I don't know what it is about today, but I'm in a fantastic mood.

I went to reading group, spent most of the time correcting Hanako and her RA's about what they thought an article meant and said, found a problem with the actual method of the stupid thing and finally got Hanako to understand what I was saying; basically, that it was flawed and even though it's an article by my own mentor, it'a not good science (excusable because she was replicating another study to make different conclusions, unexcusable because they forgot part of the basic scientific method...although I am SURE that she has a good reason for it, and that Hanako just couldn't come up with a satisfying answer for me)

Now that's thinking like a scientist. Or grad student. Or professor.

this is the first day that a career teaching hasn't sounded repugnant to me. It's not that I wouldn't WANT to teach, I just think I would suck horribly at it. I don't explain things clearly, I'm impatient, I'm sarcastic and need constant feedback that they're listening or understanding, etc.

But then at hapkido club tonight, I somehow got put in charge of running a practice lower belt test, and I started thinking about TAing for it next semester, and how that doesn't seem so retarded anymore...I feel strongly that there aren't enough girl TAs, and (I actually don't think there are ANY) there aren't enough small people being like "ok, if they're way taller than you and this technique won't work, do ___ instead" or non-strong people being like "if they're forty times stronger than you, do ______ and they eat the floor"

I got a little self-righteous about it, really, when I realized that I'm to the point where
A. I'm good enough to think about doing this and never feel like I'm fucking up anyone's foundational learning.
B. I'm, for a girl, and an upper belt girl, "Very Good" (there are a lot of people --girls and boys---who outrank me but, how do I say this, don't bother training outside of the class? do you follow?)
C. If I were a beginning girl and a girl helped me out, I'd feel more confident that I could do _____
D. If I were a girl, just getting into this, and I saw a kickass girl, I'd feel more confident

You get the idea. And I'm busy as shit, sure, and depending on what class I'm helping, I'll get the shit beat out of me daily or I'll have to explain everything to the class, there's no middle ground. But it would be giving something back, and I'm to the point where belt tests don't scare me anymore and I feel confident in most things. I'm fucking Excited about the blackbelt test, about all you guys coming to watch me and JD beat the living crap out of one another, I'm excited to be as much better at the end of next summer as I have become in the last 9 months, if that makes sense. I REALLY like this stuff, it really works, and I'm going to cut this rant off now before I get up on the "all my girl friends need to learn at least a few of these anti-rape moves" soapbox. I finally feel like I could use this stuff if I had to, and while I'd never fucking want to try a gun defense, the rest of it has such fantastically practical applications that I wouldn't hesitate. Let this be a lesson to would-be rapists: you come at me with a knife, you lose an eye. To quote Patrick. See Liz's Photos

Enough there.

JD and I had a "Bad Poetry Writing" Contest last night, on a whim. He totally won. I have a sneaking feeling some of the better ones (and by "better" you should know that I mean "worse") might appear on his blog sometime soon. I won't start in on my "poetry is the single most lame thing in all of existence" rant here, because I fear I might offend some of the more sensitive readers. hahahaha aha ah aha ah ah

So who's coming to my month-long birthday party? I've claimed the remainder (after school's done) of the month of December for my birthday party, and also as a celebration of the fact that now we are ALL of age to do anything we please, ever. It's so weird. We're all still 15 and walking from my mom's house to Old Hickory in my mind. We're still breaking into people's houses and stealing vodka. We're still entitling our exploits things like "Wyld Stallions."

I really think a nice road trip is in order. I had such a good time at the Thanksgiving dinner, probably because I typically have a good time when I'm dressed as Nelly and singing Britney songs, but it was so nice to be around everyone.

I've had this one stupid lyric from an ICP song in my head allll fucking day, on constant repeat, and it goes, "there's no water, it's Faygo on tap, and i wash my hair and my hands and my buttcrack wit it, cause i can, cause i'm mad paid"

and after that I don't remember the words, and even those aren't really right, but oh well

So I promised a rant, and clearly this isn't it, but the more I think through what I want to bitch about, the more I realize that I have to be smarter than my first impulse, and I have to stop. It's a pity I can't get my archives to republish, I've said it all before.

I don't like to think of myself as a weak person, so I won't.

I almost forgot to mention that I got the grant I applied for a couple months ago, that's for my thesis...it pays for basically anything I could ever need, including binding the stupid thing once it's finished, and gives me a nice fat stipend I could definitely use. Awesome!

Also, as of this past week I am addicted to caffeine, as I have a raging headache that can't be caused by anything other than withdrawl.

I had an absolutely fantastic break, thanks to everyone who helped make it so amusing. I can't wait for the next couple weeks of pure crap to be over. I have to write my methods section, finish my grad school apps, do a stupid statistics project for a stupid methods class, do other crap for the same class, pass a red belt test (a RED BELT test, for crying out loud, how did I get this far this fast?), turn 21, attend lame-ass lab Xmas party, go climbing with hapkido club, go with Chris Daniels to visit Stacey, come home for my mom's recital on the 15th, pass hapkido skills test, come home early (or to Louisville) as I have NO finals to speak of, all my classes are bullshit HPER ones or have projects instead of finals.

Hahahaha, the more I think about it, the more awesome it is....this is the most stressful part of the semester and it's really not all that bad, I guess. There are some things to look forward to, like everything that comes after the belt test. Birthday stuff is always fun.

We've taken Mel's old room (JD's new technical room that's still empty)and all of us have put our Xmas shopping in there, and we're now calling it the present room, and it's ridiculously full of fantastically wrapped presents for everyone...for instance, Raedy wrapped one for each of her roommates and spelled out our names letter by letter on condoms. They look fantabulous.

I got bored for a few hours this week, and when I get bored I start thinking about stuff I don't want to think about, and thankfully before it got too serious Stacey called and we went with Chris, Mel, Janel and Austin to see Harry Potter, and then to IHOP.
Does anybody else think we need a nice group road trip? It came up at IHOP and there's a miniscule chance that JD can get his parents' timeshare for a week in December, so we could possibly all go somewhere. Stacey suggested Florida again, which would be fine with me. I'll keep you all posted on what happens with that.

Yesterday Stace and I went to the Indian buffet, to Goodwill, to WalMart, all the Evansville staples, and had a good long talk. I love you Stace, huge cartloads, you're fantastic. You always make me feel better, even when I don't realize I'm feeling bad in the first place.

OK, I'm getting a bit bored with these oh-so-factual updates, and I want to warn you all that I feel a rant coming on, probably today or tomorrow.

Hahahaha. I just remembered one of my all time favorite jokes:
Q: How do you get an elephant into a subway?
A: I don't know
Q: you take the "s" out of "sub" and the "f" out of "way"
A: (puzzled) but there's no "f" in "way"
Q: Thats right! there's no f-ing way!

HHAHAHAHAH HA Ha ahahaha ahah ah ah ah ......man oh man