So I promised I'd be back after tv watching time, and voila. Sorry about my rant. i'm not hormonal or anything, but Stacey I know exactly what you mean about babies getting to you when they never used to. Nature is so fucked up like that. Reason tells me I don't want a baby at this point in my life, but working with the little shits all the time makes it really hard to focus on things like "career" and "school" when I want to sit around and have people tell me I'm glowing and send them out for Lucky Dragon egg rolls and peppermint ice cream and I want to be allowed to freak out and cry all the time and throw tantrums and take photos of myself in a bikini....
aw damn
What happens to women when they reach their early 20s? I'm freaked out.
Maybe it's more of the fact that school is wrapping up, and even though yeah, ok, there's another year (at least:) for most of us, after that what the fuck happens? I know a bunch of us are planning to end up in Chicago, which would totally rock my socks off, but who the hell knows what will happen.
I keep realizing (i guess it's not a "realization" after the first nine times) that people like my friends do not come easy, and they don't exist in every city...I know everyone's said shit like that lately, especially since everyone seemed to be dealing with a mopey lonely spell (and maybe still are?) recently, but it's so fucking true. You don't just stumble across people you get along with this well. I don't know why I'm being so mooshy. I just can't get over how lucky we all are to have each other, and be so close even though we're all so far apart. I love how we each have our own distinct life and future mapped out and that no one's gotten knocked up or died....it's amazing how straight our heads are screwed on.
Fuck
I am preachy tonight. Sorry. Baaahhahahah
So anyway, thanks for being rad, guys. I can't ooze enough happy today

Yeah, I'm fucking lucky to have what I do

fuck, everything is so awesome. I love this weather, i love this time of year
Actually, i love every time of year. It's so nice to feel awake for the first time in months
I think I may have taken X instead of headache medicine awhile ago. I'm all grinny-possum and giddy for no reason except I think everything kicks ass. Fuck, that is so weird

Have a great week everyone
Smooches
*****

ow
Ow, my head HURTS
My head always hurts, I think I have a tumor. I'm like Tonya from the Real World, I'm always crying about some mythical physical ailment that "chronically" plagues me and hurts. Ow though
Ok, I took some pills. Should stop whining soon.

what a fucking day.
So first I go to the lab, bright and early (ok, it was like 11) to run a weird study kid, and i get the room set up and the camera and everything and then i grab the only parking tag we have in our lab and run outside, only to find that there are two moms parked and waiting at the edge of the lot. So the first one flags me down and asks if I'm waiting for a Jennifer, and I thought she was talking about herself, and I don't care what the moms call themselves, I just talk to the kids. So I say yes, and we find her a place to park, and THEN I realize that the second mom is the one I want, and don't I feel dumb. So "jennifer" has no one out there waiting for her, which is a no no, except for this Jenna girl I've never met who claimed to be from the Mix lab (I'm in the Smith lab). And SHE didn't have a permit on her, which was irritating, since you SHOULD if you're waiting for a kid...sheesh. So then no one knows who "jennifer" is and Jenna suggests I walk THAT mom inside, find another permit for my mom, find the lab that needs a "jennifer" and come back out, park my subject, and walk back up the stairs. i think this is a stupid plan, but I finally just agree to it, even though i think jenna should have had to go inside and do all the bullshit. So I HUNT all over the damn building, first for the lab she's supposed to take her 7 month old to, and that's unsuccessful, and I'mm starting to wonder if she just showed up unsceduled to "help out" with research, as some crazy ladies do when they're really bored, and I was getting pissy. So finally one of the labs pretends they might have been expecting her and I take off to look for another permit. And each lab only has one, and since there are like six labs in my building I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. but NO, every single permit is "being used" probably by the labs sneaky undergrads, and i end up writing DO NOT TICKET ME, I AM IN A STUDY on paper and having the mom stick it on her dash. which won't stop the ticketers, but oh well. So THEN Jenna comes strolling over and offers to get in her car and get her key to the Mix Lab's permit, and go to the third floor and get it and bring it down, so we wait for her to do that
And THEN we go inside. And the fucking kid didn't even do the experiment right. I mean, Ok, she's 18 months old and smart for her age, but let's say I was doing the study on you:
I show you four neat toys, one at a time, and let you play with them, then I take each one of them and put them in a bucket and dump them out, one at a time, and the last one disappears into the bucket because it's magical. then i show you the same four toys (a different set) and ask you to pick the Mobit or something, of course you grab for the disappeared toy, right?!?!? Yeah, not this girl. She did get one of three, so ok, but it wasn't what I wanted to see after my permit wrastlin
Sigh
And then in ethics we talked (and by talked here I mean repeatedly jerked ourselves awake in our seats as we came dangerously close to toppling forward out of them as our heads neared the desks and upset our balance) more about death and dying, and there are some stupid opinionated people (yes they're stupid, not cause they're opinionated but because they're stupid) who raise their hands and make comments about how to define euthanasia and then add righteously, "Some states would consider that murder," after like we don't KNOW it's controversial. this is the same boy who monopolized an entire class by bringing up a case he thought was "interesting" from the "popular" show Boston Public, which was a made-for-tv atrocity about incestually impregnating a 12 year old daughter to harvest the newborn's organs to provide the sick mother with transpplant possibilities that would never happen in real life, and i hate him.
School sucked again today.
You know what else sucks? I register for fall on Friday, and I am at a loss for classes to take. I have my thesis for 6 hours (woohoooooo) and a crim. jus. class for 3, and that's it. I'm so beyond done with everything else by that point it's obscene. I have hapkido (maybe, if I have a brown belt by August) for one more credit, and yoga for one, but I need to have 12 and that adds up to 11. That's one more, isn't it (hahahah, eleven, get it, hahahah, spinal tap, hahah)
I am so fucked. I don't WANT to take another HPER class, I am sick of psych and cjus, and there's nothing like "rock climbing" that doesn't cost extra money. I was thinking about a computer class or something, but I hate IBM. I refuse to take more than 12 hours. i shouldn't have to by now. Fuck
So nevermind, I'll figure it out.
Oh hahahah in ethics, the whole time we were discussing death, I had that song from Rent about "will I lose my dignity" or whatnot in my head. It was hilarious. I don't knwo why

So how bout that game, huh? yeah i dont' want to talk about it
i think they both played badly enough that a mis-game should have been called and no one awarded the championship. But I'm not Princess Basketball, I'm just Princess Liz

Ooh, 9:43, the new Real World is on in a few minutes....I'll have to go soon

Taste of Asia is this weekend, and it GAY PRIDE WEEK if you didn't know, tomorrow is the day of silence march thingy and Saturday is Chris' birthday. Lots of stuff to look forward to. Like being done with this gawdawful semester.
And having almost a week off before summer classes start!!! i have one final and it's on Thursday, at night, so I'm free the whole week of finals and until Tuesday of the next week, minus that test. I hate ethics and I hate essay tests. i think people should just be allowed to do whatever the fuck they want to. people are fucking pleasure seeking by nature, dammit, and no one should have to worry about ethical theory or consequences of their actions. I think morality is so overrated. hahahaha, listen to me. I don't get away with anything and I still talk like that. when will I ever learn
So yeah, for anyone out there keeping score, I think my dark gloomy raincloud mood has passed on, and I'm fine again. I'd had about enough of March, but I'm good now. it really is easier to deal with things when you can get a little distance and see what exactly was making you miserable in the first place. I'm always dumb about that, I'm always trying to cling to things that suck because I dont' like admitting that ______ didn't work out. And i'm really dumb about insisting that I be the center of someone's universe and not returning the favor, if that makes sense. Look at me, I have patterns. But I don't care. It's so nice to be optimistic, and be able to see something that once made you happy but just makes you feel like kicking something now, and to be able to chalk it up to a cosmic miscalculation of astronomical proportions that never should have gotten to the point where it made you unhappy, and to be able to realize that you're better off without whatever it is than you ever were before...I just want to rant, a little. I feel so lucky all the damn time these days, and it's amazing how comfortable I am in my life now. I LOVE all you guys, especially those of you who read this, because I know who both of you are:) I love that my family is finally starting to feel like a family instead of three people with nothing to keep them together now that the only seeming common denominator is gone. I am so lucky to have so many people that care so unquestioningly about me, and I wouldn't trade the friends I have for anything or anyone in the world. i doubt any of us would.

Oh fucking shit get me off this high horse
I have to go watch tv
*****

take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!



Ha, I love quizzes. Ha, I love trading spaces

So today is shaping up to be looooooooong
I have already been up for hours, and I'm in a computer lab on campus. I don't think I'll have any time to update this tonight, what with the GAME being on, and all the crap I need to get done between the end of class and it's beginning. 4 hours 18 minutes to hike to my car (it's SO goddamn far away today, it'll take half an hour) and drive home and read stuff for ethics class tomorrow and go jogging and go to the grocery and then probably go to campus and get JD so he can come over and watch it too, and if I haven't taken a shower by then I'll need one, and and and
It's going to be pushing it. But I was thrilled to find out the game starts at 9:18 instead of 7 something, so I'm not complaining. I WILL complain that I have to sit through my least favorite class ever this afternoon, so from 2:30 to 5 think of me and how miserable I am, sitting and waiting for it to be my turn to have to espouse some sort of insightful bullshit about how I too think terrorism is bad, especially when people die, and yeah, I pretty much agree with the rest of the class. i never thought I would wish so badly for a professor to lecture. A two-hour lecture would be soooo nice and refreshing. I just don't know how to deal with that class. Other than telling myself that it's only meeting three more times after tonight. And I will also complain that I came to the psych building to turn in this authorization form so I can take my lab class over the summer and they have a lunch break from 12 -1, so NO ONE is in the advising office at all. Seems fishy to me. Someone should be in there, at least a secretary or something

I think I'm giddy because of this awesome weather. It's so nice, finally, and it so feels like spring here. I wish I didn't have any classes today...
Or maybe I'm excited because the end is in sight, and I can finally count the number of things I have left to turn in for the whole semester on one hand. That's so awesome. Of course, they're all 7 page papers, but who cares. I can write papers in my sleep after this fucking semester, I swear. And then summer classes are just going to be the standard boring psych lecture class, with the standard three tests and the note-taking, and I'm actually really looking forward to something unchallenging. And then of course, there's the lab, always the lab. I have like fifty experiments to run this week. Or three, but it seems like 50.
Sheesh, I'm so tired of everything but so happy that it's almost done sucking. I cannot wait for summer. I thought I would maybe go find a job, but I know how much aid I'm getting and I don't need to. I can just go to hapkido club every night all summer. yay. I might look anyway, so I can buy more frivolous things to make me happy. Hahahahahah, I can be so obscene
Not even 12:30? Shit. Oh, btw, this thing always says I posted at a time that's 4 or 5 hours off. I don't know why, I have tried changing it but it's always wrong. Just ignore the time stamp thing, it sucks so bad

So Melissa has a BOOOOOOY, and so I don't ruin the surprise for any of you she might be planning to tell, you'll just have to ask her about her evening last night yourselves. Suffice it to say that he's cute and nice and as Raedy put it "is one of those guys who would stand up if he were meeting you for the first time and extend his hand." So I like him, but before I decide that for sure I'll need to hear all about yesterday.
I've been trying to think of my favorite meal for Stacey and I have no idea
OOOH
Wait
yes I do

My dad used to make this stuff he called "spaghetti carbonara" or something, and it involved eggs and bacon and spaghetti, and I used to adore it, and I haven't had it since he last made it, so it's been awhile. You woud probably want to serve that with some kind of bread, and since I like wheat bread, you would want that kind. In a french loaf, of course....even if that's contradictory to its being french, it should be wheat. Or that sweet mini loaf stuff they sell at Schnucks. And you would need to find wine to go with it, because that's what my parents drank with it, and I always had to have milk, which I don't think goes very well with spaghetti. And then dessert, I would say carrot cake. I think even more than chocolate, I like carrot cake. Or sixlets, or something. Hahahaha
I THINK that's my favorite meal, but I'll have to get the recipe from my mom if she still knows it, I think there was some secret ingredient thing about it. And the cake definitely must have cream cheese icing
Gawd I'm hungry now. Only 5 more hours until I can go home and eat

I am so dreading this class.
It sucks SO BAD, I can't even explain. Maybe, maybe maybe maybe tonight it'll be interesting because we've started a new book, and maybe people will have interesting things to say, and maybe we won't resort to going around the room. Please oh please. It's so unbearable. It's so tedious and LONG. I'll just have to hope that it's fun tonight, or something. Who knows. Weird shit happens all the time, right?
Now I'm mopey about having to sit through it. i wish I could skip it so bad, but I have to turn in two things and get two things back, and I have a feeling he won't buy my sudden illness email for a third time, especially since this is only once a week. Sheesh
I'll live.

I think I need to go sit outside and wait until it's time for hapkido now, that should cheer me up enough to convince me to go to class. And while I'm in class, I'll just do something neurotic like run through the entire soundtrack of movies I like to entertain myself. That should ease the boredom a smidge.
I didn't mean to write a novel
Ooops
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