the good sausaging that you so desperately need.

She then proceeded to narrate my vagina whilst examining it. Some of you may be interested to know that my cervix is off center. FUCK YEAH. I wasn't particularly interested to find this out, but she thought it of great import, so I now share it with all of you. What that means for my future, I have no clue.

*There is some extra drama going on with my little circle of friends right now, which is upsetting. Apparently K doesn't like J but told B this instead of J. I have no idea why. B shared this with me in the stairwell of the building we had our Bikini Wax Lab mtg today, where she and I were having the first quarterly meeting of the Breakdown Hysterics Club. K emailed this thing to B saying that while she likes me and B a lot, she has a "problem" with J because she offended her...or something. B said she didn't read it closely, was too upset to give it thought. Was clearly distraught. So I took this opportunity to tell B about me and Jadles breaking up. She said nice things. I like hearing how strong I am, because that's what I keep telling myself. I say, "look, self, look how hilarious all these unrelated spheres of your life are! look how funny things are individually! now smmoosh them all together into reality, and see how they compund?! That's silly!!! Wheeee!!"

But like I've said before, I'm fine. He's fine. We're fine together. I liked that she made a point of saying that I'm the only person she could imagine handling my school bullshit AND this at the same time and not crumpling under it. Amen, sister. FUCK YEAH.

I'm going over to her house (i've never been before, I'm so excited!) to watch newlyweds and ashlee simpson tonight. she's a sweetie. she might move in way down the road. she's excited to have someone else be single. I told her for the next indefinite amount of time, I am virtually asexual, but if she wants to get all tramped out and go trolling for boys, i'll go with her. as a chaperone. hahahah. FUCK YEAH

I realized today that I am wearing a bracelet that says FUCK YEAH on it (thanks again, Raedy) and I intend to wear it until I survive this year and specifically, this quarter. It's very inspiring to me. It gives me comfort when I need it. I can totally do this. Hell, I don't really have a choice. Put up or shut up, self. FUCK YEAH

My Family Tree's Losing All Its Leaves

Ermmm. Did I really just see a movie preview for something with Vin Deesil as a stay-at-home dad? Holy crap that's lame.

Here is a list of hilarious things that have happened recently:

1. JD and I broke/are breaking up. You totally already know that and I don't mind that it probably spread like wildfire. If you want to talk about it, call me. If you want to talk to him about it, call him. We don't hate each other. Everything's cool between us. No, really. We've been breaking up since the beginning of January. Things are pretty much worked the fuck out now, except for some really smallish logistical problems.

2. Tuesday would have been me and JD's six year anniversary. Instead, it was the day his new lease for his new apartment started. hahahaha, let's all laugh along with me at how fucking absurd that is. Ha ha ha. He's not moved over there yet, we're managing that this weekend.

3. Tomorrow I have a Girl Doctor appointment that I had to schedule in October because that's how booked up they are, so I can get back on the pill. No, I don't want to hear admonishments from you ladies out there about how I should have been on the pill this whole time. I know I'm fucking retarded. But you have to admit, the only thing that could make 2005 suck harder would be an unwanted pregnancy. *knocks frantically on coffee table* This is funny because I don't need to be on the pill. Because I don't have time to have sex ever again. ha ha ha.

4. We decided to break up at a time where together, we have more money coming in than either of us has ever seen before. Separately, we are both broke as shit. I, in this outlandish apartment by myself, will have approximately $16 after I pay all the bills and rent with which to buy groceries, gas, and any miscellaneous supplies I may need. Neither of us had anything saved, and now we both owe relatives more money. ha!

5. Everyone else in the whole goddamn world is engaged, or getting engaged, or otherwise talking about engagement. HAHAHA

6. I had to tell someone about this in person today for the first time (the rest of you i told over the phone) and of course she kept telling me it would be ok and even though I've held it together for the last 6 weeks, having someone tell me in person that it's all going to be ok, especially when we are in public and i don't like to deal with my emotions, makes me cry and then i feel like a child. No one ever means for that to upset me MORE when they say nice things, I know, but that's always had that effect on me. I think that's why I don't like kind people. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

7. I need to get a roommate. Keith would have been incredibly convenient, but he came out here and didnt get the job he interviewed for and now instead he's going to take that regional job he got months ago that's based in maryland. So not only is he not coming here, he's actually moving as far further away from here as he can. HA! HA!

8. My friend Kristin told us at dinner tonight (it was laydays night) that she had a procedure on tuesday and she had to have something biopsied and she might have cancer. I was planning on telling them all about this breakup thing but then I couldn't bring myself to do it after she said that. So I just told one person. That's about the maximum amount I can handle per day. The cancer thing's not funny, at all, but my life is so fucking ridiculous right now I'm still laughing at this one.


I swear to god, my life couldn't be more hilarious. Seriously, though, if I were the kind of person who overreacted to things and wasn't a psychopath (meaning I cant' feel emotions like the rest of you) and wasnt' so busy that my eyes are bleeding, I think I would be severely affected by this all to the point of maybe shutting down and turning my back on reality. But. I'm not.

I'm fine. JD's fine. He and I are fine together. We're also fine apart. I have friends here. He has friends here. Just, you know, try to be polite if I call you and stuff way more than I used to. I still don't totally know what to do with myself, and you're all being really supportive but I don't know what I'll need and when I'll need it.

JD's sister might move in with me. Two of my friends here might move in with me. I might get a random roommate. I won't starve. I dont' need money. I just want you guys all to hear it from pseudo-me that everybody's fine and this is what happened. I can't bring myself to put the details of Why on my fucking blog, though. I'll accept any care packages you guys want to send. Haa! haa! haa!

I'm hilarious. You have to fucking be able to laugh at yourself. I mean, am I riiiight?