In A Big, Big Way I Am Really Small

I just realized I shot myself in the foot in a really irreparable way. God. Dammit. I can't believe I'm that fucking stupid. I can't believe that I didn't turn in all the required paperwork for this stupid fucking graant on time, and therefore my application will be unceremoniously rejected. Holy. Shit. I hate myself a lot right now.

I've also felt really sick all day. That kinda sucks. My stomach is all fucked up and I need to get to bed so I can get up early enough to go to this incredibly lame staats workshop in the morning and every morning this week. I doubt seriously that I'll be getting any kind of peaceful sleep. I can't fucking believe I did that. All time most retarded thing I ever did.

**** (letting it goooooo)*****

So Ash left this morning. Waah. I miss her tons already. We had so much fun. La la la. It's JD's birthday today and he's getting pretty old. hahahaha. We went and ate thai food and then saw ocean's 12 for 7 bucks total. Nice. I wish i didnt' have to ruin his special day by feeling pukey. Now I feel extra pukey, now that I just effectively cut off my nose to spite my face just as ashleigh predicted i would.

fuck. just, fuck.

let's see. we went shopping a lot and ate at restaurants a lot and that was good. I had a birthday in there, that was good. THanks a bundle to everyone who called and otherwise made it clear that they remembered. I heart you guys. Thanks for the comp cd Jenny AND Keith, and thanks for the birthday presents you didn't actually buy for me but I told myself you got me to jusitfy buying shit for myself. Stacey, you bought me the loveliest sweater. And Chris Daniels, I had no idea you could pick out such cute earrings. Thanks guys.

we went down to san diego yesterday and it was rad.
we saw closer and ate at cheesecake factory on my birthday. which was an awesome birthday party.

and lots of other fun stuff. if you want to know how fun you'll just have to come visit yourself, huh

ihave to go dry my hair. And then dry heave myself to sleep. I am such a colossal fuckup. god DAMMIT.

Shake You From Your Sleep

I would just like to say, briefly, that I am incredibly grateful for all of my friends, and my family members that are more friend than family. Some unfortunate events over the past couple days have reminded me how unbelievably lucky I was to have you guys ten years ago, when my father died, when he was sick, when my mom lost her mind completely, and every day of the past decade that you pulled me through her bullshit and helped me see the bright side of things. A lot of you probably have no idea how much it meant to me that you were there, and how much it meant to me that you would stay over at my house all the time or sneak out and go smoke pot with me or help me hide alcohol in my closet or get ready for prom with me or write notes to me in high school or be in color guard with me or call me on my shit or let me live with you in college or have karaoke parties with me or make me a vagina cake for my birthday or sit on the roof of a parking garage with me or whatever you did.

I have come to the absolute conclusion that if you hadn't been there for me at some point in my life I would not have turned out as (*modest*) well as I have. My mother did everything in her power to ensure that we were just as miserable as she was and she may well have succeeded if it hadn't been for those of you who were there to help me through the last ten years. Thanks. I love you.

Eliminate the Need For Water

Sewwwwww.

1.) Jenny, stop dropping hints about what "gigantic" present I should collaborate with so-and-so to get for you. I already told you JD's present is going to make you shit yourself. That should be enough. Also, mom has no money this year. She already said she's not buying us anything but shit from Deal$. Which is probably better. But yeah, I'll get you Xmas presents but mostly you're getting a scarf. And I mailed you two very heavy packages of crap yesterday, so you can appreciate that shit too. If I knew how to make attractive mittens or gloves, believe me, you'd get a pair. Sigh.

2.) I am nearing completion of redrafting my hyuge graant prowpowsal. I Will have it submitted before ash gets here next week.

3.) If I werent' updating I could be making real progress on another project that I intend to have redrafted and thrown back to someone else before ash gets here. I have this morning, this afternoon/evening, and tomorrow to get it done. I can Totally Rock it like that

4.) I received the Best email yesterday informing me that I dont' Actually have my thursday class next week after all. Thank goodness for flaky speakers! So I don't have a ridiculous obligation while ash is here. Hoo-ray! So I have it today in a few hours and then I'm DONE!!!! YAY! No final paper, I'm jsut totally done! Except for the dinner party. Pooh. But that's far away and not for days

5.) I pseudo-bought JD's birthday present yesterday. In that he picked it and bid on it on Ebay and then informed me that I had just won him a birthday present. Lovely.

6.) Jyushin is my Lovey Friend

7.) I turned my eye are bee in yesterday. Sweet god i'm glad that's turned in. Also, I met with a potential slave yesterday and she's really nice and may just work out.

8.) K changed his mind and is picking me up from O'Hare now. Bwa haha. Raedy, whatcha doing on the 19th? Wanna hang out withme and Keith? Did you get your scarf yet? I'm still backordered on Mike's, but if he wants one I'll make it.

9.) I think I've bought coffee every single day this week. Ugh.

10.) JD officially put in notice at Rickkkkkenbaaaaaaacker today, and he starts his other job on the 20th? I think so. anyway, he's excited. I'm excited for him not to have to wake up so frigging early.

11.) I mailed some packages yesterday (melissa, jenny, be watching the mail on my birthday. how lame that Your shit arrives on My birthday) and ran some errands and bought some more vast quantities of yarn. I seriously, not kidding, have spent about $90 on yarn this year. I am ending that vicious cycle now, though. No more scarf requests are being taken. Unless you want a leftover color. and we'll have to see what gets leftover.

12.) I look like a thug today

13.) I've been looking for attractive purple gloves for about two months now. Still no luck. They have to kind of match my other purple accessories.

14.) I've had a bad headache for three days now. I am thinking it has to do with being a massive bitch for the three days prior to the headache.

15.) I need to go kill that paper's ass. Lates